You're gonna get whatever you need.
My plans for the week weren't set in stone, but in a notebook I'd been messing around in while inside the trailer of my last photoshoot. There was a lot I needed to remember and I'd forgotten to bring my planner, so someone gave me a notebook to use at the time. I was drawing weird stuff, flowers, hearts, random stick figures sketched alongside the words I jotted for later. I had a couple meetings to go to about a movie that I'm supposed to do, and I was playing with the idea of being with family for the holiday. Work and home, like most people's holiday. I'd settled on it when I got back to my apartment and found my phone. As I was programming some things in the planner, I got a text that changed everything. He was leaving the next morning and would be gone for the week. And I felt a little lightheaded. Which isn't too strange, I can get like that when it comes to him.
But anyway, he told me that they were going to Spain and would be gone for the entire week. And as those words stood in the air, I let them unfold over and over in the silence ringing in my head. I think I was comprehending them as though he told me he'd be going to moon for the week. You'd have to understand our former three or so weeks dating to get why this was so dramatic to me. A whole week not being able to get hold of him easily, my mind couldn't even wrap around it completely without feeling sort of panicked by it. It was going to be our first time separated and my mind was trying to figure out how to handle it. With not much success by the way, since I am sort of air-headed and I was coming up with nothing but a sort of shrieking sound somewhere in the back of my skull. All of this occurring within the ten seconds before he said he wanted me to come with him in the next breath. With that breath, I started breathing again.
I'll lie and say that I thought about it for about a whole half hour before I snapped up his offer and started packing. I said good-bye to my notebook paper plans and the little stick figures I'd sketched on it, and I got my mind prepared. He gave me a schedule on where we'd be going. Spain, Germany, Rome. That was the plan. And then he gave me some idea of what to expect. And when that didn't scare me away, we got on a plane the following morning and that's about when I met his group. The time on the plane over was sort of a blur, I'll admit that. It was long, with a lot of just messing around, answering some questions, watching the four of them talk, looking out the window, getting up and down, and eventually falling asleep. But once we got there, that's when it started.
The whole week was all new to me and he said I handled it well, but gosh, I have no idea. It was overwhelming and exhausting to just be around for it, I can't even imagine going through just some of that insanity all the time. For months at a time when they tour. I don't even know how it's possible. I couldn't even handle a lot at a time. But I was around for some of it. Often hanging back and watching them as they prepared. Or sitting around with their bodyguards, pressing one of them for some details. Fun enough, but a lot of it I was better off left behind at the hotel, while they went on about their work and I stayed out of the way. The screaming girls are like alien life forms, they're hardly human. You don't even realize voice levels can reach that pitch until you realize that you're way too close to them and they could end up dangerous. Sure, there are fans out there that get excited but I'd never seen anything like this type of excited, and so many of them. All while trying to find some way to get around them. It reminded me of a scene in the movie The Faculty. I felt like we were looking out from on the inside and trying to keep away from the aliens wanting to wrap us up to be one of them. It was a lot to take in. And because of much of this, around the morning of the third day, I felt I needed a nap. I stayed behind and he kissed me good-bye. The same night of that same day, he came back to the hotel with a freaking gash in his forehead from the crazy girls clawing to get at him as he tried to leave the hotel earlier. And then I decided that staying home that morning was for the best since I would have had to murder someone who could be likely to be under the age of 18. It was outrageous to think anyone could do that to him, accidental or not. But it was taken care of it best I could imagine afterward, murderous intent forgotten.
On our flight home, we were quiet for a long time. I was flipping through a magazine and he was beside me listening to his ipod. I was trying to read through my horoscope for next month. It basically doomed all business, relationships, and friendships but told me to keep myself happy because it would get better. I lifted my head to look at him and he met my eyes, offering up the other half of his earphones, "Listen to this song, it's good."
As I sat there beside him and let the song play in my ear, I decided horoscopes are probably crap. Because if next month goes anything like this one, happy is all I'm going to be.
But anyway, he told me that they were going to Spain and would be gone for the entire week. And as those words stood in the air, I let them unfold over and over in the silence ringing in my head. I think I was comprehending them as though he told me he'd be going to moon for the week. You'd have to understand our former three or so weeks dating to get why this was so dramatic to me. A whole week not being able to get hold of him easily, my mind couldn't even wrap around it completely without feeling sort of panicked by it. It was going to be our first time separated and my mind was trying to figure out how to handle it. With not much success by the way, since I am sort of air-headed and I was coming up with nothing but a sort of shrieking sound somewhere in the back of my skull. All of this occurring within the ten seconds before he said he wanted me to come with him in the next breath. With that breath, I started breathing again.
I'll lie and say that I thought about it for about a whole half hour before I snapped up his offer and started packing. I said good-bye to my notebook paper plans and the little stick figures I'd sketched on it, and I got my mind prepared. He gave me a schedule on where we'd be going. Spain, Germany, Rome. That was the plan. And then he gave me some idea of what to expect. And when that didn't scare me away, we got on a plane the following morning and that's about when I met his group. The time on the plane over was sort of a blur, I'll admit that. It was long, with a lot of just messing around, answering some questions, watching the four of them talk, looking out the window, getting up and down, and eventually falling asleep. But once we got there, that's when it started.
The whole week was all new to me and he said I handled it well, but gosh, I have no idea. It was overwhelming and exhausting to just be around for it, I can't even imagine going through just some of that insanity all the time. For months at a time when they tour. I don't even know how it's possible. I couldn't even handle a lot at a time. But I was around for some of it. Often hanging back and watching them as they prepared. Or sitting around with their bodyguards, pressing one of them for some details. Fun enough, but a lot of it I was better off left behind at the hotel, while they went on about their work and I stayed out of the way. The screaming girls are like alien life forms, they're hardly human. You don't even realize voice levels can reach that pitch until you realize that you're way too close to them and they could end up dangerous. Sure, there are fans out there that get excited but I'd never seen anything like this type of excited, and so many of them. All while trying to find some way to get around them. It reminded me of a scene in the movie The Faculty. I felt like we were looking out from on the inside and trying to keep away from the aliens wanting to wrap us up to be one of them. It was a lot to take in. And because of much of this, around the morning of the third day, I felt I needed a nap. I stayed behind and he kissed me good-bye. The same night of that same day, he came back to the hotel with a freaking gash in his forehead from the crazy girls clawing to get at him as he tried to leave the hotel earlier. And then I decided that staying home that morning was for the best since I would have had to murder someone who could be likely to be under the age of 18. It was outrageous to think anyone could do that to him, accidental or not. But it was taken care of it best I could imagine afterward, murderous intent forgotten.
On our flight home, we were quiet for a long time. I was flipping through a magazine and he was beside me listening to his ipod. I was trying to read through my horoscope for next month. It basically doomed all business, relationships, and friendships but told me to keep myself happy because it would get better. I lifted my head to look at him and he met my eyes, offering up the other half of his earphones, "Listen to this song, it's good."
As I sat there beside him and let the song play in my ear, I decided horoscopes are probably crap. Because if next month goes anything like this one, happy is all I'm going to be.