Dream Journal -- July 06
[7/24/06] Pregnant V
Ew... my fifth pregnancy of this year. I can't believe I keep having this same nightmare. I know it must've come from my subconscious (...or maybe very conscious) fear of pregnancy. I don't plan to get married and have children, though I've always wished to adopt children... As always I wavered between abortion or giving it birth, but of course I'm dying to choose the former. In the end I prayed myself to miscarriage.
[8/17/06] Puppet show
I find myself in a technologically highly developed dimention. I saw on the moon (on which they built a space station) about ten satellites being launched. It gave an impression as if it's the start of space wars. This 'they' I am talking about are all puppets, by the way. They were large, elegant brown puppets riding brown puppet horses. These dolls were the ones maintaining the space stations and monitoring the conquered distance to protect their planet (the Earth) from any extraterrestial enemies. I don't know if these alien assailants really exist, but the dolls started shooting missile arrows to 'fend off the enemies.' I watch as the arrows disappear into the blackness of the space. I really din't want to be there, fearing the dolls' might have provoked a space war.
The puppets believed in a God. They worked for this god and everyone seemed to have ardent faith in it.
When I turned to faced the blue planet, the image of their God materialized out of the blackness.
It was like a screen before the planet. It was old, white male. This God was obviously terminally ill and had dark, black bags under his very blue eyes. His skin was so plastic-pale, nearly like a corpse. But he seemed light-hearted and even cheerful. Though he did not speak a word, I read in the cobalt blue eyes what he has in mind;
"I'll die. But I'm not disappearing; just transforming. Trandforming into Satan.
My role as the Angel is soon over. I am to be reborn as the Satan.
No one knows and no one wants to know I manage two roles.
But this is the way it is.
They are preparing for war, aren't they... they want to 'fight against Satan'
If so, then it is my job to become the Satan they are looking for and appeared before them--
I shall provide them what they want to fight against.
I am here to please my folks, after all.
My role as their God is to become everything they call for."
The scenery was once again the stars and the blackness and our blue planet. I sensed his spirit flying to the direction the arrows had disappeared.
Ew... my fifth pregnancy of this year. I can't believe I keep having this same nightmare. I know it must've come from my subconscious (...or maybe very conscious) fear of pregnancy. I don't plan to get married and have children, though I've always wished to adopt children... As always I wavered between abortion or giving it birth, but of course I'm dying to choose the former. In the end I prayed myself to miscarriage.
[8/17/06] Puppet show
I find myself in a technologically highly developed dimention. I saw on the moon (on which they built a space station) about ten satellites being launched. It gave an impression as if it's the start of space wars. This 'they' I am talking about are all puppets, by the way. They were large, elegant brown puppets riding brown puppet horses. These dolls were the ones maintaining the space stations and monitoring the conquered distance to protect their planet (the Earth) from any extraterrestial enemies. I don't know if these alien assailants really exist, but the dolls started shooting missile arrows to 'fend off the enemies.' I watch as the arrows disappear into the blackness of the space. I really din't want to be there, fearing the dolls' might have provoked a space war.
The puppets believed in a God. They worked for this god and everyone seemed to have ardent faith in it.
When I turned to faced the blue planet, the image of their God materialized out of the blackness.
It was like a screen before the planet. It was old, white male. This God was obviously terminally ill and had dark, black bags under his very blue eyes. His skin was so plastic-pale, nearly like a corpse. But he seemed light-hearted and even cheerful. Though he did not speak a word, I read in the cobalt blue eyes what he has in mind;
"I'll die. But I'm not disappearing; just transforming. Trandforming into Satan.
My role as the Angel is soon over. I am to be reborn as the Satan.
No one knows and no one wants to know I manage two roles.
But this is the way it is.
They are preparing for war, aren't they... they want to 'fight against Satan'
If so, then it is my job to become the Satan they are looking for and appeared before them--
I shall provide them what they want to fight against.
I am here to please my folks, after all.
My role as their God is to become everything they call for."
The scenery was once again the stars and the blackness and our blue planet. I sensed his spirit flying to the direction the arrows had disappeared.