(no subject)
its sad when the simplest thing makes you want to burst into tears.
when you feel as if your friends have just stopped caring.
when they arent concerned.
when your friends just stop paying any attention to you, and focus only on themselves
when you feel so alone in this world that you wonder if you just disappeared would anyone notice
or furthermore would anyone even care?
it is utterly pathetic when disney movies make you cry your eyes out during the happy love parts and laugh when things go bad.
i hate how cynical i have become towards those who have what i lack, those who hold so dear to their hearts what i so desperately want a part of.
i hate going to bed each night wishing for something, and waking up each morning without it.
its horrible how i burst into tears at any moment or during any song/show/commercial that reminds me of it or *him*
i dont like not knowing what we had, or what it might have developed into
i hate the fact that things have changed so much in such little time that we barely speak anymore
after all that we've been through, for it to all come down to this
i want to stop wallowing in my own angst
and be happy and supportive for those who have it
however until i can accept what is, and not that will be or what might have been
i do not know how i can do that
i am sorry if i have been out of it. snappy. or just an overall bitch
you just have no idea whats been going on, and im sorry i havent told you, i just havent been able to find the words i need.
i wish with all my heart that someday i will have the courage and the words to express my true feelings, hopes and dreams to you,
i hate hiding everything
i am so sick of crying and letting people make me feel so bad about myself
from now on no more.
no more taking crap from anyone
no more hiding my true feelings
if you dont like what i am going to say to you, tough, deal with it
it is time for me to get real and stop faking it.
time for me to stop trying so god damn hard to please everyone
its time for me to work on me, and what i want
instead of fixing everyone else's problems
i know i am not perfect, and perfection is NOT what i seek
i only seek happiness
i want the happy disney movie ending
i want to find my prince charming ((or anyone for that matter))
i need someone to love me, all of me
i need someone to support me, and not scoff at my ideas and hopes
i need a guy who will catch me when i fall, and not stop and laugh at me along the way
i want a guy who i can sit around with on a friday night in my pajamas with no makeup on, and eat ice cream and pizza with, and who will still tell me i am beautiful.
i am taking a break from this livejournal thing.
i will be back when i have accomplished the above.
or until i am satisfied and love who i am.
when i love who i am on the outside, as well as the in
when i feel i am whole again.
i love you all,
but i need time for me now.
take care
<3