back from wherever i've been lately
I guess I've felt like taking a time off from being in touch with people. I've not read online stuff, answered phone calls, gone out with people, etc., for quite some time. Today, for the first time in ages, I feel like I want people back.
So, in the last few months, I've tried lithium, given up trying lithium, had some therapy, helped my mom get a lawyer and get divorce papers written up only to have her cave and not file them... instead we worked on the process of moving my father out of our house, and I completely dropped out of school this semester, so don't even ask. I've been "re-constructing" my life... meaning trying to find my home amid all the mess of my house. I'm making REAL progress. It feels good. I almost have my living room DONE. It may be another week or two yet before I'm completely satisfied with how it ends up once the dust settles from my crazy organizing/sorting/getting rid of/etc spree.
As it is, having my father NOT live with me makes a world of difference. I guess I just couldn't honestly feel attatched to the house/home here with him in it. I didn't feel like I could exert any effort at making his house nice, but once he's gone I can put forward quite a bit of energy in that direction.
His apartment rent basically comes from the money I previously was spending toward things like meds and therapy. Since that money is now going to his rent, I am no longer able to get therapy. But the good news is that I'm not having serious mood flux lately. Hopefully that's a sign that his exit from this house will have a lasting positive effect. Since bi-polar is very affected by stress, the lack of stress caused by his absence is really milding out my disorder. I still have plenty of problems though.
Aside from having a home that's free from vermin (father), I have other big news...
I'm going to Indianapolis for a new therapy which will supposedly correct brain issues, namely things related to bi-polar, stress, etc.
It's called brain balancing and is a permanent improvement to what ails the mind.
Check out their website if you want to know more. www.brainstatetech.com
I guess the way I understand it, is it helps the brain repair and overcome areas of trauma and find balance in brain functionings through real-time neural feedback.
My aunt knows people who have done it and had very very very positive results.
I've talked my mom into doing it as well at the same time I am doing it. My daughter will be staying with one of her school friends while I'm away, so hopefully that will work out well. I'm leaving sunday and will be gone for a week. I hope and hope and hope that it works.
This might be something that could help some of you as well... worth looking at to see at least.
My daughter's ill today. She became ill over the weekend and is still not doing better - fever, headache, sore throat, mild ear ache, clogged/runny nose, bit of a cough, etc. Will see what the doc says a bit later today.
Soon I should be able to resume games at my residence like I want to.
I'm feeling impatient for that.
As it is, I have a jigsaw puzzle going... and that has been great. I'm on my third for this week. It's very relaxing and fun.
Irene and I are, well... wonderful. I'm so thrilled to have her in my life still. She's such a good fit for me in many, many, many areas of my life. Eleven months and I am still feeling amaizingly happy about being with her.
I'd better get back to cleaning stuff. I'm making daily progress. Sometimes not as much as I'd like, but I'm getting through it. My living room is going to be two things... living room and dining room/game area. It's going to be great not trying to cram everything in here. The amount of "space" left after my dad's gone is really making things feasible.
I've sorted through books and am able to fit them all on the cherry shelves in our living room. Getting rid of boxes and boxes to make that possible, but am doing it. We've gotten rid of cable tv access, which I've been pushing my mom to do for five years now. We'll be getting rid of house land-line soon as well, soon as dad switches it over to his apartment. I don't need it nor do I use it, so I will be happy to have that expense leave our house.
For Christmas this year, mom and dad bought us a big electronic keyboard. I'm looking forward to practicing piano stuff again... it's been way too long.
Mom's moving her "office" into her bedroom. We're putting all of our art/craft/creative stuff in the basement... with lots of room to cut out, sew together, glue, paint, etc. I'm really excited about having all that space to dedicate to creative ventures. I will probably spend the next year or so getting it all organized and set up and ready, but at least now I have space to do so... whereas before I didn't. Things are improving here. If I can keep making progress on the organizing & getting rid of stuff I might even get a glass flameworking & stained glass area in the garage next year.
I am still very focused on my goals of cleaning house and putting it all together in a way that it's functional. Please forgive me if I am not very involved in social activities for a while yet. I miss having people around, but I guess doing this and spending copious amounts of time isolated from ppl is just part of my process. I don't think that it will last forever. Truly miss everyone, but am not exactly inclined to spend time or effort seeking people out to do stuff.
Am off to get ready for daughter's doc visit.
Hugs to you all!
So, in the last few months, I've tried lithium, given up trying lithium, had some therapy, helped my mom get a lawyer and get divorce papers written up only to have her cave and not file them... instead we worked on the process of moving my father out of our house, and I completely dropped out of school this semester, so don't even ask. I've been "re-constructing" my life... meaning trying to find my home amid all the mess of my house. I'm making REAL progress. It feels good. I almost have my living room DONE. It may be another week or two yet before I'm completely satisfied with how it ends up once the dust settles from my crazy organizing/sorting/getting rid of/etc spree.
As it is, having my father NOT live with me makes a world of difference. I guess I just couldn't honestly feel attatched to the house/home here with him in it. I didn't feel like I could exert any effort at making his house nice, but once he's gone I can put forward quite a bit of energy in that direction.
His apartment rent basically comes from the money I previously was spending toward things like meds and therapy. Since that money is now going to his rent, I am no longer able to get therapy. But the good news is that I'm not having serious mood flux lately. Hopefully that's a sign that his exit from this house will have a lasting positive effect. Since bi-polar is very affected by stress, the lack of stress caused by his absence is really milding out my disorder. I still have plenty of problems though.
Aside from having a home that's free from vermin (father), I have other big news...
I'm going to Indianapolis for a new therapy which will supposedly correct brain issues, namely things related to bi-polar, stress, etc.
It's called brain balancing and is a permanent improvement to what ails the mind.
Check out their website if you want to know more. www.brainstatetech.com
I guess the way I understand it, is it helps the brain repair and overcome areas of trauma and find balance in brain functionings through real-time neural feedback.
My aunt knows people who have done it and had very very very positive results.
I've talked my mom into doing it as well at the same time I am doing it. My daughter will be staying with one of her school friends while I'm away, so hopefully that will work out well. I'm leaving sunday and will be gone for a week. I hope and hope and hope that it works.
This might be something that could help some of you as well... worth looking at to see at least.
My daughter's ill today. She became ill over the weekend and is still not doing better - fever, headache, sore throat, mild ear ache, clogged/runny nose, bit of a cough, etc. Will see what the doc says a bit later today.
Soon I should be able to resume games at my residence like I want to.
I'm feeling impatient for that.
As it is, I have a jigsaw puzzle going... and that has been great. I'm on my third for this week. It's very relaxing and fun.
Irene and I are, well... wonderful. I'm so thrilled to have her in my life still. She's such a good fit for me in many, many, many areas of my life. Eleven months and I am still feeling amaizingly happy about being with her.
I'd better get back to cleaning stuff. I'm making daily progress. Sometimes not as much as I'd like, but I'm getting through it. My living room is going to be two things... living room and dining room/game area. It's going to be great not trying to cram everything in here. The amount of "space" left after my dad's gone is really making things feasible.
I've sorted through books and am able to fit them all on the cherry shelves in our living room. Getting rid of boxes and boxes to make that possible, but am doing it. We've gotten rid of cable tv access, which I've been pushing my mom to do for five years now. We'll be getting rid of house land-line soon as well, soon as dad switches it over to his apartment. I don't need it nor do I use it, so I will be happy to have that expense leave our house.
For Christmas this year, mom and dad bought us a big electronic keyboard. I'm looking forward to practicing piano stuff again... it's been way too long.
Mom's moving her "office" into her bedroom. We're putting all of our art/craft/creative stuff in the basement... with lots of room to cut out, sew together, glue, paint, etc. I'm really excited about having all that space to dedicate to creative ventures. I will probably spend the next year or so getting it all organized and set up and ready, but at least now I have space to do so... whereas before I didn't. Things are improving here. If I can keep making progress on the organizing & getting rid of stuff I might even get a glass flameworking & stained glass area in the garage next year.
I am still very focused on my goals of cleaning house and putting it all together in a way that it's functional. Please forgive me if I am not very involved in social activities for a while yet. I miss having people around, but I guess doing this and spending copious amounts of time isolated from ppl is just part of my process. I don't think that it will last forever. Truly miss everyone, but am not exactly inclined to spend time or effort seeking people out to do stuff.
Am off to get ready for daughter's doc visit.
Hugs to you all!