2 different topics, similar root
Recently, there was a spate of posts regarding rape, kicked off by 
cereta's post on rape and men. There were a lot of responses at the time, but for now, I'll just link to
rachelmanija's follow-up post. I didn't post on it at the time because, frankly, I was pretty much a walking zombie for a few days there. Today at work, I was reminded of it, though, and how differently men and women view the threat at work.
This week and next week, I'm giving a coworker a ride home because the woman who usually gives him a ride is out of town. Today, I told him during one of our breaks that I wanted to take off as soon as we got off because I needed to go to Wal-Mart. A bit later, another male coworker asked why I was in a hurry, since Wal-Mart doesn't close, and he knows I stay up late. I told him I wanted to be done by 10 pm, when it would get really dark and the parking lot would thin out. He was confused, because he thought that would be the best time to go, since parking would be easier and there would be fewer people to navigate, and didn't understand why I, a 5'1" woman who would be there alone, would want to be gone by then for just that reason. Because I don't want to be alone in a parking lot at night where there are objects people could hide behind.
It reminded me of a somewhat similar event in college. I was meeting several classmates to work on a group project in one of the dorms. I lived off-campus and parked at the closest parking lot I knew of for off-campus students, not realizing that there was a small one right beside the dorms. It was only a five minute walk, and we thought we'd finish before it was dark. Of course, we didn't finish before dark, and while the path i'd have to follow to get back to my car was well traveled during the day, it was practically deserted at night, though with trees and buildings along the way. I'd mentioned where I parked when I arrived, and one of the guys in the group was planning to go somewhere with one of the other guys after we finished, but told him to wait a few minutes. When the other guy asked why, he said that it was so he could walk me to my car. I hadn't asked him to, but was grateful for the offer, The other guy was confused, and asked if I was worried, especially since it would only take a few minutes, and I replied that it was a well lit area, but that I'd be grateful. He didn't make a deal of it because he wasn't a jerk. He just didn't understand why there would be concern about me walking alone to my car in the dark on what was likely to be a deserted path.*
**
Neither of these are cases of a man not believing that a woman should have any fear of a physical attack, sexual or otherwise. Both were thinking in terms of probability. It would be night, but it would be lit, and for a short time period. The probability of danger is low. Women, however, can't really think in terms of probability. We have to think in terms of possibility. Because if a man walks up to them in the dark, he's probably just asking for directions or mentioning that we dropped something. But if we don't know him, we don't know that. People don't come with "rapist" or "mugger" written on their foreheads. We know it's probably safe to walk from the door to our car in the dark. But if it's not safe, if we are in actual danger, we have no way to know that for sure until it's probably too late to not get hurt or robbed.*** When we're grateful that a man walks us to our car, or that the security guard stands in the doorway until he sees us get in our car, or we actively avoid lonely paths or parking lots alone at night, we aren't being weak. We aren't relying on a man to protect us because we can't. We're being cautious of a threat that is very real, even if we don't think it ever actually would happen to us. We can't afford to risk relying on probability instead of possibility.
On a completely different yet tangentially related subject, when I was looking at pictures from the Iran protests earlier, I noticed that many of the better circulated (and higher quality) pictures were of attractive young women. I didn't put a lot of thought into it at the time, assuming that it was a choice on the parts of the photographers because photographic young women tend to get people's attention. I was wrong. Or at least, partly so.
So, when you see this woman with red fingernails, she's not just risking arrest for holding that sign, she's risking it for the shade of her nail polish.
*I should probably also mention that I was 19 then, but looked about 15. I was about 23 before I stopped looking like everyone's underaged little sister.
**There's also the time I was browsing the SFF section of Waldenbooks and a voice 2 feet behind me and about 7 inches above my head said "Excuse me, are you single?" His response to my flustered attempt to not go "OMG WHAT WHY ARE YOU ASKING WHO ARE YOU?" was that he thought I was cute and that being direct would be best, but he figured out pretty quickly that he'd made me nervous. Interestingly, I mentioned it to someone later for his feedback, and he said that the guy was probably just trying to flirt, and I shouldn't have been worried.
***Yes, I know men face the danger of a mugger-or even a rapist-too, but a predator in these situations is far more likely to prey on a woman alone-possibly even two women-than a man.
cereta's post on rape and men. There were a lot of responses at the time, but for now, I'll just link to
rachelmanija's follow-up post. I didn't post on it at the time because, frankly, I was pretty much a walking zombie for a few days there. Today at work, I was reminded of it, though, and how differently men and women view the threat at work.
This week and next week, I'm giving a coworker a ride home because the woman who usually gives him a ride is out of town. Today, I told him during one of our breaks that I wanted to take off as soon as we got off because I needed to go to Wal-Mart. A bit later, another male coworker asked why I was in a hurry, since Wal-Mart doesn't close, and he knows I stay up late. I told him I wanted to be done by 10 pm, when it would get really dark and the parking lot would thin out. He was confused, because he thought that would be the best time to go, since parking would be easier and there would be fewer people to navigate, and didn't understand why I, a 5'1" woman who would be there alone, would want to be gone by then for just that reason. Because I don't want to be alone in a parking lot at night where there are objects people could hide behind.
It reminded me of a somewhat similar event in college. I was meeting several classmates to work on a group project in one of the dorms. I lived off-campus and parked at the closest parking lot I knew of for off-campus students, not realizing that there was a small one right beside the dorms. It was only a five minute walk, and we thought we'd finish before it was dark. Of course, we didn't finish before dark, and while the path i'd have to follow to get back to my car was well traveled during the day, it was practically deserted at night, though with trees and buildings along the way. I'd mentioned where I parked when I arrived, and one of the guys in the group was planning to go somewhere with one of the other guys after we finished, but told him to wait a few minutes. When the other guy asked why, he said that it was so he could walk me to my car. I hadn't asked him to, but was grateful for the offer, The other guy was confused, and asked if I was worried, especially since it would only take a few minutes, and I replied that it was a well lit area, but that I'd be grateful. He didn't make a deal of it because he wasn't a jerk. He just didn't understand why there would be concern about me walking alone to my car in the dark on what was likely to be a deserted path.*
**
Neither of these are cases of a man not believing that a woman should have any fear of a physical attack, sexual or otherwise. Both were thinking in terms of probability. It would be night, but it would be lit, and for a short time period. The probability of danger is low. Women, however, can't really think in terms of probability. We have to think in terms of possibility. Because if a man walks up to them in the dark, he's probably just asking for directions or mentioning that we dropped something. But if we don't know him, we don't know that. People don't come with "rapist" or "mugger" written on their foreheads. We know it's probably safe to walk from the door to our car in the dark. But if it's not safe, if we are in actual danger, we have no way to know that for sure until it's probably too late to not get hurt or robbed.*** When we're grateful that a man walks us to our car, or that the security guard stands in the doorway until he sees us get in our car, or we actively avoid lonely paths or parking lots alone at night, we aren't being weak. We aren't relying on a man to protect us because we can't. We're being cautious of a threat that is very real, even if we don't think it ever actually would happen to us. We can't afford to risk relying on probability instead of possibility.
On a completely different yet tangentially related subject, when I was looking at pictures from the Iran protests earlier, I noticed that many of the better circulated (and higher quality) pictures were of attractive young women. I didn't put a lot of thought into it at the time, assuming that it was a choice on the parts of the photographers because photographic young women tend to get people's attention. I was wrong. Or at least, partly so.
So, when you see this woman with red fingernails, she's not just risking arrest for holding that sign, she's risking it for the shade of her nail polish.
*I should probably also mention that I was 19 then, but looked about 15. I was about 23 before I stopped looking like everyone's underaged little sister.
**There's also the time I was browsing the SFF section of Waldenbooks and a voice 2 feet behind me and about 7 inches above my head said "Excuse me, are you single?" His response to my flustered attempt to not go "OMG WHAT WHY ARE YOU ASKING WHO ARE YOU?" was that he thought I was cute and that being direct would be best, but he figured out pretty quickly that he'd made me nervous. Interestingly, I mentioned it to someone later for his feedback, and he said that the guy was probably just trying to flirt, and I shouldn't have been worried.
***Yes, I know men face the danger of a mugger-or even a rapist-too, but a predator in these situations is far more likely to prey on a woman alone-possibly even two women-than a man.