Ollo, dear readers! I'm baaack! I know most of you probably thought my next story would be the backstory for "Science," but due to very heavy RL events in the last couple of months, I needed something more fun to write. Hence this Olloween offering... which will get pretty darn smutty in the next couple of chapters. This chapter, though, is pretty darn PG :-P
(And I do not now, nor have I ever owned Megamind. If I did, there would be at least 2 sequels, excessive merchandise readily available for purchase, and at least one theme park.)
TITLE: Sweet Revahnge: A Smut-tastic Olloween Special
CHAPTER: 1- Losing Time
RATING: PG for Chapter 1, will go up in future chapters
SUMMARY: Megamind's precious new invention has gone missing after he returns Roxanne to her apartment following a called-off kidnapping, and he's determined to get it back. Suspicion! Suspense! Slutty Costumes! Olloween Cookies!
Megamind was beyond frantic. He had been tearing around the War Room of his notoriously secret Eeevil Lair for the better part of an hour, searching futilely in a panicked frenzy. Minion stood by quietly stirring and trying to offer the occasional calming word to his predictably over-dramatic boss, but to no avail. Megamind's precious holo-watch had been missing for almost twelve hours, and he had turned both the War Room and the Lair's living quarters upside down in order to locate the only working prototype of his newest brilliant invention.
"Where in Eeevil Heavens could it possibly be, Minion?!" Megamind asked his fishy companion for what must have been the hundredth time. At least Minion was pretty sure it was somewhere up in the hundreds… it easily could have been twice that if he were to include the times that his charge had most certainly uttered that phrase out of his earshot.
"I honestly don't know, Sir. But as I've been telling you since this morning, the more worked up you become, the more time it will take you to find the watch. You've become so upset that I'm pretty sure you aren't looking very thoroughly at all anymore." The blue alien fixed the Piscean with a deathly glare.
"Are you forgetting my unparalleled genius, Minion?" the villain asked haughtily, scattering the messy contents of drafting paper and broken pencils littering the surface of his work table for the umpteenth time. "Even brimming with frustration, my object location abilities are still superior to those of any mere human."
"Whatever you say, sir," the fish said with a subtle eye-roll, and not without a hint of sarcasm. "I still think that the easiest way to find something you've lost is to retrace your steps… where were you the last time that you're absolutely positive you had it on?"
"Oh, Minion, we have been over this and over this… I had it yesterday evening," Megamind answered, clearly irritated with the continuous barrage of questions as he made his way over to peruse the counters near the Idea Cloud yet again.
"So you had it after you returned Miss Ritchi to her apartment," Minion stated.
"Yes, of course I…" his boss began, but stopped short when he quickly realized that… no. Indeed, he was not sure if he had seen his beloved watch since he had returned to the Lair the previous evening.
"Is something wrong, Sir?" the fish asked knowingly, seeing quite plainly that he had hit the nail on the head with his occasionally scatter-brained charge.
"Well, it's just that… I guess now that you mention it, I'm not… entirely positive that I remember having the watch on after I returned to the Lair last night," Megamind conceded, but quickly added, "But that doesn't mean it isn't still here somewhere. Why, it must be… what else could have happened to it?"
To this, Minion said nothing. He had been incredibly worried about allowing Megamind to return the sassy reporter to her residence on his own, because whether the villain would admit it or not, Roxanne Ritchi was simultaneously his greatest source of inspiration and his biggest weakness. Normally, if Miss Ritchi wasn't returned to her apartment by Metro Man himself after a kidnapping, that job fell to Minion, since Megamind was often promptly returned to the Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted by Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. But on that previous day, some of the chicken from Minion's lunch had accidentally gotten caught in the complex workings of the gorilla suit's filtration system, allowing some of the meat to pass through his gills. This had rendered the fish rather ill and needing to spend some time in the healing water of the sphere from their planet in order to recalibrate his system, leaving the temporarily victorious blue villain on a solo mission to return his damsel of choice to her home.
"Did you have the watch when you got into the invisible car with Miss Ritchi, Sir?" Minion asked tentatively, half-bracing himself for some verbal backlash.
"Well, yes, obviously, Minion… how do you think I went about successfully returning her to her loft? I used the image of her doorman that I scanned into the holo-watch a few weeks back when I was collecting disguises and carried her upstairs in the service elevator."
"Ok… did you just leave her up there unconscious, or did you wait for her to wake up before you left?"
"I waited for her to come to, of course… I just couldn't resist getting in one or two more satisfactory little jabs about her boyfriend in tights failing to come to her rescue," Megamind answered smugly.
"Well, to be fair, Sir, that elementary school fire was a pretty big emergency," Minion reminded him.
"Oh, fire-schmire, that's what the Fire Department is for… but Metro Man is the only suppose-ed department in charge of attempting to quell the mayhem that I consistently bring forth with the inventions wrought by my amazing intellect!"
Ignoring his boss's more than typical display of ego, Minion resolved to stick to the topic at hand. "But Sir, in Miss Ritchi's apartment… was that the last time you're sure that you had it on?"
"Yes, I believe so," Megamind replied with a curt nod of certainty.
"And… did you get in any of those, um, satisfactory little jabs with Miss Ritchi after she awoke?" Minion asked carefully.
"Oh, yes, Minion some absolute doozies… she was most annoyed with my observations, and she hurled a few of her own acerbic assertions right back in my direction. It was a completely gratifying verbal tennis match. For both of us, I think," finished the villain with an arrogant smile.
"And… did you two have any kind of… well, physical contact during this witty exchange?" his fishy companion continued to press.
"Minion! I'm surprised at your insinuation," Megamind snapped back, indignant but sporting a slight lavender blush, nonetheless, at the memory of just what had taken place during that particular exchange. All interactions had not indeed been verbal; it seemed that Roxanne had received one too many hits of knockout spray for her tolerance level that day, because upon awaking she had been far friendlier with her habitual captor than he had ever experienced in her presence previously. But Megamind feared Minion's reaction far too much to tell him the truth. Quickly recovering from his lapse in composure, the villain added, "I may be Eeevil, but I'm still a gentleman, after all."
"I wasn't exactly trying to imply that, Sir, I thought that she may have done something to distract you on purpose. I mean, you're always saying that she attempts to use her nosy reporter skills on our weak-willed minds."
"Well, I actually said on your weak-willed mind, Minion… there's most certainly nothing weak-willed about my mind."
"Even when it comes to Miss Ritchi?"
"Never! It wouldn't matter who it was, I can always…" Megamind began, but he stopped mid-sentence when he remembered something; one particular detail along the lines of what his Piscean pal had just implied. Their close physical contact had been brief, but it had most definitely occurred. But… no. It couldn't be, could it? he thought to himself. She couldn't have gotten the watch off of my wrist in just those few seconds. But what if she had? Then that would mean… oh no. No, no, no, no.
"And when you left her apartment, did you use the watch again?" the ichthyoid asked, interrupting his charge's train of thought.
"Did I…" Megamind trailed off, remembering just how distracted he had been when he'd departed the reporter's residence. "No, Minion, I didn't," he finished soberly.
"Then how did you get back to the invisible car without being seen?" the fish inquired worriedly.
"I wasn't really thinking about it at the time… I didn't encounter anyone going back down in the service elevator or in the parking garage. I moved very quickly. And even if I had been seen, it would have only taken a simple draw of the de-gun to quell any potential incidents. I mean, really, what average citizen would have the gall to cross me in a parking garage, of all places?"
"I suppose so, Sir, but really you should be more careful. It doesn't make sense to invent something as practical as the holo-watch and then not use it in situations like those."
"I'm well aware of that, Minion," snapped the villain sharply. "No one knows better than I the risks posed by my inventions." Megamind's brain was already speeding along at five hundred miles an hour, connecting all of the proverbial dots between the loss of his watch and Roxanne's overly-friendly behavior and his presence in her apartment. One so ensconced in the use of the scientific method could not easily reconcile that many coincidences logically.
In anyone's hands but his own, the holo-watch had the potential to be a downright dangerous device. Not that Megamind thought Roxanne would use it for any kind of nefarious purposes, but if she were to hand the watch over to the so-called "proper" authorities, the knowledge that they would gain of the breadth of his technological capabilities could seriously hamper any of his future Eeevil endeavors. Not to mention the fact that until the watch was found, Megamind once again found himself in the disagreeable position of staying cloistered within the protective confines of the Lair unless he was out on official Eeevil business. Well, unless he wanted to cause a scene while performing every day, mundane activities like shopping, anyway.
He was especially put out by this idea since the next day was Olloween, which was really the only human holiday that the blue alien ever chose to observe and enjoy. It would be first Olloween with the watch at his disposal, and Megamind had excitedly resolved to take advantage of the watch's features in order to go Trick-or-Treating for the very first time in his thirty-five years on earth.
"Sir… is everything alright? Did you remember any more details that might be helpful?" Minion questioned, interrupting his boss's introspection.
"What? Oh, why… yes, Minion. I do believe I have recalled a few details that might be quite helpfulin locating the holo-watch," Megamind replied, scratching his ever-stylish goatee, already making plans and formulating calculations in his legendary brain.
"Anything I can help with?" the ichthyoid queried cheerfully.
"Oh… um, no Minion, not at the present," his boss answered dismissively, and the fish looked more than a bit disappointed. "But fear not, my main man, I will have plenty for you to do very, very soon. I just need some time to put all of my ideas up into the Cloud before I bring you in. Ok?"
"Absolutely, Sir, whatever you need," Minion responded, immediately back to his more typically sunny disposition at the mention of a new illicit assignment. "I'll just get back to the kitchen for a while then and make those Hall-I mean, Olloween cookies that you love so much. That way they'll be ready for tomorrow," he added with a toothy grin as he exited the War Room, heading for the kitchen in the living quarters.
"Wonderful, Minion. I'll let you know when I need you," Megamind called happily after his faithful sidekick. "Oh yes, plenty of work to be done, for sure… but this is going to be soooo much fun. Miss Ritchi will rue the day that she dared to steal something of mine," Megamind said aloud to no one but himself. And with a gleefully maniacal smile, he skipped off to the Idea Cloud to piece together his next Eeevil mission of mayhem: getting the truth about his holo-watch out of Roxanne Ritchi, whatever the cost.