(no subject)
this morning i woke up
and i seriously had to ask myself;
"what the fuck have i become?"
last night we were doing the quiji board
and this is basically what we got out of it
-chris is going to die when he's 26
-stefan's going to die when he's 20 because of naturally causes when he goes over to iraq for the war
-kati's going to be married to someone with the initials ICG with no kids and die in a car accident because she was stoned when she's 25
-dustin's going to die when he's 46, because of alcohal and he WON'T be having a good time when it happens
-josh is going to live to be 94 and die when he's ran over by a skidder
-amber's going to have 3 kids and die when she's 50 because of heart failure
and i'm going to have lung cancer die when i'm 62. married and have 6 kids.
but that's not the bothering part, the part that made me cry, the point when i started crying was when it gave me the father's initals. AJG (AJs initials) and then justin's initials. yeah and for those who are all like oh those things are full of shit, i'm the only one that knows both AJ and justins initials that was touching that fucking thing at the time, and i barely was touching it.
i was like yeah thats bullshit, so i asked it if he'd ever stop doing drugs, me being convinced he'll never change...and it said yes. and that we'd our first kid when i was 17. meaning we're not gonna have 1, but 2. and it never said who i was gonna be married to.
and now it's just fucking bothering me.
plus lately AJs been acting weird. maybe it's just cause we haven't been spending much time together lately, but i dont know.
it's been the last couple weeks ive noticed it.
and normally id be like yeah hes just got a lot going on right now
cause he sure as hell does
but he just says nothings wrong
and what bothers me the most about that is that
justin did the same thing to me
one day he was fine, the next he was all weird and it just went downhill from there
AND THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING NOW
and to be honest, like i told him, i'm fucking scared
and i don't know what to do.