garrrrrrrrr...

[meg3237]

so yea... we broke up. kinda makes me sad, but then again i guess it was kind of a mutual thing. when i think about how the reason that i called him to come over was to break up with him and then how i got all sad and stuff when it actually came down to us saying that it just wasnt working anymore. i would have rather gone back to the beginning of the relationship and the way it was and the way he was back then rather than break up, but i didnt really see that happening. apparently we are "two different people" whatever that means. we sat and talked for about the first 10 minutes about how we should break up. i felt the need to make it more difficult for him than it had to be. i kinda feel bad about that tho cause i think i kinda made him feel like an asshole. but then we kinda just sat there for about 2 hours in silence. periodically i would break the silence and say somethin that had been running through my head during the silence. but pretty much we were just quiet the whole time. the thing that probably hurt me the most was that i really cared that it was over and morgan just couldnt wait to get out of it. i really wish that he had been a little sad or somethin but it just doesnt work that way apparently. we talked about how i had seen it coming for about a week. he stopped calling me, stopped wanting to hang out with me, started giving me excuses about how he couldnt do anything, but when i think about it, it really all started to fall apart when we actually officially started dating. it was soo much better before that. and then in the beginning i was so close to getting out of the relationship because that is just what i do. i am not good at being committed. i was worried about what i could and couldnt do during the summer if i had a boyfriend, but i told myself that i shouldnt run away from it cause that is what i usually do, so i finally got over that and now i just think that all that crap i put myself through because everyone told me he was a great guy and i should give him a chance, i went through all of that for nothing. sure there were some good times but in the end i dont know if it was really worth it or not because in reality, i feel like we broke up a week or so ago because ever since last tuesday things have been very distant between us. so i guess i shouldnt feel bad because i have pretty much gone through the first week of breaking up already. so it should be easier for me. i went to see star wars last night with stevie heather and christen and morgan was there with his dad so afterwards we all went to waffle house, i thought it would be weird but it wasnt weird to me. other than the fact that i feel like morgan would really rather not have me there it wasnt weird. i think if we dont shut each other out in the beginning then we wont end up not being friends at all. but if we do, then we wont be friends in the end which makes me sad. all i really want out of this is not be ignored and not for people to be worried to invite us both to the same place. i dont really know how he feels tho because he said he had no intention of not talking to me but everyone says that. cause he will feel like he doesnt want to talk to me too much and give me the wrong impression that he still likes me or somethin but i just hope that doesnt happen. rob text messaged me from the beach to tell me that he heard and that if there was anything he could do then to just say it. it made me feel alot better. then he called me later and we talked about a lot of stuff. i went out last night at like 1 or so. i was gonna call stevie to come pick me up but i didnt wanna be annoying so i just went on a walk on my own. well then, if you read this whole thing then wow, you made my day. i <3 all of you!!

It's not enough to hear me say you've won you only wanted me for having fun
^glorious song!