shipwreck shards, many thready paths to the past
In the comments section of the youtube music video people are mourning.
You'd be 36 this year, you ended your life with a moving train, I miss you each day ..
Others are only remembering fondly
I had my first kiss to this song;
They say every time you remember something, you reset the memory, so now you remember only the memory, and it gets dimmer and dimmer, or wronger and wronger. There are a few setpoints of memory I always return to, and I like to think of them as well-worn routes through time; the path between wherever I am now where I was then so stamped down and clear that it's easier to visit. I visit often to reassure myself, to be a voyeur on myself, to marvel at the distance.
It's not about O**, I know so many ways that O** is so gone that it is no longer real, the same way I am no longer real as the same thing, but something entirely different. Even before flying a kite at the Commons, this thing existed, a bigger thing, Aa*, out my window on my 13th birthday, warmer than usual night air, springtime and the sound of the creek flowing outside, talking all night to C** who is also no longer real.
Something real could exist now, I am not sure what it is. I think I would have to risk my life and livelihood to look for it. I have self-soothed so long with it will just appear, it will just appear, it will just appear but it is too late for a lot of things. Don't confuse this with me being regretful. I am happy - really happy, tearfully gratefully worshipfully happy - just knowing - with the ability to know and remember. It's so very enough. I think it's more than most people know.
Some voice sings now - Only look ahead, only look ahead!
I agree with a little defiance, but I look forward to moments to look back. It's all been a gift! It's all been superb! I have had everything! My heart stretches, I balloon, expand, a thousand gold coins pour out, and I dissipate, re-form, pour into a crystal liquid, breathe in deep and spread out over everything.
You'd be 36 this year, you ended your life with a moving train, I miss you each day ..
Others are only remembering fondly
I had my first kiss to this song;
They say every time you remember something, you reset the memory, so now you remember only the memory, and it gets dimmer and dimmer, or wronger and wronger. There are a few setpoints of memory I always return to, and I like to think of them as well-worn routes through time; the path between wherever I am now where I was then so stamped down and clear that it's easier to visit. I visit often to reassure myself, to be a voyeur on myself, to marvel at the distance.
It's not about O**, I know so many ways that O** is so gone that it is no longer real, the same way I am no longer real as the same thing, but something entirely different. Even before flying a kite at the Commons, this thing existed, a bigger thing, Aa*, out my window on my 13th birthday, warmer than usual night air, springtime and the sound of the creek flowing outside, talking all night to C** who is also no longer real.
Something real could exist now, I am not sure what it is. I think I would have to risk my life and livelihood to look for it. I have self-soothed so long with it will just appear, it will just appear, it will just appear but it is too late for a lot of things. Don't confuse this with me being regretful. I am happy - really happy, tearfully gratefully worshipfully happy - just knowing - with the ability to know and remember. It's so very enough. I think it's more than most people know.
Some voice sings now - Only look ahead, only look ahead!
I agree with a little defiance, but I look forward to moments to look back. It's all been a gift! It's all been superb! I have had everything! My heart stretches, I balloon, expand, a thousand gold coins pour out, and I dissipate, re-form, pour into a crystal liquid, breathe in deep and spread out over everything.