(no subject)

[meganlive]

i feel so alone but im surrounded by people. some of these people love me, hate me, think about me, couldn't care less about me. college isn't the best, I feel like if i were to try to improve it i wouldnt like that either and would wish that i was doing this all over again. I hear people say this kind of thing all of the time, so it sounds cliche but i really understand how they feel. No one can fix it, its a permanent state. Sometimes its dull and then its BOLD like right now. Im very stressed and you would think if i recognized the problem i could easily fix it but i cant. i feel like my heart is broken but im with mike right now and our relationship that is pretty strong. i dont mean that my heart is broken just that the pain i feel is similar to a broken heart.

I could be pregnant right now. mike doesn't want me to be which is reasonable because we have no means to care for it right now. But for no explainable reason i want a baby. I want it to be growing in me right now. Its one way to feel life inside me. i wish i didnt feel this way it wrong. but then again how should i know whats wrong. im tired of listening to an man made invention of what wrong. why cant i decide what wrong and right. i dont follow laws because i think breaking them is wrong, only because i want to be left alone and not be forced to live with "consequences." i just want this feeling to go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy