Still here
Alive and well. 1 day at a time. Nothing changes too much though.
I haven't worked Diamonds in a month now. I dont know if I am done with the stripper scene or not. If I didn't have to pay the house fee & tip the manager & dj then I of course would be more willing to go but it started getting expensive & I wasn't making money at the same time. I was lucky to get $50 the last 2 night I worked so I said fuck it. Having to tip out $30 of it & walking home with $20 isn't worth it. Why work 6+ hours for nothing?! And thieves like crazy there lately. Girls getting their purse, cell phone, clothes, etc stolen from them. Money stolen out of girls bags in the dressing room. I can't afford to lose what little I have! And the girls from Portland started coming up every weekend & they are hotter & better then me so I don't stand a chance going back now. I want to.. I miss it... but I don't know :(
My Birthday was nice. I didn't get much like usual. I worked. They got me a cake & all signed a card :) They did more then my real family lol. I love my housekeepers <3 However recently I got written up because a lady who works there saw me with my shoes off while I was in a room cleaning. She was with a client showing the 9th floor & they walked by me. She told the district manager whom already hates me & tried to fire me 3 months in over my pink & black hair. I was hired with it & allowed to keep it as my managers/bosses misinformed me. Anyways the district manager hates me so yelled at my boss about how I had my shoes off & it meant a write up. It doesn't hurt me in anyway but it doesn't make me look good to the company or whatever but I don't give a fuck. I still take my shoes off in rooms but I am more cautious now looking to see who is around me haha. Fuck them. I need to keep this job but I fucking hate it with a passion. Love the people I work with well my bosses & the other housekeeping girls & Dawn in laundry & some peeps up in the kitchen. Fuck my district manager & the bitch who complained to her about me with my shoes off. They just dont like that I got keep my hair dyed how it is! They judge me. I almost wanted to refuse to sign the write up paper but I decided to just sign it & deal for now.
I don't even remember what month I started smoking 30's but I went on myspace the other day for the hell of it to post a few new pics & I noticed I had wrote a status about being rocked & buying drugs. One was December & one was from January so I must of started around then.... That is ALOT of money... I dunno how I manage to get a $35-$40 pill almost daily for over half a year. I don't know if I am addicted or not. I haven't gone without for more then 4 days at the most. usually 1 or 2 days. I still make sure the rats have what they need before I ever buy drugs though. And the rats are harder to afford so I do go without my drugs alot more lately. I just get sad without one & sleepy. Life doesn't seem as exciting. It's all mental really. I should try to stop all together. Last time Jefferson was up he mentioned he thought I had a problem but I was insulted because he was on more then I was that night! and he asked me to do my 2nd pill when I wanted to save it for the next day but he wanted to try smoking it so I decided to do it just so he could take a hit and try it for the first time. Then he freaks out how I need to cut back & all this shit so I was fucking pissed. But he only does it once in awhile because of his work so I guess it doesn't really count how much he does when he rarely does it in the first place. Blah. So I think a lot if I do have a problem or not & what I should do..
Jeff is in prison. We still talk. I still love him. I think he kinda thinks we are dating.. But I'll let him think whatever he wants. I doubt he will get 5 years for the robbery. I'm hoping he gets like 5 years in total for everything. I'd be a fool to think he would get less. Everyone else thinks he will get waaaaaay more. I do feel bad for him. I love hearing his voice. He is too far away to visit plus I think we still have a no contact issued but they dont know who they are calling when they call cell phones so he can call me at least <3 Everyone would kill me if I ended up with him in the future haha oh man.. :( I doubt it will happen though but I guess you never know for sure. I wish his ex would die. She is causing so much shit for him. She is going around telling people the reason they are not together is because Jeff got engaged to a prostitute while in prison. And she is meaning me!!! I am a fucking stripper! I don't fuck people! She is a fucking bitch who lies to not face the truth! We are not engaged either obviously so she is just living in a dream world apparently! I hate her!
Justin my ex from 2004-2009 was up awhile ago & it was a fucking terrible thing for us to hang out! I smoked a 30 & snorted a lot of coke in front of him that first night. The 2nd day he bought me lunch after I got out of work. I couldn't get any 30's so I was sad & tired. I fell asleep while he was watching the UFC pay per view he ordered. He was mad I didn't stay awake. I had told him I didn't want to watch it in the first place & that I was tired. He said I was too hooked on drugs. The 3rd day I took him to Olive Garden but fought for an hour first over me having to go home later to tend to the rats, try to get 30's & whatever else I cant remember now what just stupid things he thought were so important. We stopped talking and hanging out after that night for 2 days then he text me saying he was sorry but he couldn't hang out with me again and he was a fool to think if he came bad I'd want to be with him. DUH!!!! I don't want anything to do with him! He is soooo not sexy to me at all! He has the gross nastiest looking chapped lips always. He is balding like crazy. He has a terrible complexion. He is doomed. I am surprised he hasn't killed himself by now. He hasn't had sex in almost 4 years! What a loser! He deleted me off his friends on facebook. lol. What a fucking idiot to come to maine to hang out with your ex of 4 years ago hoping your 8 day presence will change her and she will fall in love with you. LMAO. He is pathetic!!!!
I don't think I have anything else or anyone else to talk about lol hmm..
Jefferson I don't know what to say about. I'm pissed at him for freaking out on me about doing too many pills when he was on way more then me & bought more then I did! If he had waited to talk about it when he was lets say SOBER or just a totally different day it would of been different. It was his connection too he could of said no if me doing them was such a bad idea. He wanted to get fucked up so bad that day we had to wait awhile to finally get them and he was freaking out wanting them asap while I was calm! It just really pisses me off. We had hot sex though those few days he was in town. We got really dirty & kinky & I loved every minute of it. I felt in love with him for the rest of the days we spent together. He took me to sushi at Green Tea again. We went half the bill <3 He gave me brownies he made! He was just so perfect other then the freaking out on me about pills the first day we chilled. He should be in town tomorrow night though! I feel like I won't see him though. I wish he would spend the night with me but if he just wants to pop by & fuck I'll take that too of course :p
Shane still owes me $50 out of the $100 he borrowed from me when I first started at Diamonds and I was LOADED. I am poor as shit now & really need all the money I can get my hands on. Shane has all these issues too so isn't really talking to me much because he knows I want my money & probably feels he has to avoid me until he has the money. I feel bad that he is going to have a baby in August. I don't think its what he wants. I mean it is.. but it isn't. He will be a good Dad no doubt but I don't think he wanted to do this at 25. I told him I'd always be there for him as a friend.. or more ;) but he didn't say anything else after that lol. Him & I have a weird friendship/relationship these days but I think we get each other pretty well. Better then when we actually were dating lol. I want my money!!! But I do feel bad for him so I try & be patient & wait for him to toss me a little bit here & there. It sucks though.
I guess that is all for now. I had today off from work. Did laundry at my parents & I went grocery shopping. It's so nice to have food & lots of drinks here! I went to have a bowl of cereal this morning & the milk was gone :( Thanks Sarah! Blah. I had my cocoa puffs with cream but it wasn't the same. So I was depressed. We really had like NOTHING left to eat. It was bad. Sarah did give me $100 towards rent though so that was nice. My parents have been helping me because I'm always short working at the hotel. Don't even make $600 a month and my rent is $632. Thank god my parents help me out or I would be fucked. I've been here a year now offically! I miss my Great Grandmother :( She helped me get in here. I am glad I am still here.. even if I can't do it all on my own 100% I try my best.
I am smoking a bowl & a 30. Oh its the bowl Justin bought me. He had me get him a bag of weed while he was here since he didn't know anyone anymore. So he went to buy a pipe I went to get the weed for him & he ended up buying a chillum pipe for himself & a glass pipe for me! I was shocked. He said he would just get a pipe for himself & give it to me when he flew back to Florida. He said he would hide the chillum at his Dad's house somewhere in the attic & years down the road he'd get it again. So it was nice he bought me a pipe. I wish it was pink though lol. He also got me a hoodie he bought for himself but thought it was too girly so he gave it to me. It's black with like neon blue and green stripes. I haven't worn it yet or even tried it on but its cool I guess.
I am just rambling now so I am off. I hope whenever I see Jefferson next I don't feel how I do right now towards him :/ Like I miss him but I'm really mad/offended at the same time.
I hope the world ends in December like they said it will. It would be easier....
My rat is really sick :( The one that was on meds awhile ago. I'd give him just 1 of the meds I have left but he hates taking it & I don't know if not having the other med to go with it would make just taking the 1 I do have pointless or not. I dont have time to waste in the mornings trying to force a rat to swallow meds from a needless syringe while it is scratching me & squeaking in fear. I don't want him to die either though :( I don't have the money for more meds either way. And my parents cant afford to help me with their vet care anymore either after 2 rats were over $200 for just 1 vet visit & meds.
I am going to get back to my drugs now :) Peace <3
I haven't worked Diamonds in a month now. I dont know if I am done with the stripper scene or not. If I didn't have to pay the house fee & tip the manager & dj then I of course would be more willing to go but it started getting expensive & I wasn't making money at the same time. I was lucky to get $50 the last 2 night I worked so I said fuck it. Having to tip out $30 of it & walking home with $20 isn't worth it. Why work 6+ hours for nothing?! And thieves like crazy there lately. Girls getting their purse, cell phone, clothes, etc stolen from them. Money stolen out of girls bags in the dressing room. I can't afford to lose what little I have! And the girls from Portland started coming up every weekend & they are hotter & better then me so I don't stand a chance going back now. I want to.. I miss it... but I don't know :(
My Birthday was nice. I didn't get much like usual. I worked. They got me a cake & all signed a card :) They did more then my real family lol. I love my housekeepers <3 However recently I got written up because a lady who works there saw me with my shoes off while I was in a room cleaning. She was with a client showing the 9th floor & they walked by me. She told the district manager whom already hates me & tried to fire me 3 months in over my pink & black hair. I was hired with it & allowed to keep it as my managers/bosses misinformed me. Anyways the district manager hates me so yelled at my boss about how I had my shoes off & it meant a write up. It doesn't hurt me in anyway but it doesn't make me look good to the company or whatever but I don't give a fuck. I still take my shoes off in rooms but I am more cautious now looking to see who is around me haha. Fuck them. I need to keep this job but I fucking hate it with a passion. Love the people I work with well my bosses & the other housekeeping girls & Dawn in laundry & some peeps up in the kitchen. Fuck my district manager & the bitch who complained to her about me with my shoes off. They just dont like that I got keep my hair dyed how it is! They judge me. I almost wanted to refuse to sign the write up paper but I decided to just sign it & deal for now.
I don't even remember what month I started smoking 30's but I went on myspace the other day for the hell of it to post a few new pics & I noticed I had wrote a status about being rocked & buying drugs. One was December & one was from January so I must of started around then.... That is ALOT of money... I dunno how I manage to get a $35-$40 pill almost daily for over half a year. I don't know if I am addicted or not. I haven't gone without for more then 4 days at the most. usually 1 or 2 days. I still make sure the rats have what they need before I ever buy drugs though. And the rats are harder to afford so I do go without my drugs alot more lately. I just get sad without one & sleepy. Life doesn't seem as exciting. It's all mental really. I should try to stop all together. Last time Jefferson was up he mentioned he thought I had a problem but I was insulted because he was on more then I was that night! and he asked me to do my 2nd pill when I wanted to save it for the next day but he wanted to try smoking it so I decided to do it just so he could take a hit and try it for the first time. Then he freaks out how I need to cut back & all this shit so I was fucking pissed. But he only does it once in awhile because of his work so I guess it doesn't really count how much he does when he rarely does it in the first place. Blah. So I think a lot if I do have a problem or not & what I should do..
Jeff is in prison. We still talk. I still love him. I think he kinda thinks we are dating.. But I'll let him think whatever he wants. I doubt he will get 5 years for the robbery. I'm hoping he gets like 5 years in total for everything. I'd be a fool to think he would get less. Everyone else thinks he will get waaaaaay more. I do feel bad for him. I love hearing his voice. He is too far away to visit plus I think we still have a no contact issued but they dont know who they are calling when they call cell phones so he can call me at least <3 Everyone would kill me if I ended up with him in the future haha oh man.. :( I doubt it will happen though but I guess you never know for sure. I wish his ex would die. She is causing so much shit for him. She is going around telling people the reason they are not together is because Jeff got engaged to a prostitute while in prison. And she is meaning me!!! I am a fucking stripper! I don't fuck people! She is a fucking bitch who lies to not face the truth! We are not engaged either obviously so she is just living in a dream world apparently! I hate her!
Justin my ex from 2004-2009 was up awhile ago & it was a fucking terrible thing for us to hang out! I smoked a 30 & snorted a lot of coke in front of him that first night. The 2nd day he bought me lunch after I got out of work. I couldn't get any 30's so I was sad & tired. I fell asleep while he was watching the UFC pay per view he ordered. He was mad I didn't stay awake. I had told him I didn't want to watch it in the first place & that I was tired. He said I was too hooked on drugs. The 3rd day I took him to Olive Garden but fought for an hour first over me having to go home later to tend to the rats, try to get 30's & whatever else I cant remember now what just stupid things he thought were so important. We stopped talking and hanging out after that night for 2 days then he text me saying he was sorry but he couldn't hang out with me again and he was a fool to think if he came bad I'd want to be with him. DUH!!!! I don't want anything to do with him! He is soooo not sexy to me at all! He has the gross nastiest looking chapped lips always. He is balding like crazy. He has a terrible complexion. He is doomed. I am surprised he hasn't killed himself by now. He hasn't had sex in almost 4 years! What a loser! He deleted me off his friends on facebook. lol. What a fucking idiot to come to maine to hang out with your ex of 4 years ago hoping your 8 day presence will change her and she will fall in love with you. LMAO. He is pathetic!!!!
I don't think I have anything else or anyone else to talk about lol hmm..
Jefferson I don't know what to say about. I'm pissed at him for freaking out on me about doing too many pills when he was on way more then me & bought more then I did! If he had waited to talk about it when he was lets say SOBER or just a totally different day it would of been different. It was his connection too he could of said no if me doing them was such a bad idea. He wanted to get fucked up so bad that day we had to wait awhile to finally get them and he was freaking out wanting them asap while I was calm! It just really pisses me off. We had hot sex though those few days he was in town. We got really dirty & kinky & I loved every minute of it. I felt in love with him for the rest of the days we spent together. He took me to sushi at Green Tea again. We went half the bill <3 He gave me brownies he made! He was just so perfect other then the freaking out on me about pills the first day we chilled. He should be in town tomorrow night though! I feel like I won't see him though. I wish he would spend the night with me but if he just wants to pop by & fuck I'll take that too of course :p
Shane still owes me $50 out of the $100 he borrowed from me when I first started at Diamonds and I was LOADED. I am poor as shit now & really need all the money I can get my hands on. Shane has all these issues too so isn't really talking to me much because he knows I want my money & probably feels he has to avoid me until he has the money. I feel bad that he is going to have a baby in August. I don't think its what he wants. I mean it is.. but it isn't. He will be a good Dad no doubt but I don't think he wanted to do this at 25. I told him I'd always be there for him as a friend.. or more ;) but he didn't say anything else after that lol. Him & I have a weird friendship/relationship these days but I think we get each other pretty well. Better then when we actually were dating lol. I want my money!!! But I do feel bad for him so I try & be patient & wait for him to toss me a little bit here & there. It sucks though.
I guess that is all for now. I had today off from work. Did laundry at my parents & I went grocery shopping. It's so nice to have food & lots of drinks here! I went to have a bowl of cereal this morning & the milk was gone :( Thanks Sarah! Blah. I had my cocoa puffs with cream but it wasn't the same. So I was depressed. We really had like NOTHING left to eat. It was bad. Sarah did give me $100 towards rent though so that was nice. My parents have been helping me because I'm always short working at the hotel. Don't even make $600 a month and my rent is $632. Thank god my parents help me out or I would be fucked. I've been here a year now offically! I miss my Great Grandmother :( She helped me get in here. I am glad I am still here.. even if I can't do it all on my own 100% I try my best.
I am smoking a bowl & a 30. Oh its the bowl Justin bought me. He had me get him a bag of weed while he was here since he didn't know anyone anymore. So he went to buy a pipe I went to get the weed for him & he ended up buying a chillum pipe for himself & a glass pipe for me! I was shocked. He said he would just get a pipe for himself & give it to me when he flew back to Florida. He said he would hide the chillum at his Dad's house somewhere in the attic & years down the road he'd get it again. So it was nice he bought me a pipe. I wish it was pink though lol. He also got me a hoodie he bought for himself but thought it was too girly so he gave it to me. It's black with like neon blue and green stripes. I haven't worn it yet or even tried it on but its cool I guess.
I am just rambling now so I am off. I hope whenever I see Jefferson next I don't feel how I do right now towards him :/ Like I miss him but I'm really mad/offended at the same time.
I hope the world ends in December like they said it will. It would be easier....
My rat is really sick :( The one that was on meds awhile ago. I'd give him just 1 of the meds I have left but he hates taking it & I don't know if not having the other med to go with it would make just taking the 1 I do have pointless or not. I dont have time to waste in the mornings trying to force a rat to swallow meds from a needless syringe while it is scratching me & squeaking in fear. I don't want him to die either though :( I don't have the money for more meds either way. And my parents cant afford to help me with their vet care anymore either after 2 rats were over $200 for just 1 vet visit & meds.
I am going to get back to my drugs now :) Peace <3