GOODBYE
this is it.
T H I S I S I T
F I N A L L Y
after 2 years of contemplating and arguing with myself I have decided.
whenever i see this:
I cant help but keep my pace. I know it confuses you what this post is all about but...
THIS WILL BE MY LAST POST HERE IN LIVEJOURNAL /waves sayonara/
why? counting the days, on september of 2015 it will be my 5 years in the JE: HSJ (& other branches) fandom.
I started twitter because I noticed that all of my fandom linked fb account post originally from twitter or got their infos to twitter.
I started this fandom on the day of HSJ anniv. So it has been a month before i discovered teh TWITTER SYSTEM.
To make the long story short (here it is):
Halfway to 2014, my internet was cut. I wasn't able to be updated by anything. So I am 6 months outdated.
I still have this enormous love for the guys but new fans arriving. senpais that are younger than me, updates that are old & i never knew until i did -- made me slowly lose my love. Like from a 120% it went down to 90%
I became cold in the fandom. I became the darkness; I hated everybody. Until I found a light.
That is the friends I have made through countless times of stalking & bombarding their messages section. It went well all along until I entered college. You may know who they are, or that you are one. BUT:
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SURVIVE THIS FANDOM (even if it's not forever but..)
You guys are the awesome-st people ever! Thanks for encouraging me, for bearing with me and for acknowledging me to your world.
But I AM VERY SORRY, i did not stood strong :) keep the fire & love for the boys going~
back to the story...
I am so busy that I feel like a lifetime outdated. That I've reached the point wherein I DONT KNOW who & what the fug are they all spazzing about??
I felt so little & useless. So from 90% my love for the boys went down to 50%
I know it is too much but yep. 2015 is the darkest year of my fandom life.
I'll be honest and I am telling you:
New albums & songs do not excite me anymore; neither is sexy pics & nudes; even some scripted fuwafuwa interview; or those moe moments of new/old otps.
Either way those shows just made me utterly confused.
I reached that time when I asked the fandom:
Is it JE's fault that some of us got bored or Is it just because of ourselves?
idk. but i know the trouble is deep within me/ anything or any of you does not have anything to do with:
ME LEAVING THE FANDOM
i know no one cares but I hope someone will.
I am leaving the fandom not because it bores me but because I don't feel like I should continue anymore.
You see, all my tweets & rants this 2015 & halfway 2014 are all pretend happiness.
I am tweeting what I want my audiences to see, not what I really feel.
And also, I have changed.The priorities I have before aren't the same. And I know I can't spend hours for spazzing again.
Part of me does not want to let go of the fandom that I've been spending all of my sleepless nights & money all these years.
But the other part ( which I consoled to) wants me to move on and start again.
I am pushing myself too hard. It is time to end the unjoyful moments.
here I am ceasing to exist on the fandom (i.e twitter-orebananaa/ lj)
I AM DOING THIS NOT TO ACQUIRE SELF PITY OR FRIENDLY ENCOURAGEMENT.
I am writing this post so that I may remind my future self that I AM ONCE JUST LIKE YOU. that:
I ONCE ADORED THESE GUYS
I ONCE LAUGHED & LOVED WITH YOU
AND I AM ONCE TOO HAPPY BECAUSE THEY MADE ME THAT WAY
either way, just like some anime's sayonara, i am leaving with happy tears as i close my eyes lololol wwww
and if I do come back, I hope that will be a fresh start ~
you may wonder why some guys in this fandom become like this, you may not understand why, but once you did,
don't be afraid to be brave and face the reality that things have changed.
THIS IS THE BEST FANDOM EVER!!!