"if the plane goes down, i'll remember where the love was found."
sometimes it's hard to not feel like a failure, not matter what anyone says or assures me of. i love my sister, but it's a little much to handle. i always feel like there's something more i could've done for her. a compliment i should've given or a tease i could've left out. maybe saved her from... well, from herself. but i guess that's just the thing, you can't save someone from their own demons. there's are certain things that one has to figure out for oneself. i guess all i can do is keep loving her.
but this resolution doesn't make it any easier to be happy and wednesday was a breaking point. ya know, i'm not really a cryer. i don't cry very often... actually hardly ever anymore. but it seems that whenever jeff's here i'm a sobbing mess. maybe it's bad timing. or maybe i'm just comfortable around him. i'm not sure.
but what i am sure of is that he has got to be one of the most patient and wonderful people i have ever met. however, i can't help but feel bad about the whole sitatuion. he had no idea what he as getting himself into with my family, with the noise, crying, screaming, laughter, touchy-feelyness, chaos and consistent lack of privacy. but he has taken it in stride and has still managed to fall in love with them, almost as much as they have with him.
i'm just becoming a basketcase. worrying about my sister should be considered my legitamet profession and i heard the three words i was kindof holding my breath for come tumbling out of the mouth of someone i couldn't care more about.
so my head is stuck between crippling anxiety and a very new, and very wonderful happiness.
i don't know where i stand or what to do or what to say.
except i won't give up on her... i can't. and i love you too.
but this resolution doesn't make it any easier to be happy and wednesday was a breaking point. ya know, i'm not really a cryer. i don't cry very often... actually hardly ever anymore. but it seems that whenever jeff's here i'm a sobbing mess. maybe it's bad timing. or maybe i'm just comfortable around him. i'm not sure.
but what i am sure of is that he has got to be one of the most patient and wonderful people i have ever met. however, i can't help but feel bad about the whole sitatuion. he had no idea what he as getting himself into with my family, with the noise, crying, screaming, laughter, touchy-feelyness, chaos and consistent lack of privacy. but he has taken it in stride and has still managed to fall in love with them, almost as much as they have with him.
i'm just becoming a basketcase. worrying about my sister should be considered my legitamet profession and i heard the three words i was kindof holding my breath for come tumbling out of the mouth of someone i couldn't care more about.
so my head is stuck between crippling anxiety and a very new, and very wonderful happiness.
i don't know where i stand or what to do or what to say.
except i won't give up on her... i can't. and i love you too.