(no subject)
Karen Horney defines the “tyranny of the shoulds,”
as the belief that one should do this and that, whatever
a good person ‘should do,’ whatever is expected by
others, rather than what one fels it is his or her
nature to do.” I too believe that our culture is
dominated by ‘shoulds.’ In fact, I believe they take
the form of norm in our society. As we grow older,
higher expectations are placed on our character and
morality. For example, when I was little, my parents
said, “you should go to school,” or “you should do your
homework.” As we age, there is no one around to tell us
what we ‘should’ do. Society innately assumes that as
one grows, norms are instilled in them. As adults if we
don’t conform to the ideals and expectations of society
we are “cast aside.” A perfect example of this is our
current prison population. Many inmates had broken
homes, drug addicted parents, and neglect and abuse were
rampant in their environment. No one was around to mold
them into the people they “should” have been. As a
result, they grew up without any expectations being
placed on them by society or themselves. However, when
they reach adulthood, suddenly they are expected to
conform to laws and norms (‘shoulds’) that they were
never exposed to. When they fail to meet our
expectations, we place them in prison or ‘cast them
off.’ In prison, any societal ties they once had are
broken and when they return to their community, they are
even more helpless and alone than they were to begin
with. Many ‘shoulds’ are placed upon me in my culture.
Prominent among these is, “you should go to college and
get a well-paying job,” or “you should stay slim because
as the media and TV models portray, the only ‘good,
successful’ females are the slim ones. The ‘shoulds’
that come along with being a female are numerous and
vary across all aspects of life. However, “you should
stay home,” and “you should take care of your husband
and family” are prominent among these. Although this
has been changing, I believe that in many people’s eyes,
this is the way it should be. I believe that there are
many ‘cultural shoulds’ that my friends and I deal with
today. Although it may seem old fashioned, many older
people look at younger girls (like myself and my
friends) and say “girls shouldn’t play sports, like
cars, use inappropriate language, etc. Also, even in
this era where women are beginning to break into the
career world and really become successful, there are
certain jobs that are ‘stereotypical’ of women such as
becoming nurses and teachers. It is a fairly modern
idea that women are beginning to aspire to be doctors
and lawyers, and it is still not accepted by all. I
also believe that expectations placed on us by our
‘significant’ others have a huge affect on our
lifestyles and choices. For example, people generally
follow the same beliefs about religion and politics as
their ‘significant others’ whether it is spouses,
brothers, sisters or parents. In addition, whatever
unique beliefs about life, gender and the media your
significant others have, you are much more likely to be
in agreement with them because you spend a lot of time
with them and you are ‘conditioned’ to their beliefs.
Also, you are more likely to hold the same beliefs as
your significant others because you love them and you
respect their opinions on complicated issues. Women, in
my opinion, are much more vulnerable to socio-cultural
pressures than men. I believe that the media plays a
huge part in this issue. Women, because of the
portrayal of ‘perfect’ women, are criticized for their
looks, weight, clothes, shoes, accessories, even
hairstyle. Pretty much every physical aspect of a woman
is under scrutiny on a daily basis. When the media or
loved ones show a preference for the ‘perfect woman’ it
makes us, as a group, strive to be her. Unfortunately,
this is an unattainable goal. I actually don’t believe
I, or any of us, are that free to break the expectations
of significant others and society. I think because we
love our significant others, we respect them and we
don’t want to let them down. Society is another issue.
As I states previously, I believe that society’s
‘shoulds’ take their form in norms and laws. If we
deviate from these, we are ostracized, punished or
imprisoned. I think that chains of tyrannies are going
to be extremely hard to break. Not only are they
embedded into our societal fabric, but they are also
ingrained in us. I believe that we, as individuals,
need to ponder what our own unique goals are. What or
who do we think that the person we should be is? Only
then do I think we are going to make any progress. As
Horney states, the “shoulds” dominate the individual, so
that not to do what one “should” generates anxiety and
guilt. I think we, as individuals, need to figure out
what we want for ourselves before we begin to live by
society’s definition of who we are and what we should
be. I believe Ellis when he said people are basically
irrational. If we were rational, decision making
entities, we would have expectations and choices that
were unique to us instead of living out the expectations
and ideals of our society and culture.
as the belief that one should do this and that, whatever
a good person ‘should do,’ whatever is expected by
others, rather than what one fels it is his or her
nature to do.” I too believe that our culture is
dominated by ‘shoulds.’ In fact, I believe they take
the form of norm in our society. As we grow older,
higher expectations are placed on our character and
morality. For example, when I was little, my parents
said, “you should go to school,” or “you should do your
homework.” As we age, there is no one around to tell us
what we ‘should’ do. Society innately assumes that as
one grows, norms are instilled in them. As adults if we
don’t conform to the ideals and expectations of society
we are “cast aside.” A perfect example of this is our
current prison population. Many inmates had broken
homes, drug addicted parents, and neglect and abuse were
rampant in their environment. No one was around to mold
them into the people they “should” have been. As a
result, they grew up without any expectations being
placed on them by society or themselves. However, when
they reach adulthood, suddenly they are expected to
conform to laws and norms (‘shoulds’) that they were
never exposed to. When they fail to meet our
expectations, we place them in prison or ‘cast them
off.’ In prison, any societal ties they once had are
broken and when they return to their community, they are
even more helpless and alone than they were to begin
with. Many ‘shoulds’ are placed upon me in my culture.
Prominent among these is, “you should go to college and
get a well-paying job,” or “you should stay slim because
as the media and TV models portray, the only ‘good,
successful’ females are the slim ones. The ‘shoulds’
that come along with being a female are numerous and
vary across all aspects of life. However, “you should
stay home,” and “you should take care of your husband
and family” are prominent among these. Although this
has been changing, I believe that in many people’s eyes,
this is the way it should be. I believe that there are
many ‘cultural shoulds’ that my friends and I deal with
today. Although it may seem old fashioned, many older
people look at younger girls (like myself and my
friends) and say “girls shouldn’t play sports, like
cars, use inappropriate language, etc. Also, even in
this era where women are beginning to break into the
career world and really become successful, there are
certain jobs that are ‘stereotypical’ of women such as
becoming nurses and teachers. It is a fairly modern
idea that women are beginning to aspire to be doctors
and lawyers, and it is still not accepted by all. I
also believe that expectations placed on us by our
‘significant’ others have a huge affect on our
lifestyles and choices. For example, people generally
follow the same beliefs about religion and politics as
their ‘significant others’ whether it is spouses,
brothers, sisters or parents. In addition, whatever
unique beliefs about life, gender and the media your
significant others have, you are much more likely to be
in agreement with them because you spend a lot of time
with them and you are ‘conditioned’ to their beliefs.
Also, you are more likely to hold the same beliefs as
your significant others because you love them and you
respect their opinions on complicated issues. Women, in
my opinion, are much more vulnerable to socio-cultural
pressures than men. I believe that the media plays a
huge part in this issue. Women, because of the
portrayal of ‘perfect’ women, are criticized for their
looks, weight, clothes, shoes, accessories, even
hairstyle. Pretty much every physical aspect of a woman
is under scrutiny on a daily basis. When the media or
loved ones show a preference for the ‘perfect woman’ it
makes us, as a group, strive to be her. Unfortunately,
this is an unattainable goal. I actually don’t believe
I, or any of us, are that free to break the expectations
of significant others and society. I think because we
love our significant others, we respect them and we
don’t want to let them down. Society is another issue.
As I states previously, I believe that society’s
‘shoulds’ take their form in norms and laws. If we
deviate from these, we are ostracized, punished or
imprisoned. I think that chains of tyrannies are going
to be extremely hard to break. Not only are they
embedded into our societal fabric, but they are also
ingrained in us. I believe that we, as individuals,
need to ponder what our own unique goals are. What or
who do we think that the person we should be is? Only
then do I think we are going to make any progress. As
Horney states, the “shoulds” dominate the individual, so
that not to do what one “should” generates anxiety and
guilt. I think we, as individuals, need to figure out
what we want for ourselves before we begin to live by
society’s definition of who we are and what we should
be. I believe Ellis when he said people are basically
irrational. If we were rational, decision making
entities, we would have expectations and choices that
were unique to us instead of living out the expectations
and ideals of our society and culture.