(no subject)
So my news for today is that over the last couple weeks I've made great strides with something.
I get so sick of saying this, partially because I'm sure people are sick to death of hearing it, but I used to have an eating disorder. In fact, it was 2 years ago today that I finished up therapy...there wasn't one day where I was like "Oh, wow, I don't have an eating disorder anymore!" but if I had to celebrate one day, it would probably actually be May 11. To read more, check out http://www.blurty.com/users/angelmegz16/day/2005/05/11.
The thing is, I always knew after that date I had the tools to combat an eating disorder, but I never really understood what caused it. Eating disorders are NEVER, EVER just about wanting to be thin. Otherwise, so many more people would have them. There is always a deeper issue, with the closer-to-surface issue of wanting to be thin taking over.
All I ever heard was that it was an issue of control. You may not be able to control your parents' divorce. Or your boyfriend breaking up with you. Or this. Or that. But you could control what went in your mouth and what didn't. And that made sense for a little while, since I was in a pretty controlling relationship around the time this started. But that's not what kicked it off. I'd struggled here and there with disordered eating all through high school.
It came to me in the past couple of weeks that for me, it was an issue of wanting to be taken care of. This thing would rear its ugly head 1) when some significant "growing up" event happened and 2) when I was on some sort of trip without my parents for a significant amount of time, like going to Mexico. Since I haven't always been the most confident person, it was always scary to not have Mom and Dad there to take care of me. But..you know...if I had this serious problem, at least people would bug me to come eat. If I was easy to walk on, someone would walk on me, and hopefully I'd have friends...you know...come to my rescue. Well...it worked...so the eating disorder persisted.
What counseling did for me, though I didn't realize it at the time, gave me the tools and confidence to take care of myself.
That's why any attempt to go back to the disordered eating has failed, thank God!!
And that is my schpiel for today.
Oh yeah and I played football at work. I did awesome too, one of the clients was like "Wow, that was awesome, but it looks like you're growing a bit of a beard." Not too happy about the deragatory-toward-women remark, but I can't take it personally, poor kid's in a residential treatment center, right?