(no subject)
Last night was Rambo's party, and it was pretty fun. I felt so bad this morning when I woke up in her living room with John and went downstairs to a pretty much destroyed basement. I started cleaning up, and then everyone else down there helped too, so we got a lot of the mess (beer cans, cups, jello shot things, garbage in general) up. So many insane things happened last night, I can't believe how crazy everyone was. It was nice to sit and talk this morning with Brian, Griff, John and Aaron. I really enjoy talking to Aaron, but usually he's kind of an ass to me.. so we don't really talk. He made me mad last night. I just try to ignore him when he's not being nice. Anyways, it was nice to see a lot of people, although mostly I just saw some crazy things. Surprising things. I ended up rolling my ankle somehow. John held my hand while I hyperventalated on the floor. I'm so used to that happening by now--hurting my ankle or breaking my foot when drunk. Anyways, I ended up leaving my cell phone at Rambos, getting lost on the way home on 275 and eventually losing John on the freeway somewhere. And to make matters worse, his cell phone was pretty much dead and I didn't have mine, and I thought he was hurt or something because he was behind me and then he wasn't. He ended up going north on I-75 instead of south at the 696 junction, and finally called my Grandmas house a half hour later. I nearly had a nervous breakdown too. After I had a shower though and hugged him A LOT, I felt better. We went to Somerset for a while, and then to Papa Joes to get my schedule and some desert, and then picked up Dinner in Royal Oak, and took a much needed nap once home. I really love what I have with him. Sometimes I get feelings of doubt, but I know it's just the frustration of being away from him the majority of the time, comparative to how much I saw him and will see him during school (I really can't wait for August). And sometimes I feel a little bit bothered by some things, and that's what I don't understand. Things that never bothered me before school got out kinda do now, but I think that's just the frustration of being away from him. I feel like I am sometimes controlling, or bossy, and that is NOT WHAT I WANT TO BE AT ALL. So I hope that I can loosen up, because it this problem escalates, then I'll be mad at myself. John's the best thing that's ever happened to me guy wise, so I don't want to hurt what we have by my insecurities. I don't know why I'm even putting this down in here, but it's nice to get it off of my shoulders. And I don't know. I just feel like he deserves better than me. I don't know, I really need to up my confidence levels. Oh I know, how about I lose 25 pounds and get my arms and back back. I miss golf and color guard for the shape my body was in. I've been thinking, and when I finally get back on birth control, I think I'll lose weight. Because I got smaller when I was on the pill, and I'm not big now, but I was definetely smaller, and I miss that. I don't know, I just want my hair to be long now, and I want to find shirts that fit me the way I want them to, and I want soo much! I want to save my money for school--I NEED to save my money. I want to buy all these things too! I can't win. I dunno. I need to go to sleep; I work at 9 tomorrow morning. It was nice to get drunk for a change, especially after the week of work from hell. I'm going to East Lansing Tuesday night, and the weekend after next, I'm going to Holland!! I need to request that off from work too. Eek. I hope I can get it too! Anyways, I'm out!