(no subject)
I decided to give up on Matthew. He either ditches me when we have plans to hang out lying saying he will come then never following through or he just avoids my texts or messages about possible plans for us to hang out. He had a post on facebook a few days ago something like "let me start off saying I am only attracted to girls. I need to settle a dispute. If I over the last couple of years have been making passionate love to someone because I find him emotionally & physically attractive does that make me gay?" Everyone was like yep. I said it made him bisexual. The post was removed the next day. I don't know what the fuck that was all about. Either way I decided I am done texting him. I'm done chasing him. If he wants me he will have to make those moves because I'm not wasting my time or feelings on him anymore. It's killing me. I doubt he will text me anytime soon or ever set up a time for us to hang out.. so I should accept this and I am trying to..
Jefferson comes home Friday but will be 2 hours away and doesn't know if he can make it to Bangor or not. I am prepared not to see him :( I miss him so much and I wish he would make the effort to come visit me here.. if he does I would be truly touched and I would really think the world of him more so then I already do of course! Him being younger it would just prove to me that he really does care.. but I suppose if he just doesn't have a vehicle then that is one thing.. but whatever.. I still don't plan to see him so.. If I get surprised then so be it :) I miss him so much and would love for him to come molest the hell out of me <3
Nothing else new.. Housekeeping for over a month now. They said I might get my own rooms soon. I don't think I could handle it. I'd rather work in the laundry room. I love being in there! It's harder work and very fast paced but it seems less responsibility and less things to remember then cleaning rooms is. I don't want to overwhelm myself. I look in the paper every day for new jobs and there is nothing. It really sucks. My outcall guy said maybe we will be on for this weekend assuming his wife leaves town. I kinda want to do it but I kinda dont. I need the $200 but I enjoy going to the bar & casino friday nights lately so I would hate to miss out. I guess though in the end dancing naked for $200 an hour is where it's at & I need the money badly so I will have to do it when the time comes for me to do it. I just hope it's not a Friday night!
Had an awesome evening with Cael & Hal last night. We ate dinner at Hollywood Slots Buffet. We smoked 2 blunts before going and 1 after going. Good times! We all were laughing soooo hard and screaming "it hurts it hurts!" We were so stuffed full of yummy food but couldn't stop eating for the life of us. I had not laughed that hard or felt so naturally high in such a long time! It was a great feeling <3 We are a good trio for sure!
Still got some sick rats here and there. If I had money I'd consider taking 1 to the vets since he is young and might stand a chance but I need to do my outcall and get paid from work to be able to afford such a trip to the vets so I must wait for that chance then make my final choice on what to do.. I admit I have been a bit overwhelmed with all the pets lately but mostly because I am sick and I'm working longer hours at work so I hate being on my feet for 8 hours then coming home to tend to my animals for another 2 hours. I hardly get to sit down and relax until its time for bed which is fine.. but I think once I fully kick this terrible cold my energy will return and I will feel less depressed and slow and tired and sad. This time of year gets me down regardless anyways so I shouldn't worry too much. I love all my pets & I still take great care of them no matter how shitty I feel. I would NEVER neglect them but at my sickest days of this cold I didn't clean cages or let anyone out to play and I felt so guilty but I did catch up on rest and take it easy so its not like I was out on the town having a good time saying fuck you to them so... I guess it's acceptable this once.
Umm thats all I really have to say for now.. I am waiting for laundry to be done. At my parents on the shitty emac. Need to get home asap. Gonna pay rent for November today yay! At least I will be ahead still which is important to me.
xoxo
ME
Jefferson comes home Friday but will be 2 hours away and doesn't know if he can make it to Bangor or not. I am prepared not to see him :( I miss him so much and I wish he would make the effort to come visit me here.. if he does I would be truly touched and I would really think the world of him more so then I already do of course! Him being younger it would just prove to me that he really does care.. but I suppose if he just doesn't have a vehicle then that is one thing.. but whatever.. I still don't plan to see him so.. If I get surprised then so be it :) I miss him so much and would love for him to come molest the hell out of me <3
Nothing else new.. Housekeeping for over a month now. They said I might get my own rooms soon. I don't think I could handle it. I'd rather work in the laundry room. I love being in there! It's harder work and very fast paced but it seems less responsibility and less things to remember then cleaning rooms is. I don't want to overwhelm myself. I look in the paper every day for new jobs and there is nothing. It really sucks. My outcall guy said maybe we will be on for this weekend assuming his wife leaves town. I kinda want to do it but I kinda dont. I need the $200 but I enjoy going to the bar & casino friday nights lately so I would hate to miss out. I guess though in the end dancing naked for $200 an hour is where it's at & I need the money badly so I will have to do it when the time comes for me to do it. I just hope it's not a Friday night!
Had an awesome evening with Cael & Hal last night. We ate dinner at Hollywood Slots Buffet. We smoked 2 blunts before going and 1 after going. Good times! We all were laughing soooo hard and screaming "it hurts it hurts!" We were so stuffed full of yummy food but couldn't stop eating for the life of us. I had not laughed that hard or felt so naturally high in such a long time! It was a great feeling <3 We are a good trio for sure!
Still got some sick rats here and there. If I had money I'd consider taking 1 to the vets since he is young and might stand a chance but I need to do my outcall and get paid from work to be able to afford such a trip to the vets so I must wait for that chance then make my final choice on what to do.. I admit I have been a bit overwhelmed with all the pets lately but mostly because I am sick and I'm working longer hours at work so I hate being on my feet for 8 hours then coming home to tend to my animals for another 2 hours. I hardly get to sit down and relax until its time for bed which is fine.. but I think once I fully kick this terrible cold my energy will return and I will feel less depressed and slow and tired and sad. This time of year gets me down regardless anyways so I shouldn't worry too much. I love all my pets & I still take great care of them no matter how shitty I feel. I would NEVER neglect them but at my sickest days of this cold I didn't clean cages or let anyone out to play and I felt so guilty but I did catch up on rest and take it easy so its not like I was out on the town having a good time saying fuck you to them so... I guess it's acceptable this once.
Umm thats all I really have to say for now.. I am waiting for laundry to be done. At my parents on the shitty emac. Need to get home asap. Gonna pay rent for November today yay! At least I will be ahead still which is important to me.
xoxo
ME