Times moves too slowly...
I don't even know where to begin.
It's only been a little over an hour since I last "spoke" (texted) you..
and it already feels like an eternity.
I mistreated you.
Too advantage of your kindness and love. Look where it's gotten me. The shits.
I finally realize that I need to:
1. Stop jumping to conclusions
2. Listen.
3. Think about what I'm doing and how you'll feel. More like how I'll feel if you did the same.
4. Accept that you have female friends... Having no self confidence doesn't make it any easier, but knowing that I at least have you means something. It means so much to me that I even have you... That I'm good enough to even have you think about me...
5. Tell you "I love you" "I miss you" "I want you... and elaborate...
6. Stop being a hypocrite...
This all basically points to just one thing; reciprocate the things that are being done to and for me.
All the little that show you really do love me and that I'm on your mind....
You are always on my mind... Always have been...
When I went to parties, when I went to Homecoming, I wasn't thinking about how you'd feel. You're right.
I just chose to take the surface of you saying it's okay because it was easier for me.
I was selfish and so concerned with my own happiness and not regretting my Senior year.
Little did I think that I I'd be regretting my whole attitude and perspective during my first semester..
And even until recently....
I know I fucked up. I fucked up big time...
I hurt you to the point where you don't even care if we talk or not...
I hurt you to the point where you can't even say you love me....
If you were here and we were talking about it.. I know you'd do the same..
I'd want you to hold me and reassure me that you still love me and want to be with me, but I need to change....
that's what I'd want you to to do... But instead I get the hard truth..
Maybe this'll be more affective.... Either way, I hurt you. So bad that you can't reassure me that you still want me...
It's Valentine's day... you "never missed it." Probably meaning that you always gave someone something and they gave something back.
(I'm sorry if that's jumping to a conclusion...) But I made you think about it differently because I didn't send anything...
When I got such a great gift... I should've spent the time and money... I should've thought...
I never think.... I'm sorry...
I really promise to change. I truly promise that I won't be like how I was...
I want to change. I want to be someone worthy of you and I want to be someone that doesn't stress you out...
I knew my actions would cause this.... and Predicted it.... and yet I still kep taking advantage of your kindness.
I was dumb. I didn't think. I truly was. It helps that you don't say I'm the perfect gf anymore.
Because I wasn't. I never had been. And at least now I know that you know....
This can trigger me to change. Truly.
Whenever we'd fight because I'd bring some dumb shit up or because I didn't think...
You'd tell me, it's okay. You don't have to change...
I do... and I think you finally realize that too. Thank you.
I'm so scared that you'll just give up on us right now... the more time we spend apart, the easier it is for you to just erase me out of your life...
You have already given up hope... I keep asking for chances... and it's beginning to remind me of what you told me Alisa did...
You'd fight.. she said she'd change.. and she never did... At least that's what you told me...
Well, I'm reminding you of her, aren't I? The last thing I wanted to do was remind you of Alisa.
I was worried about dumb shit like sending pictures everyday or saying things that reminded you of her.
But in reality I should've been thinking on a bigger scale.
I've never wished for someone's happiness as strongly as I do for you...
Out of all the people I have wished true happiness for..
You're the only person that really deserves to be happy.
You always gave your all for me and I just crushed it...
Being selfish and greedy... I was happy... but I wanted more... I know better now..
I really do.... I promise I'll change.... I don't know how much I can say it... I really will change...
Please forgive me for everything in the past so that I can prove that I'm different....
We can't move on unti you forgive me...
I'll wait as long as it takes.. and I'll wait even if you find someone that will make you happy....
I'm sorry; Please forgive me....