Grief
This post is overdue. I meant to write it about a week ago.
Last week I found myself grieving for the life that would not be lived. Not in a way that felt like the door I was closing was the path I wanted to take. It felt more like I was just realising that I was putting aside the life, and the expectations which had gone with that life, aside. I could suddenly understand my mother's grief.
My girlfriend framed it as that I had been [old name] for a long time. But it doesn't feel like that encompassed it entirely. I wanted to do *something* to remember that life or perhaps to release it from me. Lay some flowers or something.
Shit's happened since then and I've moved on. But I wanted to record that this feeling happened. I don't know if this feeling is common to other trans folk or not. But it feels a bit like the first time I've been able to get some perspective on the past.
Last week I found myself grieving for the life that would not be lived. Not in a way that felt like the door I was closing was the path I wanted to take. It felt more like I was just realising that I was putting aside the life, and the expectations which had gone with that life, aside. I could suddenly understand my mother's grief.
My girlfriend framed it as that I had been [old name] for a long time. But it doesn't feel like that encompassed it entirely. I wanted to do *something* to remember that life or perhaps to release it from me. Lay some flowers or something.
Shit's happened since then and I've moved on. But I wanted to record that this feeling happened. I don't know if this feeling is common to other trans folk or not. But it feels a bit like the first time I've been able to get some perspective on the past.