my EEEEvaluation
well, my first formal evaluation was on friday. in preparation, i had approximately 6 hours sleep total from monday thru friday morn. always at my finest. it was to be first period, mostly smart kids, with just a couple of 'behavioral concerns'. how did it go? Hmmm. Summary:
home room: HE SHOWS UP EARLY!!!!!! NOT FIRST PERIOD!!!! dammit. cue creepy music as the kids become spawn of stepford. quiet, little meek sheeplets. the biggest 'behaveconc' quietly sidles up to me and baahs because THEMAN is sitting in his assigned seat, and what is to become of us...oh the humanity... jeez louise! i have chosen a lab for the lesson, one in which they will (ALL ON THEIR OWN!!!) create a model of ocean currents using colored ice cubes, hot water, a thermometer and two sparkly clean beakers (2+ hours scouring glassware the night before!). well, apparently, they had never before used a THERMOMETER because the first thing they did was to pry it AWAY from its housing/scale, thus rendering it a lovely glass mercury filled helen keller tube...something i noticed when their temperature recordings ranged from '4' to '213' IN THE SAME LAB GROUP. hmmph. many feeble bleats of 'what do we do nowwwww?' had me hissing at them to read their directions. as they plooped the ice cube around, they were SUPPOSED to record their delightful observations on the colorful convection currents they had created...instead, what the bopeeps did was write down the FRIGGIN TEMPERATURE EVERY THIRTY SECONDS and NOTHING about the trail of purple whirl dancing in the newly created thermocline they had created. Well....those that had MANAGED TO PUT THE HOT WATER INTO THE OTHER BEAKER, THAT IS!!!! my second 'oy' moment occurred when i realized i should've put their hot water into a smaller beaker, rather than the beautifully paired same sized sparkly mate to the cold water one. some of them put the ice into the cold and never poured in the hot; some put their ice into the hot and marvelled at the temperature change as the ice melted (shit.) also I discovered a typo on the second page of the lab sheet, where 'hot green water' actually read 'hot red water'. (double shit.) meanwhile, Mr. Observer was popping around, asking difficult questions, such as 'what are you doing?' 'why are you doing that?' and 'watch out! you'll get hurt!' I repeatedly plunged my finger into the green liquid heating up on the hot plate, ostensibly to check the temperature, but perhaps subconsciously hoping for electrocution. As the confusion mounted...in walked the yearbook staff, come to take our picture...NO it had to be RIGHT THEN and no other time!. Did I mention we were relying on ICE CUBES and HOT WATER? Fine, let's step away for a few minutes... sigh. Rest of the period is filed under 'forget me first when the alzheimer train comes' as the period ended early (since I failed to account for the yearbook snafu time, we ended up in an unfinished clusterfuck as the bell rang.) I flang (yes, flang) 'exit slips' at them as they flocked away.
period 2: In the Friday mosh pit that is "IFINISHEDMYBELLWORK MS MEEZERCHICK", i watched in slow motion horror as a student received an unplanned outthrust pencil harpoon to the face ONE MILLIMETER FROM HIS EYE!! I shoved a jolly rancher in his mouth, whapped a paper towel on his face, and sent him off to the nurse. (he'll be ok).
period 4: I cannot remember much of anything, because the ginormous weapons array of world maps and screens LEAPT off the top of the white board and crushed my skull, and clatterwhumped to the floor, much to the delight of my 4th period regs. I kept thinking "MUST REMAIN CONSCIOUS" because I knew they would not call 911, but would instead trample over my inert carcass and rifle my desk for jolly ranchers. toads.
period 5: MOMENTS after returning from lunch, a female student reported something to me that made me call the office instantly to be sure I handled it appropriately. The guidance counselor arrived in seconds.
period 6: I stress-crammed way too many peppermint patties into my mouth. In short order, (on top of the 'fiesta mac', tater tots and brownie (yes, really.) that I had had for lunch, there was a severe and imminent SOS ping from the submarine. Fortunately, next door stopped in and I forced her to watch my angels (.......) while I raced to the loo. I knew then that the day could not possibly get any worse! (just kidding.)
period 7: someone lit my desk on fire. literally. Yes, really.
I am supposed to get my 'evaluation' results on Tuesday. Hope it's good!
home room: HE SHOWS UP EARLY!!!!!! NOT FIRST PERIOD!!!! dammit. cue creepy music as the kids become spawn of stepford. quiet, little meek sheeplets. the biggest 'behaveconc' quietly sidles up to me and baahs because THEMAN is sitting in his assigned seat, and what is to become of us...oh the humanity... jeez louise! i have chosen a lab for the lesson, one in which they will (ALL ON THEIR OWN!!!) create a model of ocean currents using colored ice cubes, hot water, a thermometer and two sparkly clean beakers (2+ hours scouring glassware the night before!). well, apparently, they had never before used a THERMOMETER because the first thing they did was to pry it AWAY from its housing/scale, thus rendering it a lovely glass mercury filled helen keller tube...something i noticed when their temperature recordings ranged from '4' to '213' IN THE SAME LAB GROUP. hmmph. many feeble bleats of 'what do we do nowwwww?' had me hissing at them to read their directions. as they plooped the ice cube around, they were SUPPOSED to record their delightful observations on the colorful convection currents they had created...instead, what the bopeeps did was write down the FRIGGIN TEMPERATURE EVERY THIRTY SECONDS and NOTHING about the trail of purple whirl dancing in the newly created thermocline they had created. Well....those that had MANAGED TO PUT THE HOT WATER INTO THE OTHER BEAKER, THAT IS!!!! my second 'oy' moment occurred when i realized i should've put their hot water into a smaller beaker, rather than the beautifully paired same sized sparkly mate to the cold water one. some of them put the ice into the cold and never poured in the hot; some put their ice into the hot and marvelled at the temperature change as the ice melted (shit.) also I discovered a typo on the second page of the lab sheet, where 'hot green water' actually read 'hot red water'. (double shit.) meanwhile, Mr. Observer was popping around, asking difficult questions, such as 'what are you doing?' 'why are you doing that?' and 'watch out! you'll get hurt!' I repeatedly plunged my finger into the green liquid heating up on the hot plate, ostensibly to check the temperature, but perhaps subconsciously hoping for electrocution. As the confusion mounted...in walked the yearbook staff, come to take our picture...NO it had to be RIGHT THEN and no other time!. Did I mention we were relying on ICE CUBES and HOT WATER? Fine, let's step away for a few minutes... sigh. Rest of the period is filed under 'forget me first when the alzheimer train comes' as the period ended early (since I failed to account for the yearbook snafu time, we ended up in an unfinished clusterfuck as the bell rang.) I flang (yes, flang) 'exit slips' at them as they flocked away.
period 2: In the Friday mosh pit that is "IFINISHEDMYBELLWORK MS MEEZERCHICK", i watched in slow motion horror as a student received an unplanned outthrust pencil harpoon to the face ONE MILLIMETER FROM HIS EYE!! I shoved a jolly rancher in his mouth, whapped a paper towel on his face, and sent him off to the nurse. (he'll be ok).
period 4: I cannot remember much of anything, because the ginormous weapons array of world maps and screens LEAPT off the top of the white board and crushed my skull, and clatterwhumped to the floor, much to the delight of my 4th period regs. I kept thinking "MUST REMAIN CONSCIOUS" because I knew they would not call 911, but would instead trample over my inert carcass and rifle my desk for jolly ranchers. toads.
period 5: MOMENTS after returning from lunch, a female student reported something to me that made me call the office instantly to be sure I handled it appropriately. The guidance counselor arrived in seconds.
period 6: I stress-crammed way too many peppermint patties into my mouth. In short order, (on top of the 'fiesta mac', tater tots and brownie (yes, really.) that I had had for lunch, there was a severe and imminent SOS ping from the submarine. Fortunately, next door stopped in and I forced her to watch my angels (.......) while I raced to the loo. I knew then that the day could not possibly get any worse! (just kidding.)
period 7: someone lit my desk on fire. literally. Yes, really.
I am supposed to get my 'evaluation' results on Tuesday. Hope it's good!