"Was I expendable? Was I t-that easy to just forget?

[seniorsavy]

Characters: Hanako Suzuki seniorsavy & Junosuke Ota junosaurus
Time: Late Afternoon - Evening
Location: Toudai Campus

Summary: In the aftermath following the events of the Digital World's rescue from deletion, Hanako revives after her death in a strange ethereal reality in which no one can see her; not even Junosuke.



Hanako opened her eyes; she was back home? The last thing that she remembered was being crushed to death alone. Her face crunched. What; was this some kind of heaven or hell? She didn't believe in that sort of thing. Was this fate trying to prove her wrong? She was even dressed in her school uniform. She hadn't been in her uniform hen the incident occured. How did that make sense?

Hanako felt her way down the hall toward an empty room; voices? What time was it? It looked like it was in the middle of the day, but the colors were so dull and desaturated. She looked at the classroom plate on the wall. This wasn't her school. The university? Why was she here? Her expression flattened. She was supposed to haunt a university in her eternal afterlife. Great joke, God. Har Har.

"Now, here's another one you're all probably familiar with. Polaris." That voice was coming from a nearby classroom. "Or as you may know it, the North Star. Now, what's interesting about Polaris is that centuries ago, it was used in navigation to find true north, though, at the time, it wasn't actually directly above the earth's north pole."

Junosuke; he was sitting in on a class of first year astronomy students, and apparently teaching the current lesson in the absence of the professor. "Now, when you observe Polaris through a telescope, it appears motionless in the sky while the other stars seem to rotate around it, making it a great fixed point for astronomical measurements-..."

Hanako stood at the door; that uniform was a high school uniform. Senior or not, it would stick out like a red flag in a sea of white. She peered in, trying to see. Maybe she could get his attention. If they really were back, she wanted answers.

"… Jn'ske-kn.", she whispered in a tone that she hoped wouldn't turn heads; only his. He was close enough to the door, so he'd have to hear her.

If Juno had heard Hanako, she was being ignored. He didn't even turn his head in her direction. "Now, I think Ootani-sensei left a few clips for us to watch. Oh, now this is pretty interesting to watch. It's a time lapse of Polaris and its neighboring stars. You can really see how it looks like they're moving around it-..."

"J'noske-kun!" She whispered again with much sharper tone. How could he not hear her?

"It's really something, huh?" Juno leaned casually on the professor's desk. Even the students in the class didn't seem to notice the high school girl by the door. He pulled up his sleeve to check his watch. Class was just about over. "I guess I can let you guys out early today. Just make sure you do the reading that sensei asked you to do."

Hanako pushed her weight onto her toes to see through the window better. When the class started to jostle and get ready to go, she pulled herself away and kept her back to the wall. Maybe she could grab him on the way out to speak.

Juno put things away and tossed his backpack over one shoulder. Maybe if Joe was free they could meet up for coffee or something. He whistled to himself as he headed for the door.

"Jeez, you idiot. Don't just ignore m-" Hanako stopped when she reached forward to grasp his sleeve. Her hand went right through his. She looked down at it. Was she really... a ghost? She couldn't find breath for a moment. "Junosuke-kun." Her voice came louder this time. She grabbed for his shoulder, but her appendage went through it.

He nodded to a passing professor and walked to the elevator, pausing outside the door that led to the university's observatory and tapped his foot. "...."

"Look at me!" She spat, frustrated. She was right in front of him! Is this how he showed any grievance at all?!
"..." He shook his hand out and flexed it. It was suddenly cold.

"Junosuke-kun! Is that how it is? Is that really how it is? After all that- you were supposed to tell my Nana and Papa!" Nobody else knew she was dead. What about her family? Her other friends? Had they all forgotten about her so soon too?

Hanako hesitated as her face fell. Is that really what she meant to them all? She bit her lip, stepping in. It didn't seem to matter if she was walking through people. "...And this is how I'm going to be left here?" Hanako eyed down at her sneakers. The world suddenly felt extremely small.

Junosuke pulled his iPOD from his jacket pocket and put the earbuds in his ears. “Huh?” Something else was in his pocket. A movie stub. How long had that been in there? He remembered seeing the movie, but he didn't remember when. Odd.

She rubbed her own arms in frustration. It was a filtered mix of both anger at him and expected heartbreak for trying to get his attention at all. "... We saw that four weeks ago.", it was a mutter, only to herself now. What was the point in speaking if nobody would recognize her presence?

Juno squinted at the ticket all the way down to the first floor, then folded it up again and shoved it in his pocket. No big deal.

"...", her eyes showed a sincere expression of shock, but it was mild. "...I even bought that stupid ticket." Hanako had treated him that night, but it had rung no bells apparently.

Something had caught his eye on his way to the main doors. A few photographs were displayed on the walls. Pictures that the astronomy students had taken with the school's powerful telescope. So simple, but beautiful at the same time. It absorbed his attention for a few, quiet moments.

Hanako followed, annoyed in his footsteps. What was the point in all this? He clearly was able to forget her this quickly, so why was she bothering to stick around? Who even knew if there had been a funeral or not? Maybe it was easier just to pretend they never knew her and get on with their lives. The idea of that hurt a little; but it was just how people really were. It was just their true colors showing; no different than herself or anyone else. Her back turned while he looked at the photos, feeling dejected.

Juno still hadn't moved. His eyes narrowed as they fixated on the display of pictures in front of him. He no longer looked at ease. Something about the photos was bothering him. He looked like he was fighting off an oncoming headache.

Hanako raised an eye at him, her arms still crossed. All of this left her with a feeling of unease and tension. She had made a selfless act of courage to save the life of someone else; yet she felt tossed aside as if it hadn't mattered. She was considered an 'old memory'. Her brow twitched and her fists dropped to her sides.

Juno groaned quietly and rubbed his temple. He was thinking too hard. "...What the hell happened then?" He didn't remember. What event was he even thinking of?

"What happened-", she repeated. "You don't even know...? You don't have any idea, do you..." She spoke as if he were actually listening. "It's probably better that you don't. I know what happened." She'd been crushed to death beneath a rockslide in a broken, bleeding pile. Did he even go and look for her? Maybe they never found her at all. It made her pale, her fists clench.

Juno rolled his shoulders and shrugged it off. It sounded crazy to dwell on a hole in his memory, no matter how recent. According to the other tamers, it was 'mission accomplished.' There had been nothing missing and nothing out of place. If he was the only one left with a feeling on unease after their adventure was over, then it was nothing to worry about. He nodded to the security guard and left the building without another word, though he paused again momentarily to notice the new flower bed that had been planted along the path leading to the doors. They really brightened up such an old, stuffy building.

... Hana.
Hm.

"...Junosuke-kun, you said--", did it matter what he said to her now? She was dead and gone. Grievances were just a waste of time; she understood that more than anyone. Her fists went up to touch her arms and rub them. Why did she always let herself do this? The one time she let her guard down and took a courageous step forward in trust, she ended up just a figment of someone's memory; of their imagination. People lie all the time, didn't they? Her mother and father often lied, why would it be so strange that Juno would? She stood in silence and began to second guess herself; how much had he said that had truly meant something.

She moved a few pieces of hair from her face. Maybe it was just better to leave him alone. It was at that thought alone that she stood unmoving. She'd stopped following alongside him.

".... ...Hana." Flowers. He was forgetting something to do with flowers. It wasn't his mother's birthday and no one close to him was in the hospital. Then what was it? Was he supposed to deliver flowers? Pick up a bouquet for someone?

"Hana-ko!" She corrected him in frustration. How could she let herself fall for someone that couldn’t even remember? "My name is Hanako!" What an idiot she'd been; he didn't even remember her name either. Had their time together been nothing more than a fling?

Juno's eyes widened and he stood up straighter. A sudden image flashed through his mind and startled him. Rocks. He remembered falling rocks, but he wasn't running away from them. It seemed more as if he were trying to find someone. It was important to find someone quickly. Was that person ever found? Joe's younger friend, Tai and been injured, but he wasn't trapped under any debris.

".... What would make me forget?", he mumbled.

"..Did you even come and find me? Even come and look for me?" Hanako spat her words. She'd felt hurt by this. Perhaps yelling was some distant option for coming to terms with her new, and possibly eternal, fate. She was doubting him. For Hanako, it was a natural response; protect herself from what she was seeing as if it couldn't be real. She wasn't going to spend the rest of eternity in this place alone watching the world forget that she even existed. "...Y-You-", she huffed, too heartbroken to find the words to continue. Her eyes glassed softly.

His eyes widened as if he'd heard that, but it wasn't possible. They had been looking for someone in the Digital World. Someone he knew; someone close. A friend. Why couldn't Juno remember if they'd been found or not? Something in his chest suddenly felt heavy. He clutched at his shirt collar as if it would make it easier for him to breathe and looked suddenly ill.

"I went to find him alone. Why didn't anyone even say anything! Why didn't you say anything, Junosuke!" She fought the tears back. She was shouting at him, she didn't even know why. Somewhere, she knew it wasn't his fault, but in the end all she was left with was situational rage. Anger that she had to die by herself. Anger that she had been so afraid to die underneath that rockslide, yet just like that, everyone moved on. What kind of definition of friendship, even love, was that? "How could you let me go out and die by myself!"

Juno reached for his phone and hammered out Joe's number. If he felt like someone had been left behind, maybe Joe could confirm it. After all, his friend knew more about digimon and that entire, crazy world to begin with.

"...." Unfortunately, Joe wasn't answering. He hadn't picked up his cellphone. "Great." This was crazy. It wasn't like him to be so nervous and irrational. His whole academic career was built around collecting data and facts before he reached a conclusion. He couldn't just go on a hunch, could he?

"Nngh." He clutched his phone and closed it. "I'll have to go back." He would have to go back to where they went into that world in the first place. Maybe he'd find some answers there. He shoved his phone in his pocket and broke into a run. Somehow it felt urgent to run.

"Where are you going!" She sniffled; she was starting to break. "I'm not through yelling at you- you-!"
But it wasn't Junosuke's fault. In logical retrospect, he wasn't responsible for her death. It wasn't anyone's fault.

It was like trying to hold on to the details of a dream after waking up. The images in his head were blurry, but the more he thought about it and latched on to one particular memory, the clearer and intense they became, as well as the feeling of guilt. It was ripping his stomach apart.

He had gone camping. There was a rock slide. They had all run to it because someone was under it. Something had happened to someone important and h was supposed to be there.

"I don't even know why I'm here at this place!" She snapped, meaning the campus. "I know I'm bullheaded and stubborn, but you c-could have stopped me!" Her voice was starting to get hoarse with yelling that he'd never hear. "You could have taken my hand and asked me not to go! You could have- I'm just a girl!"

Juno's shoes screeched to a halt, nearly topping over. Out of nowhere, a face popped into his head, causing his breath to catch in his throat and startle himself. It had been a girl She had been a high school girl with dark hair and glasses; such a serious look on her face, but when she really smiled...

He knew her. The name was on the tip of his tongue, just begging to be said. He knew it.
"H-... ...Ha-... ...na... ko." Hanako.

She wasn't crying profusely, but clearly was on the brim of tears. "Hanako! You forgot Hanako! You left me behind! My name is Hanako, you... you jerk!" It was fury; it was how she dealt with a problem when something bothered her personally or hurt her.

"Hanako." He repeated it. His hands went up to touch his face and slide into his hair, pulling at it. How could he have forgotten? It was as if everything about her had been completely wiped from his memory. The way she looked, the sound of her voice, the things she liked, the places they went together; even where they first met. All he had now was a name and a face in his head and a feeling of crushing guilt. It was all he had to go on, but it was a lead and he wasn't letting it go.

"Hanako. Hanako. ...Oh god..." Where was she? Did she get left behind? Was she hurt somewhere? What kind of asshole would make him forget her? He knew this wasn't his choice. It was that goddamned world. In silence he swallowed and glanced at his watch. He could still catch the train he needed to take and get there on time.

Hanako forced herself not to cry; even if he couldn’t see her. It wasn't worth it. She didn't want to cry over someone else. What had happened, happened. There was no turning back; there was no coming back. Instead, she merely turned around.

All he had to go on was a hunch. If he forgot about her and she wasn't around, didn't that mean she was really-

Did she ...die? His stomach lurched and his hand went over his mouth. His muscles tensed when he heard the sound of a pair of shoes walking away behind him and he turned.

"...Jerk. I c-can't believe you'd just-" Hanako muttered to herself and lifted a hand to wipe her face. She needed to let it go. She was dead and the world will go on the same without her. If he was able to barely remember her, how much did she really mean to him in the first place. If she was going to spend the rest of her afterlife as some manner of spirit with unfinished business, she was going to spend it here alone.

It was a girl in an Odaiba high school uniform. It could have been anyone; any girl at all. Though the way she was talking aloud to herself in that tone, it had to be that girl. Why did she suddenly appear out of nowhere? Just when he needed to see her the most? It was extremely unlikely, but...

"... Hanako?"

"Hh-?" She looked back over her shoulder; but her expression didn't seem happy at all. It was a mix of a number of expressions; heartache, disappointment, and shock perhaps. "...Y-You see me now?"

He just stared with his mouth slightly hung open. This was insane. People didn't just disappear and reappear like this. Junosuke swallowed. It felt like something was tightening around his lungs, making it difficult for him to breathe.

There came a deathly bout of silence. She had turned away from him to save face. "... I c-can't believe you- didn't you even come after me at all? Do you have any idea how scary it is to die by yourself?" Hanako sniffled. It truly bothered her to show weaknesses. "You didn't even remember me."

He began to shake; it really was her. It was Hanako. "I-I did." Did he? He didn't remember that detail a moment ago, but now it was becoming clear. "I did. I was-... I was there."

"W-Where were you?" Her brow furrowed and she hugged herself in a defensive posture. "When I ran off to help Darien, there wasn't anyone to help me. Was I expendable? Was I t-that easy to just forget?"

"I didn't want to forget you.", but he had. He didn't know how it happened exactly, but he had. He wet his lips and subtly studied her. Her uniform, her face, and her hair; they were just like the memory in his head. "No one gave me a choice. Are you ...okay? How did- ...how are you here?"

Hanako bolstered her defenses tenfold. "You want to know how I got here? I-It's because I died to get here all by myself with nobody to tell me that everything would be okay! I've been following you around all day, but it's not like you could see me or hear me! I just watched you go on with your life like you hadn't lost anything! That classes and every day resumed a-as normal and- and-" She had to stop. This had to stop.

Juno pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped his eyes. "I didn't know. I swear, I didn't know." He took a step forward, then stopped. Was it okay for him to come closer?

"I kept trying to stay awake! I knew that if I waited long enough, I'd be okay! If I just waited long enough, I'd be found and I'd be-", she sniffled at herself. Admitting how you felt was a difficult thing to do. "...But I died anyway."

Junosuke took another step. He was close enough to her now that she could easily push him away if she wanted to. "I ran." He remembered the feeling of running so fast his leg muscles ached and he couldn't breathe fast enough. He was never a very athletic person and then, it showed. "I ran ...so fast. I pushed the rocks away and I dug and dug ...and when I found you-" Oh god; what Hanako had looked like when he found her would haunt him for a long time to come. "Your little friend was still laying over you, protecting you ...and I was too late. You were cold-"

His hand covered his mouth and his eyes shut, squeezing out a few tears. He didn't make another sound.

"I-It isn't fair- I tried to stay awake-" She put a fist to her mouth and clamped her teeth onto her knuckles. Her attempts at not breaking down in front of him were slowly proving fruitless.

His hand raised and hovered near the side of her head. She was so close he could smell the scent of her shampoo. Every little detail was flowing into him and returning; one by one. "I'm so ...sorry."

As much of a wall as Hanako was, and always tried to be, for this moment she was wiping tears. She went into silence and stifled a hiccup. She was always so sure of herself and the world around her; how things worked, how people thought and functioned. Everything here was foreign and unexplainable. The girl was furious and upset and afraid, but had no way to let it go. She did what she knew how to do; kept it to herself.

He cautiously touched her. Finally. "You're really here..."

"Y-You're such a jerk...", she mumbled it behind her fist near her mouth. It was clear she didn't mean it. "...S-Such a-” Hanako wiped her face, keeping herself somewhat reserved.

He lowered his head and allowed him to rest against her, forehead to forehead. "I know. I know I am..."

Hanako's instinct was to pull. "Y-You lied- you said-" Not everyone can be a standing wall in the face of death. Behind all the attitude and defenses, she was still just a scared girl. "I didn't want to go-", separating from the group was her way to participate. The group had needed supplies and wood, but no one else was offering to get them. Even though they needed it; she had secretly hoped that she wouldn't have been the one to have to go off alone and gather the supplies.

Juno remembered that; all of the stress, the guilt, the tension and angry looks that he'd shared with Trent for the remainder of the journey. It all came crashing down on him at once. It was almost unbearable. Why wasn't he with her then? He didn't remember. Maybe he didn't want to treat her like she was fragile just because she was a girl. Maybe he felt that she would be okay if Darien was with her. He didn't know.

"... I-I'm sorry." Again. "I'm so sorry..."

She covered her face to give herself some personal space. "I-I'm fine-", the fact was, she wasn't. "I-It's just the natural response from a traumatic experience. It's p-perfectly expected from a psychologic-c..." It was always a logical reasoning with Hanako. For her, logic explained every aspect of her life and how she dealt and comprehended the world.

"Hana-chan." It sounded like a scold. She couldn't honestly try to write off all of the pain and trauma she'd been through with a textbook explanation? There was only handful of people who had been through what they'd been through. It wasn't common at all. "Tell me. If you were gone, why are you- ...how did you get back all on your own?"

"I didn't. I woke up here. I waited for you outside of your stupid class! You didn't see me, you didn't hear me, you went through me! I'm dead, don't you get that?"

"But you're not! How can I be talking to you right now if you're dead?" He removed his hands and looked to the side. “But somehow I knew this was how you would have felt about me after it happened. You had to die alone because I wasn't there. I can't make up for that."

"... ...", he was right. He couldn't make up for what had already happened, but she also couldn't stay angry forever. She wasn't even particularly angry at him. It was a sheer pent up release of anger and sadness at her personal losses. "When you didn't remember me, how could anyone else..." Her shoulders dropped in thought of her grandparents.

His silence said more than words could. He wasn't the only one who didn't remember her. It was like she'd been written out of existence. "Maybe that's how much I matter. I was right, Junosuke-kun." Her Mother and Father, others, him. "If I'm so easy to forget and move on from, I'm not very close to anyone at all from the beginning."

His voice raised, which was something he didn't usually do to her. Junosuke was always so calm and level-headed. "Do you think I wanted this; to feel like a complete asshole? I didn't just move on. Everywhere I went there were little hints of you, but something was fogging up my memory and now that you're back? I should have known you'd react that way. You were right. I wasn't there. I should have been there. You have a right to hate me, but I can't change the fact that I forgot. Believe me, I didn't have any say in it."

Immediately on her heel she spun around to face him. Her face was flushed and nearly as friendly as a harassed hornet- but then, she started to cry. "... ...I want to go home."

Junosuke fell quiet. He was expecting Hanako to chew his head off for that, but this? After the tension had passed, his shoulders relaxed and he held an arm out to her. It was there if she would accept it. A moment passed and she did. It was hesitant, but she pushed his arm away and wanted a hug instead. Hanako hiccuped, trying to keep herself under control- though she rested her head.

Was she dead? Was she alive? She had no logical explanation of what was happening to her or the world around her. He hesitated before pulling his arms around her. This was too hard for either of them to comprehend. "...I'll take you home."

"I'm not mad-- I'm--", she had to tell him that it wasn't his fault. "Did I at least save him?"
...She didn't. Darien had died too.
"Save? I don't understand." Was someone else with her that night?
"Darien; did I at least save him?" It appeared that Junosuke didn't remember Darien either.
Juno looked completely stumped, but apologetic. He didn't know any 'Darien.' The name didn't ring a bell.

"I-It's fine.", Hanako exhaled and squeezed him. "Just stay here, okay? I d-don't want to be by myself, even though I could compare the behavior to earlier situations..." There she went with her logic once again.

"Alright." Whatever it was that she wanted, he felt that he owed her at least that.

"Statistics are that if someone has someone else there, the probability of...", she mumbled and dismissed the completion of her thought. "It's not your fault. I-It's mine. It was a lesson, maybe. People forgot me because I... I tend to keep them away from me and my family." Is that what she thought? "But I didn't deserve to die for it."

"It wasn't a lesson. Don't look into it so much." He sighed; his tone sounding defeated. "It just was what it was."

"Y-You're right. Yeah. You're right--", she was being crazy. Right? She had to be. "Everyone's fine, I'm not dead. Nobody knew I was gone and that's a good thing, right? Nobody's worried about me or cares that I was gone for awhile which is a good thing.” She nodded to assure herself and convince herself that this was now the factual story.

"As long as you know that no one forgot about you intentionally. You know that I wouldn't. Even if I didn't mean to do it, I'm still sorry. I love you too much to throw you aside like you don't matter." He lifted her chin to see her face. "Everyone else will come around soon and I bet the friend we lost will come back too just like you did." Right? That had to be how it worked.

"I ...", she almost has said it. Hanako had almost uttered the three most important words she never said in that moment. It was as if she had tried to say it back, but it just didn't come out. He said he loved her; and that's all she could manage. "...I know you're right."

He didn't think anything of it. He'd already known that Hanako had trouble with affection. Now wasn't the time to try to ease her out of her comfort zone, especially not after an ordeal such as this. "You don't have to go home. Do whatever you want and whatever you need. I'm not going anywhere."

“I need-", she didn't know what she needed at this moment in time. "If I lay down for awhile and you don't mind staying at the bed for awhile, we can stop by and make sure you have things to keep you company if I fall asleep. I know you. I don't need for y-you to be bored while I work this through."

He touched her hair. She sounded exhausted. Some time to rest was exactly what she needed. "... My dorm room, then?"

"For a little while...", her eyes closed quietly. Hanako leaned her head against his hand. The touch was somehow calming to her. "... Thanks, Juno." Juno. It was the first time she'd called him by that name. He noticed the change in formality, but didn't say a word. It felt wonderful. "You're welcome, Hana-chan." Junosuke gave her a kiss on her head to match. "My schedule's cleared."

A hand went down to her side as she started to walk. It remained there for a time; though after a few minutes of silence, it brushed his. He smiled and glanced down to take it in his own. That was just the way Hanako was. Just because she wouldn't ask to hold his hand or hint around for kisses or other signs of affection, didn't mean she didn't communicate her need for them in her own way.

"Juno...", her voice came as if saying his name at the front would asses how differently it felt to say it like that. "Should ...I tell Nana and Papa? What are you going to tell your family?" Her eyes were half lidded.

"Whatever you think we should tell them. It's cool with me. I wasn't really planning on saying anything unless you think I should. I haven't really told them anything about the whole 'monsters' thing."

"...Nana's been sick lately...", she paused and there came a slight squeeze on her grip. "...I'd rather not burden her with more problems at her age.” Hanako would rather let them think she lived a healthy and positive social life than be honest with them; just to keep them happy in their elderly years. It was a selfless, but self-destructive for the price of being protective.

"It's your call, but maybe you should take a day and think it over.” Juno shrugged. "Do something nice for them when you get back if it'll make you feel better." He held the dorm room door open for her. "You know they care, so if they ask, don't completely leave them in the dark alright?"

Her loafers fell off as she leaned forward and hit the bed face down; she didn't move. Juno sat next to her and pulled her feet up on the bed. He leaned back with a sigh. A hand spidered nearby on the bedding. She didn't take his, but that could be open to the fact that she either couldn't see it or couldn't find it.

He noticed this and slouched against the wall to get comfortable. He took her hand. "... Mn?" Was she okay?
In a quiet motion, Hanako grabbed and pulled him down next to her.

He scooted over to make sure she had enough room to stay comfortable. An arm slipped under her and pulled her in close. One more thing came to mind before he could truly be comfortable. He reached into his pocket to remove his phone and switched it to silent. His evening schedule was officially free. If someone needed him, they'd have to leave a message. Hanako was more of a priority right now.

Finally, she relaxed. When they laid together, she would often let her head rest nearby. Hanako liked her personal space in beds, though at the moment, she didn't seem like she wanted to separate. She said nothing, but her eyes closed in comfort.

Maybe being close like this.... wasn't so bad.