My guys--and a shout out to the ladies, too
So I'm just going to put this out there...it makes me feel kinda vulnerable to talk about it...but I think there's some important points to be made from this.
When I look back at my life, I realize that I've always had many friends, I've always chosen to surround myself with people I like, and I've always chosen to have different "groups" of friends so I wasn't with the same people all the time.
When I look at my life pre-high school graduation, there was something a little off balance about these friends. I'm not going to say I had no male friends at all, but my closest friends have been overwhelmingly female. I'd say 1:9 male:female.
I don't really know why that is. I have brothers, not sisters. While I wouldn't describe myself as a "tomboy," I'm not prissy either. And it's not like I didn't get along with the guys. For whatever reason, I guess I just trusted that the girls knew what my life was like as a female better than the boys did? I don't know. And by all means, I should know how to relate to males perfectly well. I am very, very close to my dad and my brothers. I mean, I could get into how my self-image when I was really young (I never thought I was pretty or skinny enough) made me think that none of the guys wanted to be around me, but I don't even know if that's true, there's a lot of stuff surrounding body image that I've never completely sorted out.
I think the lonliest time of my life was community college. For most of that time, I really only felt like I had 2 good friends, Katie and Ben. I mean, Katie's been a constant and she always will be. Ben was the first guy outside of my family that I really had a close friendship with. (I kind of had a boyfriend in high school, but we saw each other like once every three weeks. It's hard to judge from a distance of several years, but I don't really think we were ever that close. Hell, we're probably closer now than we ever have been--I have TONS of respect for that guy, and he's tons of fun.) To save a lot of talking, let's just say that the friendship with Ben was not healthy and ended in a very blunt and hurtful way. I don't have anything against him now, and I wouldn't bash on him if you asked me about him, but I was really hurt at the time, and it was just a few months before I moved out of mom and dad's house for the first time to go to college at OSU.
Many of you met me when I first got to college, I was kind of a shadow of the woman I am now. Beaten down, easily defeated, easily taken advantage of, and completely insecure. And I was still hurting from the end of the friendship with Ben (which, by the way, was NEVER romantic in nature, just so nobody gets that idea). And then once I got there, I got into a relationship with a guy...I mean, I jumped into it...it was dumb...anyway let's just say THAT did not go over well.
Fast forward to this past weekend. I went out to the Peacock with Chris, Will, Nick, and Phil, later to be joined by Caitlin. Then I spent much of Saturday with Will, Carl, and their new roommate. Then Saturday night, I get calls from Andrew and Garrett asking me to come to their cocktail party (which I KNEW would turn to beer pong before too long, which they do all the time and it's BORING, so I planned to go to the party at Chris Will and Carl's afterward).
So I'm walking up to Garrett and Andrew's apartment, and I hear Garrett say "I hear high heels!" and Andrew say "I hear girl!!" and I walk in and it's Andrew and Garrett and a couple other dudes. And other girls eventually showed up. And I got bored with beer pong just as I expected.
So I went to the blue house (where Chris, Will, and Carl reside), outnumbered again.
I drove away from the blue house at 1:30am, realizing that in all the above situations I'd been perfectly comfortable, at home, and nothing felt out of the ordinary.
And now I'm sitting here scratching my head, wondering how in a few short years I went from not even knowing how to relate to guys, to having so many friends who are male who I feel perfectly at home with.
I've come up with a conclusion. It's because my guy friends are amazing. I mean, of all the guys I hung out with this weekend, none of them have been ones I've ever had any sort of romantic connection with. Still, they are just the kind of guys who are respectful of women, who have earned my trust, who have been there for me, and who rock my socks off :).
I think guys need to know, too, that how they treat their female friends can make a huge difference in these female friends' lives. Because my (platonic) male friends respect me and treat me with kindness, why would I put up with anything less from someone who wanted to date me? When men treat women with respect on a consistent basis, they in effect "train" women to expect to be respected!! Conversely, women who command respect from men train them to be respectful of women.
I just wanted to give huge props to my guys-- Thank you for respecting me, thank you for expecting the best from me, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being my friends. Thank you for helping me understand how to relate to guys.
I would have to say, that the balance as far as my very closest friends probably still goes to the ladies, I have some amazing, amazing girl friends, and you ladies are everything to me too. Thank you to the ones that have been mentors to me, thank you to the ones who've walked by my side, and thank you to the ones that have followed in my footsteps--the closest of you have fit all those descriptions at one time or another!
Friendship can be complex and confusing, but companionship with one another is one of the best gifts God gave :).
When I look back at my life, I realize that I've always had many friends, I've always chosen to surround myself with people I like, and I've always chosen to have different "groups" of friends so I wasn't with the same people all the time.
When I look at my life pre-high school graduation, there was something a little off balance about these friends. I'm not going to say I had no male friends at all, but my closest friends have been overwhelmingly female. I'd say 1:9 male:female.
I don't really know why that is. I have brothers, not sisters. While I wouldn't describe myself as a "tomboy," I'm not prissy either. And it's not like I didn't get along with the guys. For whatever reason, I guess I just trusted that the girls knew what my life was like as a female better than the boys did? I don't know. And by all means, I should know how to relate to males perfectly well. I am very, very close to my dad and my brothers. I mean, I could get into how my self-image when I was really young (I never thought I was pretty or skinny enough) made me think that none of the guys wanted to be around me, but I don't even know if that's true, there's a lot of stuff surrounding body image that I've never completely sorted out.
I think the lonliest time of my life was community college. For most of that time, I really only felt like I had 2 good friends, Katie and Ben. I mean, Katie's been a constant and she always will be. Ben was the first guy outside of my family that I really had a close friendship with. (I kind of had a boyfriend in high school, but we saw each other like once every three weeks. It's hard to judge from a distance of several years, but I don't really think we were ever that close. Hell, we're probably closer now than we ever have been--I have TONS of respect for that guy, and he's tons of fun.) To save a lot of talking, let's just say that the friendship with Ben was not healthy and ended in a very blunt and hurtful way. I don't have anything against him now, and I wouldn't bash on him if you asked me about him, but I was really hurt at the time, and it was just a few months before I moved out of mom and dad's house for the first time to go to college at OSU.
Many of you met me when I first got to college, I was kind of a shadow of the woman I am now. Beaten down, easily defeated, easily taken advantage of, and completely insecure. And I was still hurting from the end of the friendship with Ben (which, by the way, was NEVER romantic in nature, just so nobody gets that idea). And then once I got there, I got into a relationship with a guy...I mean, I jumped into it...it was dumb...anyway let's just say THAT did not go over well.
Fast forward to this past weekend. I went out to the Peacock with Chris, Will, Nick, and Phil, later to be joined by Caitlin. Then I spent much of Saturday with Will, Carl, and their new roommate. Then Saturday night, I get calls from Andrew and Garrett asking me to come to their cocktail party (which I KNEW would turn to beer pong before too long, which they do all the time and it's BORING, so I planned to go to the party at Chris Will and Carl's afterward).
So I'm walking up to Garrett and Andrew's apartment, and I hear Garrett say "I hear high heels!" and Andrew say "I hear girl!!" and I walk in and it's Andrew and Garrett and a couple other dudes. And other girls eventually showed up. And I got bored with beer pong just as I expected.
So I went to the blue house (where Chris, Will, and Carl reside), outnumbered again.
I drove away from the blue house at 1:30am, realizing that in all the above situations I'd been perfectly comfortable, at home, and nothing felt out of the ordinary.
And now I'm sitting here scratching my head, wondering how in a few short years I went from not even knowing how to relate to guys, to having so many friends who are male who I feel perfectly at home with.
I've come up with a conclusion. It's because my guy friends are amazing. I mean, of all the guys I hung out with this weekend, none of them have been ones I've ever had any sort of romantic connection with. Still, they are just the kind of guys who are respectful of women, who have earned my trust, who have been there for me, and who rock my socks off :).
I think guys need to know, too, that how they treat their female friends can make a huge difference in these female friends' lives. Because my (platonic) male friends respect me and treat me with kindness, why would I put up with anything less from someone who wanted to date me? When men treat women with respect on a consistent basis, they in effect "train" women to expect to be respected!! Conversely, women who command respect from men train them to be respectful of women.
I just wanted to give huge props to my guys-- Thank you for respecting me, thank you for expecting the best from me, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being my friends. Thank you for helping me understand how to relate to guys.
I would have to say, that the balance as far as my very closest friends probably still goes to the ladies, I have some amazing, amazing girl friends, and you ladies are everything to me too. Thank you to the ones that have been mentors to me, thank you to the ones who've walked by my side, and thank you to the ones that have followed in my footsteps--the closest of you have fit all those descriptions at one time or another!
Friendship can be complex and confusing, but companionship with one another is one of the best gifts God gave :).