up yours.
ya know
i re-read my last entry
and it kinda cracks me up
cuz
i think ive numbed myself into not feeling
anything.
i just quit. i dont get attached anymore. at all. to anyone.
i dont stop myself from feeling.
i just dont feel in the first place.
wtf is happening? is that what it takes for me to pass as normal - to just stop feeling angry or upset or ecstatic? does everything have to be flatlined into two categories: fine or stressed? when was the last time i wasnt stressed?????
i dont fucking remember.
i just remember rushing through all the shit i have to do to fall into bed then do it all over again. wtf is that? i havent dated in fuckin forever. yeah, ive actually got some friends - but really - when was the last time i talked about shit???
i dont.
somebody told me today that they hug me and i dont hug back. not really. i just kinda squeeze and let go as fast as i can. i dont look em in the eye when they do it. its too emotional, too vulnerable or somethin.
oops? i just deaden myself to people now.
so why is it that i still feel like shit?
its not anything that will break me - its not dramatic or loud or eye-catching. its just a general feeling. of shitiness. its not about anything in particular. it just is. thats the way life is.
cold hearted at last.
or somethin like that.
i guess.
maybe its just a phase.
maybe it means nothing.
maybe all of this is the end of something.
maybe im just blowing this outta proportion. teen angst, mood swings. maybe im just being a whiny attention whore. (its a real good possibility...)
maybe its just me telling myself
that ill be fine.
maybe youll call me up and tell me you care.
maybe.
or maybe not.
i re-read my last entry
and it kinda cracks me up
cuz
i think ive numbed myself into not feeling
anything.
i just quit. i dont get attached anymore. at all. to anyone.
i dont stop myself from feeling.
i just dont feel in the first place.
wtf is happening? is that what it takes for me to pass as normal - to just stop feeling angry or upset or ecstatic? does everything have to be flatlined into two categories: fine or stressed? when was the last time i wasnt stressed?????
i dont fucking remember.
i just remember rushing through all the shit i have to do to fall into bed then do it all over again. wtf is that? i havent dated in fuckin forever. yeah, ive actually got some friends - but really - when was the last time i talked about shit???
i dont.
somebody told me today that they hug me and i dont hug back. not really. i just kinda squeeze and let go as fast as i can. i dont look em in the eye when they do it. its too emotional, too vulnerable or somethin.
oops? i just deaden myself to people now.
so why is it that i still feel like shit?
its not anything that will break me - its not dramatic or loud or eye-catching. its just a general feeling. of shitiness. its not about anything in particular. it just is. thats the way life is.
cold hearted at last.
or somethin like that.
i guess.
maybe its just a phase.
maybe it means nothing.
maybe all of this is the end of something.
maybe im just blowing this outta proportion. teen angst, mood swings. maybe im just being a whiny attention whore. (its a real good possibility...)
maybe its just me telling myself
that ill be fine.
maybe youll call me up and tell me you care.
maybe.
or maybe not.