(no subject)
i feel a bit lost. goddamnit, i think i am going to spend a good 90% of my life feeling lost. i don't know what i am doing with my life. i really need to try more things to find out what i like, but i'm not going to lie. for a while after i got home, i still had that "gung ho, do everything" attitude, but home is this scary swirling vortex that inevitably sucks me in. i'm afraid of doing anything. i come home and once again i feel so goddamn afraid of everything and everyone. i really hate myself right now. i need to find a way out. a way out and on my own. i think forcing me to be independent makes me feel more so. i really can't stand my life right now. just feeling lousy.... if it kills me i am going to ask about the future of my internship becoming a job, and if that isn't the case, i need to get the hell out of here. hell, i need to get the hell out of here anyway, but i don't know which path to take. this is a rather random thought, but i'm vaguely interested in psychology and, i don't know, public policy or something. the problem with those is that i feel like personally i don't know how effective i would be at either of those in a professional position. ughhhh i don't know. i need direction. boy wouldn't i love to go back in time to when my only concerns were finding parties to go to between monday and wednesday, and booking cheap trips? hahaha, i am going to spend the rest of my life reminiscing about australia. goddamnit.