Fail
So I'm really good at getting my period. I am needing to reframe shitty into some sort of positive thought, so there it is.
I had a little break-down in the car on the way to work and felt better after that at least.
It sucks though, it really does. And it gets harder every time too.
Tonight is date night. Jordan and I decided that every month we will go out and do something awesome for ourselves... It will either be lets go out and drink because I haven't been able to for the two week limbo period, or it will be to celebrate that it actually happened!!! So far we've gotten the consolation prize every month.
I can't decide if this whole experience has made me more human or less human. I guess it depends on the day. On some days, I feel it makes me more empathetic towards others. I can understand not to ask others if they plan on having kids. I remember at my old job, working mainly with seniors, that question would piss off one of my coworkers to no end. She came back one day from a visit an ranted about how no, I don't have kids and no, I don't plan to, and how it isn't that straight forward. I can fully understand that now. I read an interesting article once about women without children, either by choice or by circumstance. Very interesting read (wish I still had the link...).
Some days though I feel this whole experience has made me less of a human an less of myself. I feel isolated at times and I can feel a distance being put between me and some of my friends fortunate enough to have ha the chance at having children of their own. And bear with me... I just need to get this off my chest. Let's take last night for example. Browsing on Facebook, this girl I went to OT school with just announced that she "successfully had a vaginal delivery". Great. Good for you. And thanks for that way too descriptive announcement. A good old welcome to the world little guy didn't do it eh. And this is after about 9 months of her cryptic, feel sorry for me, "my plan wasn't gods plan" crap she'd been posting. Seriously, if you have sex without a condom, what did you expect? Don't blame your poor judgment on the excuse that it was supposed to happen. And then another friend just told me that a mutual friend of ours is expecting her second... Yes, second. We started trying at the same frickin time. And another friend who is due in 20 weeks... I hate that my initial reaction is "are you fucking kidding me?" and not "that's amazing news, I'm so happy for you".
Honestly, when did I become such a cold hard bitch??? These are people I care about and should be genuinely happy for. I resent myself for having these feelings, but here they are regardless.
At least I get to go out for dinner tonight, right?
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