(no subject)
Some days I feel like the perpetual fuck up. Well, lets make that some weeks. I wish I didn't have to go home. I don't want to face the wrath of my father. I gambled. I gambled high and I lost. I don't know how to dig myself out this time. I give up. I wish I was capable of casting blame on my disability, but it's just been diagnosed and it seems like such a bullshit excuse. The stress is giving me another stomach ulcer and I have no insurance to pay for it. I am in over my head. I'm not sure how I'm getting home or how I am even going to be able to feed myself for the next few days. I have $40 to my name right now. All the checks I was waiting for aren't coming in until next week. I don't know if mom is gonna want me home once dad has a cornea all over the kitchen. I fucked up. Again. What the fuck do I do this time? I'm cutting up all the cards. Right now. Fuck them all, they're gone. But then I think, is the another one of those rash decisions I'm going to regret later? I think from now on I deal in cash or not at all. Why can't I control my money. I am royally fucked.
Oh yeah. And because of this. The wedding is more than likely postponed.
Oh yeah. And because of this. The wedding is more than likely postponed.