I can't help but think you are lying
The 13th Matthew called me late. He seemed very different then usual. The fact he even called me was strange. He went on to tell me over and over he loved me. He'd never hurt me. He wanted to be with me forever. He moved back for me. I asked if he was on drugs and he said no. I should of asked if he was drunk. If he was drinking and had taken klonopin then that could explain how he was being.. he was just really fucking.. weird... We talked for almost 2 hours. The call ended with something happening and us getting disconnected. I never called him back. He never called me back. I text him before I went to bed. He never responded.
The night he came to get the klonopins he stayed for 10 minutes if that. He drove 70 miles to stay 10 minutes? The night he told me he loved me he said he was so freaked out I would hate him for that night. Because he was so stressed and freaking out with anxiety that he just wanted to leave but didnt want me to hate him. I didn't hate it. I was glad to be able to help him out. I wanted to spend more time with him of course but was happy to see him at least.
He promised we would spend tonight and tomorrow night together. I have Sunday & Monday off from work.. (The same 2 days Jefferson wanted me to request off from work to go to the misfits concert with him) How ironic.. Anyways..
So tonight is here and Matt now claims 2 guys he worked with got into a wreck with his work truck and they were supposed to all get a place together tomorrow so now he is screwed for rent. He lives in a fucking hotel. So that doesn't even add up. He said he was freaking out and didn't know what to do. Yeah sure. I told him to call Carlos. Carlos is fucking rich and he wouldn't let Matt be stranded. I know Matt has money regardless so if this is real then Matt can take care of himself. I don't buy these stupid excuses he always tells me. Last week is was his friend got pulled over driving and he is mexican so they had to deal with the department of immigration all night. It's just the most stupid bullshit and I'm fucking sick of it! He is fucking with me really bad. I don't know if he is even aware but it is starting to seriously depress me.
I don't know why he called that night to tell me he loved me. It's fucking pointless. He doesn't follow through to hang out or anything. I don't want to waste my time & emotions on him anymore. I hate this. I try to ignore him but I don't want to at the same time. I wish he would act his fucking age.. he should be real with me. He is 39 fucking years old but acts like a teenager. I want to just be like fuck you move back to Ohio. I bet he IS gay.. Blah.
Jefferson has been ignoring my texts since last night and he's in Maine so I'm pissed off about that too. It fucking sucks. I don't know why he can't even text me back. What is up with this? I'll just keep texting him randomly throughout the days until he does respond.. if he ever will. Maybe he thinks I have a boyfriend or something but I definitely dont.
So let down by the men in my life :( Jefferson is 23 and lives in another state. He's still young.. He doesn't always think of how I feel in regards of his actions. Matthew is 39 and acts less mature then Jefferson. Neither men make an effort to come see me :( I'm sure if Jefferson was in Bangor and not Portland he would come see me though.. so I guess I can't be too upset.. but still.. It just really makes me sad. I'm lonely. I want 1 of the 2 to fucking come around make me happy. *sigh*
The old man I do outcalls for is pissing me off lately too. He doesn't want to "compete with other time frames" so if I have something to do with my mom or other friends he doesn't want to hang out. I've missed out on 2 free meals now because of his sudden jealousy of me attempting to have a fucking life. I don't want to hang out with him more then twice a week or even really once a week at all. I enjoy hangout out sometimes yes. I like he buys me food. Gives me shitty pot. Tells me tales of back in the day. Whatever. But it is becoming fucking annoying as hell how he is acting. Last night he was to come over, we would get food & I was going to the bar around 9ish when my ride came to get me. He was fine with that on the phone but when he called to say he was on his way I asked if we could stop at Walmart because I needed to pick up a prescription for Cloverfield because Lola bit her really bad. I wasn't able to get her into the vets because of my work schedule but they called me in the meds without having to see Cloverfield! So I asked for a ride to pick up the meds then said "and we can hang out after then when we are done you can give me a ride to the bar" and he got all silent and was like "Well its going to be late" and I was like "Um well I want to go party" and he was like all quiet then said he'd be over shortly. Then once he got here he explained he didnt want to compete with anyone elses time schedules. I'm still kinda young and if I want to party on a fucking Friday night then I will god damn it. I don't want to sit here with him chatting & wasting my night if I can go out and have fun. He also gets all weird when I talk about wanting to date Jefferson or Matt. He doesn't want me to get a boyfriend. He knows he will get backseat if I do. Blah.
I fucking hate everyone.
The night he came to get the klonopins he stayed for 10 minutes if that. He drove 70 miles to stay 10 minutes? The night he told me he loved me he said he was so freaked out I would hate him for that night. Because he was so stressed and freaking out with anxiety that he just wanted to leave but didnt want me to hate him. I didn't hate it. I was glad to be able to help him out. I wanted to spend more time with him of course but was happy to see him at least.
He promised we would spend tonight and tomorrow night together. I have Sunday & Monday off from work.. (The same 2 days Jefferson wanted me to request off from work to go to the misfits concert with him) How ironic.. Anyways..
So tonight is here and Matt now claims 2 guys he worked with got into a wreck with his work truck and they were supposed to all get a place together tomorrow so now he is screwed for rent. He lives in a fucking hotel. So that doesn't even add up. He said he was freaking out and didn't know what to do. Yeah sure. I told him to call Carlos. Carlos is fucking rich and he wouldn't let Matt be stranded. I know Matt has money regardless so if this is real then Matt can take care of himself. I don't buy these stupid excuses he always tells me. Last week is was his friend got pulled over driving and he is mexican so they had to deal with the department of immigration all night. It's just the most stupid bullshit and I'm fucking sick of it! He is fucking with me really bad. I don't know if he is even aware but it is starting to seriously depress me.
I don't know why he called that night to tell me he loved me. It's fucking pointless. He doesn't follow through to hang out or anything. I don't want to waste my time & emotions on him anymore. I hate this. I try to ignore him but I don't want to at the same time. I wish he would act his fucking age.. he should be real with me. He is 39 fucking years old but acts like a teenager. I want to just be like fuck you move back to Ohio. I bet he IS gay.. Blah.
Jefferson has been ignoring my texts since last night and he's in Maine so I'm pissed off about that too. It fucking sucks. I don't know why he can't even text me back. What is up with this? I'll just keep texting him randomly throughout the days until he does respond.. if he ever will. Maybe he thinks I have a boyfriend or something but I definitely dont.
So let down by the men in my life :( Jefferson is 23 and lives in another state. He's still young.. He doesn't always think of how I feel in regards of his actions. Matthew is 39 and acts less mature then Jefferson. Neither men make an effort to come see me :( I'm sure if Jefferson was in Bangor and not Portland he would come see me though.. so I guess I can't be too upset.. but still.. It just really makes me sad. I'm lonely. I want 1 of the 2 to fucking come around make me happy. *sigh*
The old man I do outcalls for is pissing me off lately too. He doesn't want to "compete with other time frames" so if I have something to do with my mom or other friends he doesn't want to hang out. I've missed out on 2 free meals now because of his sudden jealousy of me attempting to have a fucking life. I don't want to hang out with him more then twice a week or even really once a week at all. I enjoy hangout out sometimes yes. I like he buys me food. Gives me shitty pot. Tells me tales of back in the day. Whatever. But it is becoming fucking annoying as hell how he is acting. Last night he was to come over, we would get food & I was going to the bar around 9ish when my ride came to get me. He was fine with that on the phone but when he called to say he was on his way I asked if we could stop at Walmart because I needed to pick up a prescription for Cloverfield because Lola bit her really bad. I wasn't able to get her into the vets because of my work schedule but they called me in the meds without having to see Cloverfield! So I asked for a ride to pick up the meds then said "and we can hang out after then when we are done you can give me a ride to the bar" and he got all silent and was like "Well its going to be late" and I was like "Um well I want to go party" and he was like all quiet then said he'd be over shortly. Then once he got here he explained he didnt want to compete with anyone elses time schedules. I'm still kinda young and if I want to party on a fucking Friday night then I will god damn it. I don't want to sit here with him chatting & wasting my night if I can go out and have fun. He also gets all weird when I talk about wanting to date Jefferson or Matt. He doesn't want me to get a boyfriend. He knows he will get backseat if I do. Blah.
I fucking hate everyone.