(no subject)
I am wondering about guilt. Is guilt a selfish thing, something created by my head and heart to get me more attention? Is guilt something that I control? Is it possible to say to myself: I am not guilty? I have struggled with this emotion for a long time, beginning with my father's mother during my pre-teen and teenage years. She would suddenly be mad at me, and not look at me, not talk to me, completely ignore my questions and requests. I remember crying to my father asking "What did I do? What did I do?" Eventually she would start talking to me again, inexplicably, but the hurt I felt was intense on top of a new divorce and puberty.
Guilt has manifest itself in my adulthood primarily by robbing me of good times. Most times I cannot tell if I am manufacturing the situation, or if I really should be on the defensive. I get tired second guessing myself, but I can't seem to stop.
As I get a little older and a little wiser in my relationships, I find I wonder more and more about guilt. Is this something that I do to myself? Can I decide to simply not feel guilty any more?
Guilt has manifest itself in my adulthood primarily by robbing me of good times. Most times I cannot tell if I am manufacturing the situation, or if I really should be on the defensive. I get tired second guessing myself, but I can't seem to stop.
As I get a little older and a little wiser in my relationships, I find I wonder more and more about guilt. Is this something that I do to myself? Can I decide to simply not feel guilty any more?