Oh look, some fanfiction! Sorry for the wait... DX
Title: Depressed But Well Dressed - Chapter 2
Author:
lasersandspikesWord Count: 3,342
Rating: NC-17 for the 'C' word xD
Summary: An alternate version of the rain scene, and subsequent events.
Chapter 1 So finally, here's the 2nd chapter!
I'm so sorry for the long wait; writers block really is the most annoying thing...
I'm also working on my other outstanding chapters to the other fics, so they're not abandoned either, I promise you that!
Again; sorry for the wait! :(
Megamind hissed in surprise when his minion lowered him into the bathtub. The water was hot, but not unwelcome.
For the last twenty or so minutes his henchfish had carefully shed him of his clothes before running the bath; they'd spent at least an hour beforehand hooking the villain up to a number of IV's to help revert the effects of any malnutrition or muscle wastage from his weeklong inactivity.
"It's not too hot, is it..?" The fish asked, his metal hand hovering above the cold tap.
"No, no. It's fine..." He slid lower into the water, until the bubbles on the surface tickled his ears.
Minion snapped off one of the old razor heads, replacing it with a new one. His boss usually used wax to achieve his trademark strip of facial hair, but since he hadn't tended to it in a week, the end result would no doubt result in discomfort - not to mention a pink face.
"Minion?" The fish paused in lathering the man's face. "Why did you come back?"
"Well, Miss Ritchi-"
"I know... But you could've said no. Could've refused." He chewed his lower lip, deep in thought. "So why didn't you?"
The fish sighed with a smile bringing the razor carefully down the alien's face. "Sir, no offence, but you'd be lost without me. Miss Ritchi told me you were in kind of a bad way. If I'd known, I never would've left..."
"I was going to call you, really-"
"Don't be silly, sir. I should've called!"
"...But you weren't the one in the wrong, Minion!"
The fish's mouth popped open in surprise. Never once had his master used the 'W' word; he was usually 'less right', or 'lacking in correctness'.
"S-Sir..."
"Code: Shut up and listen. You were completely right, as usual..." He sighed, looking off to one side. "The night after you left, I went to see Roxanne. It was an absolute disaster."
Minion stayed silent, running the razor down his master's face slowly and with care; always pausing when the man began speaking again.
"Everything was going so well... I suppose it would've fucked up at some point anyway."
He ignored his master's out of character slip. Sometimes it was easy for Megamind to lapse back into prison vocabulary, especially under stress. "You can tell me, sir. I won't judge you."
Megamind groaned; he wanted to get it all off his chest, but it was so embarrassing. "We were having dinner, the restaurant was absolutely filled with people... No one was looking at me, Minion. No one!" He relaxed back into the tub. "I felt... normal."
And now it all made sense. Roxanne hadn't just captured his heart, she'd given him something he'd never felt before; normality.
"Sir..."
"She... kissed me, Minion." His cheeks flushed a faint purple; the fish's eyes widened, but he seemed oblivious, carrying on. "Would you believe that was the moment she decided to hold my hand as well? She nudged one of the dials, and the hologram just... switched off."
"Oh dear..." The fish's eyes softened.
Megamind merely groaned, covering his face with both hands. "She looked so horrified... D-Disgusted..." His breathing was shaky, and Minion didn't doubt that the man was crying behind his hands, or at least trying his best not to.
"Sir, she's a strong lady, I'm sure she's forgiven and forgotten-"
"Nonsense."
"Sir, please. She was so worried when she came to find me."
"Worried about her precious city-"
"Worried about you." Minion snapped; he wouldn't allow his master to wallow in any more self pity. He'd done that for the past week, and it was time to put a stop to it now. "Yes, you might've deceived her but... you obviously mean too much for her to just let you go!"
Megamind was taken aback by Minion's sudden sternness, but he didn't speak.
"Sir, if she didn't care she would've gone home by now."
"B-But it's been-" He almost slipped trying to stand up, but Minion's large hand caught him. "I thought..."
"You thought a lot of things, sir; all of them wrong as usual."
Megamind smiled weakly. "It's habit..."
"Well, I think it's time we break that habit."
"Wh-What do you think you're doing?!"
"Hold her down, Minion."
"Righto boss."
"GET OFF ME!" The reporter flailed hopelessly against Minion's brute strength.
The villain tied Roxanne's wrists behind her back, through the spaces in the hostage chair. She flexed her arms, but to no avail; he'd actually tied them properly for once.
"Why are you doing this?!"
"Because my dear," He gave her a cocky grin, waving Minion away. "I know you better than you know yourself; and I know that the second I got out of that door, you'd be close behind." The alien waltzed over, clicking his boots with every step. "And despite that little rejection in the rain, my feelings toward you have not changed."
"Megamind..."
"Besides, the battlefield is no place for a nosy reporter. So!" He plastered on a fake grin. "I'm off! Try not to miss me too much..." He waved a hand over the spiked shoulder of his 'battle cape'.
Roxanne pulled against the restraints, but it just made them tighter. "Of all the times you've tied me up, this is the one time you do it right..." She muttered looking around the room. There had to be a way out of this chair. She couldn't let him do this alone.
"Minion." Megamind snapped the door shut behind him, keeping Roxanne and a few of the brainbots guarding her alone in the small room. "Keep an eye on her, will you? She can be horrifyingly resourceful."
"Can do, boss." He nervously shuffled his feet with a clang. "You will be careful, won't you?"
"There's nothing 'careful' about this situation. It's certain doom. I have to do this, Minion. I have to try." Minion merely nodded as his master walked up to the 'battle suit', the cape of the Black Mamba dragging behind him. "Thanks for finishing it by the way..." He called over his shoulder, smirking. "It's truly 'terrifying'!"
Minion smiled as his master left the lair, blasting AC/DC as he went. "Good luck, sir..."
'I have to get out of here somehow...' Roxanne pondered, still straining against her bonds.
Her eyes scanned the room, taking in a few of the villain's floating cyborgs, and suddenly an idea came to her.
"Pssst! Come here!" She smiled at one of the blue-domed machines. "That's it! Come on!" The brainbot tentatively hovered over, giving her curious glances with it's large red eye. "These ropes are really cutting in, can you loosen them? I think I might be bleeding!"
She put on a fake voice of concern, and a worried expression to match. The bot circled her, examining her wrists when-
"Gotcha!" Roxanne cried. The reporter grabbed the little 'guard dog's' tendrils and held the glowing core to the ropes. It was a long shot, but she had to try.
The brainbot merely watched on in shock. His master had given him the task of keeping the hostage in place, but his programming also had him refrain from causing her any physical damage; he had no choice but to sit there uselessly as she burned her way through the bonds; the other bots floated aimlessly, unsure whether or not to help their 'brother' incase it conflicted with their own programming.
Roxanne bit her lip as the last of the ropes burned through, catching her wrist slightly. With a snap she pulled herself free and made for the door.
She'd barely crossed the threshold when everything went black.
"I'm sorry Miss Ritchi." Minion caught her in mid fall, carrying her back over to the chair, the spiked cannister of knockout spray held firmly in his other hand. "Sir would never forgive himself, or me, if you got hurt."
"Yeah right... You're nuts! Space Dad told me-" Megamind reached for a dial on his watch, already exasperated by this point.
"What? Hard light projection got your tongue?" He refrained from bothering with the lisp he'd adopted for this disguise, his tone harsh.
"B-But! No no no no no, no way, man..." Hal sat down on the edge of his bed. This couldn't be happening; first Roxanne, and now this? Was Space Stepmom just a lie, too? No, he couldn't think like that. Megamind had tricked her, obviously.
Megamind looked around the room bitterly; the place was stuffed with things the man had stolen. There were piles of cash everywhere, and even a bike..? Why on earth did Hal need a bike?! He shook his head; Minion was right, this had clearly been a mistake. Not to mention Roxanne's thoughts at the restaurant...
"Roxanne was right, you are without a doubt the worst possible person I could've picked!"
The freak was bluffing. He had to be. "Tch, whatever dude, everyone knows you haven't kidnapped her for like... weeks. You haven't even been on the news!"
Megamind smirked cruelly. "No, I haven't, have I? I'll have to admit I've been a bit busy..." He reached for his watch again and his smirk doubled at Hal's reaction when he turned another dial.
"Y-You!" He stood up, his eyes brimming with shock.
Megamind switched from the curator back to himself. He wanted the other man to remember the blue face that was about to take everything away from him.
"I finally put that sassy mouth to good use~"
He probed the side of his cheek with his tongue while making an equally crass gesture with one hand; Hal seemed to understand immediately as he let out a feral growl. Megamind ignored him completely. This qualified as banter, right..? He wasn't just doing this for his own amusement, right?
"But I finally got her to scream... And let me tell you, I might just've gone deaf in one ear!" He sniggered. That fateful night he'd felt his heart practically ripped out; it gave him a strange satisfaction to do the same to someone else.
"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna-"
"What?! You'll do what exactly?!" He laughed cruelly; something in him was telling him to shut up while he still had a spine, but his mouth flapped on regardless. "You gonna hit me? Is that gonna make you feel better? Because I'll tell you what, I don't think you're man enough for the job." He'd bridged the gap between himself and the colossal man, and was now prodding him in the chest. "I mean, you weren't exactly man enough for Roxa-"
SMACK.
"That... I can't belie- UGH..."
Minion perked up in his bowl when he heard his master's voice ringing out through the lair; thank Bad God in Evil Heaven, he was OK!
"Son of a... fucking..." A loud slam and clatter rang out, and Minion flinched. "CUNT!"
He was in one of those moods, then.
"S-Sir..?"
Megamind spun round, his cape in tatters, and the high back of his collar ripped right down to the scaffolding. His eyes were wild now that the eyeliner had smudged, and his cheek had a dark purple bruise forming.
Minion was about to speak when the villain placed a gloved hand in his mouth; the fish heard a sickening crack and the blue man pulled out a tooth.
"LOOK! LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME!" He threw it to the floor with a small clink. "That FUCKER!"
"Sir, indoor voice-"
"I mean, we spent all that time training him, and for what?!" He kicked a nearby dustbin, and it skittered across the floor. "The man's an idiot!" He fell back into his chair frowning.
"I did try to tell you-"
"I know, I know..." He waved a hand dismissively, his little tirade already over. "But the damage is done now. No point saying 'I told you so'. No, we need to find some way to rectify this..."
"Sir, I was thinking... Maybe if we went for the old 'bait and switch'-"
"He knows about the watches."
"But how?!" Minion's eyes widened; it was their last hope!
Megamind looked away sheepishly. "I may have... told him I was his Space Dad..."
"You did WHAT?!" The blue man flinched as Minion's voice echoed through the lair. "Oh, and I'm guessing you did something to deserve that punch to the face?" He looked his master over with scrutiny. "Yougoaded him, didn't you?" The fish hissed disapprovingly.
"I may have said some... things, but just look at me! I used to say all kinds of stuff to Wayne, and he never so much as batted an eyelid." He stood up flailing his arms back and forth. "I even used the 'your momma' jokes on him, and still nothing! How was I to know that idiot was going to act any differently..?"
"Maybe because he's not Metro Man?" Minion sighed. "Sir, you really do overlook the most obvious things..."
"I know, I know... Less of the mother hen act if you wouldn't mind..." Minion rolled his eyes, but the blue man continued. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me~"
The fish gave him a curious look. "I'm sorry, sir, I'm not following."
"Oh, I didn't even tell you the best part!" He laughed. "He knows I was behind the whole Space Dad thing, but guess what? He honestly thinks I tricked you, and that you're actually still his stepmom!" He held his sides, giggling. "I mean, how rich is that?!"
Minion was about to respond when he heard the sound of fists hammering against a nearby door. "Oh... Seems like Miss Ritchi is awake, sir."
"So you had to-"
"Yes, you were right. Looks like she used one of the bots to burn her way out of the ropes."
Megamind sighed, smiling. "She's amazing, isn't she..?"
"I can hear both of you out there! Let me out already!"
"Oh, um..." The villain blushed, getting up and unlocking the door. Before he could even twist the doorknob fully, the reporter wrenched the door back and threw herself towards him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, narrowly avoiding the massive spikes of his shoulder guards, though some of them were bent or had clean broke off. Megamind looked to his henchfish in shock, but Minion merely gave him one of his classic 'I told you so' looks before smiling, and leaving the two alone.
Roxanne sniffed a few times, tightening her grip around the man's neck; he made a slight groan of pain, and she suddenly pushed herself off him.
"Y-You're hurt?" The reporter tentatively reached out to touch the dark bruise on his cheek. The villain winced slightly with a smile.
"I've had worse..." It was true, in the early years before Wayne had been able to understand and control his own strength, Megamind had suffered quite a few broken ribs, shattered pelvises, and fractured skulls.
Hal had been playing with him; if he'd wanted to, he could've killed him in seconds. He was snapped from his reverie when Roxanne punched him in the chest. "OW! W-What are you-"
"YOU PRICK!" She punching him again and he recoiled in fear, holding up his hands. "You tie me to a chair and leave me?! What were you thinking, HE COULD'VE KILLED YOU!" He merely stayed quiet, cringing slightly at the prospect of being hit again.
He lowered his hands nervously; if she hit him again-
"OW!" He slapped a hand to his face where she'd backhanded the bruise.
"Now we're even." She let out a shaky breath before walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck again.
Megamind didn't doubt that his face was a picture right now. He was more confused than he had been in his entire life. First she was hugging him, then she was screaming... Then she was hitting him, and now they were hugging again?
"R-Roxanne..?" She sniffed a few times before making a strange sound. Was she... crying? "No. No no no no no, please, don't cry!" He pulled away, taking a hold of her shoulders; tears were streaming down her face. Fuck. "Hey, what's up woman, you on the rag or something?" Using his hands he jostled her from side to side with a nervous laugh.
Roxanne let out a small bark of laughter. "You get one of those, mister. One." She sniggered, reaching up to wipe the tears away.
"Made you laugh~" He smirked as his thumbs rubbed gentle circles over her collar bones.
"Yeah..." She sighed, smiling. "What are we going to do, huh?"
Just then Minion rounded the corner, brushing a curly blonde wig. "Sir..? I think I may have thought of something..?"
"Absolutely not."
"But, sir-"
"I said no! There isn't a snowman's chance in hell that I'm letting you anywhere near that lunatic!"
Roxanne ignored the villain's failed idiom and turned to Minion. "I think I'm going to have to agree with Megamind on this one."
Both men turned to look at her incredulously. "You're... agreeing with me?" This had never happened before.
The reporter ignored him. "Seriously Minion, he tossed me around like a ragdoll, and stranded me on top of Metro Tower; he's dangerous!"
"He had no qualms trying to melt my face off, Minion. Laser vision! Super speed, super strength!"
"We don't really have many other options, unless you hadn't noticed, sir." Megamind sighed, folding his arms. "If he sees you after what happened you might not get away this time. If he sees me... Well, you said it yourself, I'm his space stepmom." Minion put the curly wig on his 'head'.
"I'm still not sure..." The villain looking desperately between his henchfish and Roxanne.
"Sir, he's got no reason to doubt me. We have to at least try! If it works we'll have got the defuser gun and the invisible car back, and then we can go about making a plan of action!"
Roxanne nodded. "He's got a point. And while Minion's away I can tell you everything I know about Hal." It wasn't much, granted, but if the villain could get in the guy's headspace, maybe he'd be able to manipulate him a little longer until they thought of something concrete.
"Fine. You win." He huffed. "Just... be careful, Minion. Here-" He pulled his de-gun from it's holster. "Take this just in case." It never worked against Metro Man, but there was always a chance it could still come in handy.
"Yes sir." Minion unzipped his fannypack, putting on his flowery apron before 'holstering' the gun. "Besides, if things get hairy, I've got this." He flashed his own disguise watch. "I can always jump into another disguise, or call you."
Megamind gave another indignant huff in response. "Your soul purpose in life is to look after me. Can't do it very well if you're dead." Minion smiled; what his boss really meant was obvious - 'I need you, so don't get yourself killed, OK?'
Minion nodded in his bowl before leaving the lair. Roxanne had driven them here in the news van, and he was sure she wouldn't mind if he used it just this once. He hopped in, turning the keys and sped off towards downtown.
OK, so here it is! Hope you liked it!
The next chapter will be action packed, but I'm not very good at writing action, so you'll have to bear with me...