(no subject)
Yesterday was particularly bad. I was supposed to have Monday-Friday off however I ended up needing to go into the office to take care of a whole lot of crap that I don't really care about. Fortunately the day allowed me to keep focused on my work so I didn't really have the time to let my mind wander, like during most days this time of year.
I just dunno what my problem is these days. I always used to be a very upbeat person but I guess my heart has taken a lot of beatings these last couple of years. Honestly I thought that what I went through with Megan was bad but it was a really immature and superficial type of love- it just scratched the surface.
My relationship with Collette was much more real than what I had with Megan, granted I did like Megan a lot but she didn't make me feel anywhere near as important or as loved or as in other relationships. My relationship with Collette was promising at first. She seemed like such a nice girl. Someone who was willing to listen to me and treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated. It was really looking promising but when I got to know her I realized I just didn't feel that way about her. I had feelings for her for sure but I honestly couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with her like I could with Katie.
Honestly, the biggest mistake of my life was not taking the time to listen to Katie and meet with her and see what could be done...I was just so stubborn because of the way she hurt me, I didn't want to go back to her because she cheated on me and that hurt and still hurts to this day. And a passionate kiss is just as bad as sleeping with someone in my opinion. It still breaks my heart to think about all of this. There are a lot of doubts in my mind from the decisions that I made as we both neared graduation from College. I wish I would have been more mature and more serious and talked about all of those things that we needed to talk about but me, being the big goon that i am was not able to bring myself to talk about that or even think about that...how nieve I was- I just assumed it would all work out in the end without really talking to her.
I was sadly mistaken....but I can only trust now that if it was meant to be, than it'll find its way back to me or not. In the mean time I'll be here waiting with an open mind, ears and heart.
I just dunno what my problem is these days. I always used to be a very upbeat person but I guess my heart has taken a lot of beatings these last couple of years. Honestly I thought that what I went through with Megan was bad but it was a really immature and superficial type of love- it just scratched the surface.
My relationship with Collette was much more real than what I had with Megan, granted I did like Megan a lot but she didn't make me feel anywhere near as important or as loved or as in other relationships. My relationship with Collette was promising at first. She seemed like such a nice girl. Someone who was willing to listen to me and treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated. It was really looking promising but when I got to know her I realized I just didn't feel that way about her. I had feelings for her for sure but I honestly couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with her like I could with Katie.
Honestly, the biggest mistake of my life was not taking the time to listen to Katie and meet with her and see what could be done...I was just so stubborn because of the way she hurt me, I didn't want to go back to her because she cheated on me and that hurt and still hurts to this day. And a passionate kiss is just as bad as sleeping with someone in my opinion. It still breaks my heart to think about all of this. There are a lot of doubts in my mind from the decisions that I made as we both neared graduation from College. I wish I would have been more mature and more serious and talked about all of those things that we needed to talk about but me, being the big goon that i am was not able to bring myself to talk about that or even think about that...how nieve I was- I just assumed it would all work out in the end without really talking to her.
I was sadly mistaken....but I can only trust now that if it was meant to be, than it'll find its way back to me or not. In the mean time I'll be here waiting with an open mind, ears and heart.