apathy permeates
i think i've had enough disappointments up to this point in my life that it's hard for me to get excited when there's actual potential of something happening. this could be an ideal situation, but i sort of feel like there's not even any point in trying, because it's bound to end in failure. it's frustrating, because there's a pretty good chance that if i put some effort into this, things with him could turn out really well. but there's still that chance that it wouldn't work out, so i'm playing it safe [read: lazy]. i don't want to be the fool again. the one with my heart smeared all over my sleeve for everyone to see, so that when he walks away, all that's left for me to do is pick up the shards of my dignity and paste on a smile. laugh it off, it will work someday. just not this time. i'm tired. someone fucking tell me what to do.