(no subject)
all right. so im at work and nothing is going on, so i thought id just update for any you who may be possibly interested in the boringness that occurs in my life. ]
so ive been really frustrated lately. im worried that im never going to be able to do what i want from life. thinking back on my job at old navy and stuff....god i hope i dont turn into one of them....someone who's stuck there forever and terribly bitter about it. i am going to have to go back to school since my FBI thing didn't work out. but im terribly depressed about lots of stuff. im frustrated with myself because i know i can be better than i am right now. im frustrated with my life because i feel like ive worked hard all through college and nothing ever came from it. im frustrated with the job search im doing because unless i have a master's degree in something, it appears that I will never be able to find a job using my French and doing what I want, especially since the economy sucks and no one is hiring right now. and of course im frustrated with boys. but when hasn't he frustrated me? he's frustrated me ever since we've been "just friends."
sometime to avoid my depression, i just want to go to the bar and drink until it all goes away. but i know that whenever the liquor wears off, ill be even more depressed than i was when i started. but damn that does sound good. maybe this weekend i can convince jodie or someone to come with me. when we went to a party on halloween about two weeks when we were discussing life i almost started crying. she was like whats wrong with meeting someone and just seeing where it goes? and i said...that's the problem. everything else in my life is up in the air, and the last thing i need is one more maybe or uncertainty. and i know she's right: im never going to get over david if i dont meet someone else, but sometimes, i dont know. the last thing i need is to wonder about one more thing. so basically, as you can tell, im stressed and depressed and frustrated. but no one ever knows because i dont tell them, in fact im very good at hiding it. my mom cant even tell how upset i am. but one day something will happen and the dam will break and i know ill just end up crying for days and days.
so ive been really frustrated lately. im worried that im never going to be able to do what i want from life. thinking back on my job at old navy and stuff....god i hope i dont turn into one of them....someone who's stuck there forever and terribly bitter about it. i am going to have to go back to school since my FBI thing didn't work out. but im terribly depressed about lots of stuff. im frustrated with myself because i know i can be better than i am right now. im frustrated with my life because i feel like ive worked hard all through college and nothing ever came from it. im frustrated with the job search im doing because unless i have a master's degree in something, it appears that I will never be able to find a job using my French and doing what I want, especially since the economy sucks and no one is hiring right now. and of course im frustrated with boys. but when hasn't he frustrated me? he's frustrated me ever since we've been "just friends."
sometime to avoid my depression, i just want to go to the bar and drink until it all goes away. but i know that whenever the liquor wears off, ill be even more depressed than i was when i started. but damn that does sound good. maybe this weekend i can convince jodie or someone to come with me. when we went to a party on halloween about two weeks when we were discussing life i almost started crying. she was like whats wrong with meeting someone and just seeing where it goes? and i said...that's the problem. everything else in my life is up in the air, and the last thing i need is one more maybe or uncertainty. and i know she's right: im never going to get over david if i dont meet someone else, but sometimes, i dont know. the last thing i need is to wonder about one more thing. so basically, as you can tell, im stressed and depressed and frustrated. but no one ever knows because i dont tell them, in fact im very good at hiding it. my mom cant even tell how upset i am. but one day something will happen and the dam will break and i know ill just end up crying for days and days.