OMG IKR HE SO WUVS HER A LOT. The way they're looking at each other, it's just so intense. He's all 'when are you coming back to work bb? I miss you and I can't even figure out simple things like respiration and how light switches work when you're not around', and she's all 'I know bb, I miss you too and light switches are so complicated. Let's talk on the phone every single night while I'm away and hey maybe we can try some phone sex y/n?'
Or maybe that's just how the scene goes in my head.
Oooh, I would love for you to surprise me one day with an unfamiliar-songs-themed mix! I'm not up on my country, so you're already quite good at doing just that. Also, the saying doesn't work on me at all apparently, because I grew up in the country (well, on the beach), and the only country I'm actively into is Kasey Chambers (OMG side note: you know her track 'Runaway Train'? It was written about the town I grew up in.) I defintely dig that you're into country. It's sweet, plus it balances out my ghetto streak nicely.
no one does FEELINGS like lesbians and country singers I need this on a bumper sticker like yesterday.
I'm so glad you're feeling me on the whole Tony observing Alex with her family thing! This is something I've been riffing on in my brain forever, and it just seems to ring so true. You're totally right about Alex being the one to keep everything together (I can see Chloe being a bit like this too, but the rest of them are a bit of a hot Fielding mess), and this would just add to Tony's existing view of Alex as superwoman. And oh, I LOVE that he would just blurt out something like 'you're amazing' and be totally surprised at how touched she would be in response.
Gosh, I so torn between them hooking up whilst he's there with her, and them hooking up after a couple of adorkable/awkward/UST-filled dates back in Bradfield. Why is life so difficult, and making me choose between two such lovely things?
You're more than welcome on the font, of course. It's quite a nice one, really, isn't it? I should use it more often. Also, I think your font geekery might just be catching, because I'm really liking Dirty English at the moment. And not just because I like to spend time thinking about English people doing dirty things, either.
Aww. Tony. Poor baby. He's probably been hanging out in the dark ever since Alex left not just because he's depressed she's away but because he can't figure out how to turn the damn light on as he's so thrown by her absence. It's a good thing he'll have that phone sex to cheer him up.
Okay, now you're giving me a semi-crackish idea about doing an all country Alex divorce mix. I don't know why my brain goes these places. *opens iTunes*
OMG side note: you know her track 'Runaway Train'? It was written about the town I grew up in. Oooh, fancy! You're practically in the song by association! I don't think anyone's written a song about the town I grew up in much less anyone good. Look at you!
no one does FEELINGS like lesbians and country singers I need this on a bumper sticker like yesterday. We'll order some bumper stickers to go along with our promotional ER2010 stabby pens. We can open up a whole little store!
Yep, I buy Alex and Chloe holding everything together whilst the rest of the Fieldings dissolve into big sobbing messes. And, actually, I think Tony being there will help Alex keep her self together because she'll be channeling all her angst into worry about him AND worrying about her family so she wont even have time to lose her shit. (Though, I can see Tony when they're alone encouraging her to take a minute and just feel what she's feeling instead of looking after everyone else and she might just break down and let herself cry sloppily on his shoulder for a few minutes.)
It is difficult to decide just when they ought to shag, isn't it? Obviously we need them getting it on in several AUs so we can explore all the possibilities. It's the only scientific way to decide which is best, you know.
Yaaaayyy for English people doing dirty things and for you finding your inner font nerd! Both are wonderful things.
He also may or may not be listening to My Chemical Romance and Leonard Cohen, the poor sad darling. Actually, this reminds me of something else: you know how Alex says at the funeral that her dad looks so lost without her mum? That gets me thinking that perhaps Alex's dad is a lot like Tony, and she is naturally like her mum, and thus their relationship is quite similar? Tony is really rather lost without Alex (I submit most of 6.04 as evidence), and it seems Alex's mum might have been the one to hold everything together all the time, just like Alex does. I love this idea that Tony and John are both these quiet, unassuming, intelligent, sensitive blokes, and both their women are these total kickass hbics who have it all going on.
Semi-crackish all-country divorce mix would be great! Country is definitely the right genre for all that misery (oooh you could maybe use 'Saturated' by Kasey Chambers! Or, pretty much any other song of hers I guess.) I myself rather fancy an all-pop divorce mix, mainly because I'd love to use 'No Way' and the Alhambra version of 'Eh Eh' by Gags, but such a thing would be silly and unnecessary (not to mention shameless and probably a bit tacky). On the other hand, since Ani has thus far proved so indispensible, what about 'Both Hands'?
(Kasey Chambers interlude: you've heard her version of Patty Griffin's 'Top of the World', right? If not, tell me and I will upload it for you immediately because it is beautiful)
Oh yes, it certainly increases my country cred by having a KC song written about the weird little town I grew up in. It's an old old old coal mining town by the beach, and the old train line runs right through the middle (it's now an awesome running track that takes you across the cliffs and toward the sea). She played a gig there like ten years ago (she was so amazing, omg) and talked about how interesting she found the history of the place. Needless to say, it's not that interesting when you actually live there.
Like I said up there somewhere, I'm completely with you on the Fielding women being the ones to keep the shit together. And oh, the image of Tony hassling her a bit to open up and let herself be sad, it kills me. Can this please take place late one night out on the porch? He could hold her hand. And lay his cheek on the top of her head as she cries into his neck. Oh. My heart.
I really do think there is nothing else do with this dilemma, we simply must explore each and over possible shag situation in depth and detail. You can use your spreadsheet skills, and I can wear my glasses.
I think a Tony/Alex and John/Isobelle (I'm assuming Isobelle was Mom's first name? I know we decided baby Isobelle was named after her but it could have been a middle name. Please do let me know if you have STRONG FEELINGS on this.) parallels. In fact, that could be another reason John is so fond of Tony because he sees shades of what he had with his wife in Tony and Alex's relationship. I'm sure he's always wanted Alex to have that kind of love herself.
I have a feeling John was never completely sold on Gabriel. I'm sure he was polite and accepting and wanted it to work out for Alex's sake but I think he probably always had his reservations about Gabriel being the one for Alex and being good enough for/to her and Ben. And I'm certain he had some choice words for Gabriel when things started falling apart.
In contrast, I love that he's totally sold on Tony right from the start and I think recognizing that connection he had with his wife in Alex and Tony could be a big part of that in addition to seeing just how unbelievably happy Tony makes Alex and Ben.
Silly, unnecessary, shameless AND tacky? How are any of these things reason to not do it? That sounds delightful to me. Pop mix it up, bb! And I do appreciate the Kasey Chambers song suggestion for my country mix which I am actually making a playlist for despite the possibility of it being silly, unnecessary, ridiculous, etc.
Thank you for "Top of the World", by the way. I downloaded and listened last night and it is, indeed, a lovely cover!
Needless to say, it's not that interesting when you actually live there. That's true of so many places, it seems. Still, it does sound lovely or at least, if it's not lovely, it has an awesome song written about it!
Yeah, I'm just in love with the idea of Tony telling Alex to let it all out too. As powerful as the FEELINGS can be sometimes, I think she's still really hesitant when it comes to being vulnerable/sad especially when she thinks other people are depending on her to be strong. I get the feeling she might need a little prodding/permission from Tony to just let herself fall apart a bit which she needs to do before she can really start to deal. And, yes, this absolutely can and should happen on the porch with hand holding and Alex crying into Tony's neck.
There's a porch swing, yeah? Oh, please let there be a porch swing upon which they are snuggling!
You can use your spreadsheet skills, and I can wear my glasses. God, we're a fucking dream team.
I am still not entirely sure about Alex's mum's name, to be honest. For some stupid reason, the name 'Eleanor' is sticking in my brain. I can't explain it. I think maybe she's becoming less Spanish and more English the more I think about her (oh, she's still Spanish, or Italian, or whatever; Alex got those looks from somewhere). I don't know.
Also, on a not very related note: I want Alex to somehow know at least a tiny bit of Swedish. So she can say "puss puss" to Ben, and have him kiss her cheek. In front of Tony. Who thinks this is adorable. And then later, it's also useful for when Alex and Tony are doing something that puts them in close proximity and Alex starts laughing, and when he asks her what's so funny she says she just thought of something stupid, don't worry about, but he hassles her until she looks up at him and goes "puss puss", and he has to decide whether he's going to kiss her or not.
Okay, that's one of my most idiotic ideas thus far.
I don't quite know about Alex's parents and their opinion of Gabriel. I am quite convinced that they absolutely didn't want her to get divorced, and that perhaps this drove something of a wedge between them (Alex seems a bit detached and distant from her family at times; she doesn't mention them, and the dialogue of the phone call in 6.04 is very strange indeed). I can see her parents being almost disappointed that she wasn't able to make it work. Alex has to have gotten her dogged need to make things work out and never give up from somewhere, and parental pressure is a good enough place to start, I guess.
That being said, I'm sure a lot of my thinking this is because I feel the need for John at least to have some kind of flaw, because right now he's just way too perfect and awesome to exist. Perhaps it was Alex's mother who didn't want her to get divorced (I've always seen her as a rather devout Catholic, and I don't know why), so maybe John was the one who stuck with his daughter and took her side? I'm not entirely convinced that Alex and her mother had a really super-close relationship, for some reason, perhaps because they were too alike. Alex has that really independent, intimidating streak, and maybe her mother had that too.
Anyway, no matter what else is going on, you can bet John was more than a little pissed off that he wasn't the one who got to break Gabriel's nose. Speaking of, I need to write some Jago. I've been neglecting him, which is beyond sad, because he is so awesome, Liz. I love him so much.
Hey, at least an intense-FEELINGS country divorce mix is more appropriate than a pop music one. And I'm totally, totally sold on that Kasey Chambers track, so even if you don't end up using it you can bet your ass I'm going to stick it on the end of your mix myself for my own silly purposes.
I think this exploration of Alex releasing her FEELINGS needs to be written. Maybe I can squeeze a decent amount of Jago in there too. Something has to happen after they snog in the middle of the river, right? Maybe they go home, Jago and Ben attempt to teach Tony how to play shinty (because Tony is on a love high and would agree to anything at that point), and afterward he can sit on the porch with Alex and talk, and snog, and do some hair-patting.
A porch swing? I can do this. I don't want it to rock, though. I want it still, for the direct purposes of intense TALKING without the possibility of someone making a lewd joke about sex swings.
Hmm. Well, Isobelle Eleanor or Eleanor Isobelle could definitely work. I'd even get past the two beginning vowels but only for you.
This "puss puss" idea of yours is both one of your more random ideas and also quite adorable. I think Tony would go for it, by the way. I mean how when confronted by Alex Fielding saying "puss puss" to you could you do anything but?
Interesting thoughts about Alex's parents' reaction to the divorce. Maybe they were dead set against it at first and pressured Alex to stay/were maybe even judgmental implying she wasn't doing enough and came around once they realized how bad the problems already were but some of that distance between them and Alex had already been created? Or, you're right, Mom and Dad could have been split on the issue which would have caused it's own problems. I could see her Mom being disapproving and John trying to smooth things out between her and Alex. And, even if John sided with Alex, when your parents are still together and you have problems with even one of them it's pretty hard to maintain a close relationship with either of them so that could explain why it seems Alex has/had a little distance from her family.
Speaking of, I need to write some Jago. Yes! I am looking forward to this. I want to get to Jago better! Even better if he is introduced during an Alex releases her FEELINGS story.
And I'm totally, totally sold on that Kasey Chambers track, so even if you don't end up using it you can bet your ass I'm going to stick it on the end of your mix myself for my own silly purposes. I shall do my best to include it. I don't want you to have to tack things on to my mixes all willy nilly! Besides, now that you've mentioned it, it is rather perfect.
A still swing, eh? But, Amelia, if a swing does not swing, is it not more of a bench than an actual swing? The swinging is kind of the whole purpose of a swing. Or are you referring to some other swing function with this rocking you speak of? And if so, WHAT KIND OF SWINGS DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE IN THE FUTURE?
Vwithout the possibility of someone making a lewd joke about sex swings. Pervert.
You know what name has been popping into my head recently for Alex's mystery mum? Ines. Don't ask me why. It's Spanish-ish, I don't know. Perhaps we should just leave her only loosely named and change our minds as the mood strikes us. And thank you, so much, for potentially overcoming the double vowel. I'd overcome mismatched syllable counts for you, I promise.
Random, yes, but now I can't help hearing Alex murmuring 'puss puss' in my head every time I watch a scene and they're in close proximity. Bloody hell. And you really think Tony would be brave enough to go for it? I think he might, depending on the day and how his ever so tenuous self-esteem was holding up. God, I'd love it if he did; her face would be classic. She so wouldn't have expected it. Serves you right for being a whore, DI Sexpot.
I think you're spot on about Alex being a little bit distant from her family, and like you said I can't think of another reasonable reason for this other than they weren't too happy or were disappointed over her leaving Gabriel. Maybe they weren't overt about it, but Alex, sensitive darling that she is, could sense their disappointment. All this being said, I think Alex is something of a loner anyway, and probably always has been. She's so fiercely independent, and she's definitely intimidating, and I can imagine her kind of feeling like she should be on her own, and not rely on other people. Which is stupid, because she's so ultra needy and dependent on Tony.
Or maybe, she was one of those people who, when they get married, suddenly don't see much of their family and are just totally wrapped up in their partner. This might explain why her parents were perhaps a bit 'told you so' when she and Gabriel split - if they had been telling her all along they were too insular and too obsessed with each other, maybe. Frick, I don't know. Why is this so complicated? Why must Alex Fielding insist on being such a mystery woman??
Yay Jago. He might pop his head up in the apple tree snogging fic which I am currently contemplating.
Oooooh I found another perfect track for this divorce mix of yours!!! (Yes I know I am being interfering and stomping around all over your creative process, and I'm sorry) 'Smoke and Ashes' by Tracy Chapman. It's PERFECT. And it's almost country! If you don't have it, I'll send it your way, just let me know. I swear, it's too perfect for words.
I'm unconvinced on the swing thing. We don't really have porch swings over here (we have tire swings which are not at all romantic and very uncomfortable), so I guess my only experience of them is via cheesy romcom movies. Convince me I'm wrong, I'm open to persuasion.
Oi. Enough with the pervert. I thought I was the delicate fluffy one.
I approve heartily of Ines! One of my TV girlfriends, Jessica Leccia, just popped up on a new show playing a character named Ines so I give it the automatic green light due to it's association with her and her epic adorableness and hotness. In case you don't know Jess:
I'm sure you can see why she's Will Riker Mammoth approved. (Seriously she's really insanely sweet in addition to being insanely hot. I wrote her a long ramblely stanish e-mail once and she actually wrote me back so I will forever adore her and pretend we are bffs.)
I think Tony might just go for the kiss. I suppose it does depend if he was on a roll or doing the nervous second guessing thing. I think maybe we need a Tony self-esteem level rating just like we have an Alex FEELINGS threat level. I'll add it to the spreadsheet. Whatever the case, if Tony did go in for the kiss post-'puss puss,' I would kill to see Alex's face too.
You're right, Alex is pretty independent and I can picture her, in addition to maybe hurt feelings after the divorce, just feeling she needed to create a little distance from her family in order to really make a go of it on her own, especially if her family had a tendency to try to get involved in her life.
I'm trying to decide about the getting overly wrapped up in Gabriel thing. I don't know if it's just my natural tendency to dislike her relationship with him, but I can't quite picture it. Like you said, there's really no way to know. Her pre-Bradfield life is such a freaking mystery!
If I wait long enough, you will make this divorce mix for me! *sits back and lets you do all the work* I have a couple of Tracy Chapman CDs but I'm not sure if I've got "Smoke and Ashes" or not. I'll check when I get home. I looked up the lyrics and you are right that they're quite perfect.
OMG! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE PORCH SWINGS? (With you on the tire swings not being romantic!) You need to start a porch swing revolution over there, woman. They really are quite lovely. Reasons why I think a porch swing would be perfect for late night Alex/Tony FEELINGS talk. 1.) by design they'd be staring out at the yard/scenery/up at the stars/whatever instead of each other making for prime FEELINGS expression. 2.) The swinging is sort of lazy and relaxing and when you're lazy and relaxed you're more apt to express FEELINGS 3.) There's just enough room that they'd already be pretty close and Alex could keep inching closer until there were PORCH SWING SNUGGLES WHICH EXPRESS PHYSICALLY FEELINGS WHICH MAY HAVE BEEN LEFT UNSAID.
Oi. Enough with the pervert. I thought I was the delicate fluffy one. My mistake, obviously. *cough*pervert*cough* What? No, I didn't say anything.
Oh hai Liz's tv girlfriend who resembles a cute hybrid of Simone and Deanna Troi.
You so have a type. OMG do you ever. How sweet. I kind of wish I had a clear-cut type; it would make things rather easier I think. (The closest thing I have to a type is cray cray blondes ie Gaga and my first gf). But then, that's me. I never can make up my mind. Anyway, she's cute. I like the freckly cleavage. Nice eyes, too, and really nice hair. And that's beyond awesome that she wrote back to you. That is super indeed. I like her now too, even though I have no idea who she is.
I think maybe we need a Tony self-esteem level rating This is why you are the brains. You wear the glasses, and you come up with clever stuff like this. Does that make me the muscle? I kind of hope so.
I'm with you on Alex creating that separation from her family after her divorce because she felt she needed it. I'm still quite convinced that there was some kind of disapproval or disappointment on some level, and I can imagine this feeding nicely into this need; as in, she got kind of burnt by her family during the divorce (not in a big way, just the little things, you know), and subsequently she feels like she is the only person she and Ben can depend upon.
UNTIL TONY COMES ALONG, OF COURSE. And this makes it all the more interesting for when he does work his way into her life; she's so independent, so determined to not rely on anyone/not get hurt again, and yet he just walks right into her heart, and by the end of 4.01 he's pitched his tent in there and is lighting his bonfire/getting his Corona sixpack out of the cooler. It's truly amazing. No-one can deny the depth of their connection, seriously.
it's just my natural tendency to dislike her relationship with him Ah, I know what you mean! I'm kind of the opposite, although I do totally understand that natural dislike (it's like me with Carol, maybe - it's borne out of loyalty), I actually love the idea of her being completely in love with him and completely trusting him. Like we know, that's the way Alex loves; she's all in. And it makes her even more amazing a character; if she was utterly in love with Gabriel then whatever he did to her must have been that much more devastating, and so it's even more remarkable how she is able to let go of her hurt and let Tony in. It just shows how brave and honest she really is. She can't help but be the loving person she is, even when she's been so badly hurt. See? I can make Gabriel into a good thing!
Oh, do you have 'Smoke and Ashes'? I should've asked this morning, but I completely forgot. Anyway, let me know. It's a lovely song, and so incredibly sad. It's worth having even if no mix ever eventuates!
I REMAIN UNSOLD ON THE PORCH SWINGS AT THIS POINT. I guess I just don't see them as very Scottish. I need to do some research. Maybe they do have porch swings in Scotland, but they are just called Harfgewskenks, or something (ok, that sounded more Welsh, but anyway). I will think some more on this issue. Thank you for your information and clarification, by the way. I know have a very clear image of a porch swing in my head, even though I have never seen one in person.
(Okay, after the melting thing, you officially have my permission to call me a pervert whenever you wish.)
For some reason I feel all defensive about having a type. I was about to get all, "NO I DON'T!" Perhaps I want to be all mysterious and difficult to pin down. (Like you apparently with your unwillingness to settle on a type even if you do love cray cray blondes.) But, I'll admit that I do have a type though I swear I deviate on occasion. *tries to think of other ways to be mysterious and difficult to pin down* Anyway, it's lovely of you to like Jess on my behalf (and on behalf of her fantastic freckly cleavage) even though you have no idea who she is. I promise she's deserving.
This is why you are the brains. You wear the glasses, and you come up with clever stuff like this. Does that make me the muscle? I kind of hope so. Oh, you're totally the muscle! Though you have plenty of brainy contributions too. You're like the multipurpose team member!
Yeah, Alex distancing from her family after the divorce makes a lot of sense really. What with her FEELINGS which were surely majorly heightened at the time I can see her being extra hurt and/or defensive at their disapproval and disappointment even if they weren't overly vocal about it. And feeling let down by both Gabriel and her family on some level, she probably felt the need to be more independent and stubborn than she already was in an effort to protect Ben and herself from being hurt again.
And you're so right that all of that makes the thing with Tony all the more amazing. It's the magnets again. I tell you. There's that irresistible pull no matter how hard she may try to fight it in the beginning.
I do agree with you that Alex completely loved and trusted Gabriel at the beginning. I just don't see her marrying someone she didn't feel that way about. At times I feel like that should make me like him a little bit like there must be something wonderful about him but mostly it just makes me dislike him even more for frakking it up so badly and hurting my woman so. Whatever the case, I agree that it makes Alex all the more brave and amazing for continuing to be a loving, passionate, all in kind of woman despite having been hurt so badly in the past.
Okay, I guess I don't know if porch swings are Scottish but I love them, Amelia! I don't know what it is. I think part of it is nostalgia as I have fond childhood porch swing memories. I spent a lot of time at my Mom's parents' house growing up and they had a porch swing out back that they always hung out on together and I'd just pop up and snuggle in the middle. I can totally picture Alex and Tony doing this with Ben. Also, I CAN ABSOLUTELY PICTURE LITTLE ANIME ALEX AND TONY ON A LITTLE ANIME PORCH SWING. And wouldn't it be cute if they were eventually a little old couple hanging out on their porch swing together gossiping about the neighbors and such? And, I hesitate to say this for fear of you bringing up men's hair dye commercials or whatever but one of my favorite femslashy Grey's pairings had the most epic/romantic scenes ever on a porch swing. PORCH SWINGS LEND THEMSELVES TO ROMANCE AND SNUGGLING AMELIA. Do I need to do diagrams? A Power Point presentation? What will it take to sell you on the porch swing?
You are really missing out having never been on a porch swing/Harfgewskenks let me tell you. I should have put one on our wedding registry.
(Waha! I have been given sweeping perv-calling privileges! I had hoped this day would come!)
Are you kidding? I'm actually somewhat jealous of you for having a clearly defined type. Surely it makes things far less complicated than just fancying any pretty thing that crosses your path? And I think with me it's more my very deeply ingrained indecisiveness, rather than being mysterious and hard to pin down. I just like hot people, in general. And I think it's entirely necessary on occassion to deviate from type; that makes you a little bit more mysterious at least. And keeps things interesting.
I'm so big on this Alex-family angst! thing at the moment! I don't know why, maybe I'm projecting, but I'm so interested in her possibly a little bit destructive independent streak. I just find it so fascinating, the way she doesn't seem to think other people need or want her to need them (okay yes, I am projecting, obviously), and this makes her come across as so intense and also intimidating. Would you describe Alex as aloof, or closed off? I'm not really sure if this is the correct way to describe what I'm talking about; I mean, she's extremely warm to the people around her (at least after she's gotten to know them), but there's something so bristly about her too. Oooh, she fascinates me so. And I love the way Tony just blasts his way clumsily through all of this; no matter how determined she is to not need other people and to protect herself and Ben, it doesn't take hardly any time at all for her to lean on Tony in a way I seriously doubt she's done with anyone other than her ex-husband (and look how that turned out).
I'm almost completely obsessed with her relationship with her mother now, you know. I have no idea why. I really need to actually put some words down on paper/computer screen, and get cracking on this fic idea that's bugging me senseless at the moment.
Alex is such an all-in woman it amazes me. I think that's part of the reason why I adore her so much (okay, let's not try to pin down all the reasons why I adore her); she's just so fricking brave. I'm so much more of a Carol, relationships-wise, but Alex? Alex just loves and loves and loves and isn't hardly scared at all for herself, all she's worried about is the person she loves. Gah. I admire her so much. Fuck you, Tony Hill, for being so damn lucky.
I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU ABOUT PORCH SWINGS, BUT SOMETHING IS STILL RESISTING INSIDE ME. I don't know why. I have no idea what alternative furniture they could be sitting on, so I should just give up my weirdness and say okay, my darling wife, they can have a porch swing. I really don't mind. You feel so strongly about them, so who am I to stand in your way. Don't ask me to write them sitting on it, however. I wouldn't have the first clue where to start. (Oh hey.... you can write them having a porch-swing conversation! You're the expert after all.)
But that image of them as a little old couple is so endearing I can hardly bear it. I've been feeling strangely AU of late, and have fallen somewhat in love with the idea of Alex and Tony not meeting through work but through some random twist of circumstances, and/or Alex moving to Bradfield whilst she and Gabriel are still married and together, then meeting Tony and working with him and having this torrid, illicit affair with him behind Gabriel's back. I'll add this thought of elderly!Alex and Tony to my odd collection of current thoughts.
You know what? If I had a porch, I'd go to the hardware store and buy a porch swing, just because it means so much to you. But I don't have a porch, so never mind.
(Wait, did I say that? Oh okay. Go on, then. Give me your best shot.)
I'm actually somewhat jealous of you for having a clearly defined type. Surely it makes things far less complicated than just fancying any pretty thing that crosses your path? I suppose it does. Though, even if someone isn't my type right of, if I get to know them and it turns out they're super smart, super geeky or hilarious, I get all confused and slutty anyway. So, while it's a good first line of defense, it often doesn't last that long.
I think I go more for something like fiercely independent or stubbornly independent to describe Alex rather than aloof or closed off. Because like you said she's really quite open and caring (unless you're an arsehole who doesn't deserve it), it's just that she has this 'I can and will do it on my own' mentality too. Plus, even though she's bristly about anyone helping her and not one to let people in all the way easily, she's constantly looking out for and helping other people so the aloof or closed off description just doesn't seem to fit her entirely.
I like your Alex family angst streak. It's quite interesting to think about Alex's relationship with her family and it's nice to know the Fielding's aren't entirely perfect and have their slightly screwy streak just like everybody else's family.
Yeah, that all-in thing is it exactly. Alex is such an interesting combo because she doesn't seem to let people in or love people quickly/easily but once she does it's like an all out, all encompassing lovefest that will never end.
Don't resist the porch swing, sugar. Embrace it. Obviously, part of our epic Simone stanning fantasy trip will have to include you and I parking our asses on a porch swing somewhere so I can properly introduce you. It is quite lovely of your to give in just to make me happy. I hope this incident doesn't come up in couples therapy with Tony years latter. I'll think everything is going just fine and suddenly you'll be shouting, "SHE BADGERED ME INTO A PORCH SWING!!!"
You're on all sorts of streaks, aren't you? Alex angst streak, AU streak. I can't decide how I feel about AU Alex and Tony. Part of me is intrigued by your AU Alex and Tony affair scenario and part of me is strangely resistant in a wanting to throw myself on the floor and shout "But I love them the way they are now!" kind of way.
You know what? If I had a porch, I'd go to the hardware store and buy a porch swing, just because it means so much to you. Damnit. You are just the sweetest wife ever. *squeezes the bejeesus out of you* Is there anything random you're a big fan of that I should be heading out to the hardware store for? Like do you have a secret affinity for loud, obnoxious wind-chimes or bird baths or something? I sadly don't have a proper porch either. I have a little slab o' concrete outside my back door but when I had a chair on it, someone just stole it so there's no way I'm investing in a porch swing until I live somewhere with fewer hooligans and thieves.
(I'll be saving my pervert calling privileges for later but, no worries, I will put them to use.)
I get all confused and slutty anyway That's such a great way of describing it! I think I might have to borrow this clever little phrase. There you go, being the brains again.
'Stubbornly independent' is probably the best way to put it. She's really not aloof at all, is she; she's always getting up in arms about something or other, or getting upset over something else. I wonder how much of this stubbornness is just innate to her character, and how much has developed post-Gabriel. Hmmm. Why do you make me so curious, Ms Fielding? (Oh. Because you're awesome and I'm in love with you. Of course that's why.)
That's exactly it: as much as the Fieldings are amazing and loving and great, I can't allow them to be all perfect and flawless. No-one's family is like that, no matter how cool and Scottish they might be. Mainly I'm blaming it all on Alex's multiple-named mother; her dad and Jago are awesome, and for some reason her mum was slightly standoffish in my head. I just have this exchange stuck in my head between Alex and Tony in which Alex is complaining about her mother always having to hold everyone up to her own unachievable level, and Tony very quietly saying obviously that's where Alex herself got it from. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing; it's something like Alex seems to have such an instinct for what's right, when other people don't (ie DC Collins and countless other hopeless cases). I can even see Tony himself sometimes wondering if he's capable of living up to Alex's high moral expectations.
Urgh. I don't know if any of that makes any sense whatsoever. Let's talk about porch swing snuggling instead.
I promise me caving in on the porch swing won't come up in therapy later on. I'll probably grow to really quite like it, if lots of snuggling and hanging out takes place upon it. And WTF at people stealing your non-porch chairs? That's so wrong! We used to have these psycho neighbours (there were like twenty of them living in the house next door) who I once busted trying to climb our fence and get into our back garden at 3am. And what did Amelia do? SHE CALLED THE PO-PO, OH YEAH. Those assholes copped $2000 worth of fines for noise pollution and attempted tresspass. But yeah. You don't want hooligans stealing your outdoor furniture. Best save the porch swing for later on when we buy our lovely house in Bradfield down the street from the Fielding-Hills.
(Music interlude: you know your country Alex and Alex/Tony mixes? it's not strictly country, but, um, for your consideration I would like to offer the Indigo Girls' cover of Wild Horses, which I am listening to on repeat and have been doing for the past three hours. OMG. I know it sucks that it's the most covered fricking song of all time, but hell. This version. Amy. Emily. You kill me. Seriously. I am dead. And oh. Alex rushing to get to Tony's side after the Michael shit goes down at the end of 6.04. OMG YES. YES YES YES. I'll shut up now.)
You may borrow my confused and slutty anytime you wish.
Yeah, I think stubbornly independent is the way to describe it. She's all about self-reliance when it comes to herself, sometimes to a fault, but when it comes to other people in her life she's all 'here, baby, let me take care of you.' I definitely think the independence is just naturally part of her character. I can just picture stubborn little kid Alex refusing to let her parents help her and insisting on trying everything on her own. If she failed at something, like when she first started riding horses or whatever, she'd just get more determined and defiant, still refuse any help, and try again until she got it right. Like she is now but in adorable little kid version. I can imagine that she only got more insistent about being independent after Gabriel, though.
Very interesting about Alex's Mom being slightly standoffish. I can picture Alex picking up those high expectations herself even as she hated trying to live up to her mother's. And I do think Alex must have a combo of John and whatever Mom's name is today going on in her parenting style. She does have high expectations for Ben and tends to flip a little sometimes when he doesn't meet them but then she eventually ends up being quite lovely and understanding in the end like when she got all huggy with him for punching the kid that called her a gypo.
Tony himself sometimes wondering if he's capable of living up to Alex's high moral expectations. Add this to the list of conversations I'd like to see someday. I can absolutely see Tony worrying about this on occasion. You know, I can see Alex having the same fear about Tony too. He has that way of being so forgiving and understanding and putting himself in everyone else's shoes and feeling for them even if they've done awful things. I wonder if she ever worries that he's disappointed in her when she's quick to anger or not look at the other side of something the way he just does automatically.
Urgh. I don't know if any of that makes any sense whatsoever. Let's talk about porch swing snuggling instead. It did but I'm all for moving onto porch swings anyway! You can always distract me with a nice porch swing!
Yes, we'll do almost as much snuggling and hanging out on our porch swing as we do in front of our fireplace/fireplace DVD. (I'm still holding out hope that we'll get a real one one of these days.) I too am confident you will grow to love and wonder how you ever lived without the porch swing.
Damn psycho neighbors trying to bust in and steal your shit! Good on you calling the po-po on those hooligans!
(You know, I totally should put the Indigo Girls' cover of "Wild Horses" on one of my next mixes. In fact, we should find every cover of "Wild Horses" imaginable and put one on each of our mixes from now until we run out both because it's a perfect song for Alex/Tony and because it would be kind of cracky and delightful. Also, random and only slightly related. When my parents visited this weekend my dad said, "You like the Indigo Girls, don't you? I heard two of them interviewed on the radio the other day." I find it amusing that he apparently thinks they're this whole crew of women and he only heard two of many interviewed.)
I definitely agree about Alex being stubborn as hell from birth. It ties in for me with how distant she maybe seems to be from her family; it's not that she doesn't love them, just that she for some reason constantly feels the need to strike out on her own, and not have to depend on anyone. In fact I can see Jago at least and probably her dad too feeling a bit sad about this; she's so independent that perhaps she doesn't give them as much time as they would like (because everyone wants maximum Alex-time, obviously). Along these lines I've always had a conversation between Tony and Jago in the back of my head where Jago tells Tony he's glad she's got him, because she won't let anyone else in.
Of course, I'm certain Gabriel, and whatever it was that went down, made it all worse. It's pretty amazing just how much she lets Tony in, and how quickly, all things considered. Just proves how damn special he is, I guess.
I don't think we've ever carried on about it before, but can I just say I fucking love Ben Fielding as his tendency to smash faces when someone does a 'yo mama...' on him!? What an angel. He's so much like his mum. Mess with any of his peeps, and Benji will take you down. I love that kid.
Ah, this thing about Alex worrying about living up to Tony's high moral ground is something I've often contemplated too! There are moments when Alex's brashness comes up in such high contrast with Tony's patience, and I know if I were her I'd feel a bit funny about it at times. I can see her sometimes being afraid that she's not sensitive enough, or too quick to judge. But Tony knows she's just as much of a sook as he is; especially in season 6, she's a total pushover the whole way through. This is why I wonder if being around Tony hasn't made Alex realise that she doesn't have to cover up her natural sensitivity with brashness and a tough exterior quite so much as she has in the past. Which of course ties in with what we were just talking about; her stubbornness and defiant streak. Maybe part of her being that way is because she's always believed it was 'girly' or a bit pathetic to show you care about stuff?
If there is snuggling with my wife involved, I am sure I could grow to love most things, including porch swings. I get cold easy, though, so we should invest in some very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets, if we're going to be hanging around on the porch all night long.
LOL forever at your dad thinking the Indigo Girls are an entire orchestra of angsty lesbians with mullet haircuts. I kind of wish they were, to be honest. How fun would that be?
It's weird, you know. 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' is perpetually associated with House in my mind, and now 'Wild Horses' is inextricably linked with WitB. I'm all for your using the Indigo Girls cover on a mix; it's one of the few covers that actually gets and emphasises the real tragedy in the song. It just sounds so sad, which it should, given what it's about and the context within which it was written.
we should find every cover of "Wild Horses" imaginable Thankfully this is something I've been working on my entire life. I have fourteen covers of it in my iTunes thus far, and I know there's more out there just waiting to be found and put to use in an angsty Alex/Tony moment.
Yeah, I can see Jago and John being a little sad about Alex's distance from them even if they do probably also admire her stubborn independence to some extent. Everyone, of course, wants maximum Alex time because she's so damn awesome and I can see them wanting to be more involved in her life than she allows. I think you've made an excellent point too about one of the reasons Alex's family is so fond of Tony. I'm sure they're pleased to see her relying on someone even if it's not them.
That's exactly it. The way she comes to depend on Tony just doesn't seem like something that comes naturally to her at all. It makes it so obvious that whatever force is pulling her toward Tony, it's irresistible. They're so epic, none of the regular rules apply.
I love that Ben punched that kid on behalf of Alex too. He's so much like Alex with his fierceness and the inability to control his FEELINGS especially when protecting someone he loves is involved. And I love how Alex doesn't even bother to continue acting mad once he tells he why he did it she's just all, "That's my boy!" and giving him huggles.
I agree that Alex feeling she can show more sensitivity has a lot to do with Tony. He's so open an honest about the way he cares about the victims and the suspects they work with that I think she's picked up on that and realized it's okay and it doesn't make her a bad cop or too girly or whatever to show she empathizes with people. There are a lot of times early on where we see a flashy of sympathy or emotion and she covers it right up but, like you said, by season 6 she's pretty much a big old mushball all the time.
But, I do think that while the tough exterior might often be for show, for the most part, the brashness is just natural to her. She's more of a react then think and correct if you need to kind of girl while Tony's more of a think, think some more, and then react kind of guy. Both have their advantages, of course, and it's just one reason they compliment each other so terribly well. Alex can be all INTENSE FEEEEELLLLIIINNNNGGGGSSS and Tony can be all slow thinky thoughts and then they meet at some brilliant idea somewhere in the middle.
Anyway, I actually think this would be a lovely fight at some point. One shouting at the other that they can't live up to their high moral standards and the other going, "Oh, me? What about you? I can't live up to your standards!" And they'd fight it out and then shag in the kitchen.
If there is snuggling with my wife involved, I am sure I could grow to love most things, including porch swings. I get cold easy, though, so we should invest in some very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets, if we're going to be hanging around on the porch all night long. You are the sweetest! I promise to grow to love some random thing you like just as much. And there's no need to invest in very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets. I just happen to have an insane amount of these already. I know a lot of old ladies who like to crotchet and knit! I've got all sorts of random stuff. I'll hook you up with some potholders and dishrags for your 'just an apron' kitchen activities too.
Yes, 'an entire orchestra of angsty lesbians with mullet haircuts' sounds right up my alley as well! (Some magazine or other had a picture of the Indigo Girls at one time with the caption 'two women, one haircut.' I will forever be amused by that.
It just sounds so sad, which it should, given what it's about and the context within which it was written. I just had to Google the story behind the song and I shall forever find it infinitely more sad than I did before now.
I am impressed by your 14 covers of "Wild Horses." I'm trying to think if I have anywhere near that many covers of any song in my iTunes. I have an alarming number of versions of "Rainbow Connection" for some reason and a variety of versions of "Time after Time" but probably not that many.
Or maybe that's just how the scene goes in my head.
Oooh, I would love for you to surprise me one day with an unfamiliar-songs-themed mix! I'm not up on my country, so you're already quite good at doing just that. Also, the saying doesn't work on me at all apparently, because I grew up in the country (well, on the beach), and the only country I'm actively into is Kasey Chambers (OMG side note: you know her track 'Runaway Train'? It was written about the town I grew up in.) I defintely dig that you're into country. It's sweet, plus it balances out my ghetto streak nicely.
no one does FEELINGS like lesbians and country singers
I need this on a bumper sticker like yesterday.
I'm so glad you're feeling me on the whole Tony observing Alex with her family thing! This is something I've been riffing on in my brain forever, and it just seems to ring so true. You're totally right about Alex being the one to keep everything together (I can see Chloe being a bit like this too, but the rest of them are a bit of a hot Fielding mess), and this would just add to Tony's existing view of Alex as superwoman. And oh, I LOVE that he would just blurt out something like 'you're amazing' and be totally surprised at how touched she would be in response.
Gosh, I so torn between them hooking up whilst he's there with her, and them hooking up after a couple of adorkable/awkward/UST-filled dates back in Bradfield. Why is life so difficult, and making me choose between two such lovely things?
You're more than welcome on the font, of course. It's quite a nice one, really, isn't it? I should use it more often. Also, I think your font geekery might just be catching, because I'm really liking Dirty English at the moment. And not just because I like to spend time thinking about English people doing dirty things, either.
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Okay, now you're giving me a semi-crackish idea about doing an all country Alex divorce mix. I don't know why my brain goes these places. *opens iTunes*
OMG side note: you know her track 'Runaway Train'? It was written about the town I grew up in.
Oooh, fancy! You're practically in the song by association! I don't think anyone's written a song about the town I grew up in much less anyone good. Look at you!
no one does FEELINGS like lesbians and country singers
I need this on a bumper sticker like yesterday.
We'll order some bumper stickers to go along with our promotional ER2010 stabby pens. We can open up a whole little store!
Yep, I buy Alex and Chloe holding everything together whilst the rest of the Fieldings dissolve into big sobbing messes. And, actually, I think Tony being there will help Alex keep her self together because she'll be channeling all her angst into worry about him AND worrying about her family so she wont even have time to lose her shit. (Though, I can see Tony when they're alone encouraging her to take a minute and just feel what she's feeling instead of looking after everyone else and she might just break down and let herself cry sloppily on his shoulder for a few minutes.)
It is difficult to decide just when they ought to shag, isn't it? Obviously we need them getting it on in several AUs so we can explore all the possibilities. It's the only scientific way to decide which is best, you know.
Yaaaayyy for English people doing dirty things and for you finding your inner font nerd! Both are wonderful things.
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Semi-crackish all-country divorce mix would be great! Country is definitely the right genre for all that misery (oooh you could maybe use 'Saturated' by Kasey Chambers! Or, pretty much any other song of hers I guess.) I myself rather fancy an all-pop divorce mix, mainly because I'd love to use 'No Way' and the Alhambra version of 'Eh Eh' by Gags, but such a thing would be silly and unnecessary (not to mention shameless and probably a bit tacky). On the other hand, since Ani has thus far proved so indispensible, what about 'Both Hands'?
(Kasey Chambers interlude: you've heard her version of Patty Griffin's 'Top of the World', right? If not, tell me and I will upload it for you immediately because it is beautiful)
Oh yes, it certainly increases my country cred by having a KC song written about the weird little town I grew up in. It's an old old old coal mining town by the beach, and the old train line runs right through the middle (it's now an awesome running track that takes you across the cliffs and toward the sea). She played a gig there like ten years ago (she was so amazing, omg) and talked about how interesting she found the history of the place. Needless to say, it's not that interesting when you actually live there.
Like I said up there somewhere, I'm completely with you on the Fielding women being the ones to keep the shit together. And oh, the image of Tony hassling her a bit to open up and let herself be sad, it kills me. Can this please take place late one night out on the porch? He could hold her hand. And lay his cheek on the top of her head as she cries into his neck. Oh. My heart.
I really do think there is nothing else do with this dilemma, we simply must explore each and over possible shag situation in depth and detail. You can use your spreadsheet skills, and I can wear my glasses.
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I have a feeling John was never completely sold on Gabriel. I'm sure he was polite and accepting and wanted it to work out for Alex's sake but I think he probably always had his reservations about Gabriel being the one for Alex and being good enough for/to her and Ben. And I'm certain he had some choice words for Gabriel when things started falling apart.
In contrast, I love that he's totally sold on Tony right from the start and I think recognizing that connection he had with his wife in Alex and Tony could be a big part of that in addition to seeing just how unbelievably happy Tony makes Alex and Ben.
Silly, unnecessary, shameless AND tacky? How are any of these things reason to not do it? That sounds delightful to me. Pop mix it up, bb! And I do appreciate the Kasey Chambers song suggestion for my country mix which I am actually making a playlist for despite the possibility of it being silly, unnecessary, ridiculous, etc.
Thank you for "Top of the World", by the way. I downloaded and listened last night and it is, indeed, a lovely cover!
Needless to say, it's not that interesting when you actually live there.
That's true of so many places, it seems. Still, it does sound lovely or at least, if it's not lovely, it has an awesome song written about it!
Yeah, I'm just in love with the idea of Tony telling Alex to let it all out too. As powerful as the FEELINGS can be sometimes, I think she's still really hesitant when it comes to being vulnerable/sad especially when she thinks other people are depending on her to be strong. I get the feeling she might need a little prodding/permission from Tony to just let herself fall apart a bit which she needs to do before she can really start to deal. And, yes, this absolutely can and should happen on the porch with hand holding and Alex crying into Tony's neck.
There's a porch swing, yeah? Oh, please let there be a porch swing upon which they are snuggling!
You can use your spreadsheet skills, and I can wear my glasses.
God, we're a fucking dream team.
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Also, on a not very related note: I want Alex to somehow know at least a tiny bit of Swedish. So she can say "puss puss" to Ben, and have him kiss her cheek. In front of Tony. Who thinks this is adorable. And then later, it's also useful for when Alex and Tony are doing something that puts them in close proximity and Alex starts laughing, and when he asks her what's so funny she says she just thought of something stupid, don't worry about, but he hassles her until she looks up at him and goes "puss puss", and he has to decide whether he's going to kiss her or not.
Okay, that's one of my most idiotic ideas thus far.
I don't quite know about Alex's parents and their opinion of Gabriel. I am quite convinced that they absolutely didn't want her to get divorced, and that perhaps this drove something of a wedge between them (Alex seems a bit detached and distant from her family at times; she doesn't mention them, and the dialogue of the phone call in 6.04 is very strange indeed). I can see her parents being almost disappointed that she wasn't able to make it work. Alex has to have gotten her dogged need to make things work out and never give up from somewhere, and parental pressure is a good enough place to start, I guess.
That being said, I'm sure a lot of my thinking this is because I feel the need for John at least to have some kind of flaw, because right now he's just way too perfect and awesome to exist. Perhaps it was Alex's mother who didn't want her to get divorced (I've always seen her as a rather devout Catholic, and I don't know why), so maybe John was the one who stuck with his daughter and took her side? I'm not entirely convinced that Alex and her mother had a really super-close relationship, for some reason, perhaps because they were too alike. Alex has that really independent, intimidating streak, and maybe her mother had that too.
Anyway, no matter what else is going on, you can bet John was more than a little pissed off that he wasn't the one who got to break Gabriel's nose. Speaking of, I need to write some Jago. I've been neglecting him, which is beyond sad, because he is so awesome, Liz. I love him so much.
Hey, at least an intense-FEELINGS country divorce mix is more appropriate than a pop music one. And I'm totally, totally sold on that Kasey Chambers track, so even if you don't end up using it you can bet your ass I'm going to stick it on the end of your mix myself for my own silly purposes.
I think this exploration of Alex releasing her FEELINGS needs to be written. Maybe I can squeeze a decent amount of Jago in there too. Something has to happen after they snog in the middle of the river, right? Maybe they go home, Jago and Ben attempt to teach Tony how to play shinty (because Tony is on a love high and would agree to anything at that point), and afterward he can sit on the porch with Alex and talk, and snog, and do some hair-patting.
A porch swing? I can do this. I don't want it to rock, though. I want it still, for the direct purposes of intense TALKING without the possibility of someone making a lewd joke about sex swings.
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This "puss puss" idea of yours is both one of your more random ideas and also quite adorable. I think Tony would go for it, by the way. I mean how when confronted by Alex Fielding saying "puss puss" to you could you do anything but?
Interesting thoughts about Alex's parents' reaction to the divorce. Maybe they were dead set against it at first and pressured Alex to stay/were maybe even judgmental implying she wasn't doing enough and came around once they realized how bad the problems already were but some of that distance between them and Alex had already been created? Or, you're right, Mom and Dad could have been split on the issue which would have caused it's own problems. I could see her Mom being disapproving and John trying to smooth things out between her and Alex. And, even if John sided with Alex, when your parents are still together and you have problems with even one of them it's pretty hard to maintain a close relationship with either of them so that could explain why it seems Alex has/had a little distance from her family.
Speaking of, I need to write some Jago.
Yes! I am looking forward to this. I want to get to Jago better! Even better if he is introduced during an Alex releases her FEELINGS story.
And I'm totally, totally sold on that Kasey Chambers track, so even if you don't end up using it you can bet your ass I'm going to stick it on the end of your mix myself for my own silly purposes.
I shall do my best to include it. I don't want you to have to tack things on to my mixes all willy nilly! Besides, now that you've mentioned it, it is rather perfect.
A still swing, eh? But, Amelia, if a swing does not swing, is it not more of a bench than an actual swing? The swinging is kind of the whole purpose of a swing. Or are you referring to some other swing function with this rocking you speak of? And if so, WHAT KIND OF SWINGS DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE IN THE FUTURE?
Vwithout the possibility of someone making a lewd joke about sex swings.
Pervert.
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Random, yes, but now I can't help hearing Alex murmuring 'puss puss' in my head every time I watch a scene and they're in close proximity. Bloody hell. And you really think Tony would be brave enough to go for it? I think he might, depending on the day and how his ever so tenuous self-esteem was holding up. God, I'd love it if he did; her face would be classic. She so wouldn't have expected it. Serves you right for being a whore, DI Sexpot.
I think you're spot on about Alex being a little bit distant from her family, and like you said I can't think of another reasonable reason for this other than they weren't too happy or were disappointed over her leaving Gabriel. Maybe they weren't overt about it, but Alex, sensitive darling that she is, could sense their disappointment. All this being said, I think Alex is something of a loner anyway, and probably always has been. She's so fiercely independent, and she's definitely intimidating, and I can imagine her kind of feeling like she should be on her own, and not rely on other people. Which is stupid, because she's so ultra needy and dependent on Tony.
Or maybe, she was one of those people who, when they get married, suddenly don't see much of their family and are just totally wrapped up in their partner. This might explain why her parents were perhaps a bit 'told you so' when she and Gabriel split - if they had been telling her all along they were too insular and too obsessed with each other, maybe. Frick, I don't know. Why is this so complicated? Why must Alex Fielding insist on being such a mystery woman??
Yay Jago. He might pop his head up in the apple tree snogging fic which I am currently contemplating.
Oooooh I found another perfect track for this divorce mix of yours!!! (Yes I know I am being interfering and stomping around all over your creative process, and I'm sorry) 'Smoke and Ashes' by Tracy Chapman. It's PERFECT. And it's almost country! If you don't have it, I'll send it your way, just let me know. I swear, it's too perfect for words.
I'm unconvinced on the swing thing. We don't really have porch swings over here (we have tire swings which are not at all romantic and very uncomfortable), so I guess my only experience of them is via cheesy romcom movies. Convince me I'm wrong, I'm open to persuasion.
Oi. Enough with the pervert. I thought I was the delicate fluffy one.
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I'm sure you can see why she's Will Riker Mammoth approved. (Seriously she's really insanely sweet in addition to being insanely hot. I wrote her a long ramblely stanish e-mail once and she actually wrote me back so I will forever adore her and pretend we are bffs.)
I think Tony might just go for the kiss. I suppose it does depend if he was on a roll or doing the nervous second guessing thing. I think maybe we need a Tony self-esteem level rating just like we have an Alex FEELINGS threat level. I'll add it to the spreadsheet. Whatever the case, if Tony did go in for the kiss post-'puss puss,' I would kill to see Alex's face too.
You're right, Alex is pretty independent and I can picture her, in addition to maybe hurt feelings after the divorce, just feeling she needed to create a little distance from her family in order to really make a go of it on her own, especially if her family had a tendency to try to get involved in her life.
I'm trying to decide about the getting overly wrapped up in Gabriel thing. I don't know if it's just my natural tendency to dislike her relationship with him, but I can't quite picture it. Like you said, there's really no way to know. Her pre-Bradfield life is such a freaking mystery!
If I wait long enough, you will make this divorce mix for me! *sits back and lets you do all the work* I have a couple of Tracy Chapman CDs but I'm not sure if I've got "Smoke and Ashes" or not. I'll check when I get home. I looked up the lyrics and you are right that they're quite perfect.
OMG! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE PORCH SWINGS? (With you on the tire swings not being romantic!) You need to start a porch swing revolution over there, woman. They really are quite lovely. Reasons why I think a porch swing would be perfect for late night Alex/Tony FEELINGS talk. 1.) by design they'd be staring out at the yard/scenery/up at the stars/whatever instead of each other making for prime FEELINGS expression. 2.) The swinging is sort of lazy and relaxing and when you're lazy and relaxed you're more apt to express FEELINGS 3.) There's just enough room that they'd already be pretty close and Alex could keep inching closer until there were PORCH SWING SNUGGLES WHICH EXPRESS PHYSICALLY FEELINGS WHICH MAY HAVE BEEN LEFT UNSAID.
Oi. Enough with the pervert. I thought I was the delicate fluffy one.
My mistake, obviously. *cough*pervert*cough* What? No, I didn't say anything.
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You so have a type. OMG do you ever. How sweet. I kind of wish I had a clear-cut type; it would make things rather easier I think. (The closest thing I have to a type is cray cray blondes ie Gaga and my first gf). But then, that's me. I never can make up my mind. Anyway, she's cute. I like the freckly cleavage. Nice eyes, too, and really nice hair. And that's beyond awesome that she wrote back to you. That is super indeed. I like her now too, even though I have no idea who she is.
I think maybe we need a Tony self-esteem level rating
This is why you are the brains. You wear the glasses, and you come up with clever stuff like this. Does that make me the muscle? I kind of hope so.
I'm with you on Alex creating that separation from her family after her divorce because she felt she needed it. I'm still quite convinced that there was some kind of disapproval or disappointment on some level, and I can imagine this feeding nicely into this need; as in, she got kind of burnt by her family during the divorce (not in a big way, just the little things, you know), and subsequently she feels like she is the only person she and Ben can depend upon.
UNTIL TONY COMES ALONG, OF COURSE. And this makes it all the more interesting for when he does work his way into her life; she's so independent, so determined to not rely on anyone/not get hurt again, and yet he just walks right into her heart, and by the end of 4.01 he's pitched his tent in there and is lighting his bonfire/getting his Corona sixpack out of the cooler. It's truly amazing. No-one can deny the depth of their connection, seriously.
it's just my natural tendency to dislike her relationship with him
Ah, I know what you mean! I'm kind of the opposite, although I do totally understand that natural dislike (it's like me with Carol, maybe - it's borne out of loyalty), I actually love the idea of her being completely in love with him and completely trusting him. Like we know, that's the way Alex loves; she's all in. And it makes her even more amazing a character; if she was utterly in love with Gabriel then whatever he did to her must have been that much more devastating, and so it's even more remarkable how she is able to let go of her hurt and let Tony in. It just shows how brave and honest she really is. She can't help but be the loving person she is, even when she's been so badly hurt. See? I can make Gabriel into a good thing!
Oh, do you have 'Smoke and Ashes'? I should've asked this morning, but I completely forgot. Anyway, let me know. It's a lovely song, and so incredibly sad. It's worth having even if no mix ever eventuates!
I REMAIN UNSOLD ON THE PORCH SWINGS AT THIS POINT. I guess I just don't see them as very Scottish. I need to do some research. Maybe they do have porch swings in Scotland, but they are just called Harfgewskenks, or something (ok, that sounded more Welsh, but anyway). I will think some more on this issue. Thank you for your information and clarification, by the way. I know have a very clear image of a porch swing in my head, even though I have never seen one in person.
(Okay, after the melting thing, you officially have my permission to call me a pervert whenever you wish.)
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This is why you are the brains. You wear the glasses, and you come up with clever stuff like this. Does that make me the muscle? I kind of hope so.
Oh, you're totally the muscle! Though you have plenty of brainy contributions too. You're like the multipurpose team member!
Yeah, Alex distancing from her family after the divorce makes a lot of sense really. What with her FEELINGS which were surely majorly heightened at the time I can see her being extra hurt and/or defensive at their disapproval and disappointment even if they weren't overly vocal about it. And feeling let down by both Gabriel and her family on some level, she probably felt the need to be more independent and stubborn than she already was in an effort to protect Ben and herself from being hurt again.
And you're so right that all of that makes the thing with Tony all the more amazing. It's the magnets again. I tell you. There's that irresistible pull no matter how hard she may try to fight it in the beginning.
I do agree with you that Alex completely loved and trusted Gabriel at the beginning. I just don't see her marrying someone she didn't feel that way about. At times I feel like that should make me like him a little bit like there must be something wonderful about him but mostly it just makes me dislike him even more for frakking it up so badly and hurting my woman so. Whatever the case, I agree that it makes Alex all the more brave and amazing for continuing to be a loving, passionate, all in kind of woman despite having been hurt so badly in the past.
Okay, I guess I don't know if porch swings are Scottish but I love them, Amelia! I don't know what it is. I think part of it is nostalgia as I have fond childhood porch swing memories. I spent a lot of time at my Mom's parents' house growing up and they had a porch swing out back that they always hung out on together and I'd just pop up and snuggle in the middle. I can totally picture Alex and Tony doing this with Ben. Also, I CAN ABSOLUTELY PICTURE LITTLE ANIME ALEX AND TONY ON A LITTLE ANIME PORCH SWING. And wouldn't it be cute if they were eventually a little old couple hanging out on their porch swing together gossiping about the neighbors and such? And, I hesitate to say this for fear of you bringing up men's hair dye commercials or whatever but one of my favorite femslashy Grey's pairings had the most epic/romantic scenes ever on a porch swing. PORCH SWINGS LEND THEMSELVES TO ROMANCE AND SNUGGLING AMELIA. Do I need to do diagrams? A Power Point presentation? What will it take to sell you on the porch swing?
You are really missing out having never been on a porch swing/Harfgewskenks let me tell you. I should have put one on our wedding registry.
(Waha! I have been given sweeping perv-calling privileges! I had hoped this day would come!)
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I'm so big on this Alex-family angst! thing at the moment! I don't know why, maybe I'm projecting, but I'm so interested in her possibly a little bit destructive independent streak. I just find it so fascinating, the way she doesn't seem to think other people need or want her to need them (okay yes, I am projecting, obviously), and this makes her come across as so intense and also intimidating. Would you describe Alex as aloof, or closed off? I'm not really sure if this is the correct way to describe what I'm talking about; I mean, she's extremely warm to the people around her (at least after she's gotten to know them), but there's something so bristly about her too. Oooh, she fascinates me so. And I love the way Tony just blasts his way clumsily through all of this; no matter how determined she is to not need other people and to protect herself and Ben, it doesn't take hardly any time at all for her to lean on Tony in a way I seriously doubt she's done with anyone other than her ex-husband (and look how that turned out).
I'm almost completely obsessed with her relationship with her mother now, you know. I have no idea why. I really need to actually put some words down on paper/computer screen, and get cracking on this fic idea that's bugging me senseless at the moment.
Alex is such an all-in woman it amazes me. I think that's part of the reason why I adore her so much (okay, let's not try to pin down all the reasons why I adore her); she's just so fricking brave. I'm so much more of a Carol, relationships-wise, but Alex? Alex just loves and loves and loves and isn't hardly scared at all for herself, all she's worried about is the person she loves. Gah. I admire her so much. Fuck you, Tony Hill, for being so damn lucky.
I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU ABOUT PORCH SWINGS, BUT SOMETHING IS STILL RESISTING INSIDE ME. I don't know why. I have no idea what alternative furniture they could be sitting on, so I should just give up my weirdness and say okay, my darling wife, they can have a porch swing. I really don't mind. You feel so strongly about them, so who am I to stand in your way. Don't ask me to write them sitting on it, however. I wouldn't have the first clue where to start. (Oh hey.... you can write them having a porch-swing conversation! You're the expert after all.)
But that image of them as a little old couple is so endearing I can hardly bear it. I've been feeling strangely AU of late, and have fallen somewhat in love with the idea of Alex and Tony not meeting through work but through some random twist of circumstances, and/or Alex moving to Bradfield whilst she and Gabriel are still married and together, then meeting Tony and working with him and having this torrid, illicit affair with him behind Gabriel's back. I'll add this thought of elderly!Alex and Tony to my odd collection of current thoughts.
You know what? If I had a porch, I'd go to the hardware store and buy a porch swing, just because it means so much to you. But I don't have a porch, so never mind.
(Wait, did I say that? Oh okay. Go on, then. Give me your best shot.)
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I suppose it does. Though, even if someone isn't my type right of, if I get to know them and it turns out they're super smart, super geeky or hilarious, I get all confused and slutty anyway. So, while it's a good first line of defense, it often doesn't last that long.
I think I go more for something like fiercely independent or stubbornly independent to describe Alex rather than aloof or closed off. Because like you said she's really quite open and caring (unless you're an arsehole who doesn't deserve it), it's just that she has this 'I can and will do it on my own' mentality too. Plus, even though she's bristly about anyone helping her and not one to let people in all the way easily, she's constantly looking out for and helping other people so the aloof or closed off description just doesn't seem to fit her entirely.
I like your Alex family angst streak. It's quite interesting to think about Alex's relationship with her family and it's nice to know the Fielding's aren't entirely perfect and have their slightly screwy streak just like everybody else's family.
Yeah, that all-in thing is it exactly. Alex is such an interesting combo because she doesn't seem to let people in or love people quickly/easily but once she does it's like an all out, all encompassing lovefest that will never end.
Don't resist the porch swing, sugar. Embrace it. Obviously, part of our epic Simone stanning fantasy trip will have to include you and I parking our asses on a porch swing somewhere so I can properly introduce you. It is quite lovely of your to give in just to make me happy. I hope this incident doesn't come up in couples therapy with Tony years latter. I'll think everything is going just fine and suddenly you'll be shouting, "SHE BADGERED ME INTO A PORCH SWING!!!"
You're on all sorts of streaks, aren't you? Alex angst streak, AU streak. I can't decide how I feel about AU Alex and Tony. Part of me is intrigued by your AU Alex and Tony affair scenario and part of me is strangely resistant in a wanting to throw myself on the floor and shout "But I love them the way they are now!" kind of way.
You know what? If I had a porch, I'd go to the hardware store and buy a porch swing, just because it means so much to you.
Damnit. You are just the sweetest wife ever. *squeezes the bejeesus out of you* Is there anything random you're a big fan of that I should be heading out to the hardware store for? Like do you have a secret affinity for loud, obnoxious wind-chimes or bird baths or something? I sadly don't have a proper porch either. I have a little slab o' concrete outside my back door but when I had a chair on it, someone just stole it so there's no way I'm investing in a porch swing until I live somewhere with fewer hooligans and thieves.
(I'll be saving my pervert calling privileges for later but, no worries, I will put them to use.)
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That's such a great way of describing it! I think I might have to borrow this clever little phrase. There you go, being the brains again.
'Stubbornly independent' is probably the best way to put it. She's really not aloof at all, is she; she's always getting up in arms about something or other, or getting upset over something else. I wonder how much of this stubbornness is just innate to her character, and how much has developed post-Gabriel. Hmmm. Why do you make me so curious, Ms Fielding? (Oh. Because you're awesome and I'm in love with you. Of course that's why.)
That's exactly it: as much as the Fieldings are amazing and loving and great, I can't allow them to be all perfect and flawless. No-one's family is like that, no matter how cool and Scottish they might be. Mainly I'm blaming it all on Alex's multiple-named mother; her dad and Jago are awesome, and for some reason her mum was slightly standoffish in my head. I just have this exchange stuck in my head between Alex and Tony in which Alex is complaining about her mother always having to hold everyone up to her own unachievable level, and Tony very quietly saying obviously that's where Alex herself got it from. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing; it's something like Alex seems to have such an instinct for what's right, when other people don't (ie DC Collins and countless other hopeless cases). I can even see Tony himself sometimes wondering if he's capable of living up to Alex's high moral expectations.
Urgh. I don't know if any of that makes any sense whatsoever. Let's talk about porch swing snuggling instead.
I promise me caving in on the porch swing won't come up in therapy later on. I'll probably grow to really quite like it, if lots of snuggling and hanging out takes place upon it. And WTF at people stealing your non-porch chairs? That's so wrong! We used to have these psycho neighbours (there were like twenty of them living in the house next door) who I once busted trying to climb our fence and get into our back garden at 3am. And what did Amelia do? SHE CALLED THE PO-PO, OH YEAH. Those assholes copped $2000 worth of fines for noise pollution and attempted tresspass. But yeah. You don't want hooligans stealing your outdoor furniture. Best save the porch swing for later on when we buy our lovely house in Bradfield down the street from the Fielding-Hills.
(Music interlude: you know your country Alex and Alex/Tony mixes? it's not strictly country, but, um, for your consideration I would like to offer the Indigo Girls' cover of Wild Horses, which I am listening to on repeat and have been doing for the past three hours. OMG. I know it sucks that it's the most covered fricking song of all time, but hell. This version. Amy. Emily. You kill me. Seriously. I am dead. And oh. Alex rushing to get to Tony's side after the Michael shit goes down at the end of 6.04. OMG YES. YES YES YES. I'll shut up now.)
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Yeah, I think stubbornly independent is the way to describe it. She's all about self-reliance when it comes to herself, sometimes to a fault, but when it comes to other people in her life she's all 'here, baby, let me take care of you.' I definitely think the independence is just naturally part of her character. I can just picture stubborn little kid Alex refusing to let her parents help her and insisting on trying everything on her own. If she failed at something, like when she first started riding horses or whatever, she'd just get more determined and defiant, still refuse any help, and try again until she got it right. Like she is now but in adorable little kid version. I can imagine that she only got more insistent about being independent after Gabriel, though.
Very interesting about Alex's Mom being slightly standoffish. I can picture Alex picking up those high expectations herself even as she hated trying to live up to her mother's. And I do think Alex must have a combo of John and whatever Mom's name is today going on in her parenting style. She does have high expectations for Ben and tends to flip a little sometimes when he doesn't meet them but then she eventually ends up being quite lovely and understanding in the end like when she got all huggy with him for punching the kid that called her a gypo.
Tony himself sometimes wondering if he's capable of living up to Alex's high moral expectations.
Add this to the list of conversations I'd like to see someday. I can absolutely see Tony worrying about this on occasion. You know, I can see Alex having the same fear about Tony too. He has that way of being so forgiving and understanding and putting himself in everyone else's shoes and feeling for them even if they've done awful things. I wonder if she ever worries that he's disappointed in her when she's quick to anger or not look at the other side of something the way he just does automatically.
Urgh. I don't know if any of that makes any sense whatsoever. Let's talk about porch swing snuggling instead.
It did but I'm all for moving onto porch swings anyway! You can always distract me with a nice porch swing!
Yes, we'll do almost as much snuggling and hanging out on our porch swing as we do in front of our fireplace/fireplace DVD. (I'm still holding out hope that we'll get a real one one of these days.) I too am confident you will grow to love and wonder how you ever lived without the porch swing.
Damn psycho neighbors trying to bust in and steal your shit! Good on you calling the po-po on those hooligans!
(You know, I totally should put the Indigo Girls' cover of "Wild Horses" on one of my next mixes. In fact, we should find every cover of "Wild Horses" imaginable and put one on each of our mixes from now until we run out both because it's a perfect song for Alex/Tony and because it would be kind of cracky and delightful. Also, random and only slightly related. When my parents visited this weekend my dad said, "You like the Indigo Girls, don't you? I heard two of them interviewed on the radio the other day." I find it amusing that he apparently thinks they're this whole crew of women and he only heard two of many interviewed.)
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I definitely agree about Alex being stubborn as hell from birth. It ties in for me with how distant she maybe seems to be from her family; it's not that she doesn't love them, just that she for some reason constantly feels the need to strike out on her own, and not have to depend on anyone. In fact I can see Jago at least and probably her dad too feeling a bit sad about this; she's so independent that perhaps she doesn't give them as much time as they would like (because everyone wants maximum Alex-time, obviously). Along these lines I've always had a conversation between Tony and Jago in the back of my head where Jago tells Tony he's glad she's got him, because she won't let anyone else in.
Of course, I'm certain Gabriel, and whatever it was that went down, made it all worse. It's pretty amazing just how much she lets Tony in, and how quickly, all things considered. Just proves how damn special he is, I guess.
I don't think we've ever carried on about it before, but can I just say I fucking love Ben Fielding as his tendency to smash faces when someone does a 'yo mama...' on him!? What an angel. He's so much like his mum. Mess with any of his peeps, and Benji will take you down. I love that kid.
Ah, this thing about Alex worrying about living up to Tony's high moral ground is something I've often contemplated too! There are moments when Alex's brashness comes up in such high contrast with Tony's patience, and I know if I were her I'd feel a bit funny about it at times. I can see her sometimes being afraid that she's not sensitive enough, or too quick to judge. But Tony knows she's just as much of a sook as he is; especially in season 6, she's a total pushover the whole way through. This is why I wonder if being around Tony hasn't made Alex realise that she doesn't have to cover up her natural sensitivity with brashness and a tough exterior quite so much as she has in the past. Which of course ties in with what we were just talking about; her stubbornness and defiant streak. Maybe part of her being that way is because she's always believed it was 'girly' or a bit pathetic to show you care about stuff?
If there is snuggling with my wife involved, I am sure I could grow to love most things, including porch swings. I get cold easy, though, so we should invest in some very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets, if we're going to be hanging around on the porch all night long.
LOL forever at your dad thinking the Indigo Girls are an entire orchestra of angsty lesbians with mullet haircuts. I kind of wish they were, to be honest. How fun would that be?
It's weird, you know. 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' is perpetually associated with House in my mind, and now 'Wild Horses' is inextricably linked with WitB. I'm all for your using the Indigo Girls cover on a mix; it's one of the few covers that actually gets and emphasises the real tragedy in the song. It just sounds so sad, which it should, given what it's about and the context within which it was written.
we should find every cover of "Wild Horses" imaginable
Thankfully this is something I've been working on my entire life. I have fourteen covers of it in my iTunes thus far, and I know there's more out there just waiting to be found and put to use in an angsty Alex/Tony moment.
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That's exactly it. The way she comes to depend on Tony just doesn't seem like something that comes naturally to her at all. It makes it so obvious that whatever force is pulling her toward Tony, it's irresistible. They're so epic, none of the regular rules apply.
I love that Ben punched that kid on behalf of Alex too. He's so much like Alex with his fierceness and the inability to control his FEELINGS especially when protecting someone he loves is involved. And I love how Alex doesn't even bother to continue acting mad once he tells he why he did it she's just all, "That's my boy!" and giving him huggles.
I agree that Alex feeling she can show more sensitivity has a lot to do with Tony. He's so open an honest about the way he cares about the victims and the suspects they work with that I think she's picked up on that and realized it's okay and it doesn't make her a bad cop or too girly or whatever to show she empathizes with people. There are a lot of times early on where we see a flashy of sympathy or emotion and she covers it right up but, like you said, by season 6 she's pretty much a big old mushball all the time.
But, I do think that while the tough exterior might often be for show, for the most part, the brashness is just natural to her. She's more of a react then think and correct if you need to kind of girl while Tony's more of a think, think some more, and then react kind of guy. Both have their advantages, of course, and it's just one reason they compliment each other so terribly well. Alex can be all INTENSE FEEEEELLLLIIINNNNGGGGSSS and Tony can be all slow thinky thoughts and then they meet at some brilliant idea somewhere in the middle.
Anyway, I actually think this would be a lovely fight at some point. One shouting at the other that they can't live up to their high moral standards and the other going, "Oh, me? What about you? I can't live up to your standards!" And they'd fight it out and then shag in the kitchen.
If there is snuggling with my wife involved, I am sure I could grow to love most things, including porch swings. I get cold easy, though, so we should invest in some very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets, if we're going to be hanging around on the porch all night long.
You are the sweetest! I promise to grow to love some random thing you like just as much. And there's no need to invest in very snuggly old nanna crochet blankets. I just happen to have an insane amount of these already. I know a lot of old ladies who like to crotchet and knit! I've got all sorts of random stuff. I'll hook you up with some potholders and dishrags for your 'just an apron' kitchen activities too.
Yes, 'an entire orchestra of angsty lesbians with mullet haircuts' sounds right up my alley as well! (Some magazine or other had a picture of the Indigo Girls at one time with the caption 'two women, one haircut.' I will forever be amused by that.
It just sounds so sad, which it should, given what it's about and the context within which it was written.
I just had to Google the story behind the song and I shall forever find it infinitely more sad than I did before now.
I am impressed by your 14 covers of "Wild Horses." I'm trying to think if I have anywhere near that many covers of any song in my iTunes. I have an alarming number of versions of "Rainbow Connection" for some reason and a variety of versions of "Time after Time" but probably not that many.
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