... stressed out to the point of 'askin if it's worth it...
"listen to me man, make sure you love what you do.
cause it's gonna take a time for anyone to get to the ultimate goal.
and as long as you love what your doing...
doesn't matter how long it takes, and when it finally does happen.
try to remember how hard you worked to get there.
and appreciate that shit.
keep climbing. battleaxe. that's right."-shane "madchild" bunting; long way down
who knew that hiphop music could be so... inspirational.
my ex confuses me, sometimes. try as hard as i can to be his friend, he always manages to make me angry every time i talk to him. all he ever does anymore is bitch about how much of a dumb, fucked-up bitch his girlfriend is. he joked about suicide via asprin overdose, and that -really- offended me, because i, at one time, was suicidal and abusing drugs like asprin was one of the "methods" i tried. the last time i tried suicide was the summer after we broke up. i was in such a sorry state, back then. needless to say, i've snapped out of it, because i finally realized that, hey... maybe it wasn't meant to be. after all, even if i did get him back, he'd probably only end up abusing me again. there was also a lot that he did that i disagreed with... i -hated- how much of a holy-roler he was. it was like a stupid fairytale was more important to him than i ever was.
right now, i don't think i'd care if he did kill himself.
every time he says "i love you," or whenever he starts to kiss my ass, i begin to remember why i hate him, and why i probably won't let that hate go. the statement is usually followed by a -long-, awkward silence. as much as he apologizes for everything he did, i probably never will forgive him for tearing me apart the way he did [ ... -three- fucking times ]. he probably has -no- idea how uncomfortable his statement makes me feel, and i'm surprized -he- even has the balls to say "i love you," even after what he did to me.
he's done a lot to contradict that statement.
i got paid for babysitting on tuesday, so of course i went shopping. i got myself a nickelback dvd, "every six seconds" by saliva [ i kinda made a mistake; i wanted to get saliva's -newest- album; "back into your system," and forgot what it was called, so i picked up the first saliva album i saw. some fan i am. oh well, "every six seconds" kicks a lot of ass, though. ], "monsters in the closet" by swollen members [ i am -so- addicted to "red dragon" and "long way down" now, it's not even funny... it'd make a -perfect- theme for a villian ], -and- i got myself a niftynifty collar [ ieee... it has a double row of spikes ]; i'll stop wearing the tie, and perhaps i'll even drop the hat, too.
i'll have to draw a pic of mrlkitty to reflect the changes... just like i always do~
my style has gone from dull and faded colours to black. of course, i've had -lots- of people ask if i've become goth. hah. let's see; in the eyes of the majority of the student attending my school, goth can be classified as dark clothing, makeup, wak jewlery and unconventional piercings. i never saw myself as a goth-type of person because:
i -have- been entertaining the thought of dying my hair black, though. i dunno why. since jen suggested i do it, i've been thinking a lot about it. i guess it's because i'm tired of having such a common and dull hair-colour. i mentioned the thought to sarah [ okay, so i'll talk to her every once in a while... i was just in a good mood after having gone shopping the night previous. this -won't- become a common thing, because i don't like sarah ], but she said "i don't think it'll go well with your features." and i thought to myself, "-what- features?" eh, it's an idea i've been toying around with. i'd -really- like to do it, but i know that both lonna and mom will probably hate me for it.
not like they don't already hate me enough, as it is. if they have anything to do with this, it'll be because i did it to spite them.
sam's sister heather walk by me in the hall and call me a freak, and that -really- pissed me off. of course, when i see her again [ if i don't see sam first and explain it to her, so -she- can yell at heather ], i'm taking her by the shoulders, pinning her to the wall and explaining to her that if she has something to say about me, she says it to my face, as opposed to an ignorantly throwing a sneer at me, as she passes me by in the hall. as far as i know, i've done nothing to that disrespectful little cunt. i bearly know her, i don't talk to her, and i -used- to be indifferent to her [ despite all of the nasty things that sam said about her ], now i just think she's a stuck-up and judgemental little fucker. she just calls me a freak, right out of the blue... and for what?
your guess is as good as mine. some people are just stuck up litle cunts, that's all~
so the content of my computer was been wiped out on wednesday. i didn't get it back 'till thursday. mark [ the guy who reloaded windows on my computer; a friend of dad's ] installed a few "extras" on my computer; microsoft office suite, musicmatch jukebox, photoshop and a few other nifty tools i have yet to explore. of course, he forgot to include the most important thing of all: a cd-burning tool... so now i'm shit outta luck when it comes to making my own audo or data cds, because i fucking outright refuse to use realplayer. last time i used it, the sound quality was -so- poor, that i could bearly make out what track was which.
needless to say i wasted a cd, on that insufficient piece of shit. thanks for nothing, realplayer~
on the weekend, i was invited to lonna's place for the weekend. the first night i was there, we went to a -wonderful- restaurant. it was one of the few solid-stone buildings left in kentville, and had been constructed more than five-hundred years ago. the place was fucking gorgeous. too bad the food and the service didn't quite match it. the waitresses were beyond dumb, and "didn't know" we were going to order anything besides drinks, although we -still- had our menus, twenty minutes after we ordered our drinks. i guess they figured that my sister and her significant other were chronic alcoholics. i, of course, didn't have anything alcoholic to drink, because i don't like alcohol. there's no reason for me to drink, anyway. i neither like the taste, nor effect that even a small amount of alcohol has on me. so why even bother with it?
any time i've had anything alcoholic to drink, i wind up with a lack of motor control, and shortly thereafter, i throw up... that is -never- pleasent. i guess i have a low tolerance for alcohol, because i don't drink much before i -act- drunk. i -do-, however, retain full memory of all events after becoming plastered, even though thinking becomes -really- hard after a few drinks... so i've never done anything i otherwise wouldn't do... except fall down a lot, and talk with a "drinker's accent".
on saturday, i got to go to the new wal*mart in new minas. it's pathetic; the store has been open for four months, and yesterday was the only time i've been there; i really don't get out much. whilest searching around, i found the -perfect- birthdday gift for dad. you see, he's a -huge- fan of the tv show "m.a.s.h." i'm thinking of getting him the third-season boxed set. lonna bought the movie "hannibal," and we watched it when we got home. damn, that was a freaky movie. it wasn't quite as good as the original... but, i swear, anthony hopkins is almost -too- good at the role of dr. lecter.
can -anyone- tell me how the "alternate" ending significantly differed from the real ending~?
at least i managed to get all of the mp3s i lost [ and -much- more ] back again, because lonna has a -cable- connection. i'll be damned if i don't take the time to abuse it. in the course of two days, i took lonna's participation level from a ninety to a five. i'm -so- glad i didn't have to waste weeks, months or even a year getting back all that stuff. now, if there was a way i could get my coloured pics back, then i'd be set, and i'd have emerged from this -without- having suffered lost data.
but it looks as if i want those pics back, i have to find them and recolour them, myself. i obviously can't get the pics back because the harddrive's already been wiped, but if i can find the lineart, i will recolour the pics. fuck knows how long that'll take me.
at most, i've "finished" colouring one pic of mrlkitty. otherwise, i haven't been doing a whole lot, art-wise, lately. it's been bugging me because i can't draw anything that looks decent. try as hard as i can, everything looks like total garbage. the pic i coloured -may- become part of a journal layout; i really haven't decided. all i know is that my journal is -way- overdue for a new layout. speaking of new layouts, i've been hired again by avfn to revamp the webpage. last time i worked on the site, i only spent an hour on it; it looked-real- basic, but at least i got a hundred dollars for it. they want a professional-looking layout, this time. i don't know what i'm going to do for it, so i have to spend this week brainstorming possible layouts. i'll most likely use frames, flash & lots of nifty nonintrusive effects. to make it -look- professional. oh, and speaking of pages, i also finally found something that's fucking -perfect- for my page. it's a nice little javascript side-menu. it appears at the right of the page, as a bar that says "navigation". hover your mouse over it, and it opens. everything from there should be fairly obvious. it looks so neat... all i have to do now is come up with a decent new layout. i'll most likely use iframes for this one. it'll be -much- easier to keep track of, that way. the only "bad" thing about it is that it eliminates the chances of my page working on a netscape browser. oh well, their "loss"... not mine.
bah, too much page work... this will weigh heavily on my drawing time.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
cause it's gonna take a time for anyone to get to the ultimate goal.
and as long as you love what your doing...
doesn't matter how long it takes, and when it finally does happen.
try to remember how hard you worked to get there.
and appreciate that shit.
keep climbing. battleaxe. that's right."-shane "madchild" bunting; long way down
who knew that hiphop music could be so... inspirational.
my ex confuses me, sometimes. try as hard as i can to be his friend, he always manages to make me angry every time i talk to him. all he ever does anymore is bitch about how much of a dumb, fucked-up bitch his girlfriend is. he joked about suicide via asprin overdose, and that -really- offended me, because i, at one time, was suicidal and abusing drugs like asprin was one of the "methods" i tried. the last time i tried suicide was the summer after we broke up. i was in such a sorry state, back then. needless to say, i've snapped out of it, because i finally realized that, hey... maybe it wasn't meant to be. after all, even if i did get him back, he'd probably only end up abusing me again. there was also a lot that he did that i disagreed with... i -hated- how much of a holy-roler he was. it was like a stupid fairytale was more important to him than i ever was.
right now, i don't think i'd care if he did kill himself.
every time he says "i love you," or whenever he starts to kiss my ass, i begin to remember why i hate him, and why i probably won't let that hate go. the statement is usually followed by a -long-, awkward silence. as much as he apologizes for everything he did, i probably never will forgive him for tearing me apart the way he did [ ... -three- fucking times ]. he probably has -no- idea how uncomfortable his statement makes me feel, and i'm surprized -he- even has the balls to say "i love you," even after what he did to me.
he's done a lot to contradict that statement.
i got paid for babysitting on tuesday, so of course i went shopping. i got myself a nickelback dvd, "every six seconds" by saliva [ i kinda made a mistake; i wanted to get saliva's -newest- album; "back into your system," and forgot what it was called, so i picked up the first saliva album i saw. some fan i am. oh well, "every six seconds" kicks a lot of ass, though. ], "monsters in the closet" by swollen members [ i am -so- addicted to "red dragon" and "long way down" now, it's not even funny... it'd make a -perfect- theme for a villian ], -and- i got myself a niftynifty collar [ ieee... it has a double row of spikes ]; i'll stop wearing the tie, and perhaps i'll even drop the hat, too.
i'll have to draw a pic of mrlkitty to reflect the changes... just like i always do~
my style has gone from dull and faded colours to black. of course, i've had -lots- of people ask if i've become goth. hah. let's see; in the eyes of the majority of the student attending my school, goth can be classified as dark clothing, makeup, wak jewlery and unconventional piercings. i never saw myself as a goth-type of person because:
- the dark clothing thing -isn't- and may not become constant. it, like the dull and faded clothing. a phase thing i go through as my moods and wardrobe changes.
- i only wear lip gloss, or -really- dark lipstick at the most, when it comes to makeup. i don't go apeshit and paint my face white, or use eyeliner, or any of that rediculous stereotypical goth-type shizzle. that is -really- rediculous.
- i wear a -lot- of jewlery; so what? wearing lots of jewlery became part of who i am -long- before i "became goth."
- i only have one piercing classified as unconventional; the one below my lip... and i -don't- plan on getting any more. like the makeup, i don't plan on going apeshit with this, either.
i -have- been entertaining the thought of dying my hair black, though. i dunno why. since jen suggested i do it, i've been thinking a lot about it. i guess it's because i'm tired of having such a common and dull hair-colour. i mentioned the thought to sarah [ okay, so i'll talk to her every once in a while... i was just in a good mood after having gone shopping the night previous. this -won't- become a common thing, because i don't like sarah ], but she said "i don't think it'll go well with your features." and i thought to myself, "-what- features?" eh, it's an idea i've been toying around with. i'd -really- like to do it, but i know that both lonna and mom will probably hate me for it.
not like they don't already hate me enough, as it is. if they have anything to do with this, it'll be because i did it to spite them.
sam's sister heather walk by me in the hall and call me a freak, and that -really- pissed me off. of course, when i see her again [ if i don't see sam first and explain it to her, so -she- can yell at heather ], i'm taking her by the shoulders, pinning her to the wall and explaining to her that if she has something to say about me, she says it to my face, as opposed to an ignorantly throwing a sneer at me, as she passes me by in the hall. as far as i know, i've done nothing to that disrespectful little cunt. i bearly know her, i don't talk to her, and i -used- to be indifferent to her [ despite all of the nasty things that sam said about her ], now i just think she's a stuck-up and judgemental little fucker. she just calls me a freak, right out of the blue... and for what?
your guess is as good as mine. some people are just stuck up litle cunts, that's all~
so the content of my computer was been wiped out on wednesday. i didn't get it back 'till thursday. mark [ the guy who reloaded windows on my computer; a friend of dad's ] installed a few "extras" on my computer; microsoft office suite, musicmatch jukebox, photoshop and a few other nifty tools i have yet to explore. of course, he forgot to include the most important thing of all: a cd-burning tool... so now i'm shit outta luck when it comes to making my own audo or data cds, because i fucking outright refuse to use realplayer. last time i used it, the sound quality was -so- poor, that i could bearly make out what track was which.
needless to say i wasted a cd, on that insufficient piece of shit. thanks for nothing, realplayer~
on the weekend, i was invited to lonna's place for the weekend. the first night i was there, we went to a -wonderful- restaurant. it was one of the few solid-stone buildings left in kentville, and had been constructed more than five-hundred years ago. the place was fucking gorgeous. too bad the food and the service didn't quite match it. the waitresses were beyond dumb, and "didn't know" we were going to order anything besides drinks, although we -still- had our menus, twenty minutes after we ordered our drinks. i guess they figured that my sister and her significant other were chronic alcoholics. i, of course, didn't have anything alcoholic to drink, because i don't like alcohol. there's no reason for me to drink, anyway. i neither like the taste, nor effect that even a small amount of alcohol has on me. so why even bother with it?
any time i've had anything alcoholic to drink, i wind up with a lack of motor control, and shortly thereafter, i throw up... that is -never- pleasent. i guess i have a low tolerance for alcohol, because i don't drink much before i -act- drunk. i -do-, however, retain full memory of all events after becoming plastered, even though thinking becomes -really- hard after a few drinks... so i've never done anything i otherwise wouldn't do... except fall down a lot, and talk with a "drinker's accent".
on saturday, i got to go to the new wal*mart in new minas. it's pathetic; the store has been open for four months, and yesterday was the only time i've been there; i really don't get out much. whilest searching around, i found the -perfect- birthdday gift for dad. you see, he's a -huge- fan of the tv show "m.a.s.h." i'm thinking of getting him the third-season boxed set. lonna bought the movie "hannibal," and we watched it when we got home. damn, that was a freaky movie. it wasn't quite as good as the original... but, i swear, anthony hopkins is almost -too- good at the role of dr. lecter.
can -anyone- tell me how the "alternate" ending significantly differed from the real ending~?
at least i managed to get all of the mp3s i lost [ and -much- more ] back again, because lonna has a -cable- connection. i'll be damned if i don't take the time to abuse it. in the course of two days, i took lonna's participation level from a ninety to a five. i'm -so- glad i didn't have to waste weeks, months or even a year getting back all that stuff. now, if there was a way i could get my coloured pics back, then i'd be set, and i'd have emerged from this -without- having suffered lost data.
but it looks as if i want those pics back, i have to find them and recolour them, myself. i obviously can't get the pics back because the harddrive's already been wiped, but if i can find the lineart, i will recolour the pics. fuck knows how long that'll take me.
at most, i've "finished" colouring one pic of mrlkitty. otherwise, i haven't been doing a whole lot, art-wise, lately. it's been bugging me because i can't draw anything that looks decent. try as hard as i can, everything looks like total garbage. the pic i coloured -may- become part of a journal layout; i really haven't decided. all i know is that my journal is -way- overdue for a new layout. speaking of new layouts, i've been hired again by avfn to revamp the webpage. last time i worked on the site, i only spent an hour on it; it looked-real- basic, but at least i got a hundred dollars for it. they want a professional-looking layout, this time. i don't know what i'm going to do for it, so i have to spend this week brainstorming possible layouts. i'll most likely use frames, flash & lots of nifty nonintrusive effects. to make it -look- professional. oh, and speaking of pages, i also finally found something that's fucking -perfect- for my page. it's a nice little javascript side-menu. it appears at the right of the page, as a bar that says "navigation". hover your mouse over it, and it opens. everything from there should be fairly obvious. it looks so neat... all i have to do now is come up with a decent new layout. i'll most likely use iframes for this one. it'll be -much- easier to keep track of, that way. the only "bad" thing about it is that it eliminates the chances of my page working on a netscape browser. oh well, their "loss"... not mine.
bah, too much page work... this will weigh heavily on my drawing time.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø