(no subject)
I am sure everyone has something that they would do different if they had it all to do over, again. I know I do.
Sometimes it's interesting to think about what might have happened if things had gone just a little different. What if we had done that instead of what we really did? It's a matter of desire, really, but after the fact.
One of the things I would have done is to grab hold of her when I had the chance way back when at the trailer during that very first D&D game and never let go. Sometimes I desire this so much that I can feel I am on the verge of actually doing it.
I know that things would be different and no one can take into account every possible branch of action and reaction, but it seems we both would have had a wonderful influence one upon the other. A lot of the things we have both gone through would have never happened. In some cases it could be considered bad. But there are quite a few things that happened to each of us that never would have happened and that we both could have done well without. Very well, indeed.
I would have loved her well for the rest of my life and then some. And then all. I know I will forever. There is no doubt of that. I know it like I know that I just drew that breath I just took. To paraphrase a groovy country song, she'll always be that fire I can't put out. Not that I even would if I could.
When you're upon a fork in the road and are trying to make a decision you might want to look at certain aspects of your life. Are you trying to justify something to yourself? If you believe in omens and portents are you seeing a lot of them that lean one way or the other? You might want to pay attention to them. For while they might not have any real cosmic significance they certainly have psychological importance.
I have seen many "omens" of late. It is possible that someone is trying to tell me something. The way I see things it is more than likely. But what is even more likely is that I am trying to tell myself something. Maybe I am just seeing what I want to be true. But either way it is the same. Desire dictates the thought.
My thoughts are on her all the time. Every song on the radio, every glance of moon light, and every breath that fills my lungs brings thoughts of her to the front of my mind. I worry that she's alright and that she is comfortable. I wonder if she is thinking about me. Her smile never leaves my thoughts and my arms long for her embrace.
I have been told I seem distracted. That's why. I cannot think of anything else. It's just the way it is. I am useless for anything but that. Everything about her makes me happy in some way, even negative things make me think, "MINE!"
Please, for those of you who might, do not try to tell me that I can control the way I feel. It's just the way it is. I cannot control this any more than I can control the winds or the rains. Suppressing your feelings and not admitting to them is just part of the road to being very unhappy. It really cannot be bad to be in tune with what you feel and it really can't be a bad thing to tell the people who care about you what you feel.
I had only been admitting any of this to myself and those intimately involved in the situation. It was not for any reason of secrecy. It was a simple matter of privacy. Those who care need to know and those who don't need to know...well...don't care. And in the end those that don't care don't matter. It falls into place. It's very neat how it does so as well. The need to know is directly proportional to the caring. I realized that, lately. I owe this to those who care. I owe it to those intimately involved to have my cards laid out on the table so squarely in plain view as well.
And I am talking myself into a circle of self-amusement. So I will end this here before I get any more dizzy than I already am. Like right now I am trying to think of scientific terms of measurement for "Caring" and "Need to know" and if there is an established unit among psychologists or parapsychologists to measure an amount of emotional energy.
Say, "Good night", Gracie.
Good night, Gracie!
Sometimes it's interesting to think about what might have happened if things had gone just a little different. What if we had done that instead of what we really did? It's a matter of desire, really, but after the fact.
One of the things I would have done is to grab hold of her when I had the chance way back when at the trailer during that very first D&D game and never let go. Sometimes I desire this so much that I can feel I am on the verge of actually doing it.
I know that things would be different and no one can take into account every possible branch of action and reaction, but it seems we both would have had a wonderful influence one upon the other. A lot of the things we have both gone through would have never happened. In some cases it could be considered bad. But there are quite a few things that happened to each of us that never would have happened and that we both could have done well without. Very well, indeed.
I would have loved her well for the rest of my life and then some. And then all. I know I will forever. There is no doubt of that. I know it like I know that I just drew that breath I just took. To paraphrase a groovy country song, she'll always be that fire I can't put out. Not that I even would if I could.
When you're upon a fork in the road and are trying to make a decision you might want to look at certain aspects of your life. Are you trying to justify something to yourself? If you believe in omens and portents are you seeing a lot of them that lean one way or the other? You might want to pay attention to them. For while they might not have any real cosmic significance they certainly have psychological importance.
I have seen many "omens" of late. It is possible that someone is trying to tell me something. The way I see things it is more than likely. But what is even more likely is that I am trying to tell myself something. Maybe I am just seeing what I want to be true. But either way it is the same. Desire dictates the thought.
My thoughts are on her all the time. Every song on the radio, every glance of moon light, and every breath that fills my lungs brings thoughts of her to the front of my mind. I worry that she's alright and that she is comfortable. I wonder if she is thinking about me. Her smile never leaves my thoughts and my arms long for her embrace.
I have been told I seem distracted. That's why. I cannot think of anything else. It's just the way it is. I am useless for anything but that. Everything about her makes me happy in some way, even negative things make me think, "MINE!"
Please, for those of you who might, do not try to tell me that I can control the way I feel. It's just the way it is. I cannot control this any more than I can control the winds or the rains. Suppressing your feelings and not admitting to them is just part of the road to being very unhappy. It really cannot be bad to be in tune with what you feel and it really can't be a bad thing to tell the people who care about you what you feel.
I had only been admitting any of this to myself and those intimately involved in the situation. It was not for any reason of secrecy. It was a simple matter of privacy. Those who care need to know and those who don't need to know...well...don't care. And in the end those that don't care don't matter. It falls into place. It's very neat how it does so as well. The need to know is directly proportional to the caring. I realized that, lately. I owe this to those who care. I owe it to those intimately involved to have my cards laid out on the table so squarely in plain view as well.
And I am talking myself into a circle of self-amusement. So I will end this here before I get any more dizzy than I already am. Like right now I am trying to think of scientific terms of measurement for "Caring" and "Need to know" and if there is an established unit among psychologists or parapsychologists to measure an amount of emotional energy.
Say, "Good night", Gracie.
Good night, Gracie!