... thirty minutes to alter our lives...
sigh. this whole week has sucked... well, almost.
at least my computer is back, and it actually fucking works... can you believe it? apparently, the problem was with the computer's ram; it ended up getting replaced. and that was what i suspected from the start, but i figured that since my knowledge of computers is -severely- limited, i wouldn't tell the so-called "experts" how to do their job. oh, but here's the funny thing; when one thing's been repaired, something else just happens to fuck up. if you already don't know, i'm referring to the phoneline; it's been keeping me from having a stable and reliable connection to the internet. this prevented me from doing -a lot-; including working on that research paper for global history and talking to jared... by the second day, i was going through some sort of frantic withrdrawl.
you'd think those mtt motherfuckers would've fixed the problem, the -first- time it happened... but i'm beginning to think the people who maintain phonelines are the same geniouses who "fixed" my computer. christ, what in the hell is the problem~? it -shouldn't- be as reoccuring as it has become, and i know that any -competant- task force of somewhat intellegent people could have already have the problem pinpointed, identified, solved, and then move on with their lives. but oh, no~! that's convenience; we -can't- have that.
oh well, at least i won a bet with jen; i now own one of her prozzak cds, and her gorillaz cd. doubt -my- computer, will you~?
either way, tuesday was a -bad- day for me. since mom stole my money, i couldn't go see the hypnotist on monday, so that meant i had to spend my last two classes of the day, sitting alone in horton hall. yea, a lot of the time, i prefer to be alone, but i failed to bring art supplies with me, and all computer labs, plus the library were closed. i was also pissed that someone took my hat and threw it down the stairs.
gah, fuckit~ i'm so sick and tired of being disrespected, it's not even funny~ i just hope university is not like this.
either way, whilest checking devart during the time i -could- stay connected to the 'net during tuesday, i did get this -gorgeous- pic of mrlkitty from moonglider. that cheered me up quite a bit [ heh, there's -almost- nothing that cheers me up quite like the fact that someone who knows me, either on a personal or nonpersonal basis, spending a little time out of their day to do something nice for me ]. i loved it so much, i -had- to colour it. of course, the colouring job isn't really that great; i'm so out of touch with photoshop; it's been way too fookin' long since i used it last.
i also went out and got myself some new lipstick when i was out with dad on tuesday night to cheer myself up. it's darker than what i'm used to, but i don't mind. i -thought- that velvet crush was close enough in shade to iced mocha, but i was apparently wrong. but, either way, i think that if i ever draw/colour lipstick on mrlkitty, it's gonna be brown. mrr, her colour scheme is beginning to me so much of chocolate.
gah, i really need to remember the brand names and colour numbers, as opposed to just the names.
wednesday was a -little- better, but not by much. the day went fine; the only thing i had a problem with was some guy on my bus. the moment i walked on the bus, he looked at me and said "hello, gorgeous." muttering an indignant, "uh, hi...," i walked to the back of the bus and sat down. the guy was only there, talking to the bus driver, so when he left, he asked me for a kiss. being slightly disgusted, i said no.
phonline -still- hadn't been repaired on wednesday. that, of course, meant that i was only able to connect a few times, for a few minutes only. while online, i commented on a few things, and posted a few of my own. when i posted the coloured version of moon's rend, i noticed that miss writinchica2k did a sweet pic of meg with a fox version of moka only [ she did that because she knows that moka is my favourite sm guy ]. hehe, that girl is a sweetheart... she even seemed -very- surprized and -very- happy when i added the pic she did for me to my favourites [ i feel honoured when people react like that to my favourites or devwatches ]. i really wanna do something to repay the favour~ but, of course, it'll probably take me years and years to do that. she probably won't expect me to return the favour, so i might as well put this at the bottom of my priority list. that way, it'll probably end up taking her by surprize, and if she's anything like me [ and it's been proven that she's at least a little like me ], she'll like surprizes, too.
speaking of comments, i've been trying to comment on more stuff on devart. i figured that i have to give attention to get attention... i don't want a whole lot of attention, but i know how good it feels when someone says something nice about my art.
speaking of my art, i've been working on a lot of it since my computer was returned to me.
the first pic i finished was a pic i started -ages- ago [ original * updated ]. christ, it takes me -so- long to finish pics, it's not even funny. i originally didn't plan on finishing it, but when i was cleaning out my vcl account last week, i saw it and took notice of the fact that i haven't drawn her lately. and yes, gem is right, her eyebrow is pierced.
after that, i began working on an updated pic of drew's new look. i was getting bored of her old design, and i wanted another dark goth-ish character. the redesign is based on a pic that the wonderful miss leelee did for me [ sadly enough, her art isn't online anymore for "god" knows what reason ]. i posted the in-progress version, and i plan to finish it, but there's a problem; dodge and burn fucking hates purple. how did leelee do it so well~? i -must- find out her secret. so, the pic is of drew sitting on a gravestone. i wanna put something witty on the grave... something like "your mom" [ i've been saying that -a lot-, this week. i know... i desperately need to grow up ], "insert your name here" or something along the lines of a list of names of random person i don't like.
a -mass grave- in a -semi-gothic- pic~? omg, if it gets any more cliché, it might as well be an ad for hot topic.
then, i finished angie starfyre's birthday pic. i was kinda unsure about who i'd draw for angie. i wanted to draw xen again, but then i wanted to give mei a try... then my interest shifted to type of character i've never drawn before; a yoshi. man, drawing yoshian faces is damned hard... and that's the main thing that defines a yoshi, other than the tail. either way, i dodged and burned it, and i mishmashed a cheap background out of a digitally altered photo and a few brush strokes to finish it off. i'm -really- kinda proud that the tufts at the top of the wings turned out as well as they did. if you've seen the original sketch & inked versions, you'd know that the "feathers" were only outlined as a cluster. dodging and buring each individual feather was easier than i thought it'd be... but i fucked up on the wings a little bit.
and then, i finished a pic for nezumi. i've been meaning to draw stuff for him for quite some time, and sadly enough, i gave up too fast and found myself frustrated when i try to draw his characters. nezumi's designs are great and all... it's just that a lot of what he puts into his characters makes them difficult to draw; the hair being the hardest thing of all. regardless, i'm -trying- to get past this, so i can draw more gift art for nezukun, and i started it off by finishing a pic i drew of dezaineko [ i showed him the sketch of it when i talked to him, and he loved it, so i finished it for him ]. i added a butterfly to it because i've been addicted to swollen member's "breath" video [ it was directed by todd mcfarlane, and it was a fucking -gorgeous- vid ]... and i figured that a butterfly would make it look pretty; i added a trail of white "magic" by each of the butterfly's "wingtails" [ um, i'm unsure of the real name for it ], but i figured that if the butterfly looked somewhat magical, it'd look cuter. i used fireworks on the background. the hair was a total pain in the ass to shade, and was what i took the longest to do. next in line is a pic i did of carrot; i'll be inking that one with photoshop. after that, it's aureola; that's still a partial sketch that i'm gonna finish soon.
and this time, i fucking -mean- it. no more procrastinating... and now that i've begun to tap my source of inspiration, now is the time to get off of my lazy ass to do something for nezukun... to belatedly repay him for being so kind to me.
scanned pics i'm gonna finish: drew, a mad/bitchy livejournal icon, mrltaur, wendy, vikna and kitten.
pics i have yet to finish sketching and/or scan: java, graymouse, carrot and aureola.
pics i need to start: dylan, ami, natashi, slash, tass & kei.
i also need to do my part of gazadaz's sin "contest". i got my assignment the other day, and of course, i got a -male- character. i won't tell who i've got, but the character i'm supposed to draw is a lizard. this "contest" sounds more like a secret exchange... and i fucking -adore- those. there really needs to be more of them; they're -too- fun.
speaking of being too kind, kitkatz randomly did a fucking -awesome- pic of banira for me, and slash did two of "alternate meg". yea, -yet another- person has created an alternate version of her [ the first and only other person who's done that was nezumi, and he co-created evil meg ]... but that was so that she could fit in with the rest of the staff's characters, who're dark/metal-loving characters. the alternate design has batwings and short hair; it's black with red streaks. i've been meaning to draw it for the longest time.
mrr, friday night wasn't that great. whilest talking with jared [ hah~! like i'd rather be doing anything else on a friday night ] i managed to depress myself by thinking about what happened last summer. i still feel -really- bad and -really- guity for what i did and didn't do. i don't know why i upset myself every time the subject is brought up, but i just do. i really can't help it; the more i'm reminded about it, the more i begin to hate and blame myself for everything that went on that summer, because let's face it... i was irresponcible and stupid.
i'm so ashamed of myself for having a crush on alex, despite the fact that nothing came of it, and he apparently had a crush on me, at the same time [ unlike me, he told me about his crush; i wouldn't have admitted my crush, because a) i'm too damned shy, and b) i -really didn't- want to screw things up with jared ] apparently isn't important to me.
bah, i just need to let it go. the question is "how am i going to do -that-"? things this huge don't just dissappear from my memories easily... and that's why i'm a little more prone to depression; a lot of the time, when i'm depressed, i'll stay that way for a while, regardless of what -anyone- says. i get so damned hellbent on blaming and hating myself, if i know that i had anything to do with something major that goes wrong... and that's why i was suicidal, ages ago. i've gotten a little better since then, but perhaps i'm being oversensitive, and perhaps i have some sort of problem that really needs to be dealt with.
funny... i hardly carry grudges against other people, yet i won't drop the one i have with myself... hopefully, in time, i'll learn to let it go.
lonna dropped by on saturday and invited me to her house. not being the type that gets the opportunity to get out very often, i jumped all over the chance. i spent the first hour and a half at her friend dawnna's house, babysitting her two kids. being -very- tired from not sleeping the night before, i reclined in a comfy chair. leo, then, jumped on my lap [ leo is dawnna's siamese cat ]. he's a small cat, but he's nine years of age. leo apparently liked me, because he sat in my lap for the entire time i was there.
i stepped on dawnna's bathroom scale... you know, just 'cause it was there. either way, apparently i've lost twenty-five pounds since the last time i weighed myself... and that was, like, three months ago.
i was geared to do work for lonna, while i was at her house, but i wasn't even on for ten minutes, and then her connection was down, and stayed down for the entire night. i entertained myself for a few hours by playing freecell and listening to the mp3s lonna had on her computer [ most of which were by rolling stones, great big sea and aerosmith ]. i spent the rest of the night, lying on the couch and perhaps getting -maybe- a few hour's worth of sleep.
yar. my room is in some serious need of cleaning. if i'm lucky, i'll find some of the sketches that've been dissappearing on me.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
at least my computer is back, and it actually fucking works... can you believe it? apparently, the problem was with the computer's ram; it ended up getting replaced. and that was what i suspected from the start, but i figured that since my knowledge of computers is -severely- limited, i wouldn't tell the so-called "experts" how to do their job. oh, but here's the funny thing; when one thing's been repaired, something else just happens to fuck up. if you already don't know, i'm referring to the phoneline; it's been keeping me from having a stable and reliable connection to the internet. this prevented me from doing -a lot-; including working on that research paper for global history and talking to jared... by the second day, i was going through some sort of frantic withrdrawl.
you'd think those mtt motherfuckers would've fixed the problem, the -first- time it happened... but i'm beginning to think the people who maintain phonelines are the same geniouses who "fixed" my computer. christ, what in the hell is the problem~? it -shouldn't- be as reoccuring as it has become, and i know that any -competant- task force of somewhat intellegent people could have already have the problem pinpointed, identified, solved, and then move on with their lives. but oh, no~! that's convenience; we -can't- have that.
oh well, at least i won a bet with jen; i now own one of her prozzak cds, and her gorillaz cd. doubt -my- computer, will you~?
either way, tuesday was a -bad- day for me. since mom stole my money, i couldn't go see the hypnotist on monday, so that meant i had to spend my last two classes of the day, sitting alone in horton hall. yea, a lot of the time, i prefer to be alone, but i failed to bring art supplies with me, and all computer labs, plus the library were closed. i was also pissed that someone took my hat and threw it down the stairs.
gah, fuckit~ i'm so sick and tired of being disrespected, it's not even funny~ i just hope university is not like this.
either way, whilest checking devart during the time i -could- stay connected to the 'net during tuesday, i did get this -gorgeous- pic of mrlkitty from moonglider. that cheered me up quite a bit [ heh, there's -almost- nothing that cheers me up quite like the fact that someone who knows me, either on a personal or nonpersonal basis, spending a little time out of their day to do something nice for me ]. i loved it so much, i -had- to colour it. of course, the colouring job isn't really that great; i'm so out of touch with photoshop; it's been way too fookin' long since i used it last.
i also went out and got myself some new lipstick when i was out with dad on tuesday night to cheer myself up. it's darker than what i'm used to, but i don't mind. i -thought- that velvet crush was close enough in shade to iced mocha, but i was apparently wrong. but, either way, i think that if i ever draw/colour lipstick on mrlkitty, it's gonna be brown. mrr, her colour scheme is beginning to me so much of chocolate.
gah, i really need to remember the brand names and colour numbers, as opposed to just the names.
wednesday was a -little- better, but not by much. the day went fine; the only thing i had a problem with was some guy on my bus. the moment i walked on the bus, he looked at me and said "hello, gorgeous." muttering an indignant, "uh, hi...," i walked to the back of the bus and sat down. the guy was only there, talking to the bus driver, so when he left, he asked me for a kiss. being slightly disgusted, i said no.
phonline -still- hadn't been repaired on wednesday. that, of course, meant that i was only able to connect a few times, for a few minutes only. while online, i commented on a few things, and posted a few of my own. when i posted the coloured version of moon's rend, i noticed that miss writinchica2k did a sweet pic of meg with a fox version of moka only [ she did that because she knows that moka is my favourite sm guy ]. hehe, that girl is a sweetheart... she even seemed -very- surprized and -very- happy when i added the pic she did for me to my favourites [ i feel honoured when people react like that to my favourites or devwatches ]. i really wanna do something to repay the favour~ but, of course, it'll probably take me years and years to do that. she probably won't expect me to return the favour, so i might as well put this at the bottom of my priority list. that way, it'll probably end up taking her by surprize, and if she's anything like me [ and it's been proven that she's at least a little like me ], she'll like surprizes, too.
speaking of comments, i've been trying to comment on more stuff on devart. i figured that i have to give attention to get attention... i don't want a whole lot of attention, but i know how good it feels when someone says something nice about my art.
speaking of my art, i've been working on a lot of it since my computer was returned to me.
the first pic i finished was a pic i started -ages- ago [ original * updated ]. christ, it takes me -so- long to finish pics, it's not even funny. i originally didn't plan on finishing it, but when i was cleaning out my vcl account last week, i saw it and took notice of the fact that i haven't drawn her lately. and yes, gem is right, her eyebrow is pierced.
after that, i began working on an updated pic of drew's new look. i was getting bored of her old design, and i wanted another dark goth-ish character. the redesign is based on a pic that the wonderful miss leelee did for me [ sadly enough, her art isn't online anymore for "god" knows what reason ]. i posted the in-progress version, and i plan to finish it, but there's a problem; dodge and burn fucking hates purple. how did leelee do it so well~? i -must- find out her secret. so, the pic is of drew sitting on a gravestone. i wanna put something witty on the grave... something like "your mom" [ i've been saying that -a lot-, this week. i know... i desperately need to grow up ], "insert your name here" or something along the lines of a list of names of random person i don't like.
a -mass grave- in a -semi-gothic- pic~? omg, if it gets any more cliché, it might as well be an ad for hot topic.
then, i finished angie starfyre's birthday pic. i was kinda unsure about who i'd draw for angie. i wanted to draw xen again, but then i wanted to give mei a try... then my interest shifted to type of character i've never drawn before; a yoshi. man, drawing yoshian faces is damned hard... and that's the main thing that defines a yoshi, other than the tail. either way, i dodged and burned it, and i mishmashed a cheap background out of a digitally altered photo and a few brush strokes to finish it off. i'm -really- kinda proud that the tufts at the top of the wings turned out as well as they did. if you've seen the original sketch & inked versions, you'd know that the "feathers" were only outlined as a cluster. dodging and buring each individual feather was easier than i thought it'd be... but i fucked up on the wings a little bit.
and then, i finished a pic for nezumi. i've been meaning to draw stuff for him for quite some time, and sadly enough, i gave up too fast and found myself frustrated when i try to draw his characters. nezumi's designs are great and all... it's just that a lot of what he puts into his characters makes them difficult to draw; the hair being the hardest thing of all. regardless, i'm -trying- to get past this, so i can draw more gift art for nezukun, and i started it off by finishing a pic i drew of dezaineko [ i showed him the sketch of it when i talked to him, and he loved it, so i finished it for him ]. i added a butterfly to it because i've been addicted to swollen member's "breath" video [ it was directed by todd mcfarlane, and it was a fucking -gorgeous- vid ]... and i figured that a butterfly would make it look pretty; i added a trail of white "magic" by each of the butterfly's "wingtails" [ um, i'm unsure of the real name for it ], but i figured that if the butterfly looked somewhat magical, it'd look cuter. i used fireworks on the background. the hair was a total pain in the ass to shade, and was what i took the longest to do. next in line is a pic i did of carrot; i'll be inking that one with photoshop. after that, it's aureola; that's still a partial sketch that i'm gonna finish soon.
and this time, i fucking -mean- it. no more procrastinating... and now that i've begun to tap my source of inspiration, now is the time to get off of my lazy ass to do something for nezukun... to belatedly repay him for being so kind to me.
scanned pics i'm gonna finish: drew, a mad/bitchy livejournal icon, mrltaur, wendy, vikna and kitten.
pics i have yet to finish sketching and/or scan: java, graymouse, carrot and aureola.
pics i need to start: dylan, ami, natashi, slash, tass & kei.
i also need to do my part of gazadaz's sin "contest". i got my assignment the other day, and of course, i got a -male- character. i won't tell who i've got, but the character i'm supposed to draw is a lizard. this "contest" sounds more like a secret exchange... and i fucking -adore- those. there really needs to be more of them; they're -too- fun.
speaking of being too kind, kitkatz randomly did a fucking -awesome- pic of banira for me, and slash did two of "alternate meg". yea, -yet another- person has created an alternate version of her [ the first and only other person who's done that was nezumi, and he co-created evil meg ]... but that was so that she could fit in with the rest of the staff's characters, who're dark/metal-loving characters. the alternate design has batwings and short hair; it's black with red streaks. i've been meaning to draw it for the longest time.
mrr, friday night wasn't that great. whilest talking with jared [ hah~! like i'd rather be doing anything else on a friday night ] i managed to depress myself by thinking about what happened last summer. i still feel -really- bad and -really- guity for what i did and didn't do. i don't know why i upset myself every time the subject is brought up, but i just do. i really can't help it; the more i'm reminded about it, the more i begin to hate and blame myself for everything that went on that summer, because let's face it... i was irresponcible and stupid.
i'm so ashamed of myself for having a crush on alex, despite the fact that nothing came of it, and he apparently had a crush on me, at the same time [ unlike me, he told me about his crush; i wouldn't have admitted my crush, because a) i'm too damned shy, and b) i -really didn't- want to screw things up with jared ] apparently isn't important to me.
bah, i just need to let it go. the question is "how am i going to do -that-"? things this huge don't just dissappear from my memories easily... and that's why i'm a little more prone to depression; a lot of the time, when i'm depressed, i'll stay that way for a while, regardless of what -anyone- says. i get so damned hellbent on blaming and hating myself, if i know that i had anything to do with something major that goes wrong... and that's why i was suicidal, ages ago. i've gotten a little better since then, but perhaps i'm being oversensitive, and perhaps i have some sort of problem that really needs to be dealt with.
funny... i hardly carry grudges against other people, yet i won't drop the one i have with myself... hopefully, in time, i'll learn to let it go.
lonna dropped by on saturday and invited me to her house. not being the type that gets the opportunity to get out very often, i jumped all over the chance. i spent the first hour and a half at her friend dawnna's house, babysitting her two kids. being -very- tired from not sleeping the night before, i reclined in a comfy chair. leo, then, jumped on my lap [ leo is dawnna's siamese cat ]. he's a small cat, but he's nine years of age. leo apparently liked me, because he sat in my lap for the entire time i was there.
i stepped on dawnna's bathroom scale... you know, just 'cause it was there. either way, apparently i've lost twenty-five pounds since the last time i weighed myself... and that was, like, three months ago.
i was geared to do work for lonna, while i was at her house, but i wasn't even on for ten minutes, and then her connection was down, and stayed down for the entire night. i entertained myself for a few hours by playing freecell and listening to the mp3s lonna had on her computer [ most of which were by rolling stones, great big sea and aerosmith ]. i spent the rest of the night, lying on the couch and perhaps getting -maybe- a few hour's worth of sleep.
yar. my room is in some serious need of cleaning. if i'm lucky, i'll find some of the sketches that've been dissappearing on me.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø