Cherries & Porcupines (part 7)
Long story short, this chapter contains some action and some fluff too. No cliff hanger this time. ^-^ Enjoy!
“What on Earth was that?”
“I thought you reinforced the security here!”
“I did! I just didn’t think they’d come through the basement!”
“They? Who are they?”
“I don’t know! Anyone!”
Minion burst in the room, still wearing his pink apron.
“Sir? Miss Ritchi? Are you all right?”
“We’re fine, Minion, but now there’s a hole in the floor”, Roxanne told him. “Let’s investigate to know what caused it. Either one of Megamind’s old doomsday machines malfunctioned, either someone placed a bomb here.”
I don’t know which option is scarier…
“If it was one of my evil devices, the explosion would have been much bigger. This”, the blue man said, pointing at the gap in the floor, “was done by an amateur.”
The hole was large enough for Minion’s gorilla suit to fit through and there were debris everywhere, but the brain-bots could handle it easily. It wouldn’t be the first time they repaired or rebuild something.
“Dear, you really should make sure your old stuff won’t explode, or I’m not moving to your lair.”
Megamind leant over to check if there were any damages in the basement, lost his balance and was saved just in time by his sidekick who grabbed his cape to prevent his fall.
The reformed super villain took a step back.
“It was not one of my inventions! Someone dug a tunnel, look!”
Roxanne leant over the hole while her boyfriend was holding her to make sure she wouldn’t lose her balance as well.
“I see. Whoever did this is gonna regret it” she said while straightening up and grabbing her own dehydration gun in her pocket.
I just wanted to have ONE serious discussion with my boyfriend. Just some alone time without being interrupted by an alarm or explosion or anything. Is it too much to ask for?
The two aliens and the human went downstairs to investigate.
“If they wanted to destroy the place or kill us, they’d have used more explosives”, Roxanne thought aloud. “So why did they -”
She was interrupted by Minion pointing one of his large robotic fingers towards the ceiling. There was enough dynamite attached up there to make the entire thing collapse on their head.
Megamind immediately called his brain-bots to remove the explosives as he went near the middle of the basement, not far from the Roxie-bots, where the entrance of the tunnel was.
The only way anyone can enter without being seen by my brain-bots is through the soil. I’ll make sure no-one will be able to dig here ever again…
“Something’s not right”, Roxanne whispered. “They dig a tunnel, they put dynamite all over the ceiling of the basement, only a small part of it explodes and no-one’s guarding the entrance of the tunnel or anything.”
“Remember that one time I lured Metro Man into going in an abandoned building only to blow it up and have it collapse on his head?” Megamind reminded her. “The first explosion was no accident. It was a bah-sick trap.”
“It’s ‘basic’, sir”, Minion corrected.
“That’s what I said. Now let’s go down that tunnel.”
Roxanne grabbed the blue alien by the arm before he could come closer to the hole.
“Wait, you know this is a trap but you’re going in regardless?”
“That’s what heroes do.”
“Dear, being a hero doesn’t mean you can’t use your high intelligence anymore.”
He couldn’t help feeling a bit proud when he heard the woman he loved recognizing his amazing intellect, even though the recognition was small.
He looked up at his brain-bots (that were busy removing all the explosives and storing them in another part of the lair) and ordered :
“When you are finished, Daddy wants you to inspect that tunnel. If you see anything suspicious, come back immediately.”
And then, they waited. About 15 minutes later, the spike-less and limbless brain-bot got out of the tunnel, carried by its sister and followed by a couple of its brothers. It was still glowing, but obviously couldn’t fly anymore.
Megamind took the damaged little robot from the pink one’s “hands” and held it in his arms as if it was a baby.
“Mxtd, what happened to you? Who did that? Looks like you’ve been shot! Daddy will repair you as soon as whoever did this to you will be taken care of, I promise.”
Her boyfriend seemed so worried about his brain-bot Roxanne didn’t even pay attention to the unusual name he had given to it.
The pink brain-bot (or Clarice as its “daddy” called it) took the damaged one back and flew through the hole in the ceiling, bringing it to another part of the lair.
Megamind’s eyes darkened. Roxanne had never seen such anger in him before, even in his villainous days. He was about to enter the tunnel, de-gun in hand, when Minion stopped him with his large robotic hand.
“I’m not gonna let you get shot like Mxtd has just been, sir. I’ll go first.”
Wait, how can they pronounce THIS?
“I’m going with you” Roxanne decided, holding her dehydration gun firmly in her hand.
The tone of her voice made it clear it wasn’t negotiable.
All three of them entered the tunnel, walking in the dark as quietly as they could.
A few moments later, the tunnel lit up, blinding them ; before their eyes could adjust, they heard several gunshots, but fortunately Minion’s gorilla suit shielded Megamind and Roxanne from the bullets. The fish made sure the two humanoids were safe behind his back then covered his bowl with his hands to protect it until the gunshots stopped.
They had entered a larger portion of the tunnel which was filled with wooden crates behind which four men armed with handguns stood, ready to hide if necessary. They didn’t wear any particular uniform or logo but were dressed just like regular people.
“It’s that talking fish! Stop shooting, it’s no use!” ordered one of them.
The others obeyed then looked at the alien fish’s apron, confused. The one who had just spoken had to violently nudge the man on his left in the ribs to prevent him from laughing out loud. Megamind took this occasion to burst forth and shout “YOU’RE GONNA REGRET INJURING MY BRAIN-BOT!” before firing his de-gun and dehydrate one of the foes. The others immediately ducked, hiding behind the crates which the blue hero dehydrated too before being able to do the same to a second foe.
Suddenly, from a corner which wasn’t properly lit by the lamp above them, a fifth man emerged, pointing a gun at Roxanne’s head.
“You traitor to your own species…” he growled.
As she heard Megamind shout her name as he turned around, ready to save her, she reacted on instinct, raising her own gun and turning the man into a glowing blue cube.
“Nice shot, Roxanne!” her boyfriend commented, relieved to see she was alive.
He had barely finished his sentence when the foe who had spoken first shot him in the back ; Roxanne dropped her dehydration gun and rushed at the injured alien, wrapping him in her arms. Minion’s right arm grabbed the man who had shot his friend while the left extended to prevent the one who laughed at his apron from escaping.
Megamind soon dehydrated the last two foes while his girlfriend helped him keep his balance.
“Let’s take those goons to the police station now”, he said.
“No, we have to take you to the hospital first!” his girlfriend objected.
“No, not the hospital! I hate hospitals! I hate doctors! I have everything I need in Evil Lair!”
The blue alien felt weaker and dizzier as blood slowly escaped his body, tainting the inside of his cape.
“We have our own infirmary”, Minion explained. “I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”
The lair’s “infirmary” was just a small room full of diverse instruments and machines Roxanne didn’t know the purpose of. Then again, so was the rest of the lair, but this particular room was warmer and much cleaner.
The reporter had been allowed inside only after Minion and one of the brain-bots had extracted the bullet and healed Megamind’s wound. He was lucky his spine was intact.
He was currently lying face down on a bed which was stolen from Metro City’s hospital years ago. His usual leather attire had been replaced by a custom black hospital gown with blue lightning bolts all over it. The lower part of his body was covered by the blanket.
Roxanne was sitting on a chair next to him, holding his hand. Minion had assured her the blue man healed really fast and the wound would completely disappear overnight. Once she had promised the fish she would take care of his friend, he left to take care of the dehydration cubes in the tunnel. The human had insisted on staying at her boyfriend’s side until he had fully recovered.
“Thank you for staying with me, honey” he said once his mind wasn’t clouded by the lack of blood anymore.
“That’s the least I can do for Metrocity’s hero. Hum, I mean, Metro City!”
Megamind couldn’t help giggling at Roxanne picking up his mispronunciation ; however he was cut short by the pain. His girlfriend noticed.
“Dear, are you ok? Didn’t Minion give you enough painkillers?”
“He would have if there was any painkiller on this planet that wasn’t a poison to me”, the alien replied. “But I’ll be fine. It’s not the first time I’ve been injured.”
She caressed his hand.
“I’ll do my best to keep you distracted so you’ll focus on something other than the pain, ok?”
Since she didn’t know what else to talk about, she asked him what the machines around them were for.
“This one is for blood. I need more of it than you do to keep my giant brain running, but I can’t receive transfusion from anyone else, so I made this so I can auto-donate and store the blood for later use.”
“And what this one does?”
“It’s a scaneer.”
“You mean ‘scanner’.”
“Yes. It detects and locates injuries. And it plays music too.”
The discussion went on and on as Roxanne convinced Megamind to patent those devices or build more of them for Metro City’s hospital.
By the time Minion came back to change the blue hero’s bandage, they had both fallen asleep.
When Roxanne woke up, she was lying on a mattress, courtesy of a certain fantastic fish who had placed it next to the injured alien’s bed. She straightened up and felt familiar cramps.
“Owww…”
Oh, looks like it arrived earlier than usual. At least this mean it’ll be over before Christmas so that’s a win, I guess…
Megamind opened his large green eyes.
“Are you ok honey?”
“Don’t worry dear, I’m used to it. I’ll go to the bathroom and be right back in a few minutes. What about you?”
“I’m ready to kick criminal butts again!”
“Good.”
The human went to the bathroom and came back to the infirmary a few minutes later to find her boyfriend standing up near the open door, fully dressed and watching a few brain-bots leave the room.
“I’ll go repair Mxtd now”, he said after giving Roxanne a quick kiss. “I promised him.”
“How come you can pronounce this but can’t get the name of the city you’ve been living in your whole life right?” she asked.
Megamind shrugged.
“Mxtd was a very common name where I come from. Not all my brain-bots have ‘earthy’ names.”
I see. Alien language.
“Does it mean anything?”
“It means ‘first born’. Minion and I rarely use this language. Even when we’re alone we usually speak in Ee-nglish.”
“English”, Roxanne corrected while wrapping her arms around her boyfriend’s thin torso. “Can you say something else in your language?”
“Sdzxucflg”, Megamind said while pressing his forehead against the human’s.
“What does it mean?”
“It means ‘I love you’.”
She smiled and kissed him tenderly. As always, he was more than happy to reply.
Roxanne broke the kiss when the cramps came back full force.
“Are you sure you’re ok, honey?” the blue man asked her, concerned.
“I’m ok”, she answered. “I know you don’t have painkillers here, but do you have a hot water bottle or something?”
“I can ask Minion to get a glass ready -”
“No, dear, it’s not for drinking. Heat helps ease the pain due to the cramps. One day my mother bought me a hot water bottle and told me pressing it against my belly would make me feel better.”
“I see… If heat makes you feel better, why not use me as your own personal hot water bottle? As you have noticed before, my body temperature is a couple degrees higher than a human’s.”
He removed one of his gloves, let it fall on the mattress on the floor and pressed his hand against Roxanne’s belly.
She smiled. At the beginning of their relationship he would have been too shy to do something like this.
“You’re hot” she commented.
“Are you talking about my body temperature or my rugged good looks?”
“Both”, she laughed.
“…You really think I look hot?” Megamind asked, surprised.
Wow. Not so long ago, the only people who ever complimented my looks were Minion and I… and most of those compliments came from me.
He couldn’t help pressing his lips against hers and explore her mouth with his tongue. She was more than happy to reply.
If only there weren’t all those clothes between us… Roxanne though. No, stop it ; this is certainly not the right time for that! I really want to know what’s hidden in those pants though… Roxanne, try to focus on something else!
She broke the kiss in an attempt to silence her own hormones.
“If you feel warm to me, does that mean I feel cold to you?” she asked, trying to think about something else.
“Not much. I don’t mind anyway. You make me feel warm inside.”
Oh, Megamind, you have no idea how warm YOU make me feel…
They could hear Minion’s voice outside the room :
“Sir! Miss Ritchi! I made you breakfast!”
Note : the alien words were totally created my smashing my keyboard. I wanted them to be unpronounceable for the average human.
“What on Earth was that?”
“I thought you reinforced the security here!”
“I did! I just didn’t think they’d come through the basement!”
“They? Who are they?”
“I don’t know! Anyone!”
Minion burst in the room, still wearing his pink apron.
“Sir? Miss Ritchi? Are you all right?”
“We’re fine, Minion, but now there’s a hole in the floor”, Roxanne told him. “Let’s investigate to know what caused it. Either one of Megamind’s old doomsday machines malfunctioned, either someone placed a bomb here.”
I don’t know which option is scarier…
“If it was one of my evil devices, the explosion would have been much bigger. This”, the blue man said, pointing at the gap in the floor, “was done by an amateur.”
The hole was large enough for Minion’s gorilla suit to fit through and there were debris everywhere, but the brain-bots could handle it easily. It wouldn’t be the first time they repaired or rebuild something.
“Dear, you really should make sure your old stuff won’t explode, or I’m not moving to your lair.”
Megamind leant over to check if there were any damages in the basement, lost his balance and was saved just in time by his sidekick who grabbed his cape to prevent his fall.
The reformed super villain took a step back.
“It was not one of my inventions! Someone dug a tunnel, look!”
Roxanne leant over the hole while her boyfriend was holding her to make sure she wouldn’t lose her balance as well.
“I see. Whoever did this is gonna regret it” she said while straightening up and grabbing her own dehydration gun in her pocket.
I just wanted to have ONE serious discussion with my boyfriend. Just some alone time without being interrupted by an alarm or explosion or anything. Is it too much to ask for?
The two aliens and the human went downstairs to investigate.
“If they wanted to destroy the place or kill us, they’d have used more explosives”, Roxanne thought aloud. “So why did they -”
She was interrupted by Minion pointing one of his large robotic fingers towards the ceiling. There was enough dynamite attached up there to make the entire thing collapse on their head.
Megamind immediately called his brain-bots to remove the explosives as he went near the middle of the basement, not far from the Roxie-bots, where the entrance of the tunnel was.
The only way anyone can enter without being seen by my brain-bots is through the soil. I’ll make sure no-one will be able to dig here ever again…
“Something’s not right”, Roxanne whispered. “They dig a tunnel, they put dynamite all over the ceiling of the basement, only a small part of it explodes and no-one’s guarding the entrance of the tunnel or anything.”
“Remember that one time I lured Metro Man into going in an abandoned building only to blow it up and have it collapse on his head?” Megamind reminded her. “The first explosion was no accident. It was a bah-sick trap.”
“It’s ‘basic’, sir”, Minion corrected.
“That’s what I said. Now let’s go down that tunnel.”
Roxanne grabbed the blue alien by the arm before he could come closer to the hole.
“Wait, you know this is a trap but you’re going in regardless?”
“That’s what heroes do.”
“Dear, being a hero doesn’t mean you can’t use your high intelligence anymore.”
He couldn’t help feeling a bit proud when he heard the woman he loved recognizing his amazing intellect, even though the recognition was small.
He looked up at his brain-bots (that were busy removing all the explosives and storing them in another part of the lair) and ordered :
“When you are finished, Daddy wants you to inspect that tunnel. If you see anything suspicious, come back immediately.”
And then, they waited. About 15 minutes later, the spike-less and limbless brain-bot got out of the tunnel, carried by its sister and followed by a couple of its brothers. It was still glowing, but obviously couldn’t fly anymore.
Megamind took the damaged little robot from the pink one’s “hands” and held it in his arms as if it was a baby.
“Mxtd, what happened to you? Who did that? Looks like you’ve been shot! Daddy will repair you as soon as whoever did this to you will be taken care of, I promise.”
Her boyfriend seemed so worried about his brain-bot Roxanne didn’t even pay attention to the unusual name he had given to it.
The pink brain-bot (or Clarice as its “daddy” called it) took the damaged one back and flew through the hole in the ceiling, bringing it to another part of the lair.
Megamind’s eyes darkened. Roxanne had never seen such anger in him before, even in his villainous days. He was about to enter the tunnel, de-gun in hand, when Minion stopped him with his large robotic hand.
“I’m not gonna let you get shot like Mxtd has just been, sir. I’ll go first.”
Wait, how can they pronounce THIS?
“I’m going with you” Roxanne decided, holding her dehydration gun firmly in her hand.
The tone of her voice made it clear it wasn’t negotiable.
All three of them entered the tunnel, walking in the dark as quietly as they could.
A few moments later, the tunnel lit up, blinding them ; before their eyes could adjust, they heard several gunshots, but fortunately Minion’s gorilla suit shielded Megamind and Roxanne from the bullets. The fish made sure the two humanoids were safe behind his back then covered his bowl with his hands to protect it until the gunshots stopped.
They had entered a larger portion of the tunnel which was filled with wooden crates behind which four men armed with handguns stood, ready to hide if necessary. They didn’t wear any particular uniform or logo but were dressed just like regular people.
“It’s that talking fish! Stop shooting, it’s no use!” ordered one of them.
The others obeyed then looked at the alien fish’s apron, confused. The one who had just spoken had to violently nudge the man on his left in the ribs to prevent him from laughing out loud. Megamind took this occasion to burst forth and shout “YOU’RE GONNA REGRET INJURING MY BRAIN-BOT!” before firing his de-gun and dehydrate one of the foes. The others immediately ducked, hiding behind the crates which the blue hero dehydrated too before being able to do the same to a second foe.
Suddenly, from a corner which wasn’t properly lit by the lamp above them, a fifth man emerged, pointing a gun at Roxanne’s head.
“You traitor to your own species…” he growled.
As she heard Megamind shout her name as he turned around, ready to save her, she reacted on instinct, raising her own gun and turning the man into a glowing blue cube.
“Nice shot, Roxanne!” her boyfriend commented, relieved to see she was alive.
He had barely finished his sentence when the foe who had spoken first shot him in the back ; Roxanne dropped her dehydration gun and rushed at the injured alien, wrapping him in her arms. Minion’s right arm grabbed the man who had shot his friend while the left extended to prevent the one who laughed at his apron from escaping.
Megamind soon dehydrated the last two foes while his girlfriend helped him keep his balance.
“Let’s take those goons to the police station now”, he said.
“No, we have to take you to the hospital first!” his girlfriend objected.
“No, not the hospital! I hate hospitals! I hate doctors! I have everything I need in Evil Lair!”
The blue alien felt weaker and dizzier as blood slowly escaped his body, tainting the inside of his cape.
“We have our own infirmary”, Minion explained. “I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”
The lair’s “infirmary” was just a small room full of diverse instruments and machines Roxanne didn’t know the purpose of. Then again, so was the rest of the lair, but this particular room was warmer and much cleaner.
The reporter had been allowed inside only after Minion and one of the brain-bots had extracted the bullet and healed Megamind’s wound. He was lucky his spine was intact.
He was currently lying face down on a bed which was stolen from Metro City’s hospital years ago. His usual leather attire had been replaced by a custom black hospital gown with blue lightning bolts all over it. The lower part of his body was covered by the blanket.
Roxanne was sitting on a chair next to him, holding his hand. Minion had assured her the blue man healed really fast and the wound would completely disappear overnight. Once she had promised the fish she would take care of his friend, he left to take care of the dehydration cubes in the tunnel. The human had insisted on staying at her boyfriend’s side until he had fully recovered.
“Thank you for staying with me, honey” he said once his mind wasn’t clouded by the lack of blood anymore.
“That’s the least I can do for Metrocity’s hero. Hum, I mean, Metro City!”
Megamind couldn’t help giggling at Roxanne picking up his mispronunciation ; however he was cut short by the pain. His girlfriend noticed.
“Dear, are you ok? Didn’t Minion give you enough painkillers?”
“He would have if there was any painkiller on this planet that wasn’t a poison to me”, the alien replied. “But I’ll be fine. It’s not the first time I’ve been injured.”
She caressed his hand.
“I’ll do my best to keep you distracted so you’ll focus on something other than the pain, ok?”
Since she didn’t know what else to talk about, she asked him what the machines around them were for.
“This one is for blood. I need more of it than you do to keep my giant brain running, but I can’t receive transfusion from anyone else, so I made this so I can auto-donate and store the blood for later use.”
“And what this one does?”
“It’s a scaneer.”
“You mean ‘scanner’.”
“Yes. It detects and locates injuries. And it plays music too.”
The discussion went on and on as Roxanne convinced Megamind to patent those devices or build more of them for Metro City’s hospital.
By the time Minion came back to change the blue hero’s bandage, they had both fallen asleep.
When Roxanne woke up, she was lying on a mattress, courtesy of a certain fantastic fish who had placed it next to the injured alien’s bed. She straightened up and felt familiar cramps.
“Owww…”
Oh, looks like it arrived earlier than usual. At least this mean it’ll be over before Christmas so that’s a win, I guess…
Megamind opened his large green eyes.
“Are you ok honey?”
“Don’t worry dear, I’m used to it. I’ll go to the bathroom and be right back in a few minutes. What about you?”
“I’m ready to kick criminal butts again!”
“Good.”
The human went to the bathroom and came back to the infirmary a few minutes later to find her boyfriend standing up near the open door, fully dressed and watching a few brain-bots leave the room.
“I’ll go repair Mxtd now”, he said after giving Roxanne a quick kiss. “I promised him.”
“How come you can pronounce this but can’t get the name of the city you’ve been living in your whole life right?” she asked.
Megamind shrugged.
“Mxtd was a very common name where I come from. Not all my brain-bots have ‘earthy’ names.”
I see. Alien language.
“Does it mean anything?”
“It means ‘first born’. Minion and I rarely use this language. Even when we’re alone we usually speak in Ee-nglish.”
“English”, Roxanne corrected while wrapping her arms around her boyfriend’s thin torso. “Can you say something else in your language?”
“Sdzxucflg”, Megamind said while pressing his forehead against the human’s.
“What does it mean?”
“It means ‘I love you’.”
She smiled and kissed him tenderly. As always, he was more than happy to reply.
Roxanne broke the kiss when the cramps came back full force.
“Are you sure you’re ok, honey?” the blue man asked her, concerned.
“I’m ok”, she answered. “I know you don’t have painkillers here, but do you have a hot water bottle or something?”
“I can ask Minion to get a glass ready -”
“No, dear, it’s not for drinking. Heat helps ease the pain due to the cramps. One day my mother bought me a hot water bottle and told me pressing it against my belly would make me feel better.”
“I see… If heat makes you feel better, why not use me as your own personal hot water bottle? As you have noticed before, my body temperature is a couple degrees higher than a human’s.”
He removed one of his gloves, let it fall on the mattress on the floor and pressed his hand against Roxanne’s belly.
She smiled. At the beginning of their relationship he would have been too shy to do something like this.
“You’re hot” she commented.
“Are you talking about my body temperature or my rugged good looks?”
“Both”, she laughed.
“…You really think I look hot?” Megamind asked, surprised.
Wow. Not so long ago, the only people who ever complimented my looks were Minion and I… and most of those compliments came from me.
He couldn’t help pressing his lips against hers and explore her mouth with his tongue. She was more than happy to reply.
If only there weren’t all those clothes between us… Roxanne though. No, stop it ; this is certainly not the right time for that! I really want to know what’s hidden in those pants though… Roxanne, try to focus on something else!
She broke the kiss in an attempt to silence her own hormones.
“If you feel warm to me, does that mean I feel cold to you?” she asked, trying to think about something else.
“Not much. I don’t mind anyway. You make me feel warm inside.”
Oh, Megamind, you have no idea how warm YOU make me feel…
They could hear Minion’s voice outside the room :
“Sir! Miss Ritchi! I made you breakfast!”
Note : the alien words were totally created my smashing my keyboard. I wanted them to be unpronounceable for the average human.