Thought Capacity for another long post? 'Fraid so...
Got a million things running through my mind right now, coming at me at high uncontrollable speeds...so I thought I could actually get some out before they get cached away in my Harddrive until actually needed. I've kinda been thinkin about a few things just overall this summer, and it kinda rolls over into this coming school year. Has to deal with dating, friends, and the improving upon myself. There are just things that need to be done to make myself feel a little better about all these situations.
Dating.
Taking a looooong break from even trying. Too much work for a guy who has been branded "The Friend" by most. I'm just gonna kick back and enjoy things around me. Friends, family, and reluctantly school. With a broader focus on these, I can make stronger ties to each and just be able to be happy with myself. This doesn't mean that I'm not gonna meet new girls...just not looking for the idea of a significant other right now...or maybe not even for a while. I've never really fitted in with that aspect of life. I guess I sort of get it from my Mom. I am a bit picky...but there were times when I made mistakes, or have found the girl of my dreams but wasn't able to close the deal. I guess stepping back isn't a bad idea. I play a better matchmaker than anything. I guess putting myself down isn't gonna help either...but I have to eventually pick up the pieces right?
Friends.
This next goal is just to meerly tie those existing friendships and possibly new ones/refurbished ones into more close-knit knots. I haven't had many friends that actually care about my well being, like asking "How are you?" and actually mean it. I've always been a bit of a loner when it comes to some things, like even letting out feelings. There's only been a select few that have managed to get past the defenses that I have set up around myself. Why do I make such precautions? Pain has been a cold bitter friend. It's the only thing that seems to drive me away from people and seclude myself. Defense. Defense. Defense. The only way I know how sometimes.
Myself in General.
So far I've gotten past the depression a bit. I have my spells...but that's mostly due to recurring events that I hastily jump in to. That's my own fault, and I have to pay for it. For myself, I'm just going for a decent day to day life that I can adjust to...Something where things aren't so complex, and just easy going...kinda like this summer for instance. I just want "normal" dealings with everyday issues, and situations. Not always gonna be the case...but if it's less of the abnormal...and more of something that seems natural. I guess a way to fix that is to not let so many things affect the way I perform in a day...which is hard to do. Emotions are big part of who I am...it's what makes us all human. To be emotionless is thought upon as something just...well, cold. I've been at that stage before. There was a point in my life where I was very apathetic about things. I just didn't care...
So...how will I do these things? I don't know...I'm kinda just gonna go with the flow, and take things as they come. It is life after all.
Dating.
Taking a looooong break from even trying. Too much work for a guy who has been branded "The Friend" by most. I'm just gonna kick back and enjoy things around me. Friends, family, and reluctantly school. With a broader focus on these, I can make stronger ties to each and just be able to be happy with myself. This doesn't mean that I'm not gonna meet new girls...just not looking for the idea of a significant other right now...or maybe not even for a while. I've never really fitted in with that aspect of life. I guess I sort of get it from my Mom. I am a bit picky...but there were times when I made mistakes, or have found the girl of my dreams but wasn't able to close the deal. I guess stepping back isn't a bad idea. I play a better matchmaker than anything. I guess putting myself down isn't gonna help either...but I have to eventually pick up the pieces right?
Friends.
This next goal is just to meerly tie those existing friendships and possibly new ones/refurbished ones into more close-knit knots. I haven't had many friends that actually care about my well being, like asking "How are you?" and actually mean it. I've always been a bit of a loner when it comes to some things, like even letting out feelings. There's only been a select few that have managed to get past the defenses that I have set up around myself. Why do I make such precautions? Pain has been a cold bitter friend. It's the only thing that seems to drive me away from people and seclude myself. Defense. Defense. Defense. The only way I know how sometimes.
Myself in General.
So far I've gotten past the depression a bit. I have my spells...but that's mostly due to recurring events that I hastily jump in to. That's my own fault, and I have to pay for it. For myself, I'm just going for a decent day to day life that I can adjust to...Something where things aren't so complex, and just easy going...kinda like this summer for instance. I just want "normal" dealings with everyday issues, and situations. Not always gonna be the case...but if it's less of the abnormal...and more of something that seems natural. I guess a way to fix that is to not let so many things affect the way I perform in a day...which is hard to do. Emotions are big part of who I am...it's what makes us all human. To be emotionless is thought upon as something just...well, cold. I've been at that stage before. There was a point in my life where I was very apathetic about things. I just didn't care...
So...how will I do these things? I don't know...I'm kinda just gonna go with the flow, and take things as they come. It is life after all.