... and i'm still standing...
my lord, it's been a while since i wrote in this. it feels like forever, and a lot has changed, too.
now, i'm in st. john, new brunswick. i live in an apartment, i have a room mate, i’m a college girl [ wow. it feels so weird being known as a college girl. while i was in high school ,i honestly could never imagine being in college, of course, because i never thought i had the marks for an institution as awesome as cti ], and soon enough, i'll have a job. i finally have a phone line [ phone number: (506)633-6813 ] and as soon as i can collaborate with a few people to get a résumé written, i'll apply for a job... because i sure as hell couldn't remember numbers, names, addresses of previous employers and shiz like that, even if my life depends on it, and all of the jobs i've had in the past five years were all arrangements from either dad or lonna. there are a few places i'm considering applying for a job... places like ardiénes, tim hortons, empire, the perfume shop in the mcalister mall, payless... so many places i'd love to work. after that... i begin saving up for a computer of my own.
i love being on my own; i get to wear what -i- want, talk the way -i- want, live how -i- want and there’s no one around to tell me that i can’t do it; i’m my own person, and i love it. best of all, i have actual fucking privacy. when i shut my door, if my room mate wants my attention, she knocks, waits for an answer and then waits for me to get up to open the door. i don’t even need to lock my door [ not that my door has a lock on it ].
the beginning of the journey was -very- fast-paced. but, of course, saturday was the day mom chose to return. she got jen a two-hundred dollar bathing suit, and got me a cheesy, cheap faux-jewel-studded bandana [ not that i didn't appreciate it; hell, i've begun to -collect- bandanas, now... it's just funny to me that although -i- was the birthday girl, and jenna's birthday passed, and she was treated like a queen, i was given an item that didn't even compare. oh well. whatever. just goes to show you that i'm -obviously- not the favourite of that family, nor am i even close ]. she didn’t even say sorry for being absent during my nineteenth birthday or last week of my being home. the saturday i left, i had to ensure that everyone got out what they wanted to say to me before i left, that i got all the hugs i had coming to me and that i said goodbye to everyone. after i bagged the clothing that was in the dryer, dad, mom and i filed into the van and drove off to new minas to pick up a few things. i seriously don’t know why mom came with me when i moved... after all, she proved to be about as useful as the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle. i mean, she didn’t load or unload anything. she use that move as an excuse to look through my stuff, although she said she wanted to go to spend some more time with me. bullshit. complete fucking bullshit. the whore spent most of the time in that truck sleeping. her true motive was to get away from sheldon. she didn’t give a damn about me. she hasn’t given a damn about me for so long, so my departure would probably be the -last- time she’d choose to start, if she ever felt so inclined, and i doubt she’d ever. i’m just not a priority in her life; i never really have been.
oh, speaking of being a whore and sheldon, i talked to mom once dad stopped to get coffee. turns out that mom is a more of a gold-digger than previously imagined. she talked to me about her situation with sheldon [ okay, for this, you'll need some backup information for this: flash back to before mom left for toronto ]. she started dating this guy named sheldon. now, sheldon isn't exactly the most attractive guy in the world, but he had a good heart and he was a -very- easygoing person, and was very approachable. he was fun to talk to and was an all-around good guy. he is, in fact, only boyfriend that mom has had that i've actually gotten along with... unless dad counts. now, while in toronto, visiting her sister and allegedly attending the funeral of her uncle [ she was supposed to spread his ashes along somewhere in newfoundland; she didn’t do that. the whole trip was centered around socialization, and her uncle’s death meant nothing to her ], she met another guy [ for all intensive purposes, and since i can't remember his name, i'll call him what i -think- is his name: gordon ]. she allegedly had a good time with this guy and formed some kind of bond with him [ hah... i bet the only -real- bond between them is the bond between her hand and his wallet. love? fuck you, that’s not love ].
the talk i had with mom was... uh, interesting. she said she loved older men with money, and i was kind of trying to defend the fact that that was -not- love; that was pure greed. you -don't- ditch someone that cares for you as much as sheldon did for my mom [ although i don't agree with his taste in women, he sure did treat her -real- nice ] just because you find someone with a bigger cash-flow. of course, she pulled this "mother knows best," and "at forty, you tend to look at things a little differently," and "you're only nineteen, you don't know any better"... and i was -completely- outraged. how dare she question my knowledge of love? i wish she’d stop trying to tell herself that she knows me. i think that at nineteen, i have a better grasp on the concept of love than she ever did. see, if it's all about money or looks, or some pathetic petty crap like that, it's not going to last. after all, they both don't last forever [ unless you are -incredibly- fucking rich... i mean super-geek bill gates-type filthy stinking rich ], and what happens when they phase out? what's left if you haven't connected on a mental and/or physical levels?
mom wants to break up with sheldon because he’s "boring". wrong, the real reason is because he isn’t as rich as gordon. i may not be aphrodite, venus or cupid, but i can sure as hell tell you that what mom is in is -not- love, and it's -not- going to last. it never does, never has; never will.
then again, what the fuck do i know? i’m just the only one in my family who has successfully been able to maintain a stable relationship for more than a year, something that everyone in that house has failed to do... christ, even after one year of marriage, my parents began the ten-year downward spiral to divorce. everyone else has failed in that department. aw, fuckit... whatever. nobody ever listens to me, anyway. i’ll just let mom be retarded. she’s too old to change her ways. after all, she’ll never learn. she’s way too ignorant to realize that her failure to change is doing her in. but, of course, she’s never wrong.
the phrase, "do what you want to, look where it got you," comes to mind. it seems quite fitting, because i’m so -tired- of trying to be the only voice of reason. i’m just going to let her own wretched ways do her in, and they will. because karma... well, let’s just say it’s so real, and everything negative thing you do eventually comes back and bites you in the ass, and from my limited experience, it’s always happened to me.
when mom and dad left after moving me in, they said they’d be back with a few additional supplies that we all forgot to remember when carting my ass from province a to province b. they never returned, which really kind of pissed me the hell off because i wasn’t left with much money [ i was originally left with seven-hundred dollars; six hundred of which had to go to pay the first month’s rent. dannielle was -supposed- to pay me her half of that, but hasn’t and can’t right now ]. i mean, a mere one-hundred dollars won’t take anyone very far, but i managed to stretch it as far as i could; two weeks.
the first week or so was -very- slow, probably because dannielle wasn't there. i spent a lot of time exploring, unpacking, cleaning and getting to know the general geography of the area. the highlight of that first week was probably monday and wednesday.
on monday, i explored so much of uptown, and was able to navigate my way to the local mall to pick up a few groceries and a few things for myself, 'cause i'd been left with just barely over a hundred dollars, and there were a few things i didn't have that i still kind of needed. when mom and dad left the night they moved me in, they said they'd go and pick up a few things for me; they didn't. i picked up a sketchbook on monday; i don’t know why. i just did, and i drew in it the next day; it was a picture of banira [ the same exact one i started before i left; i eventually showed it to dannielle, and she loved it ]. on tuesday, i explored uptown a little more. during the whole week, i'd spend at least four hours of each day out of the house, just to walk around and get to know the city a little more. i'd use the "landmark" method of getting around; since i didn't have a map, i'd constantly look around, scan the local area for things i'd remember to look for when navigating my way home. my "north star" was the top of the loch lomand mall, and if i could manage to locate that, i'd get home, no problem. eh, but it's not like it's easy to get lost in uptown. it's just one street that splits into an intersection, and both sides of that intersection don’t go too far before the businesses end and the housing begins.
on wednesday, frank and terry came to see me. apparently, cti was having an open house, and they wanted me to come over and take a look at the school. so, i did. the school is a -beautiful- place, and best of all, it's on the second floor of a mall; the mall contains a grocery store, bank, coffee shop, dollar store, arcade [ but all the games are -at least- a decade in age; hell, i can -so- remember playing a lot of those games during the time that there was a local arcade, back in new minas ], restaurant, salon and call center. it -does not- get any better than that.
either way, i got to meet my teachers; the main of which was the lovely miss terri spence [ lovingly referred to as "spence" ]. spence is a wonderful person with a great sense of humor, and is a -very- approachable person. she’s very down to earth, and probably the -best- teacher i’ve ever had. hell, in my opinion, she even beats mr. leslie. i -adored- that man’s teaching, because he had all the same qualities, but he wasn’t quite as caring about the students he taught. but i’m sure that’s only because he had -a lot- of students in the course of a cycle [ about thirty students per class, five classes per cycle. it’s hard to care about that many people ]. spence has had about nearly two decades of networking experience and holds about thirty certifications. however, if you cross this woman and make her angry... may the deity of your choice have mercy on you because although spence is a nice person, she can be a bitch if you cross her. reminds me so much of miss watson; a teacher i had in grade nine and ten for english.
i was pleased to learn that as a network administrator, i’ll probably get paid more than a network technician, because administrators are the top of the technical hierarchy. the technicians work -for- the admins. starting salary for a network administrator is forty-five thousand dollars a year. ooh... the lifestyle a girl could lead with that kind of money... wow... but not only that, the school, itself, is -very- involved with the lives of their students; they actually really do give a damn about the students at cti. classroom sizes are small, too; i only have seven other people in my class, and everyone gets along; only one person can’t remember my name, and it’s the guy who sits on the other side of the wall in the middle of the classroom. the only thing that’s kind of intimidating about the class is that two or three of the guys there already have their a+ certification.
mr. jack is a lunatic. he's crazy, but he's great. he reminds me so much of mr. sheppard and mr. prokopiw, shep being a senile grade twelve english teacher, and prokop being the chemistry and physics teacher. what makes mr. jack so much like shep is that they're both crazy, and will go off on tangents in the middle of class, and once you get him started, there is -no- stopping. mr. jack is like prokop 'cause he always wears a lab coat. the only exceptions being dress-down day and out of school hours.
mr. fowlie is... eh, he's a teacher and a school admin, so his course [ which is a course on the microsoft office suite of software ] is slow. beyond slow. evolution-type slow. slower than the majority of the people in my family. in the first day, we learned about the toolbar at the top of the screen; the minimize button, maximize button and the exit button... oh, oh... and the title. wow. after all that hard work learning, i felt i needed a nap [/sarcasm]. if the rest of the term is gonna be like that, then that might as well become nap time for me. same with the html course that i'll be taking in fourth term
dannielle showed up one week after i did; the sunday before school started. at first, we didn’t talk much, but after that first day of school, we talked. a lot; we were up ‘till about 11:00. we have a lot in common, and we get along very well. the next day, i was -very- flattered when she introduced me to one of her good friends as the best room mate ever. i was even more flattered when he asked to see my eyes... i don't know what that was all about, though.
i was pretty disappointed to learn that the computer i’m supposed to receive from the school is to remain in the school until i graduate. that fact kind of completely ruined my week, because i’m -so- not used to being away from the net for that long, and that i was already missing jared -so- badly. but, either way... one thing’s for sure, my first mission, once i get a job, is to save up for a computer of my own. i don’t know what i want in a computer yet; i mean, i don’t know if i want a laptop, or desktop... a mac or pc. i guess it’ll depend on how much i’m willing to spend, how long i’m willing to wait and my general mood at the time.
either way, the school is great. each year is divided into four terms; the end of each give students an extended weekend. school starts at nine o’clock in the morning, and ends at four. i didn’t have a problem with that for the first day... probably because i was so excited for that first day. the first day was merely an introduction day. just there for the purpose of taking photo ids [ mine looks as shitty as usual ], staff introducing themselves to the students, getting student loan information processed [ because i lacked a few things, i had to wait ‘till friday for jen to collect some of this information for me, and then get it processed the proceeding friday ]. i was back home by 11:00, but then went out again to the local library to get myself registered and book a half-hour of computer time; there, i wrote to jared, jenna and lonna... in that exact order. i felt a little bit better after i had written to jared... i mean, i was kinda frantic and freaking out that i had been away for longer than i said i would... but when i let everyone know that i was okay and that things were fine... it’s like my mood had traveled from one side of the spectrum, to the other; i felt a little better and i calmed down.
i've transformed from a mere country girl to a city girl in a matter of days. i thought the transition would've taken longer... much longer, because i've been a country girl all of my life. but either way, since my first exposure to cities [ which, probably was my first trek to toronto ], i've always loved and adored cities. with cities, there's always -something- going on; something -else- you could be doing. so fast-paced, and so teaming with life. you'll -never- see something like that in a country. country life wasn't exactly for me... see, it was boring, mundane... every day, same old shit, different pile. hell, the nearest "city" was a two and a half hour walk away, mostly uphill [ yes, in addition to being a country girl, i'm a valley girl, too ].
not with st. john. my apartment is sandwiched between st. john's uptown and downtown districts, and i absolutely fucking adore that.
uptown is definitely much smaller than downtown. uptown hosts one mall, and is only a ten minute walk away. the uptown district extends to a full one-hour walk from one end to the other. most of the businesses uptown are small and fairly quiet. the local staples, post office, several dollar stores, a few restaurants and the loch lomand mall [ the second floor of which hosts my school ] are all uptown. there's one intersection that is an absolute fucking whore to cross for pedestrians. nobody wants to stop, leaving the poor walker between the split exiting the intersection... while standing there a couple of times, people passing by have been known to slow down and insult me for, like, no reason.
but either way, i've found that since i'm dressing the way i want now, i've grown a thicker skin, and i’m learning the value of not caring about what others think. since coming here, i’ve seen few people just stare at me, a few pigs yell, whistle and check me out, and people yelling at me as they pass me by to call me some derogatory name... and it’s all cool; everyone has the right to their own opinion, and it’s hard to please everyone; those who try to please everyone are guaranteed to fail, so it’s not even worth a try. you can’t please everyone, so you might as well work at pleasing yourself [ honestly, i didn’t mean for that to sound dirty. really ]. i've learned to blow negative comments off of my shoulder and either totally disregard them or shout back something in response; mostly comebacks i've learned from jen. but the positive or perverted comments, whistles and hollers... well, i've yet to determine my strategy for that. -before- i came to st. john, i wasn't used to comments or being whistled at. now, it looks as if things are changing, and like 'em or not... i'm going to have to get used to them. eh, and why not...? i've had to get used to the comments i've received from people online about various aspects of me; whether it be something like my art, writing, personality or webpage. eh, it's just going to be hard because i'm -so- not used to people throwing compliments at -me-, as opposed to something i've done, or something that is merely a part of me. but, from what i've been told, i'm still losing a lot of weight, and as such, i now find myself wearing stuff i wouldn't have dared to wear... like, two or three years ago. i'm not trying to be an exhibitionist; i'm too shy for that... i'm just beginning to become a mallrat, and a lot of these clothes now suddenly appeal to me.
downtown is my -favorite- place to be. although it's about a forty-five minute walk away from home, the town extends into an additional hour of walking. downtown is so much more livelier and has far more stores, boutiques and shops than i could possibly list, but i will say that the local library, wal mart, all cd stores and a lot of cute chic shops full of women’s accessories and tons, upon tons of dollar stores are there. all intersections are a bitch to cross.
of course, the local convenience store is only a five minute walk, and is -very-, -very- small... probably no larger than my kitchen.
i’ve seen two of the weirdest things i’ve ever seen while walking home from downtown during my first week. the first was a car, and this was probably an old car, but it’s muffler was actually dragging behind the car, sparks flying everywhere... i think i laughed for at least a few days about that. the other thing was a family with a cat... now, this cat was extraordinary; it had a collar [ i’ve -never- seen a cat wear a collar without trying to get itself out of it before ], it was walking with the family, and it didn’t have a leash on... and it wasn’t’ afraid of the sound of the cars. that was extraordinary in the sense that i’ve never seen that before; all felines i’ve come into contact with have been pussies [ no pun intended ], as far as automobiles are concerned. either way, seeing a cat reminded me of how much i missed nala.
sigh, i hope that wherever i move to when i do/finish my otj training will allow cats.
with the little bit of money i had, i spent most of it on groceries and apartment stuff... but i have bought myself a few personal items. i've purchased stuff like michelle grant's new cd, jewelry, shades, hats... you know, a lot of cutecute girl-type accessories. hell, now, i even have a belt. i’ve never worn a belt before, but i think it’s something i can get used to. the belt i have is a military-style one, meaning that there’s no buckle to fuck with. it’s even got a camo-type print on it. i want to try drawing mrlkitty in some of this, sometime... -especially- the new hat.
at the end of the first week of school, dannielle got sick and left on friday to go home. before she left, she got the phone connected and got cable, so the weekend didn’t end up being -too- boring. in fact, i got to watch a nice little documentary on nickelback [ when i saw it on the friday night lineup on muchmoremusic, i think i nearly fainted ]. i also got to see nickelback's newest video, a -gorgeous- little song called "someday"; directed by mr. nigel dick. he’s the man who’s directed the last few nickelback videos. the video is centered on this couple, and they’re arguing. the girl packs up and leaves. the guy tries to convince her not to leave, yet she does, and does not seem to care about the guy’s feelings for whatever reason. as the girl drives away, the guy chases her [ on foot ]. eventually, the girl’s car is hit by a truck at an intersection [ i’m not sure if she’s distracted by him or not ]. her spirit emerges from the wreckage to comfort the guy. the video ends with the guy’s name in the paper; the headline being something along the lines of him jumping off a bridge.
oh yes, and i saw inu yasha for the first time; it’s a nice anime, but nothing i think i could get obsessed over.
but as much as i’m having fun being independent, i miss jared. a lot. since the wednesday of my arrival, i’ve been spending lots of time just staring at printouts of the photos he’s shown me. the only thing is, when i stared at them, i have a tendency of getting emotional and i sometimes begin to cry because i love him and miss him so much. luckily, although both photos are tear-stained, the quality of the printouts are still pretty good... but from what i hear from jared, i’ll be getting another photo of him in the package he’s sending me... and of course, i’ll be getting a frame for it.
i’ve seriously wanted to get my package to jared sent sometime during this week, although, i haven’t been able to; because during this week, i thought of something i wanted to get for him. and of course, there were a lot of things that prevented me from getting it... that, and i really didn’t know that the post office was closed on saturday. would’ve had it sent on friday, however... a dilemma exists in that situation. see, from the school to the post office is a one-hour walk. having taken the time to prepare to send jared’s package would’ve prevented me from getting to the post office in time, and there was already something i needed to accomplish; finishing up my student loan application shiz.
i wasn't really surprized about all the online activity that took place during my absence. i had about four-hundred or so messages in my deviantart inbox; i want to comment on most of the images i saw when i "returned", but i was unable to because of the sheer volume of the images; i don't have that kind of time on my hands anymore. all of my online time now is dedicated to writing to the most important person in my life, jared [ uh, and my family... and occasionally, i will respond to something else i find in my inbox ]. jared will continue to have that kind of priority as long as i'm able to give it to him. i did, however, comment on and added two wonderful pictures done for me whilst i was gone.
minn did a -gorgeous- pic of mrlkitty and panika. the sweet thing about it is that i’m a total klutz when it comes to roller-blades and roller-skates, and those kinda things... so, yes, that kind of situation would be typical for mrlkitty. my goodness, that gal is a goddess, i swear. she’s been such a sweetheart since the first day i talked to her. yes, i can remember it quite vividly; i was introduced to her art through guidodan’s page. i fell in love with her art, and saw that she was taking requests. i asked for a pic of axl, and i guess i did a few pictures for her, she did some for me, and it’s been like that for as long as i can remember.
the next picture was the second picture anyone [ me, excluded ] ever done of drew in her new look. it was by hotpinkbutton. that girl is also a goddess to me. she’s sweet, kind, and has been -very- supportive to me. the pic was eventually colored, and that version looks a billion times as sweet as the lineart. i eventually have to get my ass in gear, draw a few more pictures for her and send them along to her. hopefully, i can find her address when i go rooting through my stuff later on.
on top of that was quite a few private messages from go-gaia. i’m actually not as impressed with go-gaia's new lineup of clothing. the long coat for females doesn't exactly tickle my fancy, but some of the new goth clothing does... and so does august’s donator item [ which i was -supposed- to get, but i’ve apparently been scammed ]. i also have developed a fondness for the new collars, but unfortunately, i'm unable to buy them. see, now because of the expensiveness of the new items i have, i'm almost broke; i ended up selling a lot of the older items i have, including that long dress i had; i bought that exclusively for the pageant i ended up losing, and -was- going to save it just in case another formal-type event came up out of nowhere, but i figured that i'm just not a dressy-type girl and resold it back to the store. besides, i have my kimono; that should be all the formalness i need.
i’m not even gone for a fortnight, and my former computer gets a virus. thanks to lonna. christ, and lonna is -supposed- to be smarter than that. she did take a small networking course, herself; granted, it wasn’t that elaborate, it apparently -did- teach her quite a bit. however, i’ve asked jen to ftp some files for me, and -if- she can do that for me, this virus thing isn’t going to be a big deal for me. however, if jen can’t, won’t, or isn’t able to for whatever reason, i may suffer the loss of the changes made to my page; the whole shootin’ match... gone, on the account of someone who -should- have known better... but just didn’t.
but, until i can get the technical name of the virus, it’d be unfair of me to assume it’s lonna’s fault... because, god forbid, -i- should bitch at -her- for something she -didn’t- do. and after all, it -could’ve- been jen in attempt to blame it on lonna. who knows? i sure don’t, and nor do i care... just as long as i can get my files, i’m fine.
after all, it’s not -my- computer anymore. i honestly couldn’t care less about it.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,mrl_kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
now, i'm in st. john, new brunswick. i live in an apartment, i have a room mate, i’m a college girl [ wow. it feels so weird being known as a college girl. while i was in high school ,i honestly could never imagine being in college, of course, because i never thought i had the marks for an institution as awesome as cti ], and soon enough, i'll have a job. i finally have a phone line [ phone number: (506)633-6813 ] and as soon as i can collaborate with a few people to get a résumé written, i'll apply for a job... because i sure as hell couldn't remember numbers, names, addresses of previous employers and shiz like that, even if my life depends on it, and all of the jobs i've had in the past five years were all arrangements from either dad or lonna. there are a few places i'm considering applying for a job... places like ardiénes, tim hortons, empire, the perfume shop in the mcalister mall, payless... so many places i'd love to work. after that... i begin saving up for a computer of my own.
i love being on my own; i get to wear what -i- want, talk the way -i- want, live how -i- want and there’s no one around to tell me that i can’t do it; i’m my own person, and i love it. best of all, i have actual fucking privacy. when i shut my door, if my room mate wants my attention, she knocks, waits for an answer and then waits for me to get up to open the door. i don’t even need to lock my door [ not that my door has a lock on it ].
the beginning of the journey was -very- fast-paced. but, of course, saturday was the day mom chose to return. she got jen a two-hundred dollar bathing suit, and got me a cheesy, cheap faux-jewel-studded bandana [ not that i didn't appreciate it; hell, i've begun to -collect- bandanas, now... it's just funny to me that although -i- was the birthday girl, and jenna's birthday passed, and she was treated like a queen, i was given an item that didn't even compare. oh well. whatever. just goes to show you that i'm -obviously- not the favourite of that family, nor am i even close ]. she didn’t even say sorry for being absent during my nineteenth birthday or last week of my being home. the saturday i left, i had to ensure that everyone got out what they wanted to say to me before i left, that i got all the hugs i had coming to me and that i said goodbye to everyone. after i bagged the clothing that was in the dryer, dad, mom and i filed into the van and drove off to new minas to pick up a few things. i seriously don’t know why mom came with me when i moved... after all, she proved to be about as useful as the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle. i mean, she didn’t load or unload anything. she use that move as an excuse to look through my stuff, although she said she wanted to go to spend some more time with me. bullshit. complete fucking bullshit. the whore spent most of the time in that truck sleeping. her true motive was to get away from sheldon. she didn’t give a damn about me. she hasn’t given a damn about me for so long, so my departure would probably be the -last- time she’d choose to start, if she ever felt so inclined, and i doubt she’d ever. i’m just not a priority in her life; i never really have been.
oh, speaking of being a whore and sheldon, i talked to mom once dad stopped to get coffee. turns out that mom is a more of a gold-digger than previously imagined. she talked to me about her situation with sheldon [ okay, for this, you'll need some backup information for this: flash back to before mom left for toronto ]. she started dating this guy named sheldon. now, sheldon isn't exactly the most attractive guy in the world, but he had a good heart and he was a -very- easygoing person, and was very approachable. he was fun to talk to and was an all-around good guy. he is, in fact, only boyfriend that mom has had that i've actually gotten along with... unless dad counts. now, while in toronto, visiting her sister and allegedly attending the funeral of her uncle [ she was supposed to spread his ashes along somewhere in newfoundland; she didn’t do that. the whole trip was centered around socialization, and her uncle’s death meant nothing to her ], she met another guy [ for all intensive purposes, and since i can't remember his name, i'll call him what i -think- is his name: gordon ]. she allegedly had a good time with this guy and formed some kind of bond with him [ hah... i bet the only -real- bond between them is the bond between her hand and his wallet. love? fuck you, that’s not love ].
the talk i had with mom was... uh, interesting. she said she loved older men with money, and i was kind of trying to defend the fact that that was -not- love; that was pure greed. you -don't- ditch someone that cares for you as much as sheldon did for my mom [ although i don't agree with his taste in women, he sure did treat her -real- nice ] just because you find someone with a bigger cash-flow. of course, she pulled this "mother knows best," and "at forty, you tend to look at things a little differently," and "you're only nineteen, you don't know any better"... and i was -completely- outraged. how dare she question my knowledge of love? i wish she’d stop trying to tell herself that she knows me. i think that at nineteen, i have a better grasp on the concept of love than she ever did. see, if it's all about money or looks, or some pathetic petty crap like that, it's not going to last. after all, they both don't last forever [ unless you are -incredibly- fucking rich... i mean super-geek bill gates-type filthy stinking rich ], and what happens when they phase out? what's left if you haven't connected on a mental and/or physical levels?
mom wants to break up with sheldon because he’s "boring". wrong, the real reason is because he isn’t as rich as gordon. i may not be aphrodite, venus or cupid, but i can sure as hell tell you that what mom is in is -not- love, and it's -not- going to last. it never does, never has; never will.
then again, what the fuck do i know? i’m just the only one in my family who has successfully been able to maintain a stable relationship for more than a year, something that everyone in that house has failed to do... christ, even after one year of marriage, my parents began the ten-year downward spiral to divorce. everyone else has failed in that department. aw, fuckit... whatever. nobody ever listens to me, anyway. i’ll just let mom be retarded. she’s too old to change her ways. after all, she’ll never learn. she’s way too ignorant to realize that her failure to change is doing her in. but, of course, she’s never wrong.
the phrase, "do what you want to, look where it got you," comes to mind. it seems quite fitting, because i’m so -tired- of trying to be the only voice of reason. i’m just going to let her own wretched ways do her in, and they will. because karma... well, let’s just say it’s so real, and everything negative thing you do eventually comes back and bites you in the ass, and from my limited experience, it’s always happened to me.
when mom and dad left after moving me in, they said they’d be back with a few additional supplies that we all forgot to remember when carting my ass from province a to province b. they never returned, which really kind of pissed me the hell off because i wasn’t left with much money [ i was originally left with seven-hundred dollars; six hundred of which had to go to pay the first month’s rent. dannielle was -supposed- to pay me her half of that, but hasn’t and can’t right now ]. i mean, a mere one-hundred dollars won’t take anyone very far, but i managed to stretch it as far as i could; two weeks.
the first week or so was -very- slow, probably because dannielle wasn't there. i spent a lot of time exploring, unpacking, cleaning and getting to know the general geography of the area. the highlight of that first week was probably monday and wednesday.
on monday, i explored so much of uptown, and was able to navigate my way to the local mall to pick up a few groceries and a few things for myself, 'cause i'd been left with just barely over a hundred dollars, and there were a few things i didn't have that i still kind of needed. when mom and dad left the night they moved me in, they said they'd go and pick up a few things for me; they didn't. i picked up a sketchbook on monday; i don’t know why. i just did, and i drew in it the next day; it was a picture of banira [ the same exact one i started before i left; i eventually showed it to dannielle, and she loved it ]. on tuesday, i explored uptown a little more. during the whole week, i'd spend at least four hours of each day out of the house, just to walk around and get to know the city a little more. i'd use the "landmark" method of getting around; since i didn't have a map, i'd constantly look around, scan the local area for things i'd remember to look for when navigating my way home. my "north star" was the top of the loch lomand mall, and if i could manage to locate that, i'd get home, no problem. eh, but it's not like it's easy to get lost in uptown. it's just one street that splits into an intersection, and both sides of that intersection don’t go too far before the businesses end and the housing begins.
on wednesday, frank and terry came to see me. apparently, cti was having an open house, and they wanted me to come over and take a look at the school. so, i did. the school is a -beautiful- place, and best of all, it's on the second floor of a mall; the mall contains a grocery store, bank, coffee shop, dollar store, arcade [ but all the games are -at least- a decade in age; hell, i can -so- remember playing a lot of those games during the time that there was a local arcade, back in new minas ], restaurant, salon and call center. it -does not- get any better than that.
either way, i got to meet my teachers; the main of which was the lovely miss terri spence [ lovingly referred to as "spence" ]. spence is a wonderful person with a great sense of humor, and is a -very- approachable person. she’s very down to earth, and probably the -best- teacher i’ve ever had. hell, in my opinion, she even beats mr. leslie. i -adored- that man’s teaching, because he had all the same qualities, but he wasn’t quite as caring about the students he taught. but i’m sure that’s only because he had -a lot- of students in the course of a cycle [ about thirty students per class, five classes per cycle. it’s hard to care about that many people ]. spence has had about nearly two decades of networking experience and holds about thirty certifications. however, if you cross this woman and make her angry... may the deity of your choice have mercy on you because although spence is a nice person, she can be a bitch if you cross her. reminds me so much of miss watson; a teacher i had in grade nine and ten for english.
i was pleased to learn that as a network administrator, i’ll probably get paid more than a network technician, because administrators are the top of the technical hierarchy. the technicians work -for- the admins. starting salary for a network administrator is forty-five thousand dollars a year. ooh... the lifestyle a girl could lead with that kind of money... wow... but not only that, the school, itself, is -very- involved with the lives of their students; they actually really do give a damn about the students at cti. classroom sizes are small, too; i only have seven other people in my class, and everyone gets along; only one person can’t remember my name, and it’s the guy who sits on the other side of the wall in the middle of the classroom. the only thing that’s kind of intimidating about the class is that two or three of the guys there already have their a+ certification.
mr. jack is a lunatic. he's crazy, but he's great. he reminds me so much of mr. sheppard and mr. prokopiw, shep being a senile grade twelve english teacher, and prokop being the chemistry and physics teacher. what makes mr. jack so much like shep is that they're both crazy, and will go off on tangents in the middle of class, and once you get him started, there is -no- stopping. mr. jack is like prokop 'cause he always wears a lab coat. the only exceptions being dress-down day and out of school hours.
mr. fowlie is... eh, he's a teacher and a school admin, so his course [ which is a course on the microsoft office suite of software ] is slow. beyond slow. evolution-type slow. slower than the majority of the people in my family. in the first day, we learned about the toolbar at the top of the screen; the minimize button, maximize button and the exit button... oh, oh... and the title. wow. after all that hard work learning, i felt i needed a nap [/sarcasm]. if the rest of the term is gonna be like that, then that might as well become nap time for me. same with the html course that i'll be taking in fourth term
dannielle showed up one week after i did; the sunday before school started. at first, we didn’t talk much, but after that first day of school, we talked. a lot; we were up ‘till about 11:00. we have a lot in common, and we get along very well. the next day, i was -very- flattered when she introduced me to one of her good friends as the best room mate ever. i was even more flattered when he asked to see my eyes... i don't know what that was all about, though.
i was pretty disappointed to learn that the computer i’m supposed to receive from the school is to remain in the school until i graduate. that fact kind of completely ruined my week, because i’m -so- not used to being away from the net for that long, and that i was already missing jared -so- badly. but, either way... one thing’s for sure, my first mission, once i get a job, is to save up for a computer of my own. i don’t know what i want in a computer yet; i mean, i don’t know if i want a laptop, or desktop... a mac or pc. i guess it’ll depend on how much i’m willing to spend, how long i’m willing to wait and my general mood at the time.
either way, the school is great. each year is divided into four terms; the end of each give students an extended weekend. school starts at nine o’clock in the morning, and ends at four. i didn’t have a problem with that for the first day... probably because i was so excited for that first day. the first day was merely an introduction day. just there for the purpose of taking photo ids [ mine looks as shitty as usual ], staff introducing themselves to the students, getting student loan information processed [ because i lacked a few things, i had to wait ‘till friday for jen to collect some of this information for me, and then get it processed the proceeding friday ]. i was back home by 11:00, but then went out again to the local library to get myself registered and book a half-hour of computer time; there, i wrote to jared, jenna and lonna... in that exact order. i felt a little bit better after i had written to jared... i mean, i was kinda frantic and freaking out that i had been away for longer than i said i would... but when i let everyone know that i was okay and that things were fine... it’s like my mood had traveled from one side of the spectrum, to the other; i felt a little better and i calmed down.
i've transformed from a mere country girl to a city girl in a matter of days. i thought the transition would've taken longer... much longer, because i've been a country girl all of my life. but either way, since my first exposure to cities [ which, probably was my first trek to toronto ], i've always loved and adored cities. with cities, there's always -something- going on; something -else- you could be doing. so fast-paced, and so teaming with life. you'll -never- see something like that in a country. country life wasn't exactly for me... see, it was boring, mundane... every day, same old shit, different pile. hell, the nearest "city" was a two and a half hour walk away, mostly uphill [ yes, in addition to being a country girl, i'm a valley girl, too ].
not with st. john. my apartment is sandwiched between st. john's uptown and downtown districts, and i absolutely fucking adore that.
uptown is definitely much smaller than downtown. uptown hosts one mall, and is only a ten minute walk away. the uptown district extends to a full one-hour walk from one end to the other. most of the businesses uptown are small and fairly quiet. the local staples, post office, several dollar stores, a few restaurants and the loch lomand mall [ the second floor of which hosts my school ] are all uptown. there's one intersection that is an absolute fucking whore to cross for pedestrians. nobody wants to stop, leaving the poor walker between the split exiting the intersection... while standing there a couple of times, people passing by have been known to slow down and insult me for, like, no reason.
but either way, i've found that since i'm dressing the way i want now, i've grown a thicker skin, and i’m learning the value of not caring about what others think. since coming here, i’ve seen few people just stare at me, a few pigs yell, whistle and check me out, and people yelling at me as they pass me by to call me some derogatory name... and it’s all cool; everyone has the right to their own opinion, and it’s hard to please everyone; those who try to please everyone are guaranteed to fail, so it’s not even worth a try. you can’t please everyone, so you might as well work at pleasing yourself [ honestly, i didn’t mean for that to sound dirty. really ]. i've learned to blow negative comments off of my shoulder and either totally disregard them or shout back something in response; mostly comebacks i've learned from jen. but the positive or perverted comments, whistles and hollers... well, i've yet to determine my strategy for that. -before- i came to st. john, i wasn't used to comments or being whistled at. now, it looks as if things are changing, and like 'em or not... i'm going to have to get used to them. eh, and why not...? i've had to get used to the comments i've received from people online about various aspects of me; whether it be something like my art, writing, personality or webpage. eh, it's just going to be hard because i'm -so- not used to people throwing compliments at -me-, as opposed to something i've done, or something that is merely a part of me. but, from what i've been told, i'm still losing a lot of weight, and as such, i now find myself wearing stuff i wouldn't have dared to wear... like, two or three years ago. i'm not trying to be an exhibitionist; i'm too shy for that... i'm just beginning to become a mallrat, and a lot of these clothes now suddenly appeal to me.
downtown is my -favorite- place to be. although it's about a forty-five minute walk away from home, the town extends into an additional hour of walking. downtown is so much more livelier and has far more stores, boutiques and shops than i could possibly list, but i will say that the local library, wal mart, all cd stores and a lot of cute chic shops full of women’s accessories and tons, upon tons of dollar stores are there. all intersections are a bitch to cross.
of course, the local convenience store is only a five minute walk, and is -very-, -very- small... probably no larger than my kitchen.
i’ve seen two of the weirdest things i’ve ever seen while walking home from downtown during my first week. the first was a car, and this was probably an old car, but it’s muffler was actually dragging behind the car, sparks flying everywhere... i think i laughed for at least a few days about that. the other thing was a family with a cat... now, this cat was extraordinary; it had a collar [ i’ve -never- seen a cat wear a collar without trying to get itself out of it before ], it was walking with the family, and it didn’t have a leash on... and it wasn’t’ afraid of the sound of the cars. that was extraordinary in the sense that i’ve never seen that before; all felines i’ve come into contact with have been pussies [ no pun intended ], as far as automobiles are concerned. either way, seeing a cat reminded me of how much i missed nala.
sigh, i hope that wherever i move to when i do/finish my otj training will allow cats.
with the little bit of money i had, i spent most of it on groceries and apartment stuff... but i have bought myself a few personal items. i've purchased stuff like michelle grant's new cd, jewelry, shades, hats... you know, a lot of cutecute girl-type accessories. hell, now, i even have a belt. i’ve never worn a belt before, but i think it’s something i can get used to. the belt i have is a military-style one, meaning that there’s no buckle to fuck with. it’s even got a camo-type print on it. i want to try drawing mrlkitty in some of this, sometime... -especially- the new hat.
at the end of the first week of school, dannielle got sick and left on friday to go home. before she left, she got the phone connected and got cable, so the weekend didn’t end up being -too- boring. in fact, i got to watch a nice little documentary on nickelback [ when i saw it on the friday night lineup on muchmoremusic, i think i nearly fainted ]. i also got to see nickelback's newest video, a -gorgeous- little song called "someday"; directed by mr. nigel dick. he’s the man who’s directed the last few nickelback videos. the video is centered on this couple, and they’re arguing. the girl packs up and leaves. the guy tries to convince her not to leave, yet she does, and does not seem to care about the guy’s feelings for whatever reason. as the girl drives away, the guy chases her [ on foot ]. eventually, the girl’s car is hit by a truck at an intersection [ i’m not sure if she’s distracted by him or not ]. her spirit emerges from the wreckage to comfort the guy. the video ends with the guy’s name in the paper; the headline being something along the lines of him jumping off a bridge.
oh yes, and i saw inu yasha for the first time; it’s a nice anime, but nothing i think i could get obsessed over.
but as much as i’m having fun being independent, i miss jared. a lot. since the wednesday of my arrival, i’ve been spending lots of time just staring at printouts of the photos he’s shown me. the only thing is, when i stared at them, i have a tendency of getting emotional and i sometimes begin to cry because i love him and miss him so much. luckily, although both photos are tear-stained, the quality of the printouts are still pretty good... but from what i hear from jared, i’ll be getting another photo of him in the package he’s sending me... and of course, i’ll be getting a frame for it.
i’ve seriously wanted to get my package to jared sent sometime during this week, although, i haven’t been able to; because during this week, i thought of something i wanted to get for him. and of course, there were a lot of things that prevented me from getting it... that, and i really didn’t know that the post office was closed on saturday. would’ve had it sent on friday, however... a dilemma exists in that situation. see, from the school to the post office is a one-hour walk. having taken the time to prepare to send jared’s package would’ve prevented me from getting to the post office in time, and there was already something i needed to accomplish; finishing up my student loan application shiz.
i wasn't really surprized about all the online activity that took place during my absence. i had about four-hundred or so messages in my deviantart inbox; i want to comment on most of the images i saw when i "returned", but i was unable to because of the sheer volume of the images; i don't have that kind of time on my hands anymore. all of my online time now is dedicated to writing to the most important person in my life, jared [ uh, and my family... and occasionally, i will respond to something else i find in my inbox ]. jared will continue to have that kind of priority as long as i'm able to give it to him. i did, however, comment on and added two wonderful pictures done for me whilst i was gone.
minn did a -gorgeous- pic of mrlkitty and panika. the sweet thing about it is that i’m a total klutz when it comes to roller-blades and roller-skates, and those kinda things... so, yes, that kind of situation would be typical for mrlkitty. my goodness, that gal is a goddess, i swear. she’s been such a sweetheart since the first day i talked to her. yes, i can remember it quite vividly; i was introduced to her art through guidodan’s page. i fell in love with her art, and saw that she was taking requests. i asked for a pic of axl, and i guess i did a few pictures for her, she did some for me, and it’s been like that for as long as i can remember.
the next picture was the second picture anyone [ me, excluded ] ever done of drew in her new look. it was by hotpinkbutton. that girl is also a goddess to me. she’s sweet, kind, and has been -very- supportive to me. the pic was eventually colored, and that version looks a billion times as sweet as the lineart. i eventually have to get my ass in gear, draw a few more pictures for her and send them along to her. hopefully, i can find her address when i go rooting through my stuff later on.
on top of that was quite a few private messages from go-gaia. i’m actually not as impressed with go-gaia's new lineup of clothing. the long coat for females doesn't exactly tickle my fancy, but some of the new goth clothing does... and so does august’s donator item [ which i was -supposed- to get, but i’ve apparently been scammed ]. i also have developed a fondness for the new collars, but unfortunately, i'm unable to buy them. see, now because of the expensiveness of the new items i have, i'm almost broke; i ended up selling a lot of the older items i have, including that long dress i had; i bought that exclusively for the pageant i ended up losing, and -was- going to save it just in case another formal-type event came up out of nowhere, but i figured that i'm just not a dressy-type girl and resold it back to the store. besides, i have my kimono; that should be all the formalness i need.
i’m not even gone for a fortnight, and my former computer gets a virus. thanks to lonna. christ, and lonna is -supposed- to be smarter than that. she did take a small networking course, herself; granted, it wasn’t that elaborate, it apparently -did- teach her quite a bit. however, i’ve asked jen to ftp some files for me, and -if- she can do that for me, this virus thing isn’t going to be a big deal for me. however, if jen can’t, won’t, or isn’t able to for whatever reason, i may suffer the loss of the changes made to my page; the whole shootin’ match... gone, on the account of someone who -should- have known better... but just didn’t.
but, until i can get the technical name of the virus, it’d be unfair of me to assume it’s lonna’s fault... because, god forbid, -i- should bitch at -her- for something she -didn’t- do. and after all, it -could’ve- been jen in attempt to blame it on lonna. who knows? i sure don’t, and nor do i care... just as long as i can get my files, i’m fine.
after all, it’s not -my- computer anymore. i honestly couldn’t care less about it.
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