Hey, look! I did it!

[meggo_and_vodka]

I finally got around to typing and editing a Kakairu fic I wrote! Yay! Actually, no yay, since it's depressing. I don't know what possessed me to write a break-up fic about these two, and I don't believe it's the best thing I've ever written, but it's decent, and I'm proud I'm all finished with it, so here it is! Oh, and the author's notes aren't important, so you can ignore them and just read them at the end if you want.



The first night without Kakashi was Hell.

Iruka had gone straight to bed after Kakashi had left, which was a mistake. When had he ever been able to sleep alone? When Kakashi was off on missions, it was fitful, at best. He should have just resigned himself to a night of attempting and failing to get long overdue work done, but his inner masochist kept him lying in bed, clutching a pillow and sobbing into it. The worst kind of sobbing, when there’s nobody else there to hear the pain, and the only person Iruka wanted there with him didn’t want to be there with him. He could remember each thought of ‘Fucking hell, Iruka, suck it up!’ had only made him cry harder, because he didn’t want to suck it up. He wanted Kakashi. He wanted to not be alone in his bed.

He couldn’t convince his mind to bring up anything except Kakashi, and all his little quirks and habits that he’d learned to love, and the way their relationship had grown so slowly, but so strongly. Iruka had never known anybody so thoroughly, and it was just gone now. All that time together meant nothing. Kakashi had taken precedence in Iruka’s mind for so long, and now he wasn’t going to be there anymore, and all he could have were memories, and the thought of how that pillow should have been him, and how much he hated the bed for smelling so much like him.

*****

Iruka’s first reaction upon waking up was surprise, but that thought quickly went from ‘surprise’ to ‘surprised I slept without Kakashi,’ and his mood whipped from decently content to fucking awful in the space of a moment.

He shut his eyes again to block out the unsympathetic morning light, not bothering to look at the clock. He already knew it was past time for him to be up, even on a Sunday. Most likely, he was already late for his shift at the mission desk, but if nobody had come to fetch him, that meant it was being covered. Someone cared.

Iruka pulled out the hair tie he hadn’t bothered with the previous night and rolled on his back to stare up at the ceiling. His entire face felt swollen, his throat raw, and tears had dried around his eyes and cheeks. He could only imagine how he must look.

When was the last time he’d missed a day of work? He couldn’t remember. He’d have had to have been very sick, and even then would only have stayed home because Kakashi forced him to. Well that still hadn’t really changed; today he was still going to be late for work because of him. Oh, fuck it, he just wasn’t going to go in. He deserved a day off. If it had been a school day, he’d never have gotten away with this, and somebody would most definitely have come to check up on him and drag him in, but when it came to the mission desk, things were more lax. He’d been late before.

---“No,” Kakashi said, wrapping his arms tighter around Iruka’s waist and pulling him nearly on top of the pale man.

Iruka chuckled lowly. “Do you have any idea how much teasing I put up with every time I’m late?” He kissed the man lightly, enjoying the lazy morning warmth of having their naked chests pressed together.

“It’s not really that bad.” Kakashi answered. It wasn’t until Iruka sat up enough to give him a stern look that he realized he’d given himself away. He smiled guiltily.

“Sometimes you may or may not be followed to work.”

The tan sensei rolled his eyes. “And I suppose you just watch and laugh along?”

“Well, I enjoy watching that adorable blush creep up your cheeks. You know, you’ve stopped blushing so much around me, but it usually appears when Genma tells you you’re limping. And when Anko asks how many rounds we had. I don’t see why you-”

He broke off at Iruka’s scowl.

“You know, you’re not helping your case any,” the younger man said. “In fact, you’re just making me want to leave more.” He lifted himself up, intending to roll over and get up, but Kakashi just pulled him back down and kissed him deeply.

“Oh, but I know ways of getting you to stay.” His slender fingers were pressing and rubbing, slipping lower, and eliciting a soft contented noise from Iruka.

“Those missions aren’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, I don’t think they’ll miss me for a few more minutes.”---

Iruka stood up and made his way into the kitchen. As lethargic as he wanted to be, his stomach felt otherwise. Dinner the night before hadn’t really been thorough. They’d started their argument then, and neither had ended up eating much. And then Iruka had cleaned up, and Kakashi and the fighting had followed him into the kitchen, and then….yes, then…

Iruka felt his throat catch as he thought about the words that had been said, and quickly willed the memory away. He just as if his tears had all run out. Not to say that his healing would begin today, or anytime in the weeks to pass, but sobbing his heart out into a pillow - that obviously needed to be washed, if it smelled that much like him - wasn’t the way to be dealing with this. Oh hell, dealing? Who was he kidding? How exactly was he dealing with this? Really, he should just go wash those sheets now. Yeah, he’d do that, tomorrow. Maybe the day after.

Breakfast was a noncommittal affair, simply a routine gone through with to get food into his stomach and gone about with a stony countenance. The only time he ever cooked breakfast alone was when Kakashi was on a mission. Or occasionally he’d still be in bed, but he could only ever sleep past sunrise when he was just plain exhausted from a mission. And then Iruka would work extra hard on breakfast and make all of his favorites and the smells would draw him out but he’d go first to Iruka and kiss him silly to make up for stumbling into bed already half-asleep the night before.

Iruka shook his head. The point was that he generally knew where Kakashi was in the mornings. And if for some reason he’d disappeared during the night, there’d be a note left for him, either on the top shelf of the refrigerator, or on the inside door of the cupboard, or inside the top drawer for him to find when he opened it. And then there was that one time he’d taped it to Iruka’s forehead. Iruka really had no idea that he slept heavily enough for him to accomplish that.

But today there was no note. Nothing to tell him where Kakashi had been all night. Where had he slept? Genma’s, maybe?

Oh, Genma. What was he going to think about this? He’d been friends with both of them before they’d even started talking to each other. If it turned out that he and Kakashi couldn’t get alone after this, which side would Genma choose?

Actually, what would the rest of them do as well? Asuma and Kurenai had been more or less Kakashi’s friends before they’d become a ‘they.’ Gai…well Gai was easily the closest thing Kakashi had to a best friend, but Iruka somewhat felt certain that the spandex-clan man wasn’t the type to hold a grudge over this. Raidou, Izumo, and Kotetsu had all been closer to Iruka before. With him and Kakashi together, they’d all become an unlikely group of friends. Now… what else would change?

Get a grip, Iruka. You’ll still have your friends.

He realized that he’d been sitting there for a while with an empty plate in front of him and got up to wash it and put it away. Kakashi probably would have laughed at him.

---“Do you always wash them right after you use them?” Kakashi was looking at him with a raised eyebrow from the kitchen doorway.

Iruka paused for a moment. “Well, yeah.” He felt quite self-conscious for a moment. “I’m guessing you don’t?”

“Mmm, if I use them at all in the first place, they tend to pile up until I have nothing clean left. Or until something starts smelling, whichever comes first.” He was leaning against the counter opposite Iruka, watching his (entire) backside as he worked.

Iruka laughed. “And let me guess, even then Pakkun has to remind you?”

A low chuckle from Kakashi. “Nah, that would be Uuhei. She’s(1) more or less the mother hen of the pack. They just don’t want to admit they’re whipped.”

Iruka gave a low noise of amusement. “I don’t believe I’ve met her.”

“No? You will.”

“Oh?”

Kakashi smiled to himself. “They’ve smelled you all over me since the first time we went out. They’ve been asking to meet you in person, not just in scent.”

“Hmm. And what if they decide I’m no good? Gonna toss me out?”

“Nope.” Iruka stopped as the older man’s arms slid easily around his waist and straightened up to kiss his cheek lightly.

“You? No good? They’d all be tossed out to Ibiki for such treason.”---

Iruka frowned at the plate in his hands before setting it off to the side. Let Kakashi tease him now.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Really, Iruka? Really? Trying to get back at Kakashi by not washing your dishes?

He ended up washing it.

*****

The house was so empty. It was much too large for him alone. He yearned for his old apartment. True, this house had been all his own before Kakashi had come along, but things were different now. He hadn’t really been here all that long before he’d started seeing Kakashi, so the invigorating feeling of having a new place all to himself hadn’t had time to wear off before he was sharing it with someone else.

---“I should probably check to make sure nothing’s growing at my house.”

Iruka rolled on his side and gave him a look. “Has that happened before?”

“You’d be surprised, sensei.”

“I told you not to call me that in bed.”

Kakashi merely gave a lecherous eyebrow-raise as Iruka realized what he’d said.

“You’re blushing, sensei.”

“Oh, not now, Kakashi. I thought you were heading home.”

“True.” The pale man rolled over to the side of the bed, pulling his discarded pants up his legs, then standing up and giving Iruka a brief, wonderful, view before the pants came the rest of the way up.

Iruka smiled to himself as he heard Kakashi moving around the house, gathering scrolls or kunai and whatnot he’d left scattered around. It was quite amazing how someone so solitary and known for being distant was so comfortable here in Iruka’s house.

“Kakashi…”

The man appeared in the doorway, mask now on but around his neck.

“You know you’ve slept here every night for nearly three weeks now?”

Kakashi tilted his head just a bit. “Yes?”

“And you keep leaving your stuff here?”

“…I was hoping maybe you wouldn’t notice…”

Iruka smiled, still lying on the bed. “Why not just make it official?”

Kakashi walked toward the bed. “Do you want to make this that official?” he asked as he sat down.

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, you call this home, don’t you? Your house is just…your house, now.”

Kakashi smiled. “That’s true,” he said softly. He placed a hand on Iruka’s stomach and ran his fingers gently across his skin. “Then let’s do it.”

“Good. Now kiss me.”

“You’re choosing now to get demanding?” Kakashi slid his body over Iruka’s scantily clad one. “I thought we agreed I should get this mission over with.”

“It’s a D-rank. The team’s used to waiting anyway, and it’ll do Naruto good to be patient. Besides, we need to celebrate, don’t we?”

“Indeed we do.”---

Now, without Kakashi, it was too much. When he’d started becoming a permanent fixture, everything had just…fit. It worked. This house was theirs. It was so perfect for them. Only because it had belonged to Iruka first was Kakashi the one to leave. Iruka didn’t deserve to be here by himself. It just wasn’t right.

What was going to change?

What had his life been like before? Before Kakashi had become his life? It was strange - his mind had divided his adult life into before Kakashi and after Kakashi, but here, ‘after’ stood for ‘after Kakashi and I got together.’ There was no ‘after Kakashi,’ not really, because he’d never imagined this. Why would he? The two of them fit so perfectly that he’d never thought he’d have to consider the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out and some relationships will just end. They’d fought sometimes, yes, but it had never been so abruptly final as the night before. Obviously.

It was that air of finality that was doing him in. He knew it was over. It wasn’t like the other times when the yelling would either turn into harsh, angry sex, or one of them would end up storming out and walking back in an hour later to find their lover already standing there waiting for them.

And this ending was mutual. Neither had really broken up with the other, so there was no going back. They were simply finished. There was no breathing room within that tiny sphere of a fight for either of them to apologize or just say ‘I miss you,’ not this time.

Iruka knew that somewhere, Kakashi was thinking the same thing. He knew the man, he knew him well by now, and he would never try to force something like this, an apology. He’d see it as just a step. They’d had fun, a lot of fun, but now it was time to move on. That part of his life was over. That was how Kakashi would deal. He would push his memories of Iruka way into the back of his mind, and, if the chuunin was lucky, he’d be one of the things Kakashi didn’t like thinking about because it hurt.

He wanted Kakashi to hurt. At least he’d be remembered.

He felt like crying again.

*****

By noon, he was back in bed, lying on his stomach with his face buried in the same pillow he’d attached himself to all night. It wasn’t because he’d been crying, or because he was longing for that lingering scent of him. No, he just didn’t feel like doing anything else. He’d long since understood how emotions can physically influence a person, but this was ridiculous. He was a little depressed, and all he wanted to do was lie there in bed.

And in this lethargic state, he felt the chakra long before he heard the man.

“Iruka!”

He’d obviously let himself in. Without even knocking. Iruka groaned. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone today. Wasn’t that why he’d stayed home?

“Lazyballs! Where are you?”

He scowled at the nickname, face still in the pillow, but still didn’t answer.

“Hey!” Well, too bad. He’d been discovered. “Hey, hey, what’s up? Are you sick or something?”

“Go away, Izumo,” Iruka grumbled.

“What was that? Have you even gotten out of bed today?”

The chuunin settled himself on the bed beside Iruka. For once, the boundless energy he was known to conjure up from nowhere was not appreciated. Iruka grumbled again and moved to push him off the bed, but his hand was stopped.

“Hey, I know you finally got me in your bed, but quit trying to grab my ass!” Iruka somehow failed to see the humor. “What is up with you?”

Iruka turned his head to the side so Izumo could hear him, but kept his eyes closed.

“Kakashi.”

“Yeah, nobody’s seen his around today either. We all thought that he’d be here with you since you’re sick or whatever. Wait, you’re not sick, are you? Don’t seem like it.”

“No, Izumo, I’m not sick.”

“Then where’s Kakashi?”

“Well, he’s not here,” Iruka said shortly. He glared until he saw a glint of understanding finally flash on Izumo’s face, then let his head fall again.

“Oh, Iruka…”

A sympathetic hand appeared on his shoulder. The older man’s voice had lowered, and Iruka could hear the worry in it.

“Are you okay? Oh hell no, you’re not okay. Oh fuck…what the hell happened? When?”

---“That’s not what I meant, Kakashi!”

“Isn’t it? Don’t lie to yourself.”

The man was deceptively calm on the outside, the only sign of anger the hardened set of his visible eye. He was wearing his mask now, which he only did at home when something was bothering him, and Iruka knew that behind it, his jaw was clenched, mouth a thin line.

“Kakashi, this isn’t my house anymore, it’s yours as well. Why is that a problem?”

“Iruka, just forget it. You’re tired.”

“Don’t walk away from this like you do with everything else. You seem to have a problem with me today, so let’s talk.”

“Shouting does not constitute a talk.”

“Shouting’s all we’ve done this past week.”

“Whose fault is that?”

Coming from Kakashi, the question was far from sincere. It was insulting.

“It’s not my fault you have trust issues and can’t stand being around someone else.”

“You think I can’t stand you?”

“Lately you haven’t given me any reason to believe you like living here. I don’t know if it’s just me or that you just want to be alone, but you’re making it very hard to tell if you want to do this anymore.”

The older man was silent for a long, tense moment.

“You want me to leave? Because I will, Iruka. Don’t doubt that.”

Iruka scowled at the venom in his voice. “Maybe you should. I mean, now that we’ve exhausted our supply of things to agree on. I hardly even know you anymore.”

He turned away, but Kakashi was behind him in a flash, pushing him against the table, his temper up in a way Iruka had rarely ever witnessed. He’d never used force like this against him.

“Think carefully. Do you really still want to know me? Or should I just leave you alone now?”

“Go. Get out, Kakashi.”

“Good riddance.” The words were spat harshly in his ear before Kakashi was gone.---

Iruka hadn’t met Izumo’s eyes throughout his tale, and still was unwilling to look up. A heavy pause lingered as they both mulled over his words.

“I didn’t even know you two were having problems.”

“Things haven’t…hadn’t been right for a month or so.” It was true. Between Kakashi’s constant long missions and Iruka’s tendency to overwork himself, they had constantly bickered, jarringly out of place in the serene relationship they’d had until then. It was as if the blissful feeling of finding someone so wonderful had suddenly been jerked away from the both of them, and the arguments had outweighed everything else.

“But…I mean, are you sure it’s over? This isn’t just a break, or he’s just pissed off and going missing for a while?”

Iruka shook his head. “No, that’s happened before. He’s left before, but this time…it’s different. I just know it is. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see it coming.”

Izumo’s hand was still resting on his shoulder. “Wow. I’m really sorry, Iruka. Fuck. And all the way up here I was only thinking about Kotetsu, and it didn’t even cross my mind to wonder what was up with you.”

“What about Kotetsu?”

Iruka could hear the sudden nervousness in his low chuckle, and his answer was little more than a mumble.

“Um…I kindof…sortof maybe kissed him.”

Iruka sat up slightly, actually smiling. “Izumo, that’s great.”

“And I didn’t grope him!”

“Congratulations,” Iruka laughed, remembering how Izumo had told him he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back from molesting his partner for much longer.

Iruka was glad for them. He’d been putting with their constant, constant flirting for months now, and both men had told Iruka of their attractions, but, as a true friend, he hadn’t butted in. Well, there had been a few times when the two had been accidentally locked in the mission room together for several hours, but really, that could have happened to anyone. Nothing of Iruka’s doing.

---“Ten more minutes,” Iruka muttered to himself. Ten more minutes and he could close up and go home. It had been a long day. Between the heaps of bad handwriting and consistently losing track of his partner whenever there was actually work to be done (seriously, did Genma think he wouldn’t notice? Bastard.), he was more than tempted to just leave.

With a sigh, he walked over to the file cabinet in the corner, in which mission reports were diligently stored and organized, if only because Iruka allowed no other shinobi to touch them. Word had spread about what tragedies awaited those who defiled(2) Iruka’s cabinet.

Iruka smiled to himself, bending over to reach the bottom drawer and showing off his flexibility. It felt incredibly nice after sitting for most of the day.

But of course, such displays must always be seen.

“Iruka-sensei, that’s the best view I’ve had all day.”

Iruka had straightened up immediately, his hand instantly going for a kunai - not purposefully, only because of the natural instinct for any shinobi upon being startled - but he let it drop as he turned and recognized the voice and the man.

“Kakashi-san,” he said, feeling his face burning. He hadn’t heard or sensed him enter the room, but he supposed that was to be expected.

“Well, I suppose that’s an upgrade from ‘Hatake-san’.”

Iruka glared as he took the rather brief-looking mission report from him, but he knew there was still a light blush on his face. Glancing over the paper, he raised an eyebrow as Kakashi spoke.

“Isn’t this the part where you thank me for my hard work?”

“If you’re turning in a report on the same day as the mission, there can’t have been much work involved.”

Kakashi was one of his less than favorite parts of the mission-desk job. He came in always at the last minute with a report that was overdue and illegible. Damn headache, he was.

“And in any case, you call this a report?”

Although, it was probably the only time he could get away with berating a higher-level ninja, let alone somebody of Kakashi’s standing. It was part of the whole I-run-this-place-don’t-fuck-with-me-and-my-work thing.

“Certainly,” Kakashi said with a smile. Well, Iruka guessed it was a smile. It was really more of an eye curve and head tilt. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the file cabinet.

Why did it have to be him? It wasn’t noticeable to others, because Iruka certainly wouldn’t let a little infatuation run his life, but everyone had a fantasy, right? And Iruka’s just happened to be a bit of an ass.

“Say, Iruka-sensei…”

“Yes?” he replied without turning around.

“Would it alright if I were to ask you to dinner sometime?”

The chuunin froze. What?

He turned back to Kakashi, who was merely staring at him, hands casually tucked into his pockets.

Iruka’s thoughts fumbled over themselves. He was waiting for an answer.

“Sure.” Where had that come from? Had he meant to say that?

Another eye curve and head tilt. “That’s good then. Thank you, sensei. I’ll see you.” He gave a short nod of a bow and walked off, leaving Iruka to stare out the door into the hallway, wondering what the hell just happened.

Seriously, what?

“Hey, Iruka, it’s time to close. Don’t be standing there daydreaming.”

Iruka glared. “Genma, you are insufferable.”---

That was how they’d started out. A few days after that, Iruka had tired of waiting for Kakashi to actually ask him to dinner and decided he would do the asking instead, and the two of them had just grown from there. Simply because some little part of Kakashi’s mind had generated the note ‘Ask Umino Iruka out and make sure he’s completely, madly, irreversibly in love with you before the fourth date.’

There were no dates anymore. Not that they’d really over gone out on a real date after Kakashi had moved in, but the thought that there couldn’t be any more dates…it hurt. Now, he could only have his memories and watch Izumo and Kotetsu fall in love and make sure they didn’t make the same mistakes - whatever they had been - that he and Kakashi had made.

So just as his life had changed for the better, Izumo’s - and Kotetsu’s - had changed for the better. Or was his really worse? Yes, it would be different; he’d built his life at this point around Kakashi. Now, that crucial foundation had been ripped away from him. Things would have to falter and be unsteady, but for how long? At what point would it stop hurting so much and become bearable? When could he breathe again?

---“I hate snow.”

Iruka’s movements paused as he glanced up in surprise. “Why?” Snow was beautiful and harmless. Cold, yes, but still…who hated snow?

Kakashi was sitting at the wooden table, turned to face the large window that showed the snow flickering down. Iruka knew he would have wanted to move closer to the window, and probably look upwards to watch the flakes all spiraling downward, but Kakashi was staring blankly ahead, through the window, but also through the snow. It was a long moment before he spoke, and Iruka had turned back to the stove in front of him when the pale man spoke.

“It’s too innocent.”

Iruka could tell, in a way that only lovers can, that behind that statement was a memory, some episode with snow that brought up bad recollections for the man.

“Innocent?” he asked gently, but loud enough to carry to the next room.

“It is tainted far too easily.”

Iruka said nothing. Wanting to keep something unchanging, to rescue something innocent from being destroyed, was a feeling any shinobi could understand. Why cause unnecessary ruin?

“And it’s beautiful.”

“You don’t hate beautiful things,” Iruka said as he walked over to the table and set one of the mugs of hot chocolate in front of Kakashi.

“No, I don’t.” He trailed a hand lazily across Iruka’s cheek and down his neck before letting it drop. His gaze didn’t leave the window, and his tone was as evenly cold, but Iruka smiled at his lover, and his words, and his gesture. The real meaning there didn’t need to be spoken: You are beautiful, and I love you.

“But something so beautiful, so delicate, is too easy to destroy,” Kakashi said. His voice was tense, his words sharp and clear. Iruka took his own seat across the table and watched him. The defined angles of his jaw were as firmly set as those slight lines around his eyes that meant he was concentrating or lost in an old memory. An old painful memory.

“The slightest heat, and it’s gone. A footprint made will be left there until the entirety of the snow melts away.”

“Not if it’s still snowing when the footprint is made,” Iruka pointed out. Not to show a flaw in Kakashi’s argument, more like a question to help him understand where Kakashi was headed.

“Then that footprint has left a hole that needs to be filled before it can be covered again. It’s not the same anymore. There are repercussions. A single footprint left an impact on the whole design.”

“But things always change, Kakashi. Nothing can stay the same for long. The snow melts, we find the ground is once again solid, and then it just snows again the next year.”

“And as such, we continue to destroy a beautiful thing again and again. The cycle never ends.”

Iruka felt as if Kakashi should have been raising his voice or in some way reacting to the conversation. His last statement would have been fitting with a scowl or a clenched fist, but Kakashi was calm and spoke evenly, the terse look on his face that only Iruka could see being the only thing to give him away.

Iruka also turned to stare out the window and sipped from his mug. The snow was beginning to stick, leaving a pale film over the green of the grass. He always loved those first few minutes. Right when the white and green mixed, neither overshadowing the other. He knew if he stepped outside, the blades would crunch underneath his feet.

“Maybe,” he began, and sipped again. “Maybe it’s beautiful to see that people enjoy such delicacy while it’s here, before it’s gone. Or maybe, when we see footprints, it’s beautiful that one person has already ruined it, so that nobody else would have to feel guilty when they stepped out. One person can carve a path for others to follow.”

He looked back to Kakashi as he said this, and smiled upon seeing the tenseness rush out of his face at his last statement, the smallest upturning of lips showing there instead.

“So really,” Iruka continued, now that Kakashi’s mood was settled, “is it the snow or me you’re talking about?”

The tiny smile stayed on Kakashi’s face as he sipped. “You are everything beautiful to me in this world.”

Iruka couldn’t help but blush a little and smile, even though the tone of his words still hadn’t changed. It was the kind of thing that should have been said in each other’s arms, a reassurance of a bond, but instead it was stated plainly across the table between them. He could almost hear the shrug in his voice. For Kakashi to treat such a statement as simply a fact, well…

“You are innocent,” Kakashi said. “You are caring, solid, strong, and dependable, but to me, you are so innocent. And I…I’m a dog loose in a field of untouched snow. I can only bring destruction. All I can leave behind…will be ruined. It will take time to make it beautiful again.”

So that was the issue. How long had he been holding this back? Kakashi thought he was destroying him?

“Kakashi…you aren’t ruining me. Understand that. If I am snow, you are a child running out to play in it. That’s not damaging, that’s a beautiful sight.” Kakashi didn’t look at him. “You are not corrupting me.”

Kakashi still did not answer, but when he sipped again, Iruka could see the insecurities draining away once again.

“So what do you say?” Iruka asked with a slight smile, gesturing toward the window. “Want to go ruin something beautiful?”

He could see the edges of Kakashi’s mouth twitching upwards around the edges of his mug.

“Sure, why not?”---(3)

Yes, something beautiful had been ruined now. But whose fault was it?

“Seriously, I gotta get back. I’m just on break,” Izumo said. “Will you be okay?”

Iruka felt like laughing. “I’ll be fine, Izumo. You can go.”

“Alright, I’ll be back later.”

Iruka sat up to tell him he didn’t have to, but the other chuunin was already gone. He slumped back.

Now that it was just him in the house again, the silence was back, echoing louder than before. He pulled his legs up close to his chest and sighed. How long would it be before he could stand it?

*****

The effects of bad sleep the night before must have caught up with him, because he found himself waking up when his front door opened and closed. He eyes shot open.

It could be…It could happen. Kakashi had come back? He could…Did he think they’d just made a mistake?

It was Izumo. Iruka sensed him easily, and clutched at the sheets. He’d let himself get so hopeful over that slimmest of possibilities that maybe, just maybe Kakashi wanted to see him again. He shouldn’t have even thought it for a second. It was over. That man would never be back here for him.

When Izumo didn’t come to Iruka’s room, he stood up and, after a good stretch, found the man searching aimlessly around his kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

Izumo stood up, grinning. “I’m cooking you dinner!”

Iruka raised an eyebrow. “I’m perfectly capable.”

“Yeah, I know, but you deserve it.”

Iruka sighed, watching him pull out a pan. This wasn’t so bad. Izumo really cared about him. He smiled as he looked out the window. The sun was just beginning to set.

---“Gorgeous,” Iruka said, staring off at the orange and pink streaks in the sky.

“Yes, you are.” Kakashi was behind him, arms around his waist, legs on either side, and his chin resting on Iruka’s shoulder.

Iruka chuckled. “Not what I meant.”

The two had wound up on the roof after dinner, watching the sunset.

“It’s true anyway,” Kakashi replied with a light kiss behind his ear.

The soothing atmosphere and the calm feeling of simply being with one another kept them on the roof until well after dark, quietly chatting, but mostly just enjoying the closeness, until Iruka attempted to hide a third yawn.

This earned a chuckle from Kakashi. “I seem to have acquired an armful of sleepy chuunin.”

“Mmm,” was Iruka’s only reply, letting his eyes slip closed.

Kakashi gave a light laugh as he stood up and gathered Iruka into his arms before jumping to the ground.

“Oh, how romantic of you,” Iruka joked.

A smirk and a shrug. “I do what I can.”

Kakashi deposited him on his bed and leaned over, kissing him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned, but Iruka grabbed his shirt and pulled him back for a proper (or not so much) goodnight kiss. Kakashi relaxed, settling his weight and letting his body press against Iruka’s.

Iruka smiled as Kakashi pulled away, slightly breathless. “You’re making me not want to leave.”

“Then stay.”

The words had no sooner left his mouth than Kakashi was kissing him again.---

That night…

Iruka shook his head. That wasn’t something he wanted to be remembering yet.

Dinner was the highlight of the day, not that it was saying much. At least Izumo kept him talking and even laughing a bit. He even stayed to help Iruka clean up before finally allowing himself to be chased out.

“And say hi to Kotetsu for me.”

Iruka swore the smile he received in answer could have beaten Gai’s.

Being in love was beautiful.

The second night without Kakashi wasn’t looking to be any better.

*****END

(1) As far as I know, Uuhei is actually male, but I read another fic (the name is totally escaping me right now since this is the only part I remember) in which there was a female Uuhei, and I found it fitting.

(2) Yes, pun intended.

(3) This whole snow scene (which is my favorite part in the whole thing) was written right after I'd been reading a lot of Loveless, so I may or may not have had Soubi on my mind while writing Kakashi.