Me?

Mar 06, 2006 13:16

Sigh... It's true, It's true, I find myself.. fluctuating between persona's. Strange as it is, I am like... 4 people, even though it's not really possible, just persona wise. Not Multiple Personality disorder!! I mean like... Different people i act differently, though I talk to people like Lea who say I need to act like myself. What if this is myself?? Going between persona's. With Jade I'm a slightly perverted fun guy that is like a big brother//best friend//bf candidate, While with Lea I'm just a bf candidate, even though I don't quite trust her as much as I trust Jade... she's just to.. perfect ya know?? Ria... with her I'm the sweetest guy around, and also her inner voice telling her whats right, and what needs to be done. I can be a lil perverted, but I'm mainly her guiding light. Merdy, I'm her bigger brother, she is my little sister, I encourage her, reinforce her beliefs and say to hell with what ppl ther ethink, she has friends here that care for her, even if she doens't know them. So many more, hard to remmeber their names, though I know their accounts on nex so well. SO many people that find me fascinating. I trust only a couple of them, but oddly, the one I trust the most, is the one that has ahd the most problems, and relies more on me, then I her. Before I found myself thinkign Oh Lea to myself as I went to sleep, and now... I think of Jade, hoping she is alright and safe, her morals and beliefs intact.

Honestly... I don't want to be one, but I may be a ladies man kind of thing... Lea, Jade, Ria, (nex account names now)Zin, Kwazi, shortcake, Clueless, and maybe mroe. It is only the net, but I cannot make promises I can't keep, I can't just say I'll be with 1, and then say it to another... I can not willingly just use them either. It is all up to them in a manner, how many of them want to come meet me, or I go and meet them. How many are sincere, and how many are not. It is a confusing scenario... The days I used to dream of and yearn for are coming true, but I find I now wish for the old days, with one person liking me, so much simpler. I wish just one would live here, be near me. I know Jade wnats to, and... I don't know. I have the college course here, I have done 1st year compliance with it, and no other college offers it. I have my family, and I love this city. I don't want to rpessure ppl to say they have to live here. But... it is where I want to stay, I lvoe this place, it is my home.
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