(no subject)
hey..today sucked ass..i dont really know why it just seemed like everybody was in a bad mood and that got me down. I built up the guts to call timmy last night, he answered and was like ehy and i was ilke hey. then he siad hey can i call you back at like 9:30? i was like yea sure. Theni waited till like 9:30 and he didnt call. on top of that i miss danielle alot! and i was listening to my blink 182 CD and every time i here that cd i get really sad and depressed.. I actually cried...believe it or not. I waSnt that great and i dont really miss it. then danielle called me and i was trying so hard to make it so that she didnt here me crying and knew if she did she would ask me why. So i tried and she found out ne ways...i didnt know what to really tell her cuz I didnt even know why i was crying. I just siad i had a bad day, and that i missed her alot and i was listening to "the cd" and that pretty much explained it all.. :( im not haveing a very good week so far..actually im having the worst week ive had in a while.. i hope i start feeling better soon, im not usually the depressed type but i just am right now. The only thing that would prolly help me would be hanging out with all my friends, but no1 ever calls me so w/e..i think we were planning on having a sleep over this weekend, but nobody has talked to me about it since me and kay thought of it. I worried about andrea too...shes not really talking to me all that much anymore..idk i think shes denying that she depressed..but im not sure. I was reading kays journal and it siad somethign about how she thinks people are pissed at her because of what she had siad to andrea i i think shes wrong.. i think what she siad to andy helped her and i dont thin kayla knows how much she means to all these people. honeslty like im so jealuos of kayla, i kno that she would be all like omg y u kno but really i am...she has so many people that love her so much, they might not show it on a daily bases but its there,you dont always have to see something to make it real. I really wanna hang out with alysse, but i reall do think that were growing apart..im not sure though..she siad something to me when we were over sam and stephs house...we were talking about how i didnt like her talking to danielle, and that led to her saying "what i cant have any friends besides you?" that got me thinking..am i being insanely selfish? is that true that i dont like her haveing any other friends but me? i reall ydont want to feel like this and if one of my friends felt this way about me i would be fucking pissed at them because it would be like there trying to rule my life and that would not be right at all! i highly doubt thats what im feeling..but if it is, then i really am not doing anything about it this time, thats not fair for me to feel like that because it is like im trying to run her life...idk...im sure im overreacting..she says that to me alot...that im overreacting..and to shut-up and things like that. I just sit there and take it because i mean we have known each other for so long i take nothing serious..idk i think one day im going to blow..but it doesnt bother me now. Im worried about steph too..i think shes been really depressed lately..and what sucks about her is that she never shows it. I know she doesnt want people to know that shes so sad. But i do.. and im worried about her alot. I hope she gets better soon. Sherree is sick or something lmao she hasnt had a full day of school this whole week..wow...i whis i got to do that! I think about danielle every time i see nikki abat..or w/e it sucks too cuz i see her like 5 times a day and i dont like thinkgin about danielle that much cuz its sad when i know shes not going to be there to wake me up in the morning..or be down stairs making a mess for me to clean..lol...:(( .... i talk to her like every day tho..but i just miss being around her as often as i was u kno..its hard to live with some1 and then have them ripped away from you like that..its not a fun thing to go through..i was looking thorough a photo album, of my sister and her friends when they were in highschool...i was like i hope my life ends up like hers..her and her friends are so close...and i saw pictures of me when i was little, some times i wish i could go back to those days...like right now, no worries, no nothing....humm...o well.. you what would make me really happy right now? if some1 called me...some1 like any1...(timmy) or any of my friends i would feel so loved...15862547674...FYI..alright well i cant really think of anything eles to write right now so i guess im gunna go... bye <3 mj (have you ever noticed the hearts are split apart?)....o well