Jan 26, 2008 22:18
it's 21 hours and 5 minutes until i can start crawling in my scuffed sneakers to her. some place i've never been to. some place i have no business being. if i could be there for 2 hours right now i would. i've nothing to offer except long stares and stupid tears. this song has me in pieces because it knows how to pick me apart like a good boxer in a swift fight. seeing you speak someone elses words with your own voice has me in pieces, but you don't know how to pick me apart, you just do. i don't care what it is or where it is as long as i'm with you. there's a million things i wish you'd tell me, but you don't know me and i don't know you like we did one day. something tells me you'd keep running because i always give them reasons to. i don't know how to work for it. i work for myself and i get what i put in. and i'd throw myself in front of a train if if the mood and the song were right.
askjlfgoiasklf;kesmkjal;fojhvbksa;lenfkla;owjINKLOj~~!oi@ew:P10E
some days i wake up and feel really guilty about how much i don't really care about. i don't feel entitled to have anything i really want. i feel obligated to spend the day alone appreciating the precious sunlight in the cold wind. i feel like i can only be comfortable alone. days like these it really bothers me that i don't have a room. my roomates keep asking me what's wrong with me today and i just keep telling them that i haven't had a drink yet. i think it's a great deflecting statement.
i'm going to the philippines for 2 weeks in 2 weeks. shit's gonna be bananas. and then i'm moving out of my apartment into a new apartment and then soon enough i'll be moving back to texas even though 99% of people i ask up here vehemently oppose the idea. and then i want to move somewhere else. and then i want to disappear. and then i want a grand piano to fall out of the sky when i'm watering my flowers and flatten me out before i can think twice about it. who cares after that?
i want to be asleep right now, but i spent 6 hours of my day sleeping already. my grandmother left me a voicemail where she repeated the phrase, "vaya con dios" at the end of the message. it's really hilarious and is the pinnacle of my day thus far. i don't know how to love these people as much as i'd like right now.