... kiss your past goodbye...
i've -finally- patched things up with -both- jill -and- deana. patching up things between jill and i was easy. michelle and i were sitting at a table, and jill came over. she asked me if i was mad at her. of course, i told her that i wasn't. it was -jen- of all people who told her i was mad at her. damn... since when did people start believing my sister? that's the problem with people, nowadays; they'll ask everybody but -me- if i'm mad at them, and most of the time, the assumption is premature.
the patch-up with deana came a day later. i wanted to sit down at the table next to the one deana sits at, just because i didn't want to start anything. jill called me over, and of course since deana wasn't there, i obeyed her command. deana shows up, and i refused to sit down. i leaned on the rail, peering down at horton hall's second floor. jill, then, prompts us to talk... i made a smartass remark, and that started a shouting match between deana and myself. it was insane, but it eventually ended, and now we're friends again.
the shouting-match had a -lot- to do with the fact that the day after deana, jill and amanda humiliated me, jen bitched deana out. i didn't participate in that, i just stood by and watched it. deana got pissed off at the fact i didn't stand up for her... like it was my obligation to throw myself in the middle of an arguement that doesn't even concern me, and possibly make it worse. that's -exactly- how shit like that starts; one brown-noser gets a biased half of someone's petty tale of woe, sides with someone, and ends up making the ordeal a billion times more explosive... and for what? misinformation that they received from one half of the parties involved?
pfft... fuck that; it's more trouble than it's worth.
as hard as i tried to avoid kelly, she started hitting on me again on friday. this time, it was much, -much- worse... compared to what it had been before. she was actually pouncing me, hugging me, whispering "i love you" in my ear, and had made several attempts to kiss me. i ended up, several times, pushing her, yelling at her, and digging my fingernails into her arm, in a failed attempt to get my point across. i honestly never thought i'd ever have to tell a girl to get off of me. apparently, she's not going to take no as an answer, but she's going to have to. she won't clue in to the fact i'm not even remotely interested in her, and that i'm already taken. bah, i think i may have to start bitchslapping her...
... but problem is, i think she might actually enjoy that.
remember that picture i finished on saturday? well, i showed the pic to dad. he told me he loved it, and then and he forced me to show it to mom. now, mom wants a copy of it -and- she wants to frame the original for me. this is all quite odd to me, knowing that mom's -never- been supportive of my art. i'm beginning to think she wants something from me, because she's -never- this nice to me, unless there's something i can do for her. either way, anyone [ teachers, friends, strangers ] i've showed it to has been strangely in awe of it. it didn't get as much attention on devart as one other pic, and that's very disheartening to me. i mean, on that other pic, i spent... maybe three hours on the pic, and it gets an insane amount of comments and faves, whilst something i took eight hours on doesn't get quite as much attention. i'm extremely disillusioned by this; i just don't get it... do people not appreciate hard work? does it have to be sexy, cute, overly busty, and cged to make it onto the dtfs?
bah, people just piss me off.
my isp has been acting -very- strange since friday. i know it's a problem with the phone company, itself, because during those screwy days, if one were to pick up the phone and listen to the dial tone, they would hear a lot of loud, heavy, unusual static in the background. it also made phone calls damned near impossible to make. it's been going on for nearly four days. you'd think that they would've discovered the problem and fixed it by now.
it's been damned near impossible to stay connected to the 'net... so this means that i've been doing a lot of offline stuff; like working on that page of mine. i redesigned the guest art main page... again. if you're interested in seeing the rejected design, i've stashed it here. i also added the rends i didn't get a chance to add before the computer went back for repairs last time... and i find it somewhat amazing that i've received so many rends since my last update; eighty-one to be exact... well, there's more, but there are some i'm not posting for whatever reason. either way, the shiny new layout will get uploaded as soon as my computer gets fixed.
i -was- cg-ing the mrlkitty reference pic, because i wanted to [ because, with cg, it's easier to colour her with the right colous ]... i was half-way through adding the shading to the pic, and my computer freezes on me. when i reboot, the file is apparently corrupt, and nothing that i or anyone else has done can fix it. i was about ready to pull my hair out when that happened. now, i don't know if i want to go through the trouble again.
i've been playing around -a lot- with eye style, and i think i'll be changing mine. don't get me wrong, i love my current eye style... but i'm just getting tired of using an anime style; it's damned hard to convert to human art, and it's been slowing down my progress within it. i find that with my new eye-style, it's much easier to get an expression out of, plus it looks much more realistic. i've also got this -huge- urge to draw a lot of my old and neglected characters. i already have a sketch of drew [ i redesigned drew... kinda. the redesign is loosely based on the pic that leah lenox did for me when i did an art trade with her ] and java, ready for the scanner, but the fucking thing won't work.
figures. when i -really- need to use it, it's not working. i did, however, got all of the pics zoe sent me scanned. they haven't yet been posted with the rest of the rends, but as soon as this piece of crap computer is fixed for good [ it's going back monday for another try at fixing it ], i shall soon thereafter have a page update finished and ready to go. hell, i might even give the page a totally different layout; frankly, i'm getting sick of the meg picture that's in the background of the current layout. i need to replace it with some mrlkitty goodness. i also need to finish two birthday pics; one for nytro and the other for angie. i feel -really- bad about not finishing nyt's b-day gift, especially when the one he did for me is beyond beautiful... it's been, what? -four- months, and i haven't finished my b-day gift for him? some friend i am. either way, i think i'll devote march break to finishing those up, along with a few other pics.
i have a lot i want to scan... but i can't. one thing i wanna scan is the pic that got me started on my new eye style; the pic is, of course, of mrlkitty. this picture is somewhat expressive of something i noticed a while back, when this whole cancer thing started... the picture is of mrlkitty, getting dressed for school, but noticing one thing; her pants no longer fit her; they're too big on her. written on the drawing is a few lines of "mary jane" by alanis morrissette [ "i hear you're losing weight again, mary jane. ever wonder who you're losing it for? ]. the stress i've been through has been causing me to lose weight through not eating... or even drinking a whole hell of a lot.
i got a call on thursday from dr. filipowicz's offace... but it wasn't me who received the call. it was dad, and they wouldn't talk to -him-, they had to talk to -me-, so i called in the very next day after school [ right directly after taking my pill ]; apparently, an appointment for me has been set up on wednesday. it'd be then, that i'd receive the results to the recent blood tests. i don't know... but that doesn't sound good to me -at all-.
so, for the past few nights, instead of sleeping, i stare at the ceiling, thinking. so many frighteningly hurried thoughts occupied my mind... what -if- i have cancer? what's going to happen to me? what will i do with myself? i seriously wished this wasn't happening to me. at that moment, it felt like i almost living in a nightmare that i just can't wake up from. bah, i'm only human... i fear death, just like everyone else, but i know i need to calm down... i need to remain collected. after all, having identified and beginning to deal with the problem, there should be a reduced chance of developing or already having cancer, right?
i sure as fuck hope so. the worry is more trouble than it's worth...
either way, i've calmed down a little bit. i had some sense talked into me, and i'm feeling a little better for it. i was actually able to sleep on sunday morning and part of the afternoon.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
the patch-up with deana came a day later. i wanted to sit down at the table next to the one deana sits at, just because i didn't want to start anything. jill called me over, and of course since deana wasn't there, i obeyed her command. deana shows up, and i refused to sit down. i leaned on the rail, peering down at horton hall's second floor. jill, then, prompts us to talk... i made a smartass remark, and that started a shouting match between deana and myself. it was insane, but it eventually ended, and now we're friends again.
the shouting-match had a -lot- to do with the fact that the day after deana, jill and amanda humiliated me, jen bitched deana out. i didn't participate in that, i just stood by and watched it. deana got pissed off at the fact i didn't stand up for her... like it was my obligation to throw myself in the middle of an arguement that doesn't even concern me, and possibly make it worse. that's -exactly- how shit like that starts; one brown-noser gets a biased half of someone's petty tale of woe, sides with someone, and ends up making the ordeal a billion times more explosive... and for what? misinformation that they received from one half of the parties involved?
pfft... fuck that; it's more trouble than it's worth.
as hard as i tried to avoid kelly, she started hitting on me again on friday. this time, it was much, -much- worse... compared to what it had been before. she was actually pouncing me, hugging me, whispering "i love you" in my ear, and had made several attempts to kiss me. i ended up, several times, pushing her, yelling at her, and digging my fingernails into her arm, in a failed attempt to get my point across. i honestly never thought i'd ever have to tell a girl to get off of me. apparently, she's not going to take no as an answer, but she's going to have to. she won't clue in to the fact i'm not even remotely interested in her, and that i'm already taken. bah, i think i may have to start bitchslapping her...
... but problem is, i think she might actually enjoy that.
remember that picture i finished on saturday? well, i showed the pic to dad. he told me he loved it, and then and he forced me to show it to mom. now, mom wants a copy of it -and- she wants to frame the original for me. this is all quite odd to me, knowing that mom's -never- been supportive of my art. i'm beginning to think she wants something from me, because she's -never- this nice to me, unless there's something i can do for her. either way, anyone [ teachers, friends, strangers ] i've showed it to has been strangely in awe of it. it didn't get as much attention on devart as one other pic, and that's very disheartening to me. i mean, on that other pic, i spent... maybe three hours on the pic, and it gets an insane amount of comments and faves, whilst something i took eight hours on doesn't get quite as much attention. i'm extremely disillusioned by this; i just don't get it... do people not appreciate hard work? does it have to be sexy, cute, overly busty, and cged to make it onto the dtfs?
bah, people just piss me off.
my isp has been acting -very- strange since friday. i know it's a problem with the phone company, itself, because during those screwy days, if one were to pick up the phone and listen to the dial tone, they would hear a lot of loud, heavy, unusual static in the background. it also made phone calls damned near impossible to make. it's been going on for nearly four days. you'd think that they would've discovered the problem and fixed it by now.
it's been damned near impossible to stay connected to the 'net... so this means that i've been doing a lot of offline stuff; like working on that page of mine. i redesigned the guest art main page... again. if you're interested in seeing the rejected design, i've stashed it here. i also added the rends i didn't get a chance to add before the computer went back for repairs last time... and i find it somewhat amazing that i've received so many rends since my last update; eighty-one to be exact... well, there's more, but there are some i'm not posting for whatever reason. either way, the shiny new layout will get uploaded as soon as my computer gets fixed.
i -was- cg-ing the mrlkitty reference pic, because i wanted to [ because, with cg, it's easier to colour her with the right colous ]... i was half-way through adding the shading to the pic, and my computer freezes on me. when i reboot, the file is apparently corrupt, and nothing that i or anyone else has done can fix it. i was about ready to pull my hair out when that happened. now, i don't know if i want to go through the trouble again.
i've been playing around -a lot- with eye style, and i think i'll be changing mine. don't get me wrong, i love my current eye style... but i'm just getting tired of using an anime style; it's damned hard to convert to human art, and it's been slowing down my progress within it. i find that with my new eye-style, it's much easier to get an expression out of, plus it looks much more realistic. i've also got this -huge- urge to draw a lot of my old and neglected characters. i already have a sketch of drew [ i redesigned drew... kinda. the redesign is loosely based on the pic that leah lenox did for me when i did an art trade with her ] and java, ready for the scanner, but the fucking thing won't work.
figures. when i -really- need to use it, it's not working. i did, however, got all of the pics zoe sent me scanned. they haven't yet been posted with the rest of the rends, but as soon as this piece of crap computer is fixed for good [ it's going back monday for another try at fixing it ], i shall soon thereafter have a page update finished and ready to go. hell, i might even give the page a totally different layout; frankly, i'm getting sick of the meg picture that's in the background of the current layout. i need to replace it with some mrlkitty goodness. i also need to finish two birthday pics; one for nytro and the other for angie. i feel -really- bad about not finishing nyt's b-day gift, especially when the one he did for me is beyond beautiful... it's been, what? -four- months, and i haven't finished my b-day gift for him? some friend i am. either way, i think i'll devote march break to finishing those up, along with a few other pics.
i have a lot i want to scan... but i can't. one thing i wanna scan is the pic that got me started on my new eye style; the pic is, of course, of mrlkitty. this picture is somewhat expressive of something i noticed a while back, when this whole cancer thing started... the picture is of mrlkitty, getting dressed for school, but noticing one thing; her pants no longer fit her; they're too big on her. written on the drawing is a few lines of "mary jane" by alanis morrissette [ "i hear you're losing weight again, mary jane. ever wonder who you're losing it for? ]. the stress i've been through has been causing me to lose weight through not eating... or even drinking a whole hell of a lot.
i got a call on thursday from dr. filipowicz's offace... but it wasn't me who received the call. it was dad, and they wouldn't talk to -him-, they had to talk to -me-, so i called in the very next day after school [ right directly after taking my pill ]; apparently, an appointment for me has been set up on wednesday. it'd be then, that i'd receive the results to the recent blood tests. i don't know... but that doesn't sound good to me -at all-.
so, for the past few nights, instead of sleeping, i stare at the ceiling, thinking. so many frighteningly hurried thoughts occupied my mind... what -if- i have cancer? what's going to happen to me? what will i do with myself? i seriously wished this wasn't happening to me. at that moment, it felt like i almost living in a nightmare that i just can't wake up from. bah, i'm only human... i fear death, just like everyone else, but i know i need to calm down... i need to remain collected. after all, having identified and beginning to deal with the problem, there should be a reduced chance of developing or already having cancer, right?
i sure as fuck hope so. the worry is more trouble than it's worth...
either way, i've calmed down a little bit. i had some sense talked into me, and i'm feeling a little better for it. i was actually able to sleep on sunday morning and part of the afternoon.
ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,MRL_Kitty,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø