Doch ich frag, ich frag mich wer wir sind...
It's wierd to think that if I actually do leave Syracuse, I'm gonna miss it. Last night Carissa brought out her pop CDs and i imported old school Maria Carey, 98 degrees, Nsync and Smashmouth. For almost an hour, we jammed to 'Bye Bye Bye' and other such nonsense. Although it was exceedingly childish, it was also soooooooooo much fun. It reminded me eerily of middle school, which is only eerie because i haven't thought about it for such a long time and thought that i couldn't reconjure the emotions that I had at that age. But I did. I felt myself getting excited at the thought of dancing at Bat/Bar Mitsvahs and wanting Scott Oklin to think i was cute. (not really, but it was a feeling analagous to that) It was so wierd to realize(and I'm sorry to keep coming back to this,) how much I've grown up. Although college has disappointed me on several different levels, it has definitely given me the time and space to effectively self reflect. I thought college could do the impossible. I thought it could change me. I thought it would help me define myself without my putting in any effort. I thought it would be a bold enough change from high school that I would be forced into maturing. however, in reality, I have stubbornly decided that i need to grow up, which leaves me bitter that I wasn't pushed into it by an external force. Of course, I have a long way to go, and i'll probably look back on this journal entry and laugh (or cringe with embarrassment, as I am often prone to do). Oh well. I'll tackle more of this later.