Fanfic: The Successful Failures of El Mentedor, Chapter 5
Title: The Successful Failures of El Mentedor: Chapter 5
Word Count: About 2,200
Rating: PG for consistency.
Genre: AU/Comedy/Western
Summary: A Western AU with characters based on those from the movie Megamind.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4
FBI Warning: Okay, so I know I promised you some drama in this chapter. But this particular installment was getting rather long, and it clearly states in my Section B, Paragraph 19 of my contract that no chapter of this story is allowed to exceed 3,249 words. So the drama will have to wait for the next chapter. This chapter will be fairly light. The next one will be...less light. No brainbots were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.
“Señor? Señorita?”
Roxanne opened her eyes to find herself face-to-face with a large-eyed, sharp-toothed fish-monster. She shrieked.
Mentedor, who had fallen asleep lying backwards on top of Mount, jumped up and pulled out his gun. “Mount, the pies have become sentient!” he yelled, waving his weapon around frantically.
Meanwhile, a startled Mount had swum down into the neck of his horse body. He waited in the darkness until the chaos above finally seemed to be dying down, then cautiously came up and peeked out into the visible area of the tank. “We’re, uh...we’re here.”
Once Roxanne caught her breath, she took in her surroundings. It seemed to be about midmorning, based on the position of the sun. There were a few people out and about on the roads of the small town. It occurred to her that she could probably escape if she made a break for it. But that still left the issue of getting home, which as of now she wasn’t sure she could do on her own. Plus she found that she’d become rather hungry. She turned to Mentedor. “They serve food in this place?”
It didn’t take long for them to find a restaurant. Mount remained outside, munching away on sprinkles of fish food, while Mentedor and Roxanne made their way inside and sat down at a table.
“Order anything you like,” said Mentedor, with a smile. “You’ve earned it.”
She gave him a bored look. “Could you please be just a little more condescending?”
“Condescen...?” he said with sincere confusion. “I wasn’t being condescending! I was being polite!”
“Trust me on this one. You have a special knack for being a smug, little creep.”
Mentedor rolled his eyes. “Very well, Miss Ritchi. We’ll say that I’m condescending if it will make you happy.”
“Honestly, Mentedor, half the things you say just make me want to punch you in the face.”
“And the other half?” he asked with a hopeful smirk.
Roxanne sighed. It was too early for this. Thankfully it was at this moment that a waitress came up to their table.
“Can, uh...” asked the waitress, looking nervously at the strange blue man. “Can I take your orders?”
Roxanne spoke up. “I’ll have a tequila sunrise and ten pulled-pork sandwiches.”
“Ten?!” asked Mentedor.
“You said I could order anything.”
“Well, yes, but...are you honestly going to eat all of those?”
“You’re paying, right?”
“Well, yes....”
“Make it fifteen.”
Mentedor sighed and apparently decided not to press his luck further. “Let’s see...and I’ll have a salad with a side of beans and a slice of non-sentient pie. Oh, and could you make it snappy, for pavor?”
“Uh...of course, sir,” said the uncomfortable waitress, before leaving quickly.
“Well, she seemed terrified,” noted Roxanne.
“Yes, I do tend to have that effect on people,” said Mentedor. “I suppose my reputation for villainy precedes me.”
“And I’m sure your blue skin and giant head have nothing to do with it.”
“Those...may also be factors.”
“You do tend to call attention to yourself. But, then, I guess that’s kinda your thing, isn’t it? Really, I’m surprised you aren’t mobbed by bounty hunters every time you go out in public.”
“Oh, I face the occasional bounty hunter. But most of them are smart enough to leave me alone.”
“Yes, because you’re so dangerous.”
“Most of the citizens of Metro County seem to thing so.”
“Yeah, well, most of the citizens of Metro County are idiots.”
Mentedor looked positively delighted that she’d just said that. “I couldn’t agree more. So,” he said, getting comfortable in his chair, “how was it you came to own your own bar anyway?”
“You mean the one you destroyed?”
“No, the other one,” he replied, sarcastically. “And just so you know, once I sell the gems, your cut of the money will be more than enough to pay for any repairs you need.”
“My cut?”
“Of course. I thought you played your role quite well back there.”
“I’ve already told you, I’m not going to take your stolen money.”
“But you have no problem spending it on an exorbitant number of sandwiches.”
This gave her pause. She hadn’t really considered that this was, in a sense, the same thing. Well, too late to worry about it now.
“I have a black market contact in this town,” continued Mentedor when it was clear Roxanne didn’t have a retort for him. “I plan to meet with him later today. The sooner we can get rid of the gems, the better.”
“And then you’ll take me back home?”
“I’m afraid not. The plan is still in progress and I’m going to require your services again. But once it succeeds or...fails...I’ll be more than happy to escort you safely to wherever you wish to go.”
“How long will it take before you’re finished with your ‘plan’?”
“Not too long, I imagine.”
“And you’re still not going to tell me what it is?”
“Not yet. But when I do, I think you’re going to quite like it.”
“Right,” she said, obviously not buying that.
“So, were you going to tell me about how you came to own that bar of yours?”
“Why do you care?”
“Just making conversation while we wait for our food.”
Roxanne paused. “I made a risky investment that paid off in the long run.”
“Oh?” Mentedor leaned forward, putting an elbow on the table and resting his chin on his fist. “That sounds rather Diablo-olical. Care to elaborate?”
“Y...your order, sir!” interrupted the waitress. She seemed to be having trouble balancing all the dishes, and was relieved when Mentedor sat back, allowing her to place everything on the table before them. Roxanne looked at the giant platter of fifteen sandwiches and, though she knew she probably wouldn’t actually eat more than two, felt oddly gluttonous. “Let me know if you need anything else,” said the waitress, then moved away before they had time to respond.
Roxanne picked up a sandwich and took a bite. It tasted amazingly good and she quickly found herself chowing down with enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Mentedor ate his salad with what seemed to be an attempt at restrained sophistiation, but given that it appeared he’s never learned how to properly hold a fork, just came off looking awkward.
They sat eating in silence for awhile. Once Roxanne had finished with her first sandwich, she licked the barbeque sauce off her fingers and picked up another. “Want one?” she asked Mentedor.
He grimaced slightly at the pile of sandwiches. “That’s...really alright.”
She took a bite and spoke with her mouth full. “Come on, try one. They’re good!”
“I don’t...uh...” He seemed to be embarressed about something, but she couldn’t tell what.
Then she looked at his own order and noticed something. “Are you a vegatarian?”
“Heh! No, of course not!” he said, laughing. “Don’t be rediculous!” She took this as a ‘yes’.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a vegetarian. You have trouble digesting meat or something?”
“It’s not that, it’s just...the thought of injesting the tattered carcass of a formerly living creature has always struck me as very...base.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing out on,” she told him, then sucked some sauce off her thumb.
Mentedor looked uncomfortable and went back to eating his own meal. He finished the last of his food around the time Roxanne had polished off her second sandwhich.
“Oof!” said Roxanne, flopping back in her chair. “I’m stuffed.”
“Well, that was certainly some brilliant forthought on your behalf! What exactly are we going to do with thirteen uneaten pulled-pork sandwiches?”
“We’ll take care of that. How was your meal?”
“I rather gusta-d it myself.”
“Well, pay the bill and gather up the sandwiches. I’m gonna wait outside.”
“Now hold on a minute! When exactly did you start calling the shots around here?”
Roxanne didn’t answer that, instead standing and walking outside. She stepped out onto the dirt road, smelled the dust in the air and felt the sun on her skin. Maybe it was the food or fact that she wasn’t in eminant danger, but she found herself in much better spirits than she had been since last night. After a little while, Mentedor emerged from the restaraunt, clumsily balancing six sandwiches in one hand and seven in the other.
“Okay,” said Roxanne. “Is there somewhere in this town where the less fortunate tend to live?”
“There are always a few beggers down that way. Why?”
“Well, we gotta do something with these sandwiches.”
Mentedor perked up. “Are we going to throw them at the homeless? That does sound entertaining!”
“I was thinking we’d just hand them out politely.”
Mentedor frowned. “That doesn’t seem very evil.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
Roxanne quickly learned that with Mentedor and Mount’s present, people were hesitant to trust the food given to them. Eventually she just had the two of them stand a ways back while she’d take a few sandwiches and distribute them to the hungry. Mentedor maintained a sour expression in Roxanne’s presence, although she could have sworn she’d caught the brief glimps of a smile on one of her trips back to him. Mount, on the other hand, was practically beaming throughout the whole thing.
“Okay, that’s the last of them,” said Roxanne once their supply had been depleated.
“Now that we’re finished wasting time,” said Mentedor, “let’s make our way to...”
Roxanne saw it as it happened. The rider was driving the horse faster that he should have been, and when the animal’s hoof caught in the crevice near the side of the building, the whole creature went down, sending the rider tumbling. The pop of the horse’s leg and the subsequent agonizing neighing drew the focus of everyone around. The rider didn’t appear to be hurt too badly and he stumbled back to inspect the wounded animal.
When Roxanne looked over, she saw that both Mentedor and Mount had very pained expressions on their faces. All three knew that the horse was done for. “Let’s go,” she said. “I don’t want to watch this.”
Mentedor seemed to be considering something. He looked over at the horse, then down at the ground, then back at the horse again before turning to Roxanne. “Uh...you go,” he said. “Take yourself shopping or something. I...just remembered I have something to take care of around here.”
Roxanne arched an eyebrow. He was voluntarily letting her out of his sight? Well, no reason to question a good thing. She walked away, rounded a corner of a building, then stopped. What was he up to? She turned and peaked around the side of the building to see Mentedor running up to the rider who was now aiming a gun at the horse’s head. Mentedor held his hand up, looking paniced. The two figures began talking, but she couldn’t hear what they were saying. Seriously, what was he doing? Shouldn’t he just let the poor creature be put out of its misery? Roxanne continued watching, squinting her eyes, hoping to get some answers. Then it occured to her she was wasting valueable time. This would be the perfect chance for her to find out if there was a way back home that didn’t involve Mentedor dragging her into another dangerous situation. She turned and left to seek out information.
Upon asking around she found that the closest train station was, in fact, the one near her home. And between that station and Littlesburg was a vast stretch of desert, not suitable for traveling by foot. If she wanted to get back, she’d need help. Maybe she could hitch a ride on a wagon that was heading in that direction? If she could find one, that is. She really was off in the boonies.
Her search was continuing to prove fruitless by the time she heard his voice. “Ah, there you are!” Mentedor and Mount hurried up to her, both with huge smiles on their faces.
“Uh...hey,” she said, looking at them suspiciously. “What happened to the horse?”
“Oh, the horse is dead!” said Mentedor, cheerily.
“Dead. As. A. Doornail!” chimed in Mount, with a huge smile.
“Deceased!”
“Caput!”
“Hass-ta la viss-ta!”
“Riding the gravy train to the shores of the river Styx!”
Roxanne gave them a sideways glance, not sure what to make of all this. But she decided not to press it. “Okay, so now what?”
“Ah, thank you for asking,” said Mentedor. He hopped onto Mount’s back and sat down. “Now we unload our spoils for a healthy profit.” He held out his hand to Roxanne.
Roxanne was a little startled at being told she was about to go somewhere without the traditional manhandling she’d come to expect from her kidnapper. She was almost insulted that he would think she’d go with him willingly. Still, he did seem to be her only chance at getting back home, at least for the time-being. She grimaced, hesitantly took his hand, and let him help her up onto Mount.
As they made their way down the dirt roads, Roxanne noticed a good many people staring as they passed. Men gaped, women gasped, babes shrieked.
Mentedor and Mount didn’t even seem to notice.
Preview: In the next exciting chapter of The Successful Failures of El Mentedor: Quarrelling. Revelations. Drama. Angst. Sex? Find out. Okay, thank you, goodbye.
Word Count: About 2,200
Rating: PG for consistency.
Genre: AU/Comedy/Western
Summary: A Western AU with characters based on those from the movie Megamind.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4
FBI Warning: Okay, so I know I promised you some drama in this chapter. But this particular installment was getting rather long, and it clearly states in my Section B, Paragraph 19 of my contract that no chapter of this story is allowed to exceed 3,249 words. So the drama will have to wait for the next chapter. This chapter will be fairly light. The next one will be...less light. No brainbots were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.
“Señor? Señorita?”
Roxanne opened her eyes to find herself face-to-face with a large-eyed, sharp-toothed fish-monster. She shrieked.
Mentedor, who had fallen asleep lying backwards on top of Mount, jumped up and pulled out his gun. “Mount, the pies have become sentient!” he yelled, waving his weapon around frantically.
Meanwhile, a startled Mount had swum down into the neck of his horse body. He waited in the darkness until the chaos above finally seemed to be dying down, then cautiously came up and peeked out into the visible area of the tank. “We’re, uh...we’re here.”
Once Roxanne caught her breath, she took in her surroundings. It seemed to be about midmorning, based on the position of the sun. There were a few people out and about on the roads of the small town. It occurred to her that she could probably escape if she made a break for it. But that still left the issue of getting home, which as of now she wasn’t sure she could do on her own. Plus she found that she’d become rather hungry. She turned to Mentedor. “They serve food in this place?”
It didn’t take long for them to find a restaurant. Mount remained outside, munching away on sprinkles of fish food, while Mentedor and Roxanne made their way inside and sat down at a table.
“Order anything you like,” said Mentedor, with a smile. “You’ve earned it.”
She gave him a bored look. “Could you please be just a little more condescending?”
“Condescen...?” he said with sincere confusion. “I wasn’t being condescending! I was being polite!”
“Trust me on this one. You have a special knack for being a smug, little creep.”
Mentedor rolled his eyes. “Very well, Miss Ritchi. We’ll say that I’m condescending if it will make you happy.”
“Honestly, Mentedor, half the things you say just make me want to punch you in the face.”
“And the other half?” he asked with a hopeful smirk.
Roxanne sighed. It was too early for this. Thankfully it was at this moment that a waitress came up to their table.
“Can, uh...” asked the waitress, looking nervously at the strange blue man. “Can I take your orders?”
Roxanne spoke up. “I’ll have a tequila sunrise and ten pulled-pork sandwiches.”
“Ten?!” asked Mentedor.
“You said I could order anything.”
“Well, yes, but...are you honestly going to eat all of those?”
“You’re paying, right?”
“Well, yes....”
“Make it fifteen.”
Mentedor sighed and apparently decided not to press his luck further. “Let’s see...and I’ll have a salad with a side of beans and a slice of non-sentient pie. Oh, and could you make it snappy, for pavor?”
“Uh...of course, sir,” said the uncomfortable waitress, before leaving quickly.
“Well, she seemed terrified,” noted Roxanne.
“Yes, I do tend to have that effect on people,” said Mentedor. “I suppose my reputation for villainy precedes me.”
“And I’m sure your blue skin and giant head have nothing to do with it.”
“Those...may also be factors.”
“You do tend to call attention to yourself. But, then, I guess that’s kinda your thing, isn’t it? Really, I’m surprised you aren’t mobbed by bounty hunters every time you go out in public.”
“Oh, I face the occasional bounty hunter. But most of them are smart enough to leave me alone.”
“Yes, because you’re so dangerous.”
“Most of the citizens of Metro County seem to thing so.”
“Yeah, well, most of the citizens of Metro County are idiots.”
Mentedor looked positively delighted that she’d just said that. “I couldn’t agree more. So,” he said, getting comfortable in his chair, “how was it you came to own your own bar anyway?”
“You mean the one you destroyed?”
“No, the other one,” he replied, sarcastically. “And just so you know, once I sell the gems, your cut of the money will be more than enough to pay for any repairs you need.”
“My cut?”
“Of course. I thought you played your role quite well back there.”
“I’ve already told you, I’m not going to take your stolen money.”
“But you have no problem spending it on an exorbitant number of sandwiches.”
This gave her pause. She hadn’t really considered that this was, in a sense, the same thing. Well, too late to worry about it now.
“I have a black market contact in this town,” continued Mentedor when it was clear Roxanne didn’t have a retort for him. “I plan to meet with him later today. The sooner we can get rid of the gems, the better.”
“And then you’ll take me back home?”
“I’m afraid not. The plan is still in progress and I’m going to require your services again. But once it succeeds or...fails...I’ll be more than happy to escort you safely to wherever you wish to go.”
“How long will it take before you’re finished with your ‘plan’?”
“Not too long, I imagine.”
“And you’re still not going to tell me what it is?”
“Not yet. But when I do, I think you’re going to quite like it.”
“Right,” she said, obviously not buying that.
“So, were you going to tell me about how you came to own that bar of yours?”
“Why do you care?”
“Just making conversation while we wait for our food.”
Roxanne paused. “I made a risky investment that paid off in the long run.”
“Oh?” Mentedor leaned forward, putting an elbow on the table and resting his chin on his fist. “That sounds rather Diablo-olical. Care to elaborate?”
“Y...your order, sir!” interrupted the waitress. She seemed to be having trouble balancing all the dishes, and was relieved when Mentedor sat back, allowing her to place everything on the table before them. Roxanne looked at the giant platter of fifteen sandwiches and, though she knew she probably wouldn’t actually eat more than two, felt oddly gluttonous. “Let me know if you need anything else,” said the waitress, then moved away before they had time to respond.
Roxanne picked up a sandwich and took a bite. It tasted amazingly good and she quickly found herself chowing down with enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Mentedor ate his salad with what seemed to be an attempt at restrained sophistiation, but given that it appeared he’s never learned how to properly hold a fork, just came off looking awkward.
They sat eating in silence for awhile. Once Roxanne had finished with her first sandwich, she licked the barbeque sauce off her fingers and picked up another. “Want one?” she asked Mentedor.
He grimaced slightly at the pile of sandwiches. “That’s...really alright.”
She took a bite and spoke with her mouth full. “Come on, try one. They’re good!”
“I don’t...uh...” He seemed to be embarressed about something, but she couldn’t tell what.
Then she looked at his own order and noticed something. “Are you a vegatarian?”
“Heh! No, of course not!” he said, laughing. “Don’t be rediculous!” She took this as a ‘yes’.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a vegetarian. You have trouble digesting meat or something?”
“It’s not that, it’s just...the thought of injesting the tattered carcass of a formerly living creature has always struck me as very...base.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing out on,” she told him, then sucked some sauce off her thumb.
Mentedor looked uncomfortable and went back to eating his own meal. He finished the last of his food around the time Roxanne had polished off her second sandwhich.
“Oof!” said Roxanne, flopping back in her chair. “I’m stuffed.”
“Well, that was certainly some brilliant forthought on your behalf! What exactly are we going to do with thirteen uneaten pulled-pork sandwiches?”
“We’ll take care of that. How was your meal?”
“I rather gusta-d it myself.”
“Well, pay the bill and gather up the sandwiches. I’m gonna wait outside.”
“Now hold on a minute! When exactly did you start calling the shots around here?”
Roxanne didn’t answer that, instead standing and walking outside. She stepped out onto the dirt road, smelled the dust in the air and felt the sun on her skin. Maybe it was the food or fact that she wasn’t in eminant danger, but she found herself in much better spirits than she had been since last night. After a little while, Mentedor emerged from the restaraunt, clumsily balancing six sandwiches in one hand and seven in the other.
“Okay,” said Roxanne. “Is there somewhere in this town where the less fortunate tend to live?”
“There are always a few beggers down that way. Why?”
“Well, we gotta do something with these sandwiches.”
Mentedor perked up. “Are we going to throw them at the homeless? That does sound entertaining!”
“I was thinking we’d just hand them out politely.”
Mentedor frowned. “That doesn’t seem very evil.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
Roxanne quickly learned that with Mentedor and Mount’s present, people were hesitant to trust the food given to them. Eventually she just had the two of them stand a ways back while she’d take a few sandwiches and distribute them to the hungry. Mentedor maintained a sour expression in Roxanne’s presence, although she could have sworn she’d caught the brief glimps of a smile on one of her trips back to him. Mount, on the other hand, was practically beaming throughout the whole thing.
“Okay, that’s the last of them,” said Roxanne once their supply had been depleated.
“Now that we’re finished wasting time,” said Mentedor, “let’s make our way to...”
Roxanne saw it as it happened. The rider was driving the horse faster that he should have been, and when the animal’s hoof caught in the crevice near the side of the building, the whole creature went down, sending the rider tumbling. The pop of the horse’s leg and the subsequent agonizing neighing drew the focus of everyone around. The rider didn’t appear to be hurt too badly and he stumbled back to inspect the wounded animal.
When Roxanne looked over, she saw that both Mentedor and Mount had very pained expressions on their faces. All three knew that the horse was done for. “Let’s go,” she said. “I don’t want to watch this.”
Mentedor seemed to be considering something. He looked over at the horse, then down at the ground, then back at the horse again before turning to Roxanne. “Uh...you go,” he said. “Take yourself shopping or something. I...just remembered I have something to take care of around here.”
Roxanne arched an eyebrow. He was voluntarily letting her out of his sight? Well, no reason to question a good thing. She walked away, rounded a corner of a building, then stopped. What was he up to? She turned and peaked around the side of the building to see Mentedor running up to the rider who was now aiming a gun at the horse’s head. Mentedor held his hand up, looking paniced. The two figures began talking, but she couldn’t hear what they were saying. Seriously, what was he doing? Shouldn’t he just let the poor creature be put out of its misery? Roxanne continued watching, squinting her eyes, hoping to get some answers. Then it occured to her she was wasting valueable time. This would be the perfect chance for her to find out if there was a way back home that didn’t involve Mentedor dragging her into another dangerous situation. She turned and left to seek out information.
Upon asking around she found that the closest train station was, in fact, the one near her home. And between that station and Littlesburg was a vast stretch of desert, not suitable for traveling by foot. If she wanted to get back, she’d need help. Maybe she could hitch a ride on a wagon that was heading in that direction? If she could find one, that is. She really was off in the boonies.
Her search was continuing to prove fruitless by the time she heard his voice. “Ah, there you are!” Mentedor and Mount hurried up to her, both with huge smiles on their faces.
“Uh...hey,” she said, looking at them suspiciously. “What happened to the horse?”
“Oh, the horse is dead!” said Mentedor, cheerily.
“Dead. As. A. Doornail!” chimed in Mount, with a huge smile.
“Deceased!”
“Caput!”
“Hass-ta la viss-ta!”
“Riding the gravy train to the shores of the river Styx!”
Roxanne gave them a sideways glance, not sure what to make of all this. But she decided not to press it. “Okay, so now what?”
“Ah, thank you for asking,” said Mentedor. He hopped onto Mount’s back and sat down. “Now we unload our spoils for a healthy profit.” He held out his hand to Roxanne.
Roxanne was a little startled at being told she was about to go somewhere without the traditional manhandling she’d come to expect from her kidnapper. She was almost insulted that he would think she’d go with him willingly. Still, he did seem to be her only chance at getting back home, at least for the time-being. She grimaced, hesitantly took his hand, and let him help her up onto Mount.
As they made their way down the dirt roads, Roxanne noticed a good many people staring as they passed. Men gaped, women gasped, babes shrieked.
Mentedor and Mount didn’t even seem to notice.
Preview: In the next exciting chapter of The Successful Failures of El Mentedor: Quarrelling. Revelations. Drama. Angst. Sex? Find out. Okay, thank you, goodbye.