Sparklepire Adventures: In Which There Is No Alice
First, may I just say that Meyer improved dramatically in terms of actual writing between Twilight and New Moon? I mean, that’s still not saying very much, but still.
So, in the first half of Twilight, basically nothing happens. It goes like this:
BELLA: Hello! I am older than my age and am deliberately traumatizing myself by moving from Phoenix to Forks, which I shall describe as grey numerous times. Though not nearly as many times as I g on about being so clumsy I can’t take two steps without something happening. I think I’m plain and uninteresting, despite usually describing myself as Snow White half the time. I somehow have a huge ego and low self-esteem at the same time.
EVERY BOY IN FORKS: OMG BELLA YOU ARE HOT AND INTERESTING! Let me trip over my tongue trying to impress you.
EVERY GIRL IN FORKS BUT ONE: OMG BELLA YOU ARE SO INTERESTING! Let’s be friends!
THE ONE OTHER GIRL: This is me not falling all over myself in adoration of this girl just because she’s the main character.
MEGAN: I may like you.
THE ONE OTHER GIRL: Because the guy I like likes you.
MEGAN: KEYBOARD SMASH
BELLA: I am 80% oblivious to this because it doesn’t fit my chosen worldview, and do not understand why boys keep hanging on me as I only have eyes for the ivory skinned boy with bronze hair, eyes that change color, and a voice that I have constantly refer to as “musical.”
EDWARD: Hello, I am he of the musical voice and eyes that change color.
MEGAN: Hey, is there a drinking game for when we hear about the musical voice?
EDWARD: Quiet, you. You could be reading Dan Brown instead. And did you initially mistype my name as “Edweird?”
MEGAN: I cannot answer that, because you told me to be quiet.*
EDWARD: As I was saying, I am he of the musical voice-Why are you lining up shot glasses?-and shall be inexplicably rude to Bella.
BELLA: Which fascinates me, even though the silent treatment deprives me of you melodious, musical voice. Uhm, was that a doubleshot?
EDWARD: I shall make cryptic comments and summon you to my side-
BELLA: And I shall obey immediately, for how else will I get to hear your musical intonations?
EDWARD:-and then suddenly be cold and rude to you for not apparent reason and disappear.
BELLA: Which makes be sad, because then I am deprived of your musical voice.
EDWARD: I shall also use my musical voice to tell you that I have decided we are going to have a relationship
BELLA: I am lulled into complacency by your musical voice and will not really question this until you have once again.
MEGAN: *tipsy*
And then there is the “Do I dazzle you?” scene, after which is:
EDWARD: Clearly, you are too clumsy to survive on your own.
BELLA: Despite the fact that I have managed this just fine for 17 years, your purring voice tells me that this is true.
EDWARD: Here, let me patronizingly try to control your every move.
BELLA: I may object to this, but your purring voice stifles my objections.
EDWARD: Here, let me patronizingly try to get you to have to rely on me for transportation
BELLA: I may object to this, but your purring voice stifles my objections.
EDWARD: Also, I will use my psychic powers to eavesdrop on all your conversations with your friends and know what you’re up to all the time. Not to mention what they all really think.
BELLA: I may really object to this, but your purring voice stifles most of my objections.
MEGAN: If he “mushically purrsh,” ish that a whole bottle?
And on and on and on. And then every action Bella takes is described in minute detail. ** Completely by accident (because it’s pretty obviously unimaginative writing and the lack of a much needed pair of editorial scissors) this manages to perfectly convey the endless tedium of being a bored high school student with few hobbies and little ambition. Unlike real life, though, fiction needs to have something actually happening to carry a story.
Here’s the thing about Bella, and I think this is part of why people hate her and, I think, also part of why so many teens flock to her: Bella is pure, unfiltered teen. She’s bored. She’s petulant. She’s proud of when she gets her way by complaining. She sees herself as older than her years. She sees herself as the smartest one around. She wants to call her parents by their first names because she thinks she’s as mature as they are. She thinks they can’t get by without her. She sulks. She’s self-absorbed. She is entirely unaware of anything in the world outside of her life and interests. She is completely unaware of most of this, and the parts she is aware of, she thinks are a good thing.
She is, in short, a teenager.
Of course, teenagers, on the whole, have plenty of redeeming qualities that make them people, as opposed to a collection of faults, and all people have different faults to differing degrees. They also exist in the world around them, and the people who meet them form opinions of them based on their flaws and virtues both as seen through their own perspective, which exists outside of the teenager’s perspective.
The thing is, in fiction, we usually get teenagers through an adult filter. Some of these faults will show up as character flaws that the protagonist has to rise above. But the protagonist will be caring. S/he will notice the needs of others. If s/he does not, there will be negative consequences. S/he will persevere by connecting with the world around her/him and leaving her/his personal bubble in the process. S/he will, at some point, be at least a little self-sacrificing. Will learn to respect others. Etc. Etc.
But the character who remains self-absorbed, who never learns to put the world around her/him first, who continues to see her/himself as a special snowflake? That character is the antagonist. The one the main character is supposed to be better than. The one who loses out in the end.
And that’s Bella. Bella lacks that filter, and the book is written so deeply into her perspective that absolutely nothing exists outside of it. There’s a scene where Bella is summoned by Edward to the table he sits at with his siblings. I have no idea if they’re at the table because only Edward exists in her world. In fact, none of Edward’s 4 siblings have had a single line yet. They’ve only been mentioned, because in Bella’s world, they’re irrelevant at this point. (Which is why, even though she’s technically been there, THERE HAS BEEN NO ALICE. Who is my favorite, as much as I can have a favorite here.) There’s no hint of a criticism of her POV, and absolutely no insight to the world that isn’t formed by her thoughts and observations. We have, for the most part, nothing to buffer her worst traits, and there is no self-awareness whatsoever to the voice. The world of Twilight exists completely in her head
The funny (and by “funny” I mean “if only this was a better writer”) thing about Meyer is that, by complete accident and due to little imagination (it was all used up by the sparkling) and the need to have things happen in minute detail, she…accidentally stumbles into various potentially interesting things/portrayals, and then they’re basically wasted due to the other 99.5% of it.
So, lets talk about “vampires in high school.” Or rather, pause a moment to go “wtf?” I’m told that Meyer claims L.J. Smith as one of her inspirations. (I’m also told she says she didn’t know much about vampires before writing the series. Rumors need to make up their minds.) Sadly, reading this knowing that, I can see that. You have vampire families, vampires hunting forest creatures, the basic elements of the romantic plotline, and, of course, vampires in high school. Unfortunately, she didn’t use anything that makes LJS work. But to stay on the “vampires in high school” subject, LJS’s vampires come in two varieties. The first and most common is actual teenagers. As in people who were born less than twenty years ago. The other category is Stefan Salvatore. In both the book and TV series, Stefan attends high school for the specific purpose of meeting and interacting with Elena in what is, for her, a safe and neutral territory. No Elena, no high school.
There’s actually a fairly vicious circle there, when you consider that The Vampire Diaries altered the plot of the books partly to appeal more to Twilight fans. Needless to say, of course, both Stefans are offended to think that they have anything to do with Edward Cullen, and both versions are far superior to Edward. (Actually, if I were to compare Edward to any Salvatore, it’d be TV!Damon. Patronizing, controlling, stalking, no respect for personal boundaries, obsession with a human girl who he perceives to be some sort of virtuous salvation, the belief that his power gives him the right to infringe on the privacy and personal boundaries of others, etc.)
In Twilight, though, the vampires just…attend high school for no apparent reason. They don’t interact with other students. They skip classes. (And teachers apparently don’t care.) They get food and then sit in the cafeteria without eating it. They proclaim their Otherness with every single thing they do. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. They aren’t maintaining a connection with humanity because they aren’t interacting with humanity. They’re isolating themselves by surrounding themselves with humans and not connecting with them.
And it all seems so inconvenient. They have to leave town every couple of weeks to eat. They can’t go to school if it’s sunny.mention They have to skip anything that might involve bodily fluids of any sort. And did I where they don’t interact with other students and sit in the cafeteria with food that they don’t eat? They’d be less ostentatious if they stayed home and claimed to be home schooled, or to be legal adults who didn’t go to college or have jobs. For that matter, I’d actually totally get it if they were going to college and getting every degree ever. But as it is, it just makes no sense at all.
And now, there is a Friends of the Librarian booksale waiting for me. Hopefully with many actual good books.
*I totally did.
**Back when Twilight was first getting really big, a male coworker was loaned the book by a friend. About halfway through, he asked me, with a fair degree of concern, if it was ok that he was happy people were trying to kill her. Then he hastily explained that he didn’t want Bella hurt, much less dead, it was just that something was finally happening.