Wrong

Mar 28, 2006 20:48

I'm so tired of this lifeless talk that seems to be a routine on the phone... Makes me wonder why I called the person in the first place.. I hate calling when someone is watching or doing something because then I feel like I'm barging. As ppl have told me before I'm not, but thats just how I feel about it.. I want to have some FUN.. My life is pointless. Worthless.. I can't even keep my friendships fun/happyish.. I don't want to be alive anymore... Oh well... I'm stuck. So I'll just stick around and let everything else move about either downhill or uphill.. You know, some interesting things went on today... Too bad I don't feel like putting anything down about them.. Too bad I want to die... or just sleep... and sleep.. Not wake up.. Dream where everything is perfect.. No feelings from myself to put up with.. Miranda and I wouldn't go through the shit that we do-just seems to be our friendship as of lately.. I screw it all up.. as everything else in my life.. I worried about Sarah and I because i just seemed like between Jessie and the races and us not really talking like we used to we were drifting.. I called and talked to her tonight and it seriously helped. I think we are getting back on track.. Its funny how in some ways I would like to die/disappear and then in some situations I believe things are going good again and going back to normal.. Sad thing is.. I'm starting to really be disgusted with myself... I'm "Megan-the quiet and lonely." Something is seriously wrong with me..
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