(no subject)
i'm so so so confused. and a little bit drunk. and very full of chicken. make that quite drunk. but i think i'm sobering now. slowly.
it has been a ... week. a week of lots of crying, and feeling hideously horrid. constant self-torment, and overwhelming misery.
several nice thing have occured. what with it being my week off n all. going for a birthday meal with my family, went to bournemouth to visit liz. even though it was just for a night, we went clubbin, and made me a psychadelic birthday cake. and i got eight hours of time to myself on the train. and i got paid a lot for working the easter bank holiday, so i went shopping, and bought me some new shoes, new loverly lovely fly girl shoes i've wanted for aaages but were on sale, and lots of cds that i've wanted for quite a long time and didn't get for my bday, which amazon are gonna send me. and the new family guy dvd, yum. last night went out in broadstairs with work people, which was very interesting and fun. and tonight went to dinner with clairey and ian, and lots of lots of people were there and lots of drama was to be had, and we came home at ten, cuz we were very full and tired, and everyone made us out to be a bit loserish for not being hardcore to stay out on a saturday night.
which is true. i am old now after all. i should be content with putting my feet up and going to bed early. but i'm fucking not. if i'm going to bed alone, then i don't want to be going to bed. i'm so lonely. but getting attention is hard when you're fat and shy and fading into the background. i feel like shit.
this took me forty five minutes to write. was it even worth it?
it has been a ... week. a week of lots of crying, and feeling hideously horrid. constant self-torment, and overwhelming misery.
several nice thing have occured. what with it being my week off n all. going for a birthday meal with my family, went to bournemouth to visit liz. even though it was just for a night, we went clubbin, and made me a psychadelic birthday cake. and i got eight hours of time to myself on the train. and i got paid a lot for working the easter bank holiday, so i went shopping, and bought me some new shoes, new loverly lovely fly girl shoes i've wanted for aaages but were on sale, and lots of cds that i've wanted for quite a long time and didn't get for my bday, which amazon are gonna send me. and the new family guy dvd, yum. last night went out in broadstairs with work people, which was very interesting and fun. and tonight went to dinner with clairey and ian, and lots of lots of people were there and lots of drama was to be had, and we came home at ten, cuz we were very full and tired, and everyone made us out to be a bit loserish for not being hardcore to stay out on a saturday night.
which is true. i am old now after all. i should be content with putting my feet up and going to bed early. but i'm fucking not. if i'm going to bed alone, then i don't want to be going to bed. i'm so lonely. but getting attention is hard when you're fat and shy and fading into the background. i feel like shit.
this took me forty five minutes to write. was it even worth it?