Change
"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”
- Maugham
Lately I've been hearing people talk about how their lives are changing -- some people are happy with the changes, and some people are...not unhappy, but overwhelemed. "Did I make the right decision? What would my life be like if I had chosen a different option?" I guess it's just nice to know that I'm not the only one in this contemplative state.
I'm more or less in this state because my life is all sorts of ups and downs lately...well, for the past year anyway. I was scrapbooking with my sister and trying to place photos in order (after all my moving this past year my pictures got all mixed up). I had the opportunity to look at all the fun times I had while I was at Geneseo. Always thinking about college makes me sad. I miss those days, and I always will. I guess my next step is just being able to accept the fact that those days are over with -- that's a hard concept to accept.
It was fun looking at all the date parties, birthday parties and crazy times I had with my friends. I still have fun when I see my college friends, but I miss not seeing them every weekend, or every day for that matter. I took those days for granted, and they went by so fast. Now, I'm stuck in this world where I don't even know who I am. Most days I have a general ideas, but I don't know what I want from life.
I know I want to teach.
I know I don't like getting up before 9 o'clock in the morning.
I know I prefer popcorn over ice cream.
I know that I hate scary movies and would rather watch a romantic comedy.
I know I love to read.
I know so many things about myself, and I am sure about myself in many areas. Other areas, I'm not so sure and I've become insecure. I constantly have this feeling that I'm not skinny enough and I'm not pretty enough. I think I've been paying too much attention to the TV. I don't know why I feel like I have to compete with celebrities. All the women are just so gorgeous, and then, here I am. Most people wouldn't be able to notice me in a crowd. I don't know why this is bothering me lately, but I'm just so insecure.
It's just strange how I can be sure about certain things and unsure about others. My life is changing, and I realize that. It's the accepting of it that's the hard part. I am not willing to accept how my life is right now, because I don't particularly like it. And when I don't like it, how am I supposed to accept it? I've learned that it's a hard process, but I don't know where to start. I just wish I could be settled and be happy with my life already. Sometimes I want to move away and start over again, but then I think about being out totally on my own and that wouldn't make me happy either.
ARGH. I don't know. I will figure it out. I'm just not very patient.
- Maugham
Lately I've been hearing people talk about how their lives are changing -- some people are happy with the changes, and some people are...not unhappy, but overwhelemed. "Did I make the right decision? What would my life be like if I had chosen a different option?" I guess it's just nice to know that I'm not the only one in this contemplative state.
I'm more or less in this state because my life is all sorts of ups and downs lately...well, for the past year anyway. I was scrapbooking with my sister and trying to place photos in order (after all my moving this past year my pictures got all mixed up). I had the opportunity to look at all the fun times I had while I was at Geneseo. Always thinking about college makes me sad. I miss those days, and I always will. I guess my next step is just being able to accept the fact that those days are over with -- that's a hard concept to accept.
It was fun looking at all the date parties, birthday parties and crazy times I had with my friends. I still have fun when I see my college friends, but I miss not seeing them every weekend, or every day for that matter. I took those days for granted, and they went by so fast. Now, I'm stuck in this world where I don't even know who I am. Most days I have a general ideas, but I don't know what I want from life.
I know I want to teach.
I know I don't like getting up before 9 o'clock in the morning.
I know I prefer popcorn over ice cream.
I know that I hate scary movies and would rather watch a romantic comedy.
I know I love to read.
I know so many things about myself, and I am sure about myself in many areas. Other areas, I'm not so sure and I've become insecure. I constantly have this feeling that I'm not skinny enough and I'm not pretty enough. I think I've been paying too much attention to the TV. I don't know why I feel like I have to compete with celebrities. All the women are just so gorgeous, and then, here I am. Most people wouldn't be able to notice me in a crowd. I don't know why this is bothering me lately, but I'm just so insecure.
It's just strange how I can be sure about certain things and unsure about others. My life is changing, and I realize that. It's the accepting of it that's the hard part. I am not willing to accept how my life is right now, because I don't particularly like it. And when I don't like it, how am I supposed to accept it? I've learned that it's a hard process, but I don't know where to start. I just wish I could be settled and be happy with my life already. Sometimes I want to move away and start over again, but then I think about being out totally on my own and that wouldn't make me happy either.
ARGH. I don't know. I will figure it out. I'm just not very patient.